Volume 1 - The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

In such hot weather, even Haruhi could only lie exhausted on her desk, looking sorrowfully at the hills in the distance.

  “Kyon, I’m hot!”

  Really? So am I.

  “Fan me with your book.”

  “Instead of fanning someone else, I’d rather fan myself. I don’t have enough energy early in the morning to help you.”

  Haruhi remained lying lazily on the desk, without her usual pompous and articulate aura.

  “What do you think Mikuru-chan should wear next?”

  After bunny girl and maid costumes would be……wait a minute, there’s going to be another costume!?

  “Should it be cat ears? Or a nurse? Maybe she should dress up as a queen this time?”

  Images of Asahina-san flashed through my mind: of her blushing furiously with her small figure wriggling and being forced to wear all sorts of costumes. I’m beginning to get dizzy. Ah, she’s just too cute.

  Haruhi seemed to guess what I was thinking and scowled at me. She then lightly flipped her hair behind her ears.

  “You look like an idiot,” Haruhi decided.

  Hey, weren’t you the one bringing up the subject? But perhaps she was right, so there’s no point in arguing with her.

  While fanning the neck of her uniform with a textbook, she blurts out, “I’m so bored!”

  14 So what’s a heno-ji, I hear you ask...? It’s a children’s drawing, full name へのへのもへじ (henohenomoheji) made with those hiragana characters, to form a figure of a human face.

  Haruhi’s mouth was perfectly like a heno-ji[14]. She looked like a comic book character.

  Even under the intense radiation of the sun’s rays, we managed to survive the hellish afternoon PE session. After class, everyone was cursing “Damn that Okabe! Having us run a marathon for two whole hours!”, while taking off our PE uniforms, which had become pieces of wet cloth, in the Sixth Class room, before returning to the Fifth Class room.

  Most of the girls had already changed, but as the last session was homeroom, there were some who belonged to sports clubs who remained dressed in their PE uniforms for their after-school activities. Yet what puzzled me was why Haruhi, who was not associated with any sports club, was also dressed in her PE uniform.

  “It’s too hot!”

  That’s right, that’s her reason.

  “What does it matter? I’m still going to have to change when I get to the club room! Not to mention I’m on duty this week, and I can move better in this.”

  Haruhi held her chin with her hand and looked out at the gathering rain clouds outside.

  “That’s not a bad idea.”

  Having a PE uniform as the next cosplay theme isn’t a bad idea! What? ‘Cosplay’ isn’t the right word? I don’t know what she’s up to, but right now she’s trying her best cosplaying as a high school girl!

  “Just what on earth are you thinking about?”

  Haruhi’s accurate guess made me wonder if she could read minds.

  “Before I arrive at the club room, I forbid you from doing anything funny to Mikuru-chan.”

  Does that mean I can do something funny to her after you arrive?

  I kept that thought to myself and I raised my arms roughly like a criminal at the point of a sheriff’s gun in a Western movie.

  As usual, I knocked first and waited for a reply before entering. Like a doll sitting on a chair, a cute maid greeted me with the brightest of smiles, like a sunflower greeting the sun. Ah, I feel so warm!

  15 Camellia (Tsubaki in Japanese) is a genus of flowering plants in the family Theaceae, native to eastern and southern Asia from the Himalaya east to Japan and Indonesia.

  Nagato sat by the table reading her book, like a Camellia[15] blossoming in spring. Argh, what kind of comparisons am I making?

  “I’ll go and make tea.”

  Putting on her headband, Asahina-san went to the side of the rusty table and carefully placed the tea leaves into the teapot.

  I sat in the commander’s seat, happily watching Asahina busying herself, when I suddenly thought of something.

  I quickly turned on the computer and waited for the hard disk to boot. Once the screen appeared, I opened a file and entered the password “MIKURU”. As expected, the processing speed was unbelievable on the Computer Study Group’s new model. In an instant, Asahina-san’s maid costume images appeared on the screen.

  After I made sure Asahina-san was busy brewing tea, I enlarged one of the images again and again.

  That image was from the time Asahina-san was being forced into sexy poses by Haruhi. Her seductive cleavage could be seen, and there on her enticing left breast was a little black mark. I highlighted that mark and enlarged it further; the image was a bit fuzzy, but sure enough, there was a star-shaped birthmark.

  “So that’s the one.”

  “Did you find something?”

  Before Asahina-san placed the teacup on the desk, I swiftly closed all the image files. I’m pretty meticulous when it comes to this stuff. Of course, by the time Asahina-san came by my side, she would find nothing on the screen.

  “Huh, what’s this? What’s inside this “MIKURU” file?”

  Oh no! I was too careless!

  “Why does that file have my name? What’s inside it? Let me see, c’mon! Let me see!”

  “Er, what’s inside… huh? I wonder? I don’t think there’s anything. Yup, that’s it, there’s nothing inside.”

  “Liar!”

  Asahina-san cheerfully stuck out her arm and leaned over me as she tried to grab the mouse from my right hand. No way, Jose! I held onto the mouse, refusing to let go. Asahina-san then draped her soft body over me, trying to crawl over my shoulder. I could smell her sweet scent close to my face.

  “Asahina-san, can you please let me go…”

  “C’mon, just a peek!”

  Asahina-san, who was placing her left hand on my shoulder while reaching out for the mouse with her right, was now completely on me; I felt the situation was going from bad to worse.

  Her sweet laughter softly trickled into my ear. Unable to resist such temptation, my hand released its grasp, and at this moment…

  “What are you two doing?”

  We were frozen by an icy, minus-273-degree Celsius voice. Haruhi, wearing her PE uniform and carrying her bag, had a scary expression as though she had just witnessed her dad assaulting an innocent girl.

  The next instant, the stunned Asahina-san began to move. She clumsily got off my back, retreated slowly, and then sat slowly on the chair like an ASIMO robot[17] whose batteries were nearly dead. Her pale face was now close to tears.

  Haruhi made a “humph”, and strode to the desk glancing down at me.

  17 Bipedal robot made by Honda. Commercially available in 2000.

  “So, you’re interested in maid costumes?”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “We need to change.”

  Suit yourself! I’m just going to quietly sip the tea Asahina-san brewed for me.

  “Didn’t I say we need to change?”

  So?

  “SO GET OUT!!!”

  I was pretty much kicked out and fell on the corridor, with the door behind me banging shut.

  “What the hell was that for!?”

  I didn’t even have time to put down my cup. I wiped the spilled tea off my shirt with my fingers and then leaned on the door.

  That’s funny. Something’s not right.

  “Ah, that’s right!”

  Normally Haruhi would openly change clothes in the classroom, but now she’s actually driven me from the room.

  It seems she’s begun to change. Perhaps she’s reached the age where she becomes embarrassed by such stuff? Because the guys in Fifth Class would always rush out of the classroom once the PE session bell rings, no one’s really noticed that she’s changed. Oh yeah, the person who got the guys into this habit of rushing out before PE, Asakura, is no longer with us.

  I sat outside the door for a while. The so
und of clothes slithering had stopped, but I still hadn’t heard anyone calling me in. And so I sat and waited for ten whole minutes.

  “Please come in…”

  Asahina-san’s small voice came from behind the door. As the impeccable maid opened the door for me, beyond her shoulders I saw Haruhi sitting gloomily at the desk with her white legs on the table. She wore a pair of long bunny ears on her head while wearing that nostalgic bunny girl suit. Maybe she couldn’t be bothered because she wasn’t wearing her cuffs or necktie. She wasn’t even wearing any stockings.

  “Though the arms and the back are a bit cool, this costume is actually quite tight.”

  Having said that, Haruhi picked up her teacup and drank her tea as though she were enjoying it, while Nagato went on reading her book.

  Being surrounded by a maid and a bunny girl, I didn’t know how to react. If I brought these two girls out to attract customers, I’d definitely make a profit. As I was thinking this…

  “Whoa, what’s this?”

  Koizumi suddenly let out a strange noise as he greeted everyone with his smile.

  “Is there a costume party today? Apologies for not wearing one today.”

  Cut the crap, you don’t want to make things any more complicated.

  “Mikuru-chan, you sit here.”

  Haruhi pointed to the chair ahead of her. Asahina-san sat obediently in front, looking terrified of the scary Haruhi. I wondered what Haruhi was going to do, only to see her making a ponytail with Asahina-san’s brown curly hair.

  At first glance, it seemed like an elder sister tidying her younger sister’s hair. But since Asahina-san was petrified while Haruhi’s expression was blank, it made what was supposed to be a warm scene very awkward. Apparently Haruhi was only trying to make a ponytail for Asahina-san the maid, and that was all.

  I looked at Koizumi, who was smiling the whole time while looking at this scene, and said finally,

  “Wanna play Othello?”

  “Sure, I haven’t played for ages.”

  As black and white fought for control of the board, (I never thought that Koizumi, who could turn into a glowing sphere, would be so lousy at board games) Haruhi tied a ponytail with Asahina’-sans hair, then loosened it, then tied two ponytails, and a hairbun…

  (Each time Haruhi touched Asahina-san, she would tremble all over) while Nagato continued indulging herself in her book.

  I’m getting more and more confused as to what this gathering is all about!

  That’s right, that day we conducted our SOS Brigade activities peacefully. Nothing associated with aliens from a different dimension, time travelers from the future, blue giants, or red glowing spheres happened at that time. No one wanted to do anything special, nor did anyone know what they should have been doing. We just allowed ourselves to ride on the flow of time, living our high school life idly. Everything seemed perfectly normal.

  Even though I was dissatisfied with such a normal life, I’d always tell myself, “Why think so much? You’ve got so much time.” And then I would once again look forward to the next day.

  Even then, I was quite happy. I came aimlessly to this club room and watched Asahina-san work busily like a real maid, Nagato sit like a Buddha statue, Koizumi with his bright smile, and Haruhi with her mood swings. All these things gave off an aura of complete normality, yet all these had become part of my surprisingly satisfying high school life. Though I’ve had the out-of-reality experiences of a classmate trying to murder me and seeing fierce monsters appearing in a gray world, I was not certain that they were not figments of my imagination, a result of hypnotism, or even some hallucination.

  I was still sort of pissed at Haruhi for dragging me into her club, but from a deeper perspective, it was only because of her that I could hang out peacefully with such interesting people. Putting aside the question of “Why me?”, maybe someday there’d be other normal humans like me who wanted to join this club.

  Yes, I’d been thinking about this problem for some time now.

  Anyone would have thought about this, right?

  Yet there’s still someone who has never thought about this.

  That’s right, that someone is Suzumiya Haruhi.

  That night, after having dinner and a bath, and finishing my revision of tomorrow’s English lesson, I looked at the time and discovered it was time for bed. I lay on my bed and opened the thick hardback book Nagato had stuffed into my arms. I thought a quick read wouldn’t hurt, so I casually read the first few pages. The story was surprisingly interesting, so I continued page after page. You really have to read through one to understand how enjoyable a book can be. Reading’s not so bad after all!

  Yet it’s impossible to finish such a thick book in one night, so I put down the book after reading a very long monologue by one of the protagonists. Sleep overcame me, and after placing the bookmark with Nagato’s handwriting into the book, I switched off the lights and crept underneath my blanket. In a few minutes, I was in dreamland.

  Do you know why humans have dreams? Sleeping is divided into Rapid Eye Movement (REM) and Non Rapid Eye Movement (NREM), and they go in periodic cycles. NREM occurs for the first few hours after a person falls asleep, with the brain usually in a stasis-like state during this stage. The stage in which the body is unconscious, while the brain becomes slightly active is known as REM, and dreams will occur in this stage. By morning, REM will have increased in frequency, meaning almost everyone will dream until they wake up. I dream every night, but as I usually wake up late every time, I’m in such a hurry to go to school that I usually forget what I’ve dreamed. Yet sometimes I’ll suddenly remember a long forgotten dream I had years ago. It’s really amazing how a human’s memories are structured.

  Alright, enough casual talk. Actually, I don’t give a damn.

  I felt someone slapping my face. Go away! I’m tired! Don’t disturb my dreams!

  “……Kyon.”

  The alarm clock hadn’t even rung yet. Even if it had, I would have turned it off at once, and it was still some time before mom would send my sister to drag me out of bed.

  “Wake up already.”

  No! I want to sleep some more. I don’t have time for strange dreams.

  “I said wake up! Can’t you hear me?”

  The hands around my neck now shook me ceaselessly. I finally opened my eyes when I felt the back of my head banging against the hard floor.

  Hard floor?

  I sat upright, looking confused. Haruhi was looking down at me and backed off to avoid bumping our heads together.

  “You finally awake?”

  Kneeling beside me was Haruhi in her sailor uniform. Her white face displayed an expression of anxiety.

  “Do you know where this is?”

  Of course I do; we’re at North High, the school we go to, and right now we’re at the staircase ahead of the shoe lockers by the school entrance. There were no lights on, and the school at night appeared gray before us……

  No, something’s wrong.

  There was no night sky above.

  Just a wide gray horizon. A monotonous sky. There was no moon or stars, not even a single cloud. Only a sky as gray as the concrete walls.

  The world is covered in silence and darkness.

  This is a Sealed Reality.

  I slowly got up. I was amazed that I was not wearing my pajamas, but my school uniform.

  “When I woke up, I found myself here, then you by my side. What’s going on here? Why’re we at school?”

  Haruhi asked in an abnormally soft voice. I didn’t answer her at once, instead reaching my arms out to feel my way. From the pain of pinching the back of my hand, to the feel of my uniform on my body, it didn’t feel like a dream. I pulled two of my hairs out. I found out that really hurts.

  “Haruhi, are we the only ones here?”

  “Yeah, I was supposed to be asleep under my blanket. Why did we appear here? And the sky looks strange……”

  “Have you seen Koizumi?”

&
nbsp; “No……why’d you mention him?”

  “Nothing, just asking.”

  If this Sealed Reality was created by a quake in the dimensional faultline or by external factors, there ought to be a glowing giant and Koizumi in here as well.

  “Anyway, let’s leave the school now! Maybe we’ll run into someone.”

  “How come you don’t look anxious at all?”

  I am most certainly anxious, especially seeing that you’re here as well. Isn’t this a playground for the giants you create? Or am I being oversensitive and just dreaming all of this? All alone with Haruhi in an empty Reality……If Sigmund Freud were here, he could have analyzed all this for me!

  I remained at a distance from Haruhi as we walked towards the school entrance, when we were blocked by an invisible wall. I still remember the elastic feel of this wall. It could be pushed inwards a bit, but soon after, another harder wall would block any attempts to penetrate further.

  “……What is this?”

  Haruhi reached her arms out and tried to push this invisible wall, while asking with her eyes wide open. I walked along the track field and traced the wall.

  It seems that we’re trapped inside the school.

  “There doesn’t seem to be a way out of the school.”

  I couldn’t feel any breeze. It was as though even the air had stopped flowing.

  “Let’s try the back entrance!”

  “Oh yeah, is there any way we can contact anyone? Let’s look for a phone. I didn’t bring my cell phone.”

  If this was the Sealed Reality Koizumi told me about, then finding a phone would be useless. Despite that, we still decided to go inside the school building to have a look. There should be a phone in the staff room.

  The school looked eerie in the dark with all the lights off. We passed by the shoe lockers and silently entered the school building. Along the way, we turned on the lights for the first floor, and the ceiling lamps lit up at once. Even though they were cold, artificial lights, they were enough to elicit a sigh of relief from me and Haruhi.

  After making sure there was no one in the classrooms on that floor, we headed to the staff room. Naturally, the staff room was locked, so I picked up a nearby fire extinguisher, smashed the window open, and entered through there.