Act of Will

by Barbara Taylor Bradford

  ‘But that’s not fair!’ Audra cried, her indignation surfacing.

  Eliza laughed hollowly. ‘Whoever said a woman’s life was fair? Certainly not women from my walk of life, at any rate.’ She laughed again, shaking her head. ‘Anyway, Audra, I expect things’ll get better between you and Vincent once the babies start coming along and you have the little ones to love and look after.’

  ‘But I want to do something more with my life, to achieve things, and I want to be happy—’

  ‘Happy,’ Eliza spluttered, looking at Audra as if she had uttered an obscenity. ‘That’s a word you’d better erase from your vocabulary, my girl, and right sharpish. Just you be thankful you’ve got a roof over your head, food in your stomach and a good husband to provide for you. Happiness is not for the likes of us, Audra, it’s for the gentry, for the rich, them as have time for happiness and can afford it. We can’t.’

  What a bleak outlook she has, Audra thought, and turned to Laurette. They exchanged knowing glances and Laurette shrugged her shoulders. Then she stiffened slightly and sniffed. ‘Mam, is there something burning?’

  ‘Oh my God, the Christmas cakes and the pie for your dad’s tea!’ Eliza leapt to her feet, grabbed the oven towel and yanked open the oven door. She began pulling out her baking tins, exclaiming to Laurette over her shoulder, ‘Well, don’t sit there gawping, lass, get another towel and help me. And Audra, make a bit of space on the set-pot, please.’

  Laurette and Audra sprang to her assistance and within seconds the Christmas cakes, the date loaves and the bacon-and-egg pie had been spread out to cool. Eliza’s critical eyes roved over them and she nodded happily when she saw none of them had been ruined. ‘We saved them in the nick of time,’ she murmured, sounding relieved.

  ‘It’s only me, Mam!’ The door burst open and Vincent came barging in, pulling off his cap as he did. When he saw Audra his brows shot up in surprise. ‘What are you doing here, love?’ he asked in the pleasantest of voices, smiling at her warmly.

  Last night might never have happened, Audra thought, staring back at him mutely, marvelling at his ability to shrug everything off. His nonchalance at this moment was quite remarkable. It annoyed her.

  ‘She’s having a cup of tea,’ Laurette said quickly. ‘We ran into each other in Town Street and I invited her back to visit for a little bit.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ He started to shrug out of his coat, swung to the cupboard.

  Laurette hurried over to him. ‘Here let me hang this up for you, Vincent,’ she said, taking his overcoat. ‘You get over to the fire and warm yourself up. You look frozen.’

  She doesn’t want him to see the suitcase, Eliza thought, watching her children closely. But he’s bound to see it sooner or later. She sighed, turned back to her cakes.

  ‘Thanks, Laurette,’ Vincent said, rubbing his cold hands together, striding across the room. ‘I wouldn’t mind a spot of tea meself.’

  ‘Coming right up,’ his sister said, and went to the Welsh dresser. Bringing a cup and saucer to the table, she lifted the teapot and poured for him.

  A moment later the door again flew open and Danny ran into the kitchen, followed more sedately by Maggie, who was feeling very grown up and important this afternoon.

  ‘We got the parts! We got the parts!’ Danny cried to the room at large, throwing his cap and scarf onto the sofa. His overcoat followed, and then he scurried over to the birdcage in the corner. ‘I’m home, Flyaway,’ he cooed to the budgie sitting on its perch. ‘Come on, sing a song for me.’ He gazed lovingly at the little bird, which Vincent had bought for him and also named.

  ‘Danny, hang up your things at once,’ Eliza called to her youngest.

  ‘I will, Mam, in a tick.’

  Maggie, who was taking off her own coat, said, ‘Oh, I’ll do it, Mother.’

  ‘And what part have you got, Tiddler?’ Vincent asked when the little boy came and stood at his knee a moment later.

  Danny looked up at his handsome eldest brother and smiled sweetly. ‘I’m going to be a page boy. I don’t get to say owt, but I do get to carry a luvely red velvet cushion with the glass slipper on it.’

  Vincent rumpled his hair. ‘That’s grand, lad.’

  Maggie joined Laurette and Vincent at the table, sat down between them and grinned. ‘I have a speaking part though, a big part too. I’m going to be one of the Ugly Sisters.’

  ‘What perfect casting!’ Vincent cried and laughed uproariously.

  ‘You are awful, our Vincent!’ Maggie screeched, punching him hard on the arm. ‘And if I’m ugly then so are you, ’cos everybody says we look exactly alike.’ She punched him again.

  He grabbed hold of her wrist, held her tightly.

  ‘Now then, you two, stop all this rough housing!’ Eliza cried, ‘your dad’ll be home any minute and he’ll be wanting a bit of peace and quiet after his hard day at work.’

  Eliza walked over to the Welsh dresser and took down two of the largest serving platters. ‘And you’d better stop to your teas, Audra and Vincent. There’s plenty for all of us. There’s the bacon-and-egg pie, and I made a lovely jellied tongue yesterday.’ She peered at Audra over her shoulder. ‘You will stay?’

  ‘That’s up to Vincent,’ Audra murmured.

  ‘Yes, of course we’ll stay, Mam, why not?’ He pulled out his Woodbines and lit one.

  Audra sank back into the wing chair gratefully and gazed into the fire, her face abstracted.

  She preferred to be here rather than alone with him at the cottage, where they were bound to quarrel. In a few minutes his brothers Jack and Bill would return from work and the atmosphere would probably turn boisterous, as it usually did when they were all together. But as rough-and-ready as the Crowther clan sometimes were, she knew they were good-hearted.

  Often Audra did feel overwhelmed by them, and occasionally she saw them looking at her oddly. She sensed they thought she was standoffish and a snob, and frequently they seemed wary with her. But not Laurette and Mr Crowther. They were her real friends in this family and she was quite certain they truly cared about her, just as she cared about them. They were the ones she would miss when she was back in Ripon. Despite what his mother had said, Audra was still planning to leave Vincent. She would go tomorrow.

  ***

  ‘How could you do it? How could you go blabbing to our Laurette and me Mam?’ Vincent demanded furiously, the minute they arrived at the cottage in Pot Lane.

  Glaring at Audra, he went on heatedly, ‘I couldn’t believe it when Laurette took me up to the sitting room after tea, and told me how she’d stopped you from running off and leaving me. It’s bloody embarrassing, that’s what it is!’

  ‘I didn’t go blabbing to them, as you put it,’ Audra said evenly, holding herself very still. She was determined not to let him goad her into losing her temper as he had last night. ‘Laurette told you what happened. If I hadn’t run into her at the tram terminal, and quite by accident, neither she nor your mother would know anything.’

  ‘Well, they do know, and you’ve gone and humiliated me again!’

  ‘What on earth do you mean?’ she demanded, drawing herself up to her full height and glaring back at him.

  ‘First you diminish me in front of Gwen, what with all your talk of getting a job, going out to work and behaving as if I can’t support you, and now you’ve been complaining about me to my mother and sister. Anybody would think that I’m the devil incarnate the way you bloody well carry on.’ His sudden laughter was harsh and there was a sarcastic edge to his voice as he added, ‘And I thought I’d be the one to embarrass you, seeing as how you’re so very much the lady. But the boot’s on t’other foot it seems to me.’

  ‘Please don’t worry, Vincent, I won’t embarrass you any more. I won’t be around to do so. I’m leaving you tomorrow. For good.’

  ‘Suit yourself.’ He marched across the little parlour-kitchen to the front door and picked up his cloth cap.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Audra demand
ed.

  ‘To the pub,’ he replied and slammed out of the cottage without uttering another word. The door crashed behind him.

  ***

  But Audra did not leave the following morning as she had threatened to do. She could not even leave their bed. Her throat was sore, her eyes were watering and she had a raging fever.

  By eleven o’clock Vincent was so worried about her he sent for Doctor Stalkley, the local physician who had brought him into the world.

  ‘Influenza, I’m afraid, Vincent,’ the old doctor pronounced, after he had examined Audra. ‘There’s a lot of it going around in Armley just now. See that she stays in bed and give her plenty of liquids. Not much else you can do, my boy, it has to take its course.’

  CHAPTER 18

  Irène Bell paused on the threshold of the dining room at Calpher House, catching her breath in surprise.

  Always a handsome room, with its cranberry-coloured wallpaper of flocked velvet and English Regency antiques, it had a special kind of beauty this afternoon. This was due in no small measure to the Christmas decorations which were now in place, and which had been created by Audra in her absence.

  Mrs Bell had just returned from a two-day business trip to London and she stood for a moment longer, taking in the details of the seasonal décor.

  She saw that Audra had eschewed tinsel and glitter, instead had turned to nature for her decorative theme. Garlands and branches of evergreens and mistletoe and the traditional hawthorn were much in evidence, tied and swagged with burgundy velvet or gold lamé ribbons. Crystal compotes held miniature pyramids of fruit and fir cones and nuts, and had been trimmed with brightly-coloured bows; there were masses of white candles everywhere and two small fir trees stood guard on either side of the fireplace. These were covered with bows and ribbon streamers in rainbow hues, and the tubs were wrapped with gold lamé fabric in the Victorian manner.

  In fact, the entire theme had an old-fashioned, Victorian air about it, and it was one which Irène found charming. As always she was impressed and admiring of Audra’s artistic talents.

  I wonder how best to compensate her for this marvellous work? Irène asked herself, giving the room a final glance before turning away. I cannot offer her money, she’ll be insulted. She’s such a proud young woman. I must find her a very special gift tomorrow, quite aside from her Christmas present from us.

  Crossing the hall in her usual energetic way, Irène Bell mounted the stairs, knowing that her child’s former nanny would be in the day nursery with him, unless she had already gone home to Pot Lane.

  They were sitting at the table near the fire, with a paintbox and sketching pad spread out in front of them, and they both looked up as Irène walked in saying, ‘Hello, hello,’ to them.

  Theophilus cried, ‘Mummy! Mummy! You’re home!’

  He ran across the floor and flung himself at her joyously. Irène bent down and kissed the top of his head and hugged him to her, then she raised her face and smiled across at Audra.

  ‘Good afternoon, Mrs Bell,’ Audra said, smiling back.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re still here, Audra. I just saw the dining room and I must thank you for the wonderful decorations. The room looks beautiful, just beautiful. You’re to be congratulated.’

  A look of gratification flitted across Audra’s pale face. ‘Thank you, but I did have a few willing helpers, you know.’

  Irène’s brow puckered. ‘You did?’

  ‘Oh yes, Mrs Bell. Theo and Dodie, not to mention Cora.’

  ‘Cora. Gracious me, you are brave.’ Irène shook her bright auburn head. ‘I don’t mean to be unkind, but oh dear, that poor girl does seem to get clumsier every day. And how kind of you to include her, yes, so very kind of you, Audra.’

  Irène walked over to the table with Theo, where they both sat down.

  Audra explained, ‘Cora’s enthusiasm is worth a lot, Mrs Bell, and she would have been heartbroken if I hadn’t asked her to do something. She helped Theo to make the garlands, actually.’

  ‘That was a safe job, Mummy,’ Theo volunteered, earnestly gazing up at his mother. ‘Audra said there was no risk involved, since all Cora could break was a twig or a bit of wire. Anyway, I kept an eye on her.’

  ‘I’m sure you did, darling,’ Irène murmured, biting back a smile of amusement. She turned to Audra, remarked, ‘I just can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your efforts. What with Cook under the weather, Mr Agiter coming down with influenza, and the unexpected trip to London, I was quite at my wits end earlier this week. I don’t know what I would have done, if you hadn’t been able to help me out with the dining room décor, Audra. We have so many dinners planned, and I must admit I can’t help wondering how on earth we’ll manage without a butler at Christmas. Oh dear.’ Irène’s gay, freckled face clouded. Instantly, it cleared. ‘Well, never mind, never mind. One can’t worry about such things. I shall cope somehow.’ Irène peered at Audra in the firelight. ‘How inconsiderate of me, I haven’t even asked you about your health, my dear. Are you feeling better?’

  ‘Oh yes, thank you, Mrs Bell.’

  ‘But you look as peaked as you did on Monday, when I came down to the cottage to see you.’

  ‘I’m perfectly fine, honestly I am, Mrs Bell.’

  Theo said, ‘Look, Mummy, Audra’s been showing me how to paint a scene.’ He pushed the sketching pad towards her.

  Glancing down at it, Irène nodded. ‘Very good, darling, very good indeed.’ Her eyes strayed to the left-hand page where Audra had painted a simple landscape for him to copy. But in its very simplicity it was absolute perfection. Irène looked at it for the longest moment, struck by its delicate beauty, the reflection of light she had captured on paper. Finally lifting her eyes to Audra’s, Irène said, ‘This is lovely… haven’t I seen something similar before?’

  ‘Yes, I did a larger version several years ago and it was hanging in my room when I worked here.’

  ‘Of course. And you had given it an unusual name, as I recall.’

  ‘The Memory Place,’ Audra said very softly. ‘The painting is of the sycamore tree on the slope opposite High Cleugh… where my family and I used to picnic.’

  ‘Yes, I remember now.’ Leaning forward, Irène said in her emphatic voice, ‘You are a remarkably talented artist, Audra, and I can’t understand why you don’t pursue your painting.’

  ‘Oh, but I’m not very good, Mrs Bell, really I’m not,’ Audra replied with an odd laugh that was at once both dismissive and self-deprecating. ‘It’s just a hobby, after all.’

  ‘It could be your profession.’

  ‘Oh no, Mrs Bell, nursing is my forte. You know that Matron Lennox said I was truly gifted as a nurse, a real healer.’

  ‘Yes,’ Irène said, very slowly. Her eyes grew thoughtful and, after a short pause, one of her perfectly-pencilled brows lifted inquiringly. ‘I presume Vincent did not change his mind and that he is still against your going back to nursing?’

  ‘Yes, he’s adamant, I’m afraid.’ Audra lowered her eyes, then glanced away.

  ‘I see.’ Irène decided to let the subject drop immediately, understanding that she was treading on dangerous ground. She wondered if there was some sort of trouble between Audra and Vincent, other than their differences about her nursing career. The girl had seemed strangely quiet and withdrawn at the beginning of the week. But then perhaps that was due to her recent bout with ’flu. Perhaps she was merely a little run-down.

  Audra was saying, ‘And speaking of my husband, I really ought to be going in a few minutes, if you’ll excuse me, Mrs Bell.’ She took a peek at the nursery clock. ‘Oh goodness, it’s already five-thirty. Vincent will be home from York at seven.’

  ‘Why has he been to York? What’s he been doing there?’ Theo demanded, as always insatiably curious about Vincent, who totally fascinated him.

  ‘Really, Theophilus,’ his mother chastised, ‘you know it’s rude to ask such personal questions.’

  ‘Oh that’s perfect
ly all right, Mrs Bell,’ Audra said, then explained to the child, ‘he went with Mr Varley, you know, the man who owns the building firm, and they were going to have a meeting with Mr Rowntree… something about building an extension onto one of the chocolate factories.’

  ‘Ooooh! How scrumptious! I wish I could go to a chocolate factory. Do you think Vincent will bring you back a box of Black Magic? They’re my favourite, Audra.’ Theo looked at her hopefully.

  ‘I know they are, but I don’t think Mr Rowntree gives his chocolates away, Theophilus,’ she responded with a small smile and stood up.

  ‘Oh Audra, please don’t go,’ Theo pleaded, ‘I hardly ever get to see you these days.’

  Audra reached out, stroked his fair head with tenderness, filling with love for him. He was such a dear. ‘That’s not strictly true,’ she said gently, ‘and besides, now that you’re a big boy and going to preparatory school, you don’t need a nanny. After all, you are seven years old.’

  ‘I know—but you promised we’d be extra special chums.’

  ‘And so we are.’ Audra bent forward, kissed his cheek. Theo put his arms around her neck, clung to her for a moment.

  Irène Bell said, ‘Don’t behave like a baby, Theophilus, you know very well Audra has other responsibilities now that she’s married.’

  ‘Yes,’ he mumbled and let go of Audra, although he did so somewhat reluctantly.

  ‘Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the pantomime at the Grand Theatre in Leeds?’ Irène now suggested, her eyes sparkling with merriment.

  ‘Oh Mummy! That’s my surprise! And I’ve been wracking my brains for days!’ the child shouted excitedly, jumping down off the chair. ‘I’ve been longing to see Jack and the Beanstalk.’