Trust Him: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rebels of Sterling Prep Book 4)

by Caitlyn Dare

  My head whips up, and I see Conner grin.

  Oh, dear God.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, my cheeks pinking.

  “Sorry?” she chuckles. “Don’t be sorry. If I had a guy who looked like that waiting on me, I’d be trying to duck out early.”

  “I would never—”

  “Relax, I’m joking. You should go invite him in. The coffee machines are all off, but I’m sure I can find him a soda and a muffin.”

  “Oh no, that’s okay.” I try to shoo him away, but he plants himself against his car and folds his arms over his chest.

  Groaning, I rub my temples.

  “If you don’t invite him in,” Hilary gives me a pointed look, “I will.”

  “Fine,” I hiss, wiping my hands on a towel. Yanking the door open, I raise a brow. “What are you doing here?”

  “Nice to see you too, Hads.” He steps toward me.

  “Conner,” I sigh. “Seriously, you can’t be—”

  “Your boss seems nice. Oh wait, I think she’s... yup, she’s inviting me in.” Slipping around me, he disappears into the coffee shop.

  I traipse after him, wondering when life got so complicated. All I wanted was to come to work then go home and think about anything but Cole and the party at the Jaggers’.

  “You made this?” Conner already has half a muffin stuffed in his mouth. “Hadley, baby, have you tried one of these? I swear to God, it’s like—”

  I clap my hand over his mouth, and Hilary laughs. “I’m sorry about my friend, he has zero manners.”

  “Friend, huh?” she smirks.

  Conner peels my hand away. “Unlucky for me, she fell for the wrong brother.”

  “Sounds complicated.”

  “Not really.” Conner shoots me a knowing wink. “But I was hoping to steal Hadley away. I mean, if that’s okay with you?”

  “Conner,” I snap.

  Hilary chuckles again. “It’s fine, go be young and reckless. What are the young folk getting up to these days?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Conner winks at her, and I swear to God, Hilary giggles.

  I quickly grab my purse and usher him out of the shop. “I can’t believe you just flirted with my boss.”

  “Jealous?”

  “You’re insufferable.”

  “I can’t help it if the women love me.” Something dark flashes in his expression, but he recovers, grinning at me as he opens the car door.

  “I’m going back to the dorm.”

  “I know.” His lip curves.

  “I mean it, Conner. I told you I’m not coming to the party.”

  “Relax, I know. I just didn’t want you walking back alone. You can never be too careful.”

  Knowing he won’t budge, I slide into the car and buckle up. Conner joins me a couple of seconds later, and the engine purrs beneath us.

  “I really love this car,” he murmurs, and I roll my eyes. “What? She’s a beauty.”

  “It’s a car.”

  “You say car, I say exquisite machine.”

  “You’re so freaking weird sometimes.”

  The scenery spins, turning into the familiar coastal road leading to the school, but Conner takes a turn.

  “Hmm, where are you going?”

  “Don’t you trust me, Dove?” He grins.

  “No, no I don’t. And I really wish you’d stop calling me that.”

  His expression falls. “He needs you, Hadley.”

  “Conner, you promised...”

  The last place I want to go is to the party. I’m not ready... I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.

  Over the last few days, I’ve pushed everything that happened down. It’s a survival instinct. Now I have no financial cushion, I’m alone in the world. I can’t afford to lose myself again, not now. Not when I’ve come so far.

  “Please, Hadley. I wouldn’t do this unless—“

  “I hate you.” I turn away from him, touching my head against the cool glass.

  I don’t hate Conner. He just wants to fix his brother, and I get it, I do. But I can’t be that for Cole again.

  He lets out a heavy sigh, and says ten little words that make my heart sink, “I’ll take that, if it means you’ll hear him out.”

  I don’t get out of the car.

  It’s silly, I know. But it’s like being here, in Cole’s territory, the very place he tried to... I can’t be here.

  “I need you to take me back, Conner,” I plead.

  “Just give him ten minutes, please, Hads. For me.”

  “I can’t.” I blink away the tears threatening to fall. “You shouldn’t have brought me here.” My voice cracks, and I sense Conner’s panic.

  “Hey, are you okay?” His hand lands on my arm. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

  “I just can’t,” I repeat the words, trying to breathe deeply to get air into my lungs. I feel like I can’t breathe, imagining Cole lying there, lifeless on his bed, surrounded by pills and liquor.

  “Just breathe,” he says, stroking my arm. “I need you, out front now.” I don’t know who he’s talking to, but I really hope it isn’t Cole.

  “Hadley, look at me.” Conner slides his hand under my jaw and tilts my face to his. “You need to breathe.”

  “I-I can’t... my lungs, they feel—“

  The driver’s door opens and Remi appears. “What the hell happened?”

  “I think she’s having a panic attack.”

  “Get out, let me sit with her.”

  Conner eases me back into the seat and switches with Remi. “Hey.” She takes my hand in hers. “It’s me. Want to tell me what’s happening?”

  I sniffle, trying to catch my breath. “I-I can’t go in there. Not where he...”

  “Shh, Cole is okay, Hadley. He’s out back, laughing and joking with Ace and the guys.”

  “H-he is?” I drag in a ragged breath, and she nods.

  “He still has a long way to go, but Cole made a mistake. He knows that. He was hurting. He didn’t really want to... die.”

  Pain flashes through me as I sob harder.

  “Hey, come here.” Remi leans over and pulls me into her arms. “I’m right here. Let it all out.” She rubs my back in soothing circles.

  “I didn’t want to come here. I’m not ready.”

  “I know.” Remi holds me at arm’s length. “And I’ll kick Conner’s ass for bringing you here. But now you are here, do you want to come inside? We can hang out in the main house, we don’t even have to—”

  Movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I turn slowly to find Cole standing there.

  A shiver runs through me and Remi murmurs something under her breath. “Maybe I should take you home.”

  But I can’t tear my eyes off Cole. He looks good in his ripped jeans and Seahawks jersey. There’s a five o’clock shadow over his jaw, and his eyes burn into me... but something feels different.

  The electricity I’ve always felt around Cole is still there, but it’s running on a lower frequency.

  “I...” I should go. Far, far away from here.

  Away from him.

  But I can’t do it. I can’t leave when he’s standing there, looking at me with so much regret and shame it steals my breath all over again.

  “It’s okay,” I say to Remi. “I’ll be okay.”

  “I’ll be right here if you need me... well, not right here, but you know what I mean.”

  “Thank you.”

  She gives me an understanding smile and climbs out of the car, making her way over to Cole. Remi says something and Cole nods, anguish written all over his face. She disappears into the house, and he just stands there.

  I suck in a shaky breath, waiting. My skin vibrates, my stomach a tight ball of nerves. Cole eventually moves, slowly walking toward the car. With every step he takes, my chest constricts.

  He folds his big body into the car and lets out a small breath. “Hi,” he says, tension swirling around us.

&nb
sp; “Hi.” I wind my hands together, needing the distraction.

  “How have you been?”

  “Okay, I guess.”

  It’s like we’re strangers, reuniting after a long time apart. Awkwardness seeps into the space between us. And I hate it. I hate what we’ve become to each other.

  “You look good,” I say, wanting to fill the silence.

  “I’m... shit, Hadley. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He goes to reach for my hands but quickly stops himself. “I need you to know I didn’t do it because I wanted to...” He can’t say the word, and I’m relieved. “I just needed it to stop. The pain and disappointment, the constant feeling of never being good enough. I needed it all to stop.”

  “I lost him too, Cole.” My voice wavers.

  “I know. Fuck, I know. And I hate that I wasn’t there for you, that I didn’t step up when you needed me most. But I think losing the baby... well, it unleashed a lot of stuff I haven’t ever dealt with. And I lost it there for a second. I let myself drown because it was easier than trying to stay and fight.”

  “Conner says you’re seeing a therapist?”

  “I am. Faye, she’s a real hoot.” A faint smile traces his mouth. “We’ve talked a lot the last week.”

  “That’s good.”

  “She’s helping me understand things. The way I hurt those around me instead of letting them in.”

  “I’m really glad you’re getting the support you need.”

  “I still need to work through a lot of stuff, but I’m trying. I’m trying, Dove.” This time Cole does take my hand in his. He threads our fingers together and I feel him relax.

  It hurts so much, the intimacy, the distance between us. Nothing is the same now. We’re not the same. We went through something huge, and things can’t just go back to how they were before. They shouldn’t either, because what we had before was toxic, built on pain and darkness.

  “I’m glad you came. I texted you...” he trails off.

  “I got rid of my old cell phone.”

  “You did?” His brows bunch together.

  “Yeah, I finally cut my parents out of my life. Tim too. I’m done with them.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “I guess Conner and Remi didn’t want to meddle.” Although, that’s exactly what Conner did tonight.

  “You didn’t want me to have your new number?”

  “I... I thought it was for the best if we both have some space.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He releases my hand as if I’ve burned him.

  “Cole, I lost our baby. And instead of being there for me, you OD’d.” The words get stuck in my throat, and the color drains from his face.

  “I fucked up.”

  “Yeah, you did. But this isn’t even about me. It’s about you, about you dealing with your past and figuring out what you want.”

  “You, Hadley. I want you. I love you, Dove. I love you so fucking much.” The desperation in his voice is like a bullet through the heart. I want to reach for him, to wrap my arms around him and tell him we’ll get through this.

  But there is no us anymore.

  There’s just Hadley and Cole and a boatload of regret, shame, and heartache.

  “I can’t do this again,” I say, unable to meet his eyes.

  “W-what are you saying?” he chokes out.

  “I’m so happy you’re okay, Cole. I am. And I hope that therapy helps you come to terms with everything. But this, us... it’s not healthy. The way we use each other to escape. It was never going to end well.”

  “You regret being with me?”

  The shock in his voice forces me to meet his eyes. “God, no. I will never regret it,” I stress. “But I’m different now. I need to focus on what the hell I’m going to do now I have no family, and you need to focus on your future. You are so close to making something of yourself, Cole.”

  “So that’s it? You’re going to walk away and just pretend it’s over.”

  “Cole, please don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”

  He starts clawing at his t-shirt. I frown, gasping when I realize he’s pulling a silver chain out. “I got this for you... for us. See, it’s a pair of angel wings. For the baby.” He lifts it over his head and holds it out to me. “I thought you could take one half and I could take the other.”

  Tears well in my eyes, but I swallow them down. “You got this for me?”

  “Yeah. You should have something to remember him. Here.” He unclasps the chain and detaches the wings, sliding off one half. “I’ll keep this half, but I'd really like it if you took the other.” Cole holds out the chain and I take it with shaky fingers.

  “I-I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything, Dove. I wasn’t there when you needed me, and I will never forgive myself for that.”

  I touch the small angel wing, feeling a strange sense of peace wash over me. “Thank you.” Slipping it over my head, I press it to my chest. It feels right somehow.

  “You’re still going to walk, aren’t you?” The pain in his voice guts me, but I have to do this.

  I have to stay strong.

  Pressing my hand to his cheek, I lean in, allowing myself one final kiss. “I am. It’s over. Goodbye, Cole.” My lips linger. “I hope one day all your dreams come true.”

  Hurrying from the car, I’m almost out when his voice gives me pause.

  “You’re wrong, you know.”

  I steel myself before glancing back.

  “You say what we had was unhealthy, Hadley, but you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I know I fucked up. I know I let you down. But I’m not about to let you just walk away from this because you’re scared.”

  “Cole, that’s not—”

  “Don’t worry,” he says around a weak smile. “I’m not going to kidnap you like Conner. But you told me to go after my dreams. Well, you’re it, Dove. I want you, plain and simple. But I respect your decision to walk away. Just know that, one day soon, when I’ve figured some shit out, I’ll come after you. Because you and me, Hadley… this isn’t something I can just walk away from.”

  “Goodbye Cole,” I say, because I can feel my resolve slipping. But it’s all just words. Empty promises.

  Hurrying from the car, I take off down the Jaggers’ drive, but I don’t miss Cole’s final words.

  “You’re mine, Hadley Dove Rexford. Don’t forget it.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Cole

  I’ve been through some shit in my life, but watching her walk away from me last night was by far the most painful.

  When I dropped into the car and looked into her eyes, I swore I saw some hope in there. But the more she talked, the more she closed down, and I had no choice but to let her follow through on her words of us being over.

  Pain rips through my chest even after all these hours later. She might be convinced that we’re done, but I’m not. There’s one thing I’m sure of in life, and that’s Hadley was made for me. It might take some time, but I’m determined to show her that we’re meant to be. Soul mates, written in the stars, all that and more.

  Blowing out a breath, I watch the clouds race across the sky outside my window as I prepare for what I’m about to do.

  One of the things I’ve talked to Faye about at length the past few days is my need to put the past behind me where it belongs, and a huge part of being able to deal with all that is talking about it. It’s time I stop hiding from those who love me. It’s time to tell Ace and Conner everything. James too, but I figure I’ll start with my brothers and work up to him.

  We’ve been getting on better and better since I returned from hospital, but we’ve still got a long way to go. I think we’ll get there, though. He’s proved time and time again in just our short time here that he’s got our best interests at heart, and I’ve got to trust that he does.

  Swinging my legs from the bed, I make my way to Conner’s door. I know he’s in there, I’ve he
ard him crashing about.

  “Con, can you come down to the pool house?”

  His footsteps get louder before he pulls the door open. He looks at my face and his own pales slightly. I have no idea what he must be able to read right now, and I don’t have the energy to worry about it. I just need to do what I need to do.

  “Is everything okay? Is Hadley okay?”

  “Yeah, as far as I know everyone is good. I just need to talk to you and Ace.”

  “Okay,” he says skeptically, shoving his feet into his sneakers and following me down the stairs.

  “Get decent and get out here,” I call through to Ace and Remi’s bedroom.

  The door opens immediately, and Ace walks through. “We’re dressed. We don’t just fuck all day long, you know?”

  “Really? I ask while Conner scoffs behind me and falls down onto the beanbag chair.

  Remi appears seconds later and looks between the three of us with concern pulling at her brows.

  “Is… everything okay?”

  “Yeah, can you all sit down. I need to talk to you about something.” My voice comes out a lot stronger than I was expecting, because my insides feel like jelly.

  “Do you want me to go?” Remi asks, thinking that I might just want my brothers.

  “You can stay. I have no doubt that what I’ve got to say you’ll hear second-hand anyway. You’re one of us now. I trust you.” She smiles at me and lowers herself beside Ace on the couch.

  I hesitate. I don’t want to sit, but I don’t want to stand either.

  “Cole, what the fuck is going on?” Ace asks, sitting forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he watches me walk back and forth.

  “I need to tell you both something, something that I’ve kept to myself for years, and it’s slowly been eating away at me. It’s the reason…” I blow out a long breath, saying the words I’ve been repeating all morning over and over in my head.

  My eyes catch Conner’s, and an understanding passes between us. He knows where this is going from what I said in the hospital.

  “When we were younger, and you both went off to school and left me at home… I wasn’t spending the day watching TV and eating snacks.” Ace’s lips part, but no words follow. “I don’t need to tell you about the kinds of men Mom had back to the trailer so she could get what she needed. Well, some of those men didn’t want Mom as payment for—”