by Blue Saffire
“Not my type,” I snort.
There is a pause that causes me to turn to Kamara. She is looking up at me, with questions in her eyes. I grin, turning to lean my back against the countertop. I cross my legs and fold my arms over my chest.
“What?” I ask.
“She looks like your type,” Kamara says slowly, looking back out into the living area.
I tilt my head. “Why? Because she’s blonde?”
Kamara lowers her lashes and dips her head, but not before I notice that glow to her cheeks. I lean into bump her with my shoulder, causing her head to lift once again. She’s biting her lip and it’s so sexy. I want to dip my head and bite it for her.
“What,” I say, smiling at her.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she whispers.
“You will know when I take offense to something,” I shrug. “I can see where you would think that. In high school, I dated a lot of the same type of girls.”
“So, you have a preference,” she asks, curiosity lighting up her eyes.
“I didn’t say that. Back then, I dated the complete opposite of what I wanted,” I admit.
“Really,” Kamara asks skeptically.
“Absolutely,” I grin.
“So, what is your type,” she asks, and I promise you I can literally see her holding her breath.
“Kamara, can we start dinner now?” Kwäzē appears, breaking into our conversation.
I frown. If this was any other girl Kwäzē would’ve read the situation and wouldn’t have interrupted. I rub the back of my neck. Maybe that’s it. He did read the situation and decided to put an end to it.
I sigh and push off the counter. “I’ll set the table or something,” I grumble and go to make myself useful.
~B~
Kamara
Toby nearly pulled me into the seat beside him. I giggled when I looked up to see Regan, Janice’s plus one. She had been heading for the empty seat next to Toby.
She is a very pretty girl. She reminds me a lot of Kerry. Despite the fact that I think Regan’s hair color comes from a box. Toby’s words about his type, ring in my head repeatedly. I wanted to stomp on Kwäzē’s foot for interrupting, before I received my answer.
Not that I would change who I am for Toby, but I would like to know if I have a chance. Sometimes, I think he is flirting. Other times, I just don’t know.
I sigh into my bowl. My thoughts have been all over the place, while everyone else engages in conversation around me. I try to focus on at least one of the conversations. I just can’t seem to focus, while sitting next to Toby.
His arm is draped on the back of my chair, as it has been several times throughout the night. He seems to place it there every time Kwäzē’s friend, Thornton, tries to pull me into the conversation. I thought it a coincidence, until the fourth time it was done.
I’m not sure what to think of the gesture. I am trying like crazy not to give into the pull between Toby and I. I want nothing more than to lean into him and soak up his scent and the strength I feel oozing off of him.
“Thanks for saving me,” his deep voice fills my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
Toby’s voice has only gotten deeper over the years. It is one of the things I find insanely sexy about him. I lift my eyes from my plate to follow the direction of the voice that has such a pull on me.
Toby has a crooked smile on his lips, as he looks back at me. I wrinkle my brows in confusion, as his words register in my brain. I don’t know what I have saved him from.
“I have done nothing,” I say back.
He leans into my ear once again, sending my heart racing. “You saved my ass. Just look at how she’s looking at me. If you didn’t sit here, I’m sure she would have tried to touch my virtue,” he replies.
I can’t help the giggle that bubbles up on my lips. I look across the table at a watchful Regan and have to cover my mouth, as more laughter peals from my lips. Toby’s own laughter rumbles from his chest, as he bumps me with his shoulder.
I feel warmth spread through me. When I meet his eyes and see the mirth there, I am only drawn into him a little more. I tear my eyes away and chance another look Regan’s way.
She has a mixed look of puzzlement and displeasure on her face. I bite my lip and turn the other way, towards my brother, away from both Regan and Toby. I don’t want to get caught in his eyes again.
I swipe at the tear that comes from my laughter. Kwäzē looks over and gives me a warm smile. He hasn’t stopped smiling, since Celeste arrived. He sends me a questioning smile, I guess I’m not hiding my cheerfulness at all.
I only shake my head at my brother and his questioning gaze. He shrugs it off, thankfully. The presence of his special guest has afforded me a pass. His attention has been more on Celeste than anything else.
“How will you allow me to repay you?” Toby says beside me.
I turn back to face him. I feel my cheeks heat and become tight with my smile. I tilt my head in thought. The last time I tried to flirt with Toby, it didn’t go so well. I’m not so sure I’m up to the task this time either.
“I don’t think you need to repay me,” I whisper back.
“Are you kidding me? Just look at her. I’ve never felt so violated. She’s eye fucking me, from across the table,” he says with mock horror. I burst into a fit of more giggles. He then leans to whisper in my ear. “If I didn’t think your brother would kill me, I would kiss you to make it stop.”
My breath hitches in my throat. I feel my chest heave so hard, I’m sure my heart will break through. Toby sits back in his seat. His eyes dropping to my lips and he licks his own.
His beautiful eyes bounce back to mine and it is as if he is searching for something. I’m not sure what, but I take notice, when his eyes fill with a look my brain dares to place as…desire. I want to fan my face, but I catch myself and reframe from doing so. All at once, I remember we are not alone and there are eyes on us.
My thoughts are confirmed by the next words that greet my ears. “You two make a cute couple,” Regan calls across the table, drawing everyone’s attention.
Kwäzē’s own laughter fills the room. I look at him to see him shaking his head. “Oh, no, Kamara and Toby are like brother and sister,” he chuckles.
“They look like more than brother and sister to me,” Regan mutters.
Kwäzē snorts, “That would never happen.”
“And why not?” Toby says defensively, seemingly, before he can catch himself. I see the moment he realizes he has said the words out loud. He quickly says more jokingly. “I mean, I’m not that bad a catch, am I?”
Kwäzē presses his lips. I know my twin, he is thinking over his next words carefully. I, too, would like to know his answer. It is as if the whole table has fallen into silence, waiting for my brother’s reply. I’m not sure if anyone is breathing, as I take a glance around the table.
“It would be an honor to call you my brother. That is not the problem,” what happens next surprises me. Kwäzē looks around at everyone, then he finishes the rest of his explanation in my mother’s native tongue. “One day, I will explain to you, my friend. This is for family.”
“Then, I will wait,” Toby replies perfectly in the same dialect. “No worries, my friend. You are right. Kamara is family.”
My head snaps in Toby’s direction. I had no idea he could speak the language. I never wondered why Kwäzē speaks our father’s mother tongue around Toby. It is what I am most comfortable with and I tend to use it first, although, I can speak both.
I’ve always thought that Kwäzē was doing it out of respect for my preference. Or, even to hide who we are. I never thought it was because Toby would understand us.
I ignore the sting of his words. It is clear that I have misinterpreted his kindness for flirting. My heart sinks inside. I am family.
Toby winks at me, as I stare wide eyed at him. There is so much I still don’t know about this man. I’ve spent so much time around him, over the last
six years and yet, I still don’t feel I truly know him.
“I guess we both are keeping secrets,” I say softly.
Toby narrows his eyes at me. “That we are,” he finally says.
chapter Seven
Exposing Secrets
Toby
A year later…
The weights make a clinking sound, as I place the bar back in the rack. Sweat is dripping everywhere, from the exertion I’m putting my body through. I have a lot on my mind and I thought punishing my body would help me to settle some of this extra energy.
It was actually working, before Kwäzē showed up. I love my friend, but this thing I have for his sister is weighing on me. I was trying to forget it for a while.
Kamara has her first date this weekend. I haven’t figured out how to wrap my head around this. I know she doesn’t get that I’m attracted to her, but I at least thought she was attracted to me. I mean, I thought I had time to figure out what Kwäzē wouldn’t say at the dinner table that night. It seems like forever ago.
It was last year. I know, I know, Kamara is gorgeous and she won’t be single forever. I just haven’t figured out a way to bring up the subject with Kwäzē, without him being suspicious.
That fucker Thornton has had his eye on Kamara for the longest. I never thought she would agree to go out with him. Shit, I don’t even think Kwäzē knows about this.
My first thought was to be a bitch and snitch her out. It would solve one of my problems, but I’d be robbing Kamara of her privacy and her right to live her life. It’s not my style. To me, that would be the equivalent to telling a chick her man is cheating or that he’s no good for her, just so I can move in.
Besides, it’s not like I haven’t been on a date or two in the last year. Nothing that panned out to being anything more than a crap date, but I’ve dated. I just haven’t been able to get into any of the girls I tried to date.
I compare them all to the girl I truly want. None of them come close to measuring up. I’ve just given up on it all.
“I wish life wasn’t so complicated,” Kwäzē huffs, echoing my own thoughts.
“You guys are good together. Why don’t you try to fix it?” I sit up and wipe the sweat from my forehead.
“Things are not that easy,” he replies.
I frown and turn to look Kwäzē in his eyes. He looks away, signaling the fact that his not telling me something. I decide I’ve had enough of the secrets. I push, totally intending to pry, something I usually avoid with my friend.
“Why not? You clearly care about her. What’s the problem?” I sigh.
“Yeah, I care about her. That is why I have ended things now,” Kwäzē frowns and rubs the back of his neck.
“What are you not saying,” I push, my own brows wrinkled in confusion.
Kwäzē meets my eyes and I see when he decides to be straight with me. He moves to sit beside me on, the weight bench. His eyes move to his hands draped between his knees.
“I am already betrothed. For reasons I can’t not say, my marriage has been put on hold, but I am still meant to be married to another. In my country, I would have every right to marry them both,” Kwäzē pauses and shakes his head.
He then continues with a sour look on his face. “But that is not Celeste’s world. I will not ask that of her. To wait for me to marry so she can become my second wife.
“I have been here most of my life. I know the difference between cultures. She would have my balls on a platter for even suggesting such a thing, but none of that changes the fact that I love her.”
I can see the pain written all over my friend’s face. Yet, his words have struck me. The private investigator in me quickly does the math. I may be twenty-one, but I’ve seen and heard too much not to hear what isn’t being said here.
The words flow out of my mouth, before I can stop them. My thoughts are moving too quickly not for me to say them. I think my heart is ripped out as my mind settles on the possibility.
“So, Kamara is in the same type of arrangement. Is she betrothed as well?”
Kwäzē chuckles at me. His eyes meeting mine. There’s a curiosity that takes over his expression. I turn away, before I give away too much. Kwäzē knows me too well. I’ve been astonished that I’ve kept my feelings hidden for this long.
“My sister’s arrangement is not like mine. Her situation is more complicated than mine,” he pauses and sighs. “I will not be able to fulfill my marriage until my family resolves Kamara’s situation. That may never happen, but I have obligations so I cannot disregard them on hope and prayers.”
I can’t breathe. The thought of Kamara on a date was one thing. The thought of her being married to another has me sick.
I sit stuck, unable to speak a word or form a coherent thought. I feel lost and half crazy. When my brain does click into action, I try to think of ways to make this go way.
My family comes to mind. Logan and Brooklyn have so many connections. Or I could go to mom’s family. I could make this go away.
You don’t even know what this is.
I close my eyes as the truth rings in my ears. I don’t know what this is. I hate the unknown.
“What makes Kamara’s situation so different from yours?” I blurt out.
Kwäzē’s face tightens so much I think he’s not going to answer. I can sense something is off. I’m not sure I want the answer now that I have asked.
“This too is complicated. Here, Kamara and I are nobodies. In our country, we are the center of a war. This is all I can tell you for now.”
I have so many questions, but I keep them to myself. When my friend says, he can say no more, I take that to heart. I will pry no more. I appreciate him sharing as much as he has. It means a lot to me.
“Damn, and I thought I had shit on my mind,” I mutter.
“Whatever is on your mind, you will find a way to overcome it. I am sure,” Kwäzē says, with the first smile I’ve seen on his face in weeks.
I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah, for once I’m not so sure of that,” I huff.
“I grantee it. You are the great Toby Black. You always find a way,” Kwäzē pats my back, as if to reassure me.
If only he knew what he was reassuring me of. Wyatt was right. I should just walk now.
chapter Eight
Like A Woman
Kamara
I have a date this weekend. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have become crazy. That is the only way to explain this.
Thornton is nice, but he is not my type. If I even have a type. I have had my eye on Toby for as long as I can remember. All other boys pale in comparison to him.
Or should I say, men. Toby is a man now. Oh, God, is he a man. He now stands at a full six-four. That copper hair is so attractive on him, no matter how he wears it.
Toby’s once boyish face, is now rough and rugged. When his five o’clock shadow sets in, it is mouthwatering. He keeps his body in the best condition and it shows right through his white t-shirts. I admire the clothes that get to clothe his back and every other part of him.
“So, have you picked out an outfit for this weekend,” Cali asks.
She is my newest roommate. Thank, God, I was able to get away from Gwendolyn this year. She never did begin to speak to me again after that party.
I hadn’t thought my father was going to agree to it, but when I asked to move into my own apartment, he went along. Well, after his initial protest. I guess the fact that I moved into Kwäzē’s building helped. Toby moved in with Kwäzē over the summer, which I’m sure had something to do with my father’s consent. Two brothers to watch over me.
Cali has been a friend since my freshman year. When she said, she needed to find a place, I offered, not wanting to live completely alone. I know Kwäzē and Toby are upstairs, but I try not to bother them much.
I look up from my textbook and frown. I know I was just thinking about this date, but I don’t intend to prepare for it. I have been waiting for two weeks for Kwäzē to interve
ne.
In my crazy head, I thought it might make Toby take notice. I need him to see me as more than family. I figured me going on a date would show him that I am a woman.
I am no longer of the opinion that he is against dating black women. He went on a date a few months back with a pretty African American girl. She had not been as dark as me, but not that far from it.
I have to say, it boosted my confidence. I must get out of this friend zone. I want Toby to take me seriously. I just need his attention so I can reveal my feelings to him.
“No, I don’t know if I’ll be going,” I mumble.
“Seriously!” Cali shrieks at me.
I sigh and close my book. When Cali gets something in her head, she can become relentless. Wish I knew this before she became my roommate. I don’t know how I had missed it.
“I don’t think I want to go,” I shrug.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain neighbor of ours?” Cali gives me a slanted look.
I look down into my lap and start to pick at lint that isn’t there. Cali being observant is something I did know about her. Not that I have tried to hide my feelings for Toby much lately.
Whenever we are close to each other, it is still electric. Toby makes my skin hum in a way no one else does. He may see me as family, but that is not the way I see him. I want him…no I need him to see me as more.
If he doesn’t I think I may go insane, if I already haven’t. Saying yes to Thornton, may just have been a sign that I have. I have to put an end to this before Saturday arrives.
“I thought he would tell my brother by now, if nothing else,” I pout.
Cali falls back on the couch laughing at me. I pout more, not liking being the butt of the joke. I fold my arms over my chest, as I wait out her laughter. This is not that funny.
“Why are you laughing at me?” I mumble.
“You’re playing with fire. I see the way Toby looks at you. You’ve gotten yourself into this date because you think it will cause him to make a move. I don’t think it was such a good idea,” Cali says through her laughter.
“Maybe he didn’t hear me agree to the date,” I huff.