Falling Into Infinity

by Layne Harper

  He groans and grabs my hair in appreciation.

  Then we hear a knock on the door. “Fuck!” he says, completely ruining the mood.

  He grabs his bathrobe and throws it on, tying it around his waist. He closes the bedroom door behind him so that I don’t have to cover up.

  I lay there frustrated by room service’s timing when I hear his voice say, “Sasha, right now is not a good time. You can’t stay. Can I call you a car?”

  Her voice is muffled, but he responds loudly with, “You know that I am allergic to alcohol. I’ve just spent the last two hours puking. I was already in bed. Please go home, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  Her muffled voice is starting to sound hysterical. I contemplate whether or not I should put on clothes. I reason that naked is just as incriminating as a bathrobe so I opt to do nothing. This might be Colin’s put up or shut up time.

  “Seriously Sasha! This is not the time that I care to have a deep conversation about our relationship.” He is reasoning with her, but he sounds so harsh. I don’t recognize this tone.

  I clearly hear her yell, “Why won’t you just say that you love me?”

  He yells back, “What part of I feel like shit and want you to leave don’t you understand? You’re drunk and horny. I am sure that there are fifty football players downstairs who would give their right ball to fuck you. Go throw yourself at one of them.”

  Dear God, I inwardly cringe. I had no idea he had this in him. He’s being a real bastard.

  Then I hear another knock on the door. Please, don’t let that be another girlfriend, I silently pray.

  Prayers are answered. It’s room service delivering his cheeseburger, fries, and Diet Coke.

  Apparently, when she sees his food order, she really flips out. “You’re so sick that you can’t fuck me, but you can eat a cheeseburger!” she screams.

  I actually have to laugh at that one. She’s very correct in her reasoning.

  Colin yells, “I’m fucking hungry. Not fucking horny! Look Sasha! You want to have a conversation about our relationship? Let’s do it. I don’t want to see you anymore. Don’t call me. Don’t message me. Go!” he orders.

  I hear him pick up the phone and ask the front desk to arrange a car to take Sasha home. As Brad would say, “This shit just got real.”

  She is crying loudly and begging him not to do this. Poor thing is drunk. She would have much more dignity if she wasn’t. I can only assume.

  Colin says much more civilly, “Look, we had a good run. You are a very sweet girl. I just don’t think that we have a future; so why keep doing this to ourselves?”

  She starts begging him. This is really getting pathetic. “Colin, please just fuck me. You’ll remember how good we are together. You just need a reminder…,” she says, using a seductive voice.

  “Sasha, your car is already downstairs. I will come by your house tomorrow and collect the few things that are there, when you’re sober, and we’ll talk about this,” he soothes.

  Then she says in her best ‘reporter has a whiff of a juicy story’ voice, “Who is she?” She sounds furious.

  “What?” he asks shocked.

  “You didn’t order this food for yourself. You don’t drink anything but bottled water. Your cheeseburger has a bun. You don’t eat any grains.” She is just getting revved up. Sasha Stone smells a story. “Is she in your bedroom now? Is that why the door is shut?”

  “Sasha, I have asked you politely to leave. Please don’t make me call security.” His voice is so cold that I shiver.

  “Open the bedroom door, Colin,” she screams at him.

  “No.” he states without an ounce of emotion.

  “Fine! I’ll leave, Colin. But let’s be clear. This is not over. I expect you at my house tomorrow.”

  A few seconds later the door slams shut.

  I wait a few minutes to make sure that she isn’t coming back before I open the bedroom door and walk out. He is in his infamous Colin pose. He is seated on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging. I walk over to him and sit on the couch next to him. I wrap my arm around his back.

  “Who knew that you no longer eat bread?” I say.

  He looks up at me and flashes me his gorgeous half smile. “Yeah. How can I be this in love with you, and you don’t even know how I take my burger?” he laughs.

  “Look. That really sucked. I’m sorry,” I say.

  “Don’t be. You probably saved me a lot of unhappy years with her,” he says.

  “Please eat a little something and we’ll go to bed,” I coax.

  “What little appetite that I had is gone,” he says. “Let’s just go to bed.”

  He stands up and offers me his hand. I take it and allow him to lead me into the bedroom. He shuts the bedroom door while I fold back the covers. We snuggle into each other. Our naked bodies spoon together.

  “Colin, will you tell me a bed time story?” I ask sheepishly.

  “What kind of story would you like to hear Charlie?” he asks.

  “I want you to tell me about football.”

  “What would you like to hear about?” he replies warily.

  “Everything,” I say. “I feel like when we were together that I didn’t try hard enough to understand your passion. While I fall asleep I want you to tell me why you love football so much.”

  He gently giggles and pulls me to him. Then he begins, “There was once a little boy who had a wonderful dad who would take him outside and toss the ball with him after school…”

  Chapter 10

  I AM awakened by the smell of bacon. There is no better smell to wake up to except the aroma that is Colin.

  “Wake up, baby. Breakfast is here,” he coos in my ear.

  I roll over and say, “You really know how to wake a girl up.” I stretch out like a cat on the bed and look at his chiseled face. I still can’t believe that this is real, and he is here with me. His face is buoyant. He is like a little kid on Christmas morning. I had been a bit worried that since I am flying back to Houston today that he would be grouchy and sulk all morning. Instead, I get the opposite. I get the Colin that I adore. The one who is mischievous and silly and fun.

  “Your breakfast is getting cold. Come eat with me,” he says smiling.

  “You ordered us room service?” I ask.

  “I don’t want to waste a minute of the next five hours that I have with you,” he says. He leans down and kisses my nose. “I love you Doctor Collins.”

  I smile back at him. “I love you too Colin.Fucking.McKinney.”

  All of sudden, he gets a glint in his eye that makes me panic. What is he going to do? Before I know it, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and carries me to the dining table while I scream with laughter. He sits me down in a chair. “You know! I could have walked,” I say, trying to be angry but failing miserably.

  “What fun would that have been?” he asks as he sits down beside me at the table and uncovers our plates. We are both still gloriously naked.

  Ordinarily, dining in the nude would gross me out. I make a huge mental gasp at my audacity, and I mentally give myself a pep talk. I want to do nothing that will ruin this morning.

  He ordered me pancakes with bacon and coffee. He has his same egg white omelet. “Do you eat egg white omelets every morning for breakfast?”

  “Mostly,” he replies. “Why?”

  “It’s just funny to me how well I still know you, yet I don’t know things like you don’t eat hamburger buns or that you have egg white omelets every morning for breakfast,” I reply. “I am looking forward to learning all those little things about you again.”

  He smiles a goofy grin at me and says, “Me too, Charlie.” Then his face gets wary. “I would like to talk to you about something, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. Look! I need for you to tell me if I am overwhelming you, okay.”

  “I promise that I will tell you, but I also want you to be Colin. That’s what I love the most about you is t
hat you are the statement Colin.Fucking.McKinney. I’m not a twenty-one year-old girl anymore.” Then I pause for effect, “Plus after years of therapy, I am better equipped to deal with your overwhelming tendencies.” I smile at him hoping that he can read that I am only half kidding. When I see his forehead crease, I reach out and hold his hand on top of the table giving it a little squeeze.

  “Overwhelming tendencies,” he says, trying the words out. “I have to say, Charlie, that no one but you has ever accused me of overwhelming tendencies.”

  I rub his arm and say in a patronizing manner, “Honey, that’s because you only have overwhelming tendencies when it comes to your three loves: football, Big Bertha, and me.”

  He throws his head back and laughs. “You might be right about that. But, in all seriousness, you have to tell me if I’m overwhelming you. I want this to work more than I have ever wanted anything. Okay?”

  “That’s a deal, Colin,” I reply. I let go of his hand and pick up my fork and continue inhaling my breakfast and drinking some much needed coffee.

  “Well, I got up early this morning and called my assistant Jenny. She was very pleased to hear from me so early on Sunday morning,” he says, smiling at the thought.

  “I bet she was. I can’t wait to meet her,” I reply.

  “She will love you,” he assures me with his half smile. “Anyway, I asked her to start working on clearing out my calendar and paring down my schedule to the commitments that I have to keep. I told her my goal is to spend as much time as possible in Houston over the next two months.”

  He gives me a nervous look waiting to see my reaction.

  I smile at him and take a big drink of coffee. “That would be wonderful.”

  He continues, looking very relieved by my reaction, “I also asked her to find a trainer in Houston for me to work out with.”

  “You know, Colin, my practice has two of the top professional trainers in the world on staff. I’m sure that, for the right price,” I say, winking at him, “they could either work you out or know someone who is good.”

  “Right price, huh? That could be negotiated,” he says.

  “If you are asking me if I want you to stay with me and spend as much time as possible with me, the answer is yes,” I say, beaming. “However, you have to remember that I have responsibilities to my patients, staff, and father. I sometimes don’t get home until 8:00 or 9:00 at night. If that’s the case, you can’t make me feel guilty about not spending more time with you. Okay?” I warn.

  “I know, Charlie. Right now, I’ll take the time that I can get. But, when I have to be back in Dallas, I hope that you will make time to see me,” he says with a hint of desperation in his eyes.

  I put my fork down and finish off my coffee and pour myself another cup. After I have downed half the second mug, I walk to him, pulling his chair out from the table and straddling his lap. I reach up and touch my necklace while I stare into his green eyes. “We are getting a second chance at happily ever after. I want you Colin. I want you in my bed. I want you to run with me in the mornings. I want to fix you dinner at night. I want to lay on the couch with you and watch terrible rerun TV. I want to worry that you aren’t taking your vitamins. I want to talk to you on my way to work and my way home. I want a real and honest life with you. I am not settling for anything less.”

  He leans forward resting his head against chest and wraps his arms around me. “I want every bit of that, too.”

  “It’s settled then. We are not going to mess it up this time. What shall we spend the next four and half hours doing?” I ask.

  “Oh! I think you know Doctor Collins,” he says, poking me with his erection. “I believe a goal was set for you to be so sore by the time you get on the plane that you walk funny. I have four hours to make that happen.”

  He picks me up and lays me on the table, pushing our plates to the floor. They crash to the ground making loud jangling noises. I mentally think of the dollar cost associated with broken plates. I hate being practical!

  He crawls onto the table positioning himself over me staring into my eyes. “You are my dessert. I am going to start at your forehead and explore every single bit of you.”

  He begins by planting soft kisses on my forehead, and moving sweetly over my cheeks, nose, and jaw line. When he gets to my chin, he works his way back up to my mouth. He gently kisses me, using his tongue to make reverent, tender love to me. This is not a side of Colin that I am familiar with. He is passionate, athletic, and domineering in his love making. I like this. I feel like the most beautiful and desired woman in the world. He is making me feel this way… my Statement.

  I reach up and touch his face to make sure that he is real and this is really happening to me. All of a sudden, the wall of protection that I have built up around my heart crumbles. I know in that instant that the horrible break up and eight year separation was worth it for this moment. I meant every word that I just said to him. I want him and all his baggage. I want him even if I have to share him for nine months out of the year with the football world. It’s okay if we can’t go grocery shopping or eat at restaurants like a normal couple because I will get to wake up every morning with this man. In this instant, my world shifts on its axis, and I succumb to my wants. I want to be with Colin more than I want anything else in this world.

  I stop his descending hands and grab his face so that he can look me in my eyes. I feel the tears running down my cheeks.

  “Charlie! What’s wrong?” he asks, panicked.

  “Colin, I love you,” I whisper.

  “I know, baby. You told me,” he says confused. “Why are you crying?”

  “No, Colin. You don’t understand. For the first time in my whole life there are no nagging doubts in my mind about us and if we can make this work. I love you. I love you enough to put you first,” I confess through my tentative sobs.

  He picks me up and cradles me to him. He scoots us off the dining table and carries me into the bedroom placing me gently on the bed while he holds me. I am turned away from him so I can’t see his face. Colin is completely silent. I keep waiting for him to respond. I start to feel a little panicky. Maybe my confession was too soon. Did I just scare him away?

  The seconds crawl by. Finally, I can’t take it any longer. I change positions so I can see his face. Colin’s eyes are wet with unshed tears.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I crawl on my knees and wrap my arms around his neck. If it’s possible, my 6’5” man looks like a scared little boy. I hold him in a hug while he embraces me around my waist pulling me tightly to him.

  “Colin, please talk to me,” I implore. My head is nuzzled into his neck. I feel dampness on my cheek. It could be my tears or Colin’s. I am really not sure.

  Through his choked voice, he says, “I’ve waited ten years to hear that you love me enough to put me first.”

  I did not realize until this moment the depth of his feelings for me. When we were together I thought Colin would get bored of me and find someone else that was prettier or sexier. I never felt worthy of his devotion. I now understand just what it means to be loved by Colin McKinney, and it’s powerful.

  He pulls me away from him and takes my face in his large hands. His green eyes and long, black eyelashes are wet. I feel my soul being probed by him. “I love you, Charlie,” he says with such conviction that there is not a doubt in my mind that he believes what he is says. He leans into me placing a short but passionate kiss on my lips. “I will love you until infinity.”

  Epilogue

  FIVE DAYS later…

  Once again, I am alone. I am more alone now than I ever have been before. I just knew that Colin was the one. We were a perfect match. Everyone said how great that we looked together. He’s the David Beckham of professional football. I could totally have been his Posh Spice. I was prepared to relocate to Dallas for him. I had even talked to the powers that be about flying back and forth for my job. Giuliana R
ancic does it. Why couldn’t I?

  Now, here I sit in my beautiful bungalow in the Hollywood Hills waiting to bare my soul. The reporter will be here in thirty minutes. I have gone back and forth if I want to do this. Our breakup is just one more bump in the road to me getting married. I keep telling myself that I am not doing this to hurt Colin, but I know that’s not true. The focus of the interview is supposed to be about finding love in the Hollywood spotlight. My relationships have been chronicled in the tabloids for the last five years. Sometimes, I am even shocked at who I am supposedly dating.

  I thought my relationship with Colin was real. I had been so sure that he was going to propose that I put the wedding planner to the stars on notice. God, I feel like the biggest fool.

  I was so furious with Colin that when I got home early Sunday morning after learning that there was another woman in his hotel room that I shredded what belongings he had at my house and put them in black garbage bags. In all honesty, it made me feel better for about ten minutes.

  Then, I collapsed on my bed and cried until I fell asleep. Just thinking about it again makes me realize that I am making the right decision. Everyone needs to know that Colin McKinney, underwear model, spokesperson, all-American boy, and football stud is a cheater who has no respect for women.

  I want the world to know that Colin left me. Colin cheated on me. I want him and his new piece of ass to hurt like they have made me hurt.

  I walk into my closet and choose a thin, black sweater and designer jeans. I pair my ensemble with brown boots. I put on a minimum of makeup and pull my hair into a loose braid. I look at myself in the mirror, and I am pleased with the results. I look demure and somber. This is the impression that I want to give. I know that this is as important as the words that will come out of my mouth.

  The knock on my front door causes my stomach to jump into my chest. Oh my God! I am actually going to do this.

  I answer the door, and I am greeted by the reporter. She gives me a careful hug. I thank her for her sympathy. I know this game. I know how it’s played. I’ve been the best in my field for years now. I can turn on the sympathy like a fountain.