Lost in Flight

by Neeny Boucher

  El Creepo’s list went on and on, and they tried to tune him out, but the way he emphasized gorillas made them snort derisively. In response, Mandy started quoting Muhammad Ali. “I done wrestled with an alligator… I done tussled with a whale. I done hand-cuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail…”

  Mandy’s father had been a massive Ali fan and they’d grown up listening to Mr. Robinson’s impersonations with Eddie quoting all of Ali’s best lines. Looking at each other the women laughed and said together, “I’m so mean I make medicine sick.”

  The two women were giggling because it was crazy. Christina wondered what it was that had attracted the attention of someone like El Creepo. There were hundreds of people in this place. Why them?

  Over the years Mandy had had to deal with all sorts of strange fans as the hot wife of a famous musician, but Christina wasn’t used to it. After she’d left Shanwick, she lived a relatively quiet life where things like this didn’t happen. Christina concluded that El Creepo must be a deranged fan of Mandy’s and she shouldn’t have brought her here alone.

  “Mandy, I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For bringing you here. I-I- just got so mad when I found out Riley was Mr. Anal Adventures. I wanted to do something dangerous and edgy.”

  Mandy gave Christina an “are you kidding me” look. Christina put her head down. “Okay, I was being spiteful.”

  Mandy grinned. “That’s better. I still think it’s crap, Dina, and really, tonight hasn’t been so bad, except for,” she looked over her shoulder at El Creepo, “‘that’. It’s been fun and we can cope with that idiot. Come on, let’s find Bonnie.”

  The two friends fled into the bathroom to try to get a signal for their phones, but they had no luck and were getting increasingly agitated. Girl code ensured they couldn’t leave without Bonnie and they wanted to leave – like yesterday. They headed for the basement because it was the only place they hadn’t been.

  The crowd that went in the basement looked a different type of group than the ones above - less dirty-kinky-pervert - and more rough around the edges. As they were waiting in line for the basement, El Creepo caught up with them. Slithering up beside Christina, he said, “We meet again.”

  Christina rolled her eyes and turned to him. “Wow. Did you read a ‘you suck book’ or does it come naturally?” Her creep radar went into overdrive when he stared into her eyes so intently it was like he was trying to perform a Jedi mind trick.

  The guy had to be playing with a scratched record. The hairs on the back of Christina’s neck stood up because the truly crazy, like this guy, were unpredictable. Christina was pretty sure she and Mandy could give him a beat down if they had to, but she didn’t want to go near him.

  Christina and Mandy pulled “ugh” faces at each other, trying to ignore him. El Creepo placed a hand on Christina’s shoulder that she shrugged off with an aggressive, “Do not touch me- EVER.”

  El Creepo kept smiling and standing in front of them. “If you submit to me, I will make it worth your while.”

  The two women’s mouths fell open and they stared at him, and each other in horror. “He’s cray-cray, Dina,” whispered Mandy. “We’ve got to get rid of him.”

  “I’m right there with you,” Christina muttered back. He actually made her feel sick – not pretend sick – but really sick, like she could blow chunks at him – sick. Getting rid of him, however, was easier said than done.

  Pointing to the basement, he asked, “Are you going in there? You?”

  Mandy looked at him. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes we are.”

  El Creepo’s smile turned dubious. “I’d like to see that,” he murmured, “It’s an interesting place.”

  Christina could have slapped Mandy when she heard her say, “Why?” Primary rule of avoiding deranged creeps: do not engage, but Mandy was.

  “Don’t feed the trolls,” Christina hissed. They really needed the third Billy goat to knock this idiot off the bridge.

  “Oh, it’s a place for talented people with courage and little regard for the consequences,” he said.

  Mandy tossed her head. “We’re talented” and pointing to Christina said, “especially her.”

  El Creepo’s eyes lit up. “I’m sure you are and this I have to see.”

  “Stop talking to him, Mandy,” Christina whispered. “I’m sure he’s in the ‘it puts the lotion on its skin’ club.” Christina didn’t like the sound or feel of any of this, but they had to find Bonnie. Ignoring El Creepo, the two women walked through the doors of the basement into what appeared to be a frat party on steroids.

  ********************

  “I’m Meredith Stackhouse,” said Christina to a tall, spiky haired blonde man, with stubble and all types of handsome. Spiky looked up and flickered a look at Mandy. “Don’t tell me, this is Sookie Grey.”

  “Um, no,” said Christina, “this is Sam Winchester.” Spiky wrote their names down with an almost smile. He was way too cool for a real one and said, “Supernatural. Cool.”

  Christina was giving fake names to one of the staff at Pax. As they entered the basement, with El Creepo literally breathing down their necks, he approached a staff member declaring, “I have an act. People of rare talent, I believe, who want to perform tonight.” As they didn’t want El Creepo to know their real names, they improvised. Spiky wrote their names down on a piece of paper and motioned for a tall dark haired guy with a ponytail and suit to come over.

  Suit said, “So who’s performing and what’s your name?”

  As El Creepo was hovering, Christina said, “Agh, I am.”

  “What do you do?”

  “Um, sing,” answered Christina. Suit wrote her name down and walked away, and was immediately surrounded by people handing over money. Christina and Mandy stared at each other. What the hell was that about?

  They were pushing their way through the crowded room full of sweaty bodies and roaring people when Mandy grimaced. “This is disgusting and unhygienic” and it was.

  Christina had never been to a frat party in college, but if she had, she imagined it would be like this. She’d spent most of her time in the library trying to finish her degrees as fast as possible. Standing in this room, she didn’t regret her choices.

  Picking their way gingerly across the floor, like they had something on their shoes because they did, Christina and Mandy kept their heads down. They had been groped more than once and used elbows, and shoes to fend people off. The floor was covered in food and drink, and didn’t meet either of their standards of hygiene.

  There were tables of food lining the walls of the room and when a hungry Christina went to grab some Mandy slapped her hand away. “You never know where that’s been. Someone might have gone to the bathroom and not washed their hands.”

  Christina grumbled, but Mandy was right and looking around the crowd, she didn’t want to ingest any of their germs, no matter how hungry she was. The main positive is they found Bonnie. As soon as they entered the room they spotted Bonnie standing by the bar, scowling at them and wagging her finger.

  When they got to Bonnie they were given a lecture about “following instructions”, “directions” and having “spatial problems.” They had to interrupt her and hurriedly gave an account of El Creepo.

  “There is something seriously wrong with him,” said Mandy. “He won’t take no for an answer. Whatever we say to him, he just ignores and keeps going.”

  Christina groaned. “We can’t get rid of him and I think he’s unwell – in the head. He keeps saying the ickiest stuff and bleh.”

  “Where is he?” snarled Bonnie and when they pointed him out, her eyes narrowed. She wanted to come out swinging, but Christina and Mandy didn’t think this was the crowd to do it in. They’d probably form a circle, throw weapons and leave them to it.

  They watched Bonnie storm up to El Creepo and get into a heated discussion. He leaned over, whispering in her ear, and she stared at him in horror. Bo
nnie’s body shivered in disgust from head to toe. If he freaked out Bonnie, he must be really deviant. Usually she’d stay and compare notes with anyone who spoke dirty.

  Bonnie turned on her heel and headed back to her friends. “You’re right. There is definitely something really wrong with him. The things he was saying – he needs professional help. He’s got this really crazy idea about you, Dina, like you’re the Queen of Freak-y.”

  Christina squeaked, “What? Me?”

  Bonnie nodded, “Uh-huh” and shuddered. “We need to just leave him alone. The mad have their own superpowers.” They all agreed.

  Mandy went to call a town car and found a flood of messages mostly from Dave. “I am in so much trouble,” groaned Mandy and started texting furiously. “They’re on their way, but they’re going to be awhile.”

  Christina wanted to leave, but Mandy thought they should stay and so did Bonnie. They couldn’t see any reason to exit at this point if the guys were coming here. The women were still talking about what to do and the best course of action when the lights dimmed and an MC walked on stage.

  Engrossed in their own conversation, they were only half paying attention when two young blonde guys, about Gabby’s age, got up to sing. They did a terrible rendition of the Beatles “Saw her standing there” and about one verse in, the crowd roared, pelting the men with food, and drink. There was food all over the stage and even on the walls. The two blonde guys were laughing and trying to carry on, but the crowd was ferocious.

  One mop haired man pushed his way toward the front of the stage and threw a drink in their faces. One of the singers started gulping and coughing to roars of approval from the crowd. When they cut their act short and left the stage, the jeers, and cries from the crowd was deafening.

  Mandy and Christina stood with their mouths agape, but Bonnie just sighed. “It’s been like this since I got here. Act after act comes on and some go through, and some get doused in crap. I don’t know how the rules work, but it was better than outside in the courtyard. People were fighting and beating the crap out of each other, but it’s over now.”

  The women were appalled. They watched people exchanging tickets and money, and Christina realized they were placing bets. A few began pointing to Christina and her heart sank. What had she got herself into?

  She was going to ask her friends to leave when she heard the MC call: Meredith Stackhouse. At first she didn’t recognize the name and remained standing. With a bored sigh, the MC bellowed over the microphone: MEREDITH STACKHOUSE.

  Mandy nudged her. “Dina, that’s you.”

  Christina gulped. “Let’s go” to her friends, but El Creepo called out. “She’s over there.”

  A spotlight illuminated Christina and Bonnie grabbed her arm. “Tell me you did not put your name up there?”

  Christina gulped and nodded. Bonnie said, “Oh Dina.”

  Mandy glared at Bonnie. “We can just leave,” but Bonnie shook her head.

  “Look around sweets, too late for that.” There were more than a few people glaring at them and giving them hostile stares. Bonnie pursed her lips and gave a firm nod. “Go kick serious ass, Dina. We’ve got your back.” Christina squeezed the arms of her friends and made her way to the stage.

  ********************

  Jed

  Jed and Andy had been looking for the women for nearly an hour. They’d swept the place room by room with no luck and he hoped the women had gone somewhere else, but knew in his gut they hadn’t. Before being interrupted to go find the bitches from hell, he and Andy had been betting on a few fights, and doing well. Jed was more than a little annoyed to be looking for these idiot women, missing the fights, and making money for old rope.

  The women were going to get a good talking to when he found them. He’d always loved women. Always had and always would. He certainly fancied getting his hands on Hot Red, but right now, other people were welcome to these three.

  Riley was right about them: they did appear, normal, sane and fun even, but they weren’t. Not by a long shot. As a full witches coven, they were trouble, like teenage mingers posing as grown-ups.

  Jed and Andy tried texting, and ringing the women with no response. It made Jed’s professional instincts heighten and his anger was now a slow burn. The women had just vanished and if they were in here – he was going to find them or make sure he’d exhausted every avenue before giving Riley the bad news.

  He sighed. Riley was going to over-react and Dave would call the Police. It’s not like Pax wasn’t used to being raided by Police, but he just didn’t want them called because three mingers had gone AWOL. He looked at Andy and shrugged.

  “Let’s go back to where we started,” Andy suggested. “They might have found their way there.”

  Jed decided that was a good a suggestion as any, so they headed to the basement. He hoped they weren’t in there, but of course, they were. The first person he spotted was Hot Red standing with Mandy in the crowd. He looked around for Christina, but couldn’t see her and then Andy tapped his arm and pointed. There, on stage, was Christina Martin with a microphone in her hand.

  Jed groaned. She would be, wouldn’t she? He looked at Andy, “You know - they can keep being an honorary girl.” Then they pushed through the mosh pit toward Hot Red and Mandy. He texted Riley: Found them in mosh pit @ Pax. Hurry.

  The men made their way through the crowd to Bonnie and Mandy, and Jed was about to say a few choice words until Mandy grabbed his arm. “Thank God you’re here, Jed,” Mandy cried. “We’ve had the worst night. We’ve been hassled by this maniac who won’t leave us alone.”

  Jed melted. Mandy was one of the sweetest and beautiful women he knew, and he couldn’t be angry with her when she needed his help. As for the other two: he was reserving judgment.

  “Where is he?” Jed demanded.

  Mandy pointed out El Creepo and Jed turned around glaring. He gave him the “look” that intimidated 99.999% of people and advanced toward El Creepo menacingly with his fists clenched, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. The guy was a shifty, silver haired dick wad-twat and Jed wanted to give him a beating for that alone.

  Stay there, you bastard, Jed thought, but the twat must have had a few clues. El Creepo turned and left the room as fast as possible, pushing people on his way through. One problem down, he thought, another to go. Through gritted teeth, Jed said to Bonnie. “What are you doing here?”

  To his annoyance, she put her finger to her lips saying, “Shush, Dina’s going to sing.”

  Jed nodded. “That she is. She’s a good singer. She’ll probably get through unmarked, if the equipment doesn’t fail, but if it does there’s what they call a free round.”

  Bonnie blinked. “What’s a free round?”

  Jed smiled. “It becomes a free for all. The audience gets to cover anyone up there – good or bad – hot or not – in food and drink.” Bonnie let out an expletive and Jed nodded. “Meltdowns are the stuff of legend here and the main attraction. People bet on them. Some people have cried, wet their pants and worse, on stage.”

  By this time Mandy was listening and uttered an, “Ewwwww.”

  “That’s one way of putting,” Jed said.

  “Come with me,” Bonnie said to Mandy. “I’ve been watching the crowd and there’s a douche over there with a shaggy mullet that starts it all.”

  Mandy smiled. “Ooooh. I like your thinking, if he…”

  “Uh-huh,” grinned Bonnie. “If he starts something, we’re finishing it.” Mandy nodded a determined assent and Jed sighed. He then wondered if it was wrong that he wanted to take a bet on that.

  Making eye contact with Andy, Jed watched Andy James make his way forward to the stage. It was implicit: if anything happened, Andy would grab Christina and Jed would hustle the other two out before they could start cage fighting.

  He didn’t know where Riley and the band were, but they couldn’t get here fast enough. He couldn’t wait to hand over responsibility for these women and if this ever happen
ed again, it wasn’t going to be a freebie. These women needed professional security and in Jed’s opinion, more than a little help.

  ********************

  Christina

  While Christina waited to go on stage she internalized her nerves and feelings. She’d been trained well by her father. The Martins hardly ever spoke before they performed imagining every possible scenario and trying to resolve it in their own minds. It didn’t matter if it was a big gig or small, Dad’s professional standards were absolute.

  She’d never quite visualized being pelted on stage with food and drink, but there was a first time for everything. She consoled herself that she didn’t like this dress anyway and it would be one way of getting rid of it without a guilty conscience. It would also top off a really crap night, but she wasn’t going there because it would put her off her game.

  Christina hadn’t sung in public for years, but she wasn’t worried about it. She knew once she hit the stage all her fears would disappear, but the atmosphere in the room needed changing. She hoped her song choice might appeal to the mob’s sense of decency or nobility. She doubted it, but one could always hope.

  When her name was called she stood on stage, ignoring the lewd comments and searching for Mandy, and Bonnie. She made eye contact with them and they gave her a nod. As the lights dimmed, she nodded her head at the DJ, smiled and then begun to sing a slow version of Bonnie Raitt’s “I can’t make you love me.”

  The crowd fell quiet as Christina sang and she closed her eyes, feeling the music in her body. She had always loved this song and as she relaxed, she let her voice tell the story of a broken heart. Just as Christina was finding her groove in the song, the equipment failed.