“Your dad is there,” I reminded him.
“That never stopped us before,” he said, winking at me. His presence was intoxicating and I wanted more of him.
Against my better judgment, I agreed. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Johnny flinched at my answer and I worried that he hadn’t been completely serious with his offer. He recovered quickly though and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.
There was a lot of cat-calling and innuendo as we said our goodbyes and I was actually glad that I was drunk or I would have been completely embarrassed.
Johnny pushed open the door of the bar and a blast of fresh air hit me. It helped clear my mind just a bit and I wondered if I was making the right decision. I had a history of leaping before I looked, but surely this time was different. This was Johnny, after all, and I was tired of looking; I was ready to leap.
There was no talking; the only noise was the crunch of gravel under our feet. I didn’t hesitate at all when Johnny held open his front door for me. I stepped into the narrow hallway and everything came back to me. I knew that Johnny’s father used the bedroom at the back of the house, off the kitchen. Johnny’s bedroom was upstairs and at the opposite end of the house.
Johnny locked the door behind him and paused. It seemed like he wanted to say something but was afraid to break the silence. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs. When I found his bedroom, I tugged him inside and shut the door behind us.
“Glor,” Johnny whispered. “Are you sure about this?”
That was Johnny- always being cautious while I rarely thought twice about my decisions. I smiled and didn’t answer him. This was almost exactly how it had been our first time, too- I’d had to convince him even though he had wanted it just as much as me.
Before he could stop me, I threw myself on him. The force of my body colliding with his banged him up against the wall. Instinctively, he grabbed onto me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned into him and wrapped a leg around him at thigh level. I raised my head up until my lips just barely grazed his and said, “I’m sure. Are you?”
Johnny’s lips, still touching mine lightly, curved into his special smile and then they were locked onto mine. It was easily the most forceful kiss I had ever experienced. Ten years of sexual repression were powering the kiss.
I could feel his hot breath as his tongue danced across my teeth before stroking my own tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my fingers in his hair, twisting it in my fingers. Johnny’s hands slid under my shirt and caressed the skin at the small of my back. Very quickly, he pulled my shirt up and over my head and tossed it to the floor. I thrust my hips forward and Johnny reached one hand under my bottom, lifting me up against him. I wrapped a second leg around him and he carried me over to the bed.
He sat me on the bed gently and I scooted to the center. He tore off his own shirt and tossed it on the floor next to mine. I was itching for him to kiss me again, but he climbed toward me slowly. I was aware that I was breathing heavy, my chest heaving with each ragged breath. Johnny was aware of it, too, and his mouth landed on my left breast, just over my heart.
I moaned in pleasure and anticipation as he trailed kisses up my neck until his mouth landed on mine. I let my fingers roam across his skin, feeling the defined muscles and soft chest hairs. I slipped my hands down to his waist where I fumbled to unbutton his jeans.
Just as I almost had them unzipped, I felt a faint vibration from underneath me. The sensation caught me completely off-guard and I couldn’t make sense of it until Johnny said, “You’re vibrating.”
“Yes.” I went back to kissing his earlobe.
“I mean, you’re phone is vibrating,” Johnny said with a laugh as he pulled away slightly. “Someone is calling you.”
“They’ll leave a message,” I said, kissing his jaw. Johnny went back to unclasping my bra and I felt my phone vibrate again.
“Glor, maybe you should answer that,” Johnny suggested, panting ever so slightly.
I took the phone out of my pocket just as it stopped vibrating and I was about to toss it aside when Johnny’s phone started to ring. We both stopped what we were doing and I checked the caller ID. I didn’t recognize the number. Johnny answered his phone in time, and immediately grew serious. He pulled away from me until he was sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah… Yeah, okay.” I had rarely heard Johnny sound so serious. “No need, she’s with me… Yeah, I’ll take her there… How is she?”
I was already pulling on my shirt when Johnny hung up. “It’s Vic,” he said. “Jake had to take her to the hospital. She’s okay right now but Jake wants you to go to the house and look after the kids.”
“Shit,” I said. “How am I going to get there?” I wasn’t completely drunk anymore but I was still in no shape to be driving and Johnny was in a similar state of almost-drunk.
“Guess we’ll have to wake Dad,” he said grimly.
Johnny pulled on his shirt and buttoned his jeans. I stayed behind in his room while he went to wake up Mr. Carter. After flipping on the light, I checked my reflection in the mirror above the dresser and tried to smooth down my hair but it was pretty much a lost cause. As I looked around the room, I saw that it looked nearly identical to how I remembered it, including our prom picture that Johnny had tucked into the corner of the mirror. The kids in the picture looked so young and innocent. And happy.
“Well, Dad isn’t exactly thrilled, but he’s agreed to give us a ride,” Johnny said from the doorway.
“Um, how did you explain the, uh, situation?” I asked, blushing at the awkwardness.
“Well, I said that you and I had met up at the bar, had too much to drink, and you needed a place to stay. Then we got a call about your sister, and you need a ride.” Johnny didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed. He even smiled. “My dad’s not a stupid man. I’m sure he figured it out.”
I groaned and said, “This should be a fun car ride. At least there’s no paparazzi in Princeton.”
Princeton, Missouri: 2000
Our last Christmas together is a memory that haunts me. School let out a week before the holiday and I spent almost all of my time at your house. Your dad had gone to visit his brother in Kentucky, and my house was getting crowded with two kids running around. I sought sanctuary and sanity in your bedroom.
One night, you went downstairs to get some water and I got out of bed and pulled on one of your old t-shirts. I remember holding the fabric to my face and breathing in your scent. Easily my favorite smell in the whole world. I padded around your room in my bare feet and turned on the radio. You had it turned to some oldies station because it was my favorite. CCR played in the background as I rummaged through your dresser looking for a pair of socks.
When I saw the little black box tucked under your boxer shorts, I stopped breathing. I reached out a shaky hand and poked it gently, like it was a wild animal. Eventually I picked it up and held it between my finger and thumb. I knew I shouldn’t look inside. You had hidden it for a reason. But I was a young girl, and we’re nosy. It couldn’t be helped.
The ring inside was stunning. The diamond was clear and sparkling, with a silver setting and band. I swallowed heavily as I studied it. You were attending community college and working part time at an auto-repair shop. There was no way you could afford a ring like that. I concentrated on that fact rather than think about why you would’ve bought the ring.
“Well, this is awkward,” you said from the doorway. You were holding a glass of water and wearing nothing but a pair of flannel boxer shorts. The ring box shook in my hand. “You weren’t supposed to find that.”
“What the hell is this, Johnny?” The words came out harsher than I intended.
“It’s an engagement ring.” You said it like it was the most natural thing in the world for you to have an engagement ring in your underwear drawer.
My mouth open and closed a half-dozen times. Finally, I sputtered, “Why?”
&nb
sp; You smiled your wonderful, perfect smile and said, “Because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Your dad had given you the ring. He had given it to your mother twenty years earlier, and before she died she told him she wanted you to have it. For me. She knew we would eventually find each other. Even after she was gone, she still treated me better than my own mother ever had.
Anyway, try to imagine my surprise. I was seventeen years old and the most amazing person I had ever known wanted to marry me. I knew that I was very lucky to have you. Too bad I was also incredibly stupid.
I didn’t want to say no. But I wasn’t ready to say yes. I know that hurt you and for that I’m sorry. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, too. But marriage… that was something else. Something bigger than you and me. I wasn’t there, yet.
You said you understood and you tucked the ring back into your drawer. “Some other time,” you said as you kissed me on my forehead. “We have plenty of time. We have our whole lives.”
CHAPTER TEN
The car ride wasn’t as awkward as it could have been. Mr. Carter was legitimately happy to see me and he tried to pretend that the circumstance of our reunion was perfectly normal. It took only about five minutes to get to the farm and Mr. Carter passed the time cracking corny jokes. Johnny walked me to the door and stopped at the porch steps. With his hands shoved into his pockets and the wind tossing his hair, he looked like the little boy from the tree house.
“So,” he said with a shy smile. It was utterly adorable.
“I should go check on the kids,” I said unconvincingly.
Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I should go. Dad is waiting.” He glanced over his shoulder. “We’ll talk later?”
“Sure.” The innocent goodbye hug we exchanged was less than ideal but it was the best Johnny could do under the circumstances.
Inside, the kids were still asleep. I didn’t want to risk waking Julia so I curled up on the couch and pulled an old blanket over my shoulders. I turned the television on and flipped through a series of infomercials attempting to sell me a variety of items, some of which were celebrity endorsed! At some point I must have nodded off because I woke up to an incessant pain in my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, Marta was standing in front of me wearing pink footie pajamas while poking me with a stubby finger.
“G’morning,” I mumbled as I stretched out my dehydrated body. I could feel a dull throbbing behind my eyes and a slight churning in my stomach. Nothing like having a hangover while being responsible for watching a bunch of kids.
“I’m hungry!” Marta announced at the loudest possible decibel. “I want pancakes!”
I winced and massaged my temples. “Okay, just calm down.”
I stumbled into the kitchen and got the coffee maker going before digging in the pantry for the pancake mix. Marta had turned on some cartoon that consisted of a series of screeches and crashes. I heard the sounds of fighting as J.J. joined his sister and changed the channel.
“Kids! Aunt Gloria really needs you to keep it down!” I yelled as I cracked an egg into the mixing bowl. Naturally, part of the shell also landed in the bowl.
“Aunt Gloria, where’s my mom and dad?” Christopher asked as he helped himself to a glass of orange juice.
“Your mom wasn’t feeling good so your dad took her to see the doctor.” I had managed to get ahold of Jake right after I got home and we had decided not to tell the kids anything yet until we knew for sure what was going on. Right now, all the doctors knew was that Vic had been coughing up handfuls of blood.
An hour later, I was standing in the shower, letting my skin burn under the steaming water. I had successfully fixed pancakes and bacon for the kids, done the dishes and straightened up the house and now I was trying to wash away the last of my hangover.
When the hot water started to become room temperature, I climbed out and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and combed out my wet hair. With my new short hairstyle, it would dry quickly on its own.
“Aunt Gloria!” J.J. yelled as he pounded on the door. “Someone’s here to see you.”
I thought for a minute about who would bother coming to see me. I didn’t have many friends in town; or any at all for that matter. It had to be Johnny.
I padded down the hall still wrapped in the towel with my hair still dripping down my neck. I could hear the kids laughing in the living room as I turned the corner. Before Johnny had even come into view, I said, “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Richard responded with a devastating smile.
“Richard!” I gasped and clutched my towel tighter.
“Miss me?”
* * *
“What are you doing here, Richard?” I asked as I thrust a cup of coffee at him. I had dressed quickly and then put a movie on to distract the kids while I talked with Richard in the kitchen.
Richard pursed his perfect lips as he blew on the coffee. “Well, I figured you wouldn’t take my calls.”
“Why would you need to call me? It’s over.”
“Gloria, you just called off our engagement for no reason and left town. Do you really think our little talk wrapped everything up in a nice bow?” Richard’s blue eyes flashed in annoyance.
“What else is there to talk about then?” I tapped my fingernails nervously on the tabletop.
“Why did you really leave?”
Intense anger rose inside my chest. “My sister is sick. She needed my help.”
Richard had the nerve to scoff at me. “Fine. But that doesn’t explain why you ended things between us.”
“Richard,” I said, fighting an exasperated sigh, “I explained that to you. I’m not in love with you. I’m not sure I was ever in love with you.”
Richard flinched but he didn’t back down. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not. I’m so sorry, but that’s the truth,” I said as my eyes moistened. I sounded like such a bitch.
“This is all about Alexa, isn’t it?” Richard looked genuinely sorry. “That was a mistake, babe. I know that I hurt you and I’m so sorry for that. But I was confused.”
“Poor you. A young, impressionable girl throws herself at you and you wanted to sleep with her but you already had a fiancé. I can see how that would be confusing.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Richard tugged at his hair in frustration.
“How long?” I don’t know why I even asked. It’s not like the answer even mattered but I guess I was just curious how long Richard had been lying to me.
“February.” Richard was staring intently at a scuff mark on the floor.
“Last February? We got engaged at the beginning of February.”
“Yes. We did. And you didn’t even want anyone to know. You wouldn’t even wear the ring in public unless Franny made you.” Richard finished off the last of his coffee and set it down a little too hard.
“So that’s why you screwed Alexa? To punish me for not wearing the stupid ring?” I had known about the affair for a couple of months and for the most part it had barely bothered me. I hadn’t been able to make myself care but now suddenly I was furious at him.
“No! Jesus, Gloria. You just admitted that you were never in love with me, and frankly a lot of the time it was painfully obvious.” Richard softened his tone. “I thought that if I treated you right, eventually you might love me the way I loved you. But then we got engaged, and even though you said yes things didn’t change.
“The thing with Alexa just happened. I didn’t plan it and I hated myself for it. But she worshiped me. She treated me better than you ever did.”
Richard raised a hand to stop me before I could protest.
“It’s not your fault. I know that you tried, but you just weren’t capable of loving me that way. I get it now.”
“I did care about you, Richard. Really. And I still do, despite all of this.” I suddenly felt completely exhausted. “I still don’t understand why you came all t
he way here to tell me this.”
“Because I made a mistake.” Richard smiled his million dollar smile. “I made a lot of mistakes actually, beginning with cheating on you. But my most recent mistake was letting you go. I know that you don’t want to be with me. I understand. But I don’t want you out of my life for good.”
“What does that mean?” I was completely confused.
“You’ve got a lot going on right now,” Richard said looking around the kitchen. The children were laughing noisily in the background. “If it’s alright, I think I’d like to try being your friend.”
I didn’t really know what to say. The only other person who ever asked to be my friend was Johnny, and that was over twenty years ago.
“I guess that would be alright. But just friends; no benefits,” I joked and Richard laughed.
“Deal.”
* * *
Richard turned out to be a pretty good friend. He helped me do a couple of loads of the kids’ laundry and took the boys outside to play catch. Julia had a minor freak-out when she came out of her room still wearing her pajamas and discovered Richard in the living room playing Go Fish with Marta. Then she ran back to her room and spent an hour doing her hair and make-up. In the afternoon, Richard stayed behind with the kids while I drove to the hospital to check on Vic.
Vic looked pale and tired in the sterile hospital room. Her eyes were swollen from lack of sleep and her body looked so small wrapped in the universally ugly hospital gown. Her face lit up just a bit when I sat next to her on the bed. Jake was snoring softly in the visitor’s chair in the corner.
We talked quietly. Vic talked about her most recent tests results and the kids’ schedules over the next couple of days. I tried to distract her with the news about Richard’s arrival and my tryst with Johnny the night before
Vic shook her head and laughed. “Some things never change. I’ve been watching you screw up your love life for over a decade.”
“Well we can’t all get it right the first time like you.” I poked her lightly in the ribs with my elbow and tried not to think about the absence of any body fat to cushion my jab. Vic chuckled and let her eyes drift to where Jake was still sleeping.
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