“I am definitely one of the lucky ones,” she said.
An hour later, I was on my way back to the farm. Richard couldn’t be expected to keep the kids in line for much longer. I had promised Vic I would keep the kids occupied so that they wouldn’t have time to worry about their mom, so I figured tonight would be a good night to drive them out to the county fair.
When I told them the news, they all celebrated; the older kids would get to meet up with their friends while the younger kids could eat lots of junk food and spin around on the rides until they got sick. Richard excused himself to head back to his hotel a couple of cities away; he said he had important phone calls to make. I was so impressed by his good behavior that I even let him kiss me on the cheek when he left.
After driving for a half an hour, I turned the van down the dirt road leading to the fairgrounds. The Ferris wheel lights twinkled in the distance and I felt like a kid again seeing the fairgrounds for the first time.
“Aunt Gloria, there’s my friend Kelsey. Can I go meet up with her?” Julia asked as we walked through the entrance.
“Fine. You have your phone?” I checked to make sure Julia had her phone and that it was charged. “Call me at 10:00 so we can meet up. If you can’t reach me, come to this spot and I will find you. Understand?”
“Yes, mother. See ya!” Julia hugged me quickly and ran off.
“Stay away from boys!” I yelled after her and then shook my head as I realized I had somehow become a neurotic parent.
Ten minutes later, Chris had found his friends near the rides and I was down to being a parent of two with just J.J. and Marta in my care. I didn’t really know how to entertain them but I figured sugary and fried foods were a good way to go. We ate a bunch of cotton candy, split a funnel cake, and drank some lemonade. Once the kids were full on goodies, I consented to riding a couple of the rides with them and I realized my mistake only after I stumbled off a spinning ride, clutching my abdomen.
“Ew,” Marta said as she watched me empty the contents of my stomach into the nearest trashcan.
“That’s pretty gross, Aunt Gloria,” J.J. informed me as he helped himself to more cotton candy. He had a ring of blue sugar circling his lips. I grabbed one of his napkins and wiped my mouth. J.J. wisely handed me a stick of gum.
“I would have to agree,” said a third voice. “That was pretty gross.”
I groaned inwardly, wondering how many times I had to embarrass myself in front of Johnny while I was in town. He certainly had a knack for seeing me at my worst.
“It could have been much worse,” I informed them, mustering up the last vestiges of my dignity. “I could have done that while we were still on the ride.”
“Ewwwwwwww!” J.J. and Marta both chorused and Johnny grinned at me.
I felt a fluttering in my stomach that suddenly had nothing to do with what I had eaten. It amazed me that even after knowing him my whole life, Johnny could still make me feel like the fourteen year old girl that had first fallen in love with him.
“I see you’re still a total sissy when it comes to rides,” Johnny said, gesturing to the trashcan.
“Watch it,” I taunted him with a smile. “I may not be done puking yet.”
J.J. pulled at my arm. “Aunt Gloria, we have to go on the Scrambler. It’s the best ride.”
“Nice try, kiddo, but I’m not that stupid.” My stomach churned just thinking of spinning around in circles.
Johnny shook his head in disappointment. “You’re not the fearless girl I remember. I’ll take the kids and you can stand and watch with the other old people.”
J.J. and Marta cheered and Marta reached out for Johnny’s hand. He took her little hand in his without hesitation and I wondered how many times they had done that over the years. They were all so comfortable with one another.
I watched them from outside the protective fence and once again felt guilty for being absent for so long. I had missed birthdays, dance recitals, baseball games and all the other things aunts were supposed to take part in. I made a promise with myself that I wouldn’t let that happen again.
After the kids had their fill of rides, Johnny and I followed them over to the games. We watched the kids play the ring toss game and, quite naturally, Johnny’s hand closed around mine. Our fingers intertwined perfectly and I leaned my body up against Johnny’s, resting my head on his shoulder. I was aware that some people were staring but I didn’t care. Only when a light flashed nearby did I realize we weren’t being watched just by curious locals.
“Shit!” I said, spinning just in time to see another light flash in my face. Three men with expensive cameras were snapping away, light bulbs flashing like fireworks; somehow the paparazzi had found me all the way in Missouri. Johnny froze, much like the proverbial deer in headlights. I instinctively reached for the kids who both wore petrified expressions.
“Kids, we need to go.” I stayed calm but I wasn’t taking any chances with my niece and nephew. Johnny finally reacted and scooped Marta up in his arms. I threw one arm around J.J. and grabbed Johnny’s arm with my free hand, pulling them into the crowd.
“How in the hell did they find me?” I snapped as I struggled to push through the throngs of people.
“Aunt Gloria said hell,” Marta informed Johnny with a giggle. Johnny, for his part, managed to smile while still glancing nervously over his shoulder.
“Glor, maybe we should slow down. I don’t think they followed us.” Johnny tugged on my arm but I didn’t slow down.
“That’s what they want you to think,” I told him as I cut through the middle of a large group of teenagers. Several of them stared at me in recognition but I kept going. “Then, just when you start to relax, they attack again.”
Johnny laughed at that. “You realize you sound incredibly paranoid? Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? They take a few pictures and then when they get their shot, they’ll go away.”
“You are a smart man, Johnny Carter,” I said, stopping to look around. “But trust me when I tell you that when it comes to this, you have no idea what you are talking about.”
Johnny set Marta back on the ground and placed a warm hand against my cheek; I felt myself start to relax almost instantly. I leaned in to give him a quick kiss but just as our lips were about to touch a familiar voice called out my name.
“Gloria! There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Richard was breathing heavily as he burst through the crowd. I stood motionless, my mouth hanging open in shock. Johnny’s hand tightened around mine and I knew that his entire body had tensed at the sight of my former fiancé. Extra emphasis on former.
“Richard!” Marta exclaimed, bounding over to him with unrestrained excitement. Richard patted her on the head like she was an overanxious puppy.
“Hey there, kid.” Rather than look at Marta, Richard’s eyes were locked on Johnny. “Who’s your friend, Glor?”
I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was an introduction I had never expected to make. I started to introduce Johnny but he cut me off.
“John Carter,” he said. “And you’re Richard Masterson.”
I looked back and forth between them and wondered if it was possible for two men to be more different from one another. Richard was picture perfect- hair that was styled with purpose, a chiseled cleft in his chin and a body that was manufactured meticulously by a trainer. He looked like he was dressed for church in his pressed khakis and blue polo shirt. When he smiled, his mouth was symmetrical and his teeth were a dazzling white.
Johnny, on the other hand, had never owned a pair of khakis in his life. He was tall and lean, and his muscles were earned through hard work. His hair always looked unkempt, but never shaggy. His smile was lazy and teasing, but he hardly ever smirked. He wore a faded pair of jeans that fit him just right and an old t-shirt that made him look relaxed but not sloppy.
Richard was perfect, no doubt about it. He was the epitome of a celebrity. But as far as I was concerned
, he would never be half the man Johnny was without even trying.
“That’s right. Richard Masterson. Gloria’s fiancé.” Richard’s brown eyes flashed angrily, something I had never seen. He stared pointedly at where Johnny’s hand rested on my shoulder.
“Richard.” I felt my temper flaring but tried my best not to start a fight with him in public. “What are you doing here?”
Richard checked his anger and forced a smile. “I’m here to see you, of course. We had such a nice time together today and-”
“And what? And you thought that meant things between us had changed?” I said. “You know what, never mind. I’m not getting into this with you, Richard. Not here.”
“You are unbelievable.” Richard laughed humorlessly. “First you say you love me and want to marry me, then you take off halfway across the country and call off our engagement. Then, after I chase you down, you spend the day with me and pretend like everything is fine between us. Now you’re refusing to even talk to me? You’re acting like a real bitch, Gloria.”
I was shocked at Richard’s outburst but I didn’t have time to be offended because Johnny reacted for me. He had stepped away from my side and punched Richard in the face so fast I barely saw it happen. What I did see was the bright flashing of lights from the paparazzi cameras and the looks of horror on the faces of my niece and nephew.
Richard’s head snapped back as Johnny’s fist connected and his nose began bleeding instantaneously. Johnny grabbed Richard’s collar and pulled him close, speaking to him clearly and firmly. “Don’t ever talk to her like that.”
The cameras continued to flash and Marta began sobbing loudly. I reached out and pulled her close, while simultaneously pushing J.J. behind me to block him from the cameras. “Johnny, stop,” I said. He pushed Richard away and turned to look at me. He saw the look of shock on my face and the distraught reactions of the children.
“Glor. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean to…” Johnny was so shaken he couldn’t finish. He just stared regretfully, tentatively reaching out one hand but stopping just before touching me.
“Go, Johnny. Please, just go,” I said with a gentle shake of my head.
I had a hard time saying the words, but I knew it was the best thing to say. His presence was only making the paparazzi more hungry, eager to catch the best picture of the man who had just punched Richard Masterson in the face. I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth; Johnny flinched like I had slapped him. He gave me one last look and then took off into the crowd.
Richard was still standing there, bleeding profusely. His eyes were watering and the blood had splattered his shirt with drops of red. “Come with me,” I said to him and grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt to pull him along. I pushed the kids in front of me and steered them into the heaviest part of the crowd.
I walked deceptively, darting this way and that. After about five minutes of evasive maneuvers I felt confident that the men with the cameras were long gone and I stopped by a hotdog stand to grab a stack of napkins. When Richard took them from me, his hand was covered in blood and the skin along his nose and under his eyes was already darkening.
“Did Uncle John break your nose?” J.J. asked Richard in awe. Marta was swaying at his side and I was worried by the paleness of her skin.
“No, it’s not broken. You okay, honey?” I said as I knelt in front of Marta. The little girl nodded very slowly and I scooped her up. “I need to get her home. Richard, are you going to be okay?”
“I guess.” Richard gave me a pathetic look and I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered what he had said that had started this whole thing.
“Before I go, I have to know one thing.” I shifted Marta so that her weight rested on my left hip. “Did you alert the tabloids before coming here?”
Richard didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. I could tell from one look in his eyes that I had him all figured out. “None of this was about me, was it? Or about our relationship? You coming here was about the publicity, wasn’t it? ‘No press is bad press’, as Franny would say.”
“Glor, it wasn’t like that. Not really. I wanted to see you and I mentioned to Franny that I was coming here. I probably shouldn’t have done that, you know how she is-” I walked away before he could finish.
Princeton, Missouri: February 2001
I should’ve been happy the day I got my acceptance letter to UCLA. I should’ve been thrilled. My plan was working perfectly. I was getting out of Princeton. But I was scared. As much as I hated that town, it was home.
You had a much better reaction. You picked me up and spun me in a circle, saying how proud you were of me.
“What about us?” I asked. I was nervous. We had made plans for years to leave town together, but that was before I turned down your proposal. What if you had different ideas now?
“I have some news, too,” you said with a mischievous smile. “I got an invite to play farm ball in southern California.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I jumped up and down and we exchanged a high five. You would be moving to California, too, just like we’d always planned. You would be in a different city, and you’d be on the road a lot but your dream was coming true.
“We should celebrate.” You suggested at least a dozen things for us to do but I rejected them all.
My idea of celebrating was much less involved. All I needed was you. And maybe a soft bed.
When I lay in your arms later, I asked again, “What about us?”
As always, your heartbeat was steady and strong. “You’re going to have to do something a lot more dramatic than move to California to get rid of me.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I picked up my phone to call Johnny at least a dozen times but something stopped me from dialing his number. Once I realized that sleep was futile, I set about cleaning the house. With four kids living there, it was an endless chore but I was grateful for the distraction. Vic wouldn’t be home from the hospital for at least another day or two and Jake had only been home long enough to shower.
The kids were abnormally quiet at breakfast and I feared that they were beginning to realize how serious the situation was with their mother. They scattered as soon as the food was gone; Chris and J.J. disappeared outside to play catch and Julia crashed in front of the television. Marta followed me around the kitchen, uncharacteristically clingy.
I was grateful for the quiet because the stress of the night before and lack of sleep had given me a killer headache. The quiet was short lived though, when Julia let out a loud scream.
“Jules, please don’t ever do that again,” I said as loudly as I dared while grabbing my aching head.
“Aunt Gloria, you need to come here right now,” Julia called out from the living room. Marta took off at a run and I followed close behind.
“What is so important that-” I stopped midsentence as my eyes settled on the television.
I recognized the theme music from Celebrity Insider, the television equivalent of US Weekly. Pictures of me flashed across the screen. Many of them were shots of me from award ceremonies and press junkets. Some of them were candid shots of me taken by the paparazzi. The last pictures they showed were from last night- one of me and Johnny about to kiss, another of Richard with blood running down his face, and a third one of me and the kids looking on in horror.
“Back in July, Gloria Star disappeared from the Hollywood scene, breaking off her engagement to megastar Richard Masterson,” the show’s host Dave Parker said. “Now, recent shots of her have emerged showing her in the small town of Princeton, Missouri; some of them showing her engaged in intimate behavior with a mysterious man. Over the next hour, we’ll explore these things and more as we search for the real Gloria Star.”
Now another picture popped up on screen- one of me leaving the bar with Johnny, the two of us looking particularly cozy. I knew that this show wasn’t headed anywhere good for my reputation.
/> “Julia, you should turn this off, please,” I said unconvincingly. In reality, I felt a strong desire to know exactly where they were going to take the story.
“No way, Aunt Gloria. They are doing an entire Celebrity Insider all about you. That’s so cool.” Julia settled back on the couch and turned up the volume.
I sighed. I knew that there would be no changing Julia’s mind but I could at least spare myself some embarrassment by sending my youngest niece away before things got too scandalous. “Fine. Marta, why don’t you go outside and play with your brothers?”
Fortunately, Marta was still too young to understand what was happening and she gladly bounded outside to play. I took a couple of deep breaths before refocusing on the television.
“Our sources tell us that the mystery man, John Carter, is an old friend of Gloria’s and that the two of them have something of a sordid past. Perhaps most shockingly of all, John has a criminal record that includes negligent homicide.”
“What?” Julia said, jumping off the couch. “Aunt Gloria, why are they telling lies about Uncle John?”
I looked at my niece with tears in my eyes, wondering how I could tell her the truth that had been kept from her for so long. I didn’t have to worry long, though, because Dave Parker took care of it for me.
The rest of the episode covered my troubled upbringing: the death of my father and the absence of my mother, my friendship and eventual relationship with Johnny, the fateful night that had changed everything, my acting career and recent personal troubles, and it ended with my current life in Princeton.
In addition to the pictures, interviews with some of my “friends” provided additional details. I barely even recognized these friends who were just looking for their five minutes of fame. Somehow they even found the crazy church lady that was concerned about my “loose morals.” After it was over, one thing was certain: the secrets I had buried for so long were front and center once again. I had no idea how to deal with it and even less idea what I would say to Johnny.
Searching for Glory Page 12