by Amity Cross
I hovered by her door as she slid the key card into the lock. The light flashed green, and she turned the handle, propping the door open with a shoulder.
“Goodnight,” she said with a small smile, and I knew it was now or never. I just had to go for broke.
Be the fucking alpha male.
Before she could turn away, I grasped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. It wasn’t forceful, just soft. Nice. But when she began to kiss me back, her tongue teasing my lips, it woke all of those crazy things I’d been feeling inside of me. I pressed her back against the door, and it swung inward into the dark room. We followed, her fingers tugging at the belt loops on my jeans. Then we were in total darkness, but neither of us stopped to turn on the light.
I pressed her against the wall, deepening our kiss, my tongue against hers, and she tasted like the cherry cola I’d bought her at the beach. I breathed in her scent of vanilla and salt from the ocean like it was a drug, and it took away everything but her. She opened her legs slightly, and as I pushed a thigh between hers, she rolled her hips forward, and both of us let out deep moans at the same time.
I was hard against my jeans as she pressed into me, the sensation almost unbearable. With a whimper, she turned her face from mine, tearing her lips away. I teased the soft skin of her neck instead, my hands caressing her waist.
God. She was un-fucking-believable. I’d dreamed about it, but I never thought it would feel like this. Like I was on fire.
“Dee.” It came out strangled, breathless.
“Don’t fucking say it,” I murmured into her hair. “Please, don’t tell me to stop.”
She didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. We were in darkness, and I couldn’t see her eyes to know what she was feeling. Then her hands were under my T-shirt, tugging it upward, and it was all I needed to know. Reaching over my head, I grabbed the back and pulled it off, throwing it behind me. Her cool hands ran up my bare chest, and I shivered, relishing the feel of her against me.
“I don’t do this,” she said through heavy breaths. “I’m not like this.”
“Neither am I,” I said huskily. “But I still want you.” It was the truth. I didn’t just sleep with anyone who threw themselves at me. I made every fuck count.
I slid my hands between her and the wall, cupping her ass and pressing her into the length of my body. She moaned into my neck, and I moved to kiss her again, but she pushed me back, breaking contact.
She was gone, and suddenly, I felt cold, but the lamp beside the bed flicked on, casting its warm glow over the room.
Jessie was standing next to the bed, her gaze locked on mine, and this unbearable urge to push her back on the mattress and show her exactly how she made me feel all night long almost overtook me, but when I took a step forward, she shook her head.
I didn’t have time to feel rejected because she pulled off her singlet, her mousy blonde hair spilling around her shoulders. My gaze fixed on her hands as they slid down her stomach to the button on her shorts, and it was painful to watch.
She was standing there with her tattooed and almond skin and her perfect brown eyes, and I couldn’t believe she wanted me. Kicking off my boots, I took three long strides and pushed her back onto the bed with a growl, my fingers going between the lace of her underwear and her skin, feeling every curve. Arching her back, she unclasped her bra. I pulled it off, flinging it across the room, and I took a nipple in my mouth while I practically ripped her underwear off.
“Dee.” She gasped, and the sound of her saying my name with such want made me strain harder against the inside of my jeans. All this time, she’d wanted me as much as I had wanted her. I wasn’t sure before, but now I was positive.
“Fuck, Jessie,” I murmured against the curve of her breast. “You’re perfect.”
She tugged at my jeans, and I pushed them off my hips, dragging my boxers with them, then it was just us. Skin on skin. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but inside her. I wanted to feel her squirm, I wanted to hear her moan, and I wanted her to say my name as she came around me.
I ran a hand over her waist and down her leg to pull her around me. I covered her mouth with mine, sucking on her bottom lip as I rolled my hips forward, pressing hard into her clit, and the moan that escaped her echoed through me.
My other hand slid between us, my palm over her clit, and my fingers found her opening.
“Fucking hell.” I groaned into the crook of her neck when I felt how wet she was.
When I slid a finger inside, she clawed my back and said, “Fuck me, Dee. Fuck me.”
“I don’t want to fuck you,” I murmured, sliding a second finger in with the first. “I want to make love to you. I want you to feel what you do to me.”
Her eyes widened, but I was too far gone to worry about what this meant to her. Pulling away, I reached for my discarded jeans, searching the pockets. When I pulled out what I was looking for, her fingers covered mine as she took the condom from me, her gaze never leaving mine. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she took me in her slender hand, running up and down my hard length.
“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to last,” I whispered, pressing into her fingers.
Her lips curved into a wicked smile as she let go and began rolling on the condom. My breath hitched as her hands slid back up to my tip, and then they were on my face, drawing my lips back to hers.
“Fuck me,” she whispered, her breath hot against my mouth, and I was more than happy to comply.
I eased into her, wanting to savor everything, but her hands were on my ass, pulling me in. I thrust, burying deep, and she arched her back off the mattress, letting out a strangled moan.
“Make me come,” she cried, and something inside me snapped.
Pulling out to the tip, I slammed back into her, the sensation almost sending me over the edge. She felt exquisite. I would never get enough of Jessie Ware. She made me feel raw, and she wanted me to fuck her, so I did.
I lost myself as I moved inside her, each thrust of my hips meeting hers with a delicious gasp from her perfect lips. She was hot and trembling underneath me, and the intensity hit me like a sledgehammer. No woman had ever felt this fucking good. Ever.
“You feel so good.” I moaned, moving faster, my orgasm building.
“Harder.” She groaned, sinking her fingernails into my back.
Jessie could’ve asked me to do anything right then, and I would have done it, including walking across fire for her. Fucking barefoot over molten lava kind of fire.
She started to come hard, and she said my name over and over as she clenched around me, coaxing my release. I started to fall over the edge, but I kept moving, making her orgasm go on and on. Then her lips were on my shoulder, teeth sinking into skin, and I couldn’t hold on anymore. My orgasm was overwhelming, and I grunted her name against the curve of her neck as I came inside her.
Finally, when we both started to come down, I slumped against her, my chest heaving, our skin sticking together.
Epic… I was by no means inexperienced, but this was a whole new level.
Watching Jessie’s big, beautiful, doe eyes droop, I kissed her softly on the lips, lingering a moment. When she let out a contented sigh, I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom, but by the time I came back, she was fast asleep, so the things I wanted to say would have to wait.
I pulled up the covers, wrapped an arm around her waist, and before I flicked the lamp off, I let my gaze wander over her, committing everything to memory. The soft expression she had when she slept melted my heart, and I knew I was in trouble. I was into her before, but now I was falling. I wanted to hold on and never let go.
Jessie Ware had just stolen the last slice of my heart, and all it had taken was four fucking days.
That had to be some kind of record.
I didn’t know what time it was when I finally woke, but light crept into the room through the crack in the curtains right across my fa
ce, warming my skin. Rolling over with a groan, I reached out for Jessie, but my hand fell onto an empty bed.
She wasn’t in it, and my heart sank. I assumed she was in the shower, but I instantly dismissed that stupid thought when I realized it was deathly silent.
Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes with a yawn. That was when I saw the piece of paper on the pillow next to mine, and time just seemed to stop. This couldn’t be right, could it? This wasn’t how this story was meant to end.
I stared at the piece of hotel stationery for ages before I picked it up, my stomach churning. I already knew what it would say and didn’t want to believe it. Swallowing hard, my hands trembling, I turned it over, and there were the two words I’d become so familiar with. The two words that were the story of my life.
I’m sorry.
Clenching my jaw, I screwed up the note and threw it at the opposite wall with a cry of rage. I buried my face in my hands and drew in heaving breaths.
She left me. She fucking left me in the middle of the night like some cheap piece of crap.
I suddenly felt like a fool for saying all that shit to her. Everything I’d felt the night before was ruined. I’d had a broken heart before, but it had never been smashed. Smashed was the wrong word. Obliterated was more like it.
Jessie Ware obliterated me.
The sheets smelled like her perfume. They reeked with what we’d done last night, and I felt sick. I could’ve chucked up right then, but I went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the shower as far as it went and stood underneath the scalding water, washing her off me. I was a guy, I didn’t fucking cry, but I felt the sting in my eyes and was glad the water took the tears away before I had to acknowledge them.
What the hell was so wrong with me?
Eventually, I got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist, and went back out into the empty room. Her room. All her stuff was gone, and it was almost eleven. Housekeeping would be here soon, so I had to get out. Dragging on my clothes, I picked up my phone and wallet and stepped into my boots, not stopping to do up the laces, not that I did anyway.
Pulling open the door, I thumped out into the hall and jabbed the button for the elevator so hard it was a wonder it didn’t break. As the doors opened and I moved into the car, I felt numb. I knew about rejection, but this was a whole new level of fucked up. Where had it gone so wrong?
I’d tried it Zoe’s way, and it had just imploded. I was myself, and even then, Jessie didn’t want me.
I fell too hard too fast, and maybe it was because I wanted it too much.
What the fuck was I even good for?
Chapter 10
Dee
Staring blankly seemed to be the thing to do in these kinds of situations.
I’d known disappointment. Hell, I’d been dumped before. None of that had anything on the number Jessie had done on me. It was like she’d plunged her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart. It was brutal. How could anyone see that coming? I mean, things had been going well, hadn’t they?
Looking back, there probably were little indicators. The way she walked away from me that first night at the club, the way she brushed me off before the gig… Shit, even the way she’d gone all quiet after I told her in my own deranged way that I had feelings for her. That should’ve been a giant red warning flag right there, but I had to go and kiss her, and… I couldn’t even think about the rest.
So this was what a broken heart felt like. Now I knew what all the fuss was about.
Glancing at my beat-up acoustic guitar, I couldn’t even bring myself to pick it up. Music. Life. It all seemed hopeless today.
The band was officially on holiday for the first time since we’d started over two years ago, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Truthfully, I didn’t know what a holiday was. I’d never been on one in my entire adult life. Zoe and Will were leaving the day after tomorrow, and then I was on my own. I was such a mess I didn’t know if that was a good idea. Maybe I should just go home with my tail between my legs.
I couldn’t stay alone in my room all day, so I wandered the streets and did some touristy stuff. I looked at some guitars, bought some boots, bought some new jeans because I didn’t have any clean ones left, sat in a seedy bar for a few hours…anything to keep my mind off my aching heart. Maybe some scotch would dull the memory of her.
I hadn’t seen Zoe since before ‘the incident,’ so when she finally found me in the hotel bar, it wasn’t good. I sat on a leather couch in a dark corner, earphones stuck in my ears, trying to block out the world. The iPod randomly blared anything that wouldn’t make me think about her. A couple of drinks in front of me rounded out the pathetic picture.
Zoe sat next to me on the couch, eyeing the glass of scotch I’d just started and its empty friends. I knew exactly what she wanted to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to be babied. She eyed me for a second more, then yanked the earphones out of my ears.
“Hey!” I exclaimed.
“Nice boots, Dee Dee,” she said.
“Thanks. They’re new.” I rolled my eyes, bunching up the headphones and shoving them into my jacket pocket.
“I know you buy boots when you’re pissed off about something.”
“The dude at the store said they’re called engineer boots,” I said. “Like I’m a fuckin’ train driver or some shit.”
“Stop changing the subject.”
“I didn’t. We’re talking about boots, aren’t we?”
“What happened?”
“What happened when?”
“Dee.”
“Zoe.”
“Are you drunk?” she exclaimed, slapping me on the shoulder.
“A little.”
“Dee.”
I shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt.”
“Stop it.”
“Where’s Will?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“He’s at the bar.”
I looked over and saw him sitting on a stool, one eye on us and the other pretending indifference.
“What did she do?” Zoe asked firmly.
“What did who do?”
“Jessie. I assume she did something.”
“Didn’t work out.” The last thing I wanted to talk about was my spectacular used and abused evening.
“Really?”
“Why so surprised, hot legs? Wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Can you teleport?” She narrowed her eyes. “Neither can I.”
“Dee, what’s going on?”
“How was Disneyland? Throttle any kids?”
“It was fine. By the looks of it, you should have come with.”
I sighed sharply, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I can’t deal with your questions today, Zo. Please.”
“She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” she asked, sinking down onto the couch next to me.
“Zoe.”
“Okay, okay, but getting drunk is only going to give you a hangover. It won’t fix anything.”
“Then what does?” I whispered, staring across the bar.
“Time.”
Snorting, I picked up my glass of scotch and downed the rest.
“Tomorrow, you’re coming out with us,” Zoe declared, and I suppressed a groan. When did she become me? Wasn’t this my role in our relationship?
“Is that so?”
“Dee, I don’t ever remember you looking so beat. If anything, it’s time for me to repay you.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I said sullenly.
“I owe you everything.” She said it so quietly I almost missed it in my self-centered depression. The band had saved her life in so many ways. It had brought Zoe back to life and delivered her happy ending. It had delivered all of us to something better in a way. If it weren’t for me, who knew what we would have been doing now. I’d been the one that pressured everyone into joining in the beginning.
“I didn’t do it so you could rep
ay me,” I said.
She placed her hand on my thigh and squeezed. “I know. But let me help. I want to be able to do the same for you for exactly the same reasons.”
I stared into her familiar brown eyes, and despite myself, my lips curved into a slight smile. I’d known Zoe thirteen years, and we’d been through some heavy shit in our time. I would believe anything she had to say. Anything.
“Okay,” I said. “Tomorrow.”
She planted a kiss on my cheek. “Then no more wallowing in a glass of scotch. Let’s go get something to eat. You, Will, and me.”
I glanced up at Will, who was still sitting at the bar. I would have preferred just Zo and me, but he was a part of our little unit now for as long as Zoe was in love with him…which would probably be forever.
“Just gimme a minute,” I muttered.
“Sure,” she said. “We’ll wait for you in the foyer.”
As she walked away across the bar, I took my phone out of my pocket and brought up the contacts. Zoe was right in so many ways. Wallowing would only break me further, except it was hard to get out of the hole that I’d already dug myself into. The whole thing had that kind of effect on me, the one where it had smacked me around and left me dazed. Jessie wasn’t coming back. Why the fuck would she?
Step one in getting over Jessie Ware was deleting all traces of her out of my life. I stared at her number in my phone and with a sigh, pressed delete.
The next day, the only piece of information Zoe would give me was ‘bring your guitar.’ Whatever that meant.
I only had the beat-up acoustic we messed around with while on tour. All our other gear had been sent back to Australia a couple of days ago. So I stood in the hotel foyer with it slung over my back, waiting for her and Will to show, like the rough as guts bloke I was. If the concierge hadn’t seen us loitering around for the past three months, he would probably toss me out.
“Hey.” I turned at the sound of Zoe’s voice and smiled as she approached with Will.