The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 376
and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-
bed – Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! – give,
when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It
were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and
50
prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred
pound?
EVANS Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
55
SHALLOW I know the young gentlewoman, she has good
gifts.
EVANS Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot
gifts.
SHALLOW Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is
60
Falstaff there?
EVANS Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not
true: the knight Sir John is there, and I beseech you be
ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for
65
Master Page. [Knocks.] What ho! Got pless your house
here!
PAGE [within] Who’s there?
Enter PAGE.
EVANS Here is Got’s plessing and your friend, and
Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that
70
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters
grow to your likings.
PAGE I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you
for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW Master Page, I am glad to see you, much good
75
do it your good heart. I wished your venison better, it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I
thank you always with my heart, la – with my heart.
PAGE Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW Sir, I thank you; by yea and no I do.
80
PAGE I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard
say he was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGE It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDER You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess!
85
SHALLOW That he will not ’tis your fault, ’tis your fault.
’Tis a good dog.
PAGE A cur, sir.
SHALLOW Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there
be more said? He is good, and fair. – Is Sir John
90
Falstaff here?
PAGE Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.
EVANS It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW He hath wronged me, Master Page.
95
PAGE Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOW If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not
that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he
hath, at a word he hath. Believe me: Robert Shallow
esquire saith he is wronged.
100
PAGE Here comes Sir John.
Enter Sir John FALSTAFF, PISTOL, BARDOLPH and NIM.
FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me
to the King?
SHALLOW Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my
deer and broke open my lodge.
105
FALSTAFF But not kissed your keeper’s daughter!
SHALLOW Tut, a pin! This shall be answered.
FALSTAFF I will answer it straight: I have done all this.
That is now answered.
SHALLOW The Council shall know this.
110
FALSTAFF ’Twere better for you if it were known in
counsel: you’ll be laughed at.
EVANS Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
FALSTAFF Good worts? Good cabbage! – Slender, I
broke your head: what matter have you against me?
115
SLENDER Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nim and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern and
made me drunk, and afterward picked my pocket.
BARDOLPH You Banbury cheese!
120
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.
PISTOL How now, Mephostophilus?
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.
NIM Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca, slice, that’s my humour.
SLENDER Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell,
125
cousin?
EVANS Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand: there
is three umpires in this matter, as I understand. That
is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly
130
and finally, mine host of the Garter.
PAGE We three to hear it, and end it between them.
EVANS Ferry goot, I will make a prief of it in my
notebook, and we will afterwards ‘ork upon the cause
with as great discreetly as we can.
135
FALSTAFF Pistol!
PISTOL He hears with ears.
EVANS The tevil and his tam, what phrase is this? He
hears with ears! Why, it is affectations!
FALSTAFF Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
140
SLENDER Ay, by these gloves did he, or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else! Of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two pence
a-piece of Ed miller – by these gloves!
145
FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?
EVANS No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOL Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! –
Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. –
150
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest!
SLENDER [Points at Nim.] By these gloves, then ’twas he.
NIM Be advised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say
‘marry trap with you’, if you run the nuthook’s
155
humour on me – that is the very note of it.
SLENDER By this hat, then he in the red face had it. For,
though I cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFF What say you, Scarlet and John?
160
BARDOLPH Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
EVANS It is ‘his five senses’. Fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPH And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered;
and so conclusions passed the careers.
165
SLENDER Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no
matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in
honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be
drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of
God, and not with drunken knaves.
170
EVANS So Got ‘udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
FALSTAFF You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen;
you hear it.
Enter MISTRESS FORD, MISTRESS PAGE and her
daughter ANNE, with wine.
PAGE Nay, daughter, carry the wine in, we’ll drink within. Exit Anne Page.
175
SLENDER O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.
PAGE How now, Mistress Ford?
FALSTAFF Mistres
s Ford, by my troth you are very well
met. By your leave, good mistress. [Kisses her.]
PAGE Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. – Come, we
180
have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen,
I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
Exeunt all except Slender.
SLENDER I had rather than forty shillings I had my book
of Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter SIMPLE.
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait
185
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
SIMPLE Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to
Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?
190
Enter SHALLOW and EVANS.
SHALLOW Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you. A
word with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as
’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir
Hugh here. Do you understand me?
SLENDER Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be
195
so, I shall do that that is reason.
SHALLOW Nay, but understand me.
SLENDER So I do, sir.
EVANS Give ear to his motions. Master Slender, I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
200
SLENDER Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I
pray you pardon me, he’s a Justice of Peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.
EVANS But that is not the question. The question is
concerning your marriage.
205
SHALLOW Ay, there’s the point, sir.
EVANS Marry, is it, the very point of it – to Mistress
Anne Page.
SLENDER Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.
210
EVANS But can you affection the ‘oman? Let us
command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips
– for diverse philosophers hold that the lips is parcel
of the mouth. Therefore precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?
215
SHALLOW Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would do reason.
EVANS Nay, Got’s lords, and his ladies, you must speak
possitable if you can carry-her your desires towards
220
her.
SHALLOW That you must: will you, upon good dowry,
marry her?
SLENDER I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
225
SHALLOW Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz.
What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the
maid?
SLENDER I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if
there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven
230
may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we
are married, and have more occasion to know one
another. I hope upon familiarity will grow more
contempt. But if you say marry her, I will marry her –
that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
235
EVANS It is a fery discretion answer. Save the faul’ is in
the ‘ord ‘dissolutely’ – the ‘ort is, according to our
meaning, ‘resolutely’ – his meaning is good.
SHALLOW Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
240
Enter ANNE Page.
SHALLOW Here comes fair Mistress Anne. – Would I
were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
ANNE The dinner is on the table, my father desires your
worships’ company.
SHALLOW I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
245
EVANS ‘Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the
grace. Exeunt Shallow and Evans.
ANNE Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?
SLENDER No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very
well.
250
ANNE The dinner attends you, sir.
SLENDER I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. [to
Simple] Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait
upon my cousin Shallow. Exit Simple.
A justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his
255
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet,
till my mother be dead. But what though, yet I live like
a poor gentleman born.
ANNE I may not go in without your worship: they will
not sit till you come.