The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 463
Than hath been taught by any of my trade.
And there it is in writing fairly drawn.
BIANCA Why, I am past my gamut long ago.
HORTENSIO Yet read the gamut of Hortensio.
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BIANCA Gamut I am, the ground of all accord –
A re, to plead Hortensio’s passion –
B mi, Bianca, take him for thy lord –
C fa ut, that loves with all affection –
D sol re, one clef, two notes have I –
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E la mi, show pity or I die.
Call you this gamut? Tut, I like it not!
Old fashions please me best. I am not so nice
To change true rules for odd inventions.
Enter a Servant.
SERVANT
Mistress, your father prays you leave your books,
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And help to dress your sister’s chamber up.
You know tomorrow is the wedding-day.
BIANCA Farewell, sweet masters both, I must be gone.
Exeunt Bianca and Servant.
LUCENTIO Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay.
Exit.
HORTENSIO But I have cause to pry into this pedant.
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Methinks he looks as though he were in love.
Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble
To cast thy wandering eyes on every stale,
Seize thee that list. If once I find thee ranging,
HORTENSIO will be quit with thee by changing. Exit.
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3.2 Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO and others, attendants.
BAPTISTA Signor Lucentio, this is the ‘pointed day
That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? What mockery will it be
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
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To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
KATHERINA
No shame but mine. I must forsooth be forc’d
To give my hand, oppos’d against my heart,
Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen,
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Who woo’d in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour.
And to be noted for a merry man
He’ll woo a thousand, ‘point the day of marriage,
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Make feast, invite friends, and proclaim the banns,
Yet never means to wed where he hath woo’d.
Now must the world point at poor Katherine,
And say ‘Lo, there is mad Petruchio’s wife,
If it would please him come and marry her.’
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TRANIO Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
Whatever fortune stays him from his word.
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.
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KATHERINA
Would Katherine had never seen him though.
Exit weeping followed by Bianca and attendants.
BAPTISTA Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,
For such an injury would vex a saint,
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter BIONDELLO.
BIONDELLO Master, master, news! And such old news as
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you never heard of.
BAPTISTA Is it new and old too? How may that be?
BIONDELLO Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio’s
coming?
BAPTISTA Is he come?
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BIONDELLO Why, no, sir.
BAPTISTA What then?
BIONDELLO He is coming.
BAPTISTA When will he be here?
BIONDELLO When he stands where I am and sees you
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there.
TRANIO But say, what to thine old news?
BIONDELLO Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and
an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a
pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
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another laced; an old rusty sword ta’en out of the
town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with
two broken points; his horse hipped – with an old
mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred – besides,
possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the
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chine, troubled with the lampass, infected with the
fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed
with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled
with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in
the back and shoulder-shotten, near-legged before,
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and with a half-cheeked bit and a headstall of sheep’s
leather, which, being restrained to keep him from
stumbling, hath been often burst and new-repaired
with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s
crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name
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fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced
with pack-thread.
BAPTISTA Who comes with him?
BIONDELLO O sir, his lackey, for all the world
caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock on one
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leg, and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with
a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humour of forty
fancies pricked in’t for a feather; a monster, a very
monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or
a gentleman’s lackey.
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TRANIO
’Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion.
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell’d.
BAPTISTA I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.
BIONDELLO Why, sir, he comes not.
BAPTISTA Didst thou not say he comes?
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BIONDELLO Who? That Petruchio came?
BAPTISTA Ay, that Petruchio came.
BIONDELLO No, sir. I say his horse comes, with him on
his back.
BAPTISTA Why, that’s all one.
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BIONDELLO Nay, by Saint Jamy,
I hold you a penny,
A horse and a man
Is more than one,
And yet not many.
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Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO.
PETRUCHIO
Come, where be these gallants? Who’s at home?
BAPTISTA You are welcome, sir.
PETRUCHIO And yet I come not well.
BAPTISTA And yet you halt not.
TRANIO Not so well apparell’d as I wish you were.
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PETRUCHIO Were it not better I should rush in thus?
But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown.
And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
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Some comet, or unusual prodigy?
BAPTISTA Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day.
First were we sad, fearing you would not come,
Now sadder that you come so unprovided.
Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
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An eyesore to our solemn festival!
TRANIO And tell us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain’d you from your wife
And sent you hither so unlike yourself.
PETRUCHIO Tedious i
t were to tell, and harsh to hear.
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Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
Though in some part enforced to digress,
Which at more leisure I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.
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The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.
TRANIO See not your bride in these unreverent robes,
Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIO Not I, believe me. Thus I’ll visit her.
BAPTISTA But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
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PETRUCHIO
Good sooth, even thus. Therefore ha’ done with words;
To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
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But what a fool am I to chat with you,
When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
And seal the title with a lovely kiss.
Exeunt Petruchio and Grumio.
TRANIO He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible,
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To put on better ere he go to church.
BAPTISTA I’ll after him and see the event of this.
Exeunt Baptista, Gremio, Biondello, attendants.
TRANIO But, sir, to love concerneth us to add
Her father’s liking, which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your worship,
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I am to get a man – whate’er he be
It skills not much, we’ll fit him to our turn –
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promised.
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So shall you quietly enjoy your hope
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIO Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
Doth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly,
’Twere good methinks to steal our marriage,
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Which once perform’d, let all the world say no,
I’ll keep mine own despite of all the world.
TRANIO That by degrees we mean to look into,
And watch our vantage in this business.
We’ll overreach the greybeard Gremio,
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The narrow-prying father Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Litio;
All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.
Enter GREMIO.
Signor Gremio, came you from the church?
GREMIO As willingly as e’er I came from school.
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TRANIO
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?
GREMIO A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIO Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible.
GREMIO Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
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TRANIO Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.
GREMIO Tut! She’s a lamb, a dove, a fool to him.
I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio, when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
‘Ay, by gogs-wouns,’ quoth he, and swore so loud
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That all amaz’d the priest let fall the book,
And as he stoop’d again to take it up,
The mad-brain’d bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest.
‘Now take them up,’ quoth he, ‘if any list.’
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TRANIO What said the wench when he rose up again?
GREMIO
Trembled and shook. For why, he stamp’d and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done
He calls for wine. ‘A health!’ quoth he, as if
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He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaff ‘d off the muscadel,
And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face,
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
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And seem’d to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck,
And kiss’d her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame,
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And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.