He presses the heavy muzzle of his gun against the top of my knee and I choke on my tears. Click! The distinctive cock of the gun warns me of what’s to come. He can only hurt my flesh. My body. Not me. He can’t hurt me. I won’t let him hurt me. The thoughts repeat in my head like a mantra.
The door flings open and Jake pounces from the doorway and lands on Knox. How did he know? Jake cracks his fist across Knox’s jaw, but he doesn’t get control of his gun. The two of them struggle for power, rolling on the ground. Knox lifts the gun toward Jake’s face, but loses control. Jake twists his hand and the two struggle for the weapon.
“Knox! No!” I shriek.
BANG!
My eyes spring open as I sit up in bed. The room is dark and quiet, where’s Knox? And Jake? My heart thuds in my chest erratically and sweat prickles my brow. Was that...? I try to slow my panting and wipe away my tears with my knuckles. Was that just a dream?
I search the room, expecting Knox to jump out at me from the shadows. A shiver runs down the length of my body. It felt so real. Pulling the blankets around me tight, I lean back against the wall, trying to calm down. It was a dream. He’s not here.
I know it wasn’t real, but I can’t shake my very real emotions. More than the sadness and more than the fear gripping my core right now, I’m overwhelmed by something else.
Shame.
How did I ever let that monster control me? How will I ever truly escape him? He hasn’t found me here, so far. What about when my two months are up? What about when I go back to Everglades City? I’ve seen Knox track down dealers who owed him money. Men who’ve fled the state, thinking they’d pulled a fast one. I’ve never heard of one who got away. He always managed to track them down, he has eyes and ears working for him all across the country. And when he got his hands on someone who tried to fuck him over, someone who thought they could get away…
I shudder and pull the blanket tighter. If he ever finds me, death would be the least of my worries. Tears roll down my cheek and land on the mini blanket fort I’ve cocooned around me. I’ll never get away. I’ll never have my own life. I’m fucked. I drop my head against my knees and sob. It’s over.
No.
The voice inside is little more than a whisper, but I heard it. I raise my head, sniffling. The whirlwind of worries still cyclone around me, but they aren’t new. This little protest, now this is new.
No
This time my thought is louder. I won’t lay down and give up. I’m not with Knox anymore and I’m not going to let him take the only thing I ever managed to keep as my own when he owned me; my mind.
“No!” I repeat the word to the darkness. I will get better and I will start my life over with a fresh mind and a healthy body. He won’t stop me. He won’t control me anymore.
No.
I lie back on the mattress and fix my blanket around me. It’s time I broke free from this cocoon and showed the world my transformation. I’m a butterfly.
My head sinks into my fluffy pillow, cooled by the night air and I close my eyes. As soon as my eyelids flutter closed, Knox’s face flashes in my mind.
“No!” I sit back up and yell to the night. This time, I don’t feel the power of the word. Just the way I always used it, begging for something, for him, to stop.
I run my hands over my long hair, trying to soothe away my fears. There’s no way that I can live like this. As long as Knox is in my head, I’ll never be free from him, whether he finds me or not. I need to figure out a way to erase him from my mind. But how?
“I, like, never get scared,” the memory of my sixteen-year-old friend, Roxy, floods my brain.
“Yeah right,” I rolled my eyes.
“Even at night?” My twin sister, Heather asked her. “When you’re all alone and it’s dark?”
“Especially not then,” Roxy flipped her luxurious blonde hair over her shoulder and sat up in her sleeping bag. My sister and I along with the other girls at our sweet sixteen sleepover leaned in to hear her secret.
“You’re trying to tell me that you see some shadows, or hear some creepy noises and you never get freaked out by that?” One of our mutual friends, Gina, prodded.
“That’s totally what I’m saying,” Roxy tilted her head and looked down at us like a bunch of amateurs.
“How?” Heather asked her.
“Because,” Roxy smirked, “you can’t be scared and horny at the same time,” she let the words hang, marinate in our teenage minds.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“Ok, so, every time I start getting all nervous or feel a bit scared or whatever, I just force myself to think of the hottest guy I can picture. And then I let my fingers do the rest,” she giggles.
“Ewww, you’re gross!” Gina twisted her sun-kissed face in disgust.
“Oh, as if you’ve never masturbated. Gimme a break!” Roxy laughed, throwing her pillow at Gina.
“Keep it down guys! You’re gonna wake up my parents,” Heather had chided them.
I let the memory fade away, once again I’m surrounded by the darkness and my fears of Knox. “You can’t be horny and scared at the same time,” Roxy’s voice echoes in my ears.
Lying back on my bed I get comfortable and close my eyes again. This time, when Knox’s face pops up behind my eyelids, I push him away and force myself to think of the hottest guy I can imagine.
Jake.
His shaggy brown hair, his deep blue eyes. I suck in my bottom lip and let my fingers trail down my body. Jake’s trim beard surrounding his pale pink lips. I think of each part of him. His face. His body. Like layers of an onion, the fear peels away as I submerge myself into the fantasy.
I slip my hand under my pajama pants and let my fingers travel across my thigh to my wet pussy. I let my mind indulge in the perfect movie in my head.
“You’re so sexy,” Jake murmurs, soaking me in as the warm water of the shower splashes down around us. I don’t shy away from his gaze, instead I feel powerful.
“So are you,” I whisper, letting my fingers trail down over his chiselled abs until my hand wraps around his thick cock.
Water droplets fall from his beard as he smiles down at me. He leans over and takes my rosy nipple in his mouth, I moan and let my head fall back under the water.
Under my blankets, my fingers find my clit, aching with desire and I rub my sensitive nub and think of Jake.
“I don’t want to cum from your hand, I want to feel you around me,” Jake growls in my ear and easily lifts me in his arms.
I slide my legs around his waist and he presses me back against the tile wall as his member lines up against my wet entrance.
In bed, I swirl my fingertip around my clit, breathing hard as my pleasure builds.
“I need to feel you in me,” I tighten my legs around him, desperate to feel our bodies merge together.
Jake presses his cock against my lower lips and I open for him. He feels so good as every inch of him slides inside my willing pussy. I press my hips down, hungry to feel him fill me. I feel tight around him while he pumps his cock in me. I feel myself stretch to take his full girth as the hot water steams up the air around us.
Jake holds me close, never making me feel like I might fall. His grip is firm, but never painful. His strength makes me feel safe.
I throw my head back against my pillow, squeezing my eyes tight as my orgasm floods over me. “Oh, Jake!” I moan as I twist my head to the side. I pull my hand from my pants and snuggle into my bed as exhaustion finally overwhelms me. I imagine Jake lying behind me, his arm wrapped around me. Keeping me safe, and drift off into a peaceful sleep.
10
Holly
I’m the first one here. I’ve never been this early for, well, anything. Especially not for group. I scan the circle of empty seats and pick mine. I pick the chair that’s second down from where our counselor, Gavin, sits at the head of the circle.
It’s a strategic move, about as complex as putting your backpack on the bus seat next
to you in hopes that no one will ask to join you. No one wants to sit hip-to-hip with Gavin. It’s uncomfortable, so I’m hoping by taking the next seat over, I can save that spot.
Warmth tingles through me as I nervously wait to see him walk through the door. Normally, if I have any time to kill before the session starts, I spend it staring at my feet or lost in thought as I gaze out the window. Today, I’m smiling like a goof at every person in my group therapy as they pop up in the doorframe. Only to scowl at them in disappointment for not being him.
Jake.
There’s those damned butterflies again. Fluttering around my insides like I’ve never seen a man before. Honestly, I haven’t. Not like him. Knox wasn’t the only boyfriend I ever had, but he was the first man I was ever with.
My eyes drift back down to my shoes against the green carpet as unwelcome thoughts of him infiltrate my mind. Jake is like everything that Knox tried so hard to be, and more. Not just in looks. Not just how Jake’s deep blue eyes shine with kindness where Knox’s sharp black eyes would narrow with hatred. Not just how Knox’s sinewy, ropy muscles made him look like someone who dug their way out of Alcatraz, where Jake’s sturdy, built frame looks like he could protect me from everything. It’s also how Knox needed to carry, and often use, a gun to demand respect. Jake commands the same just by walking into a room. His confidence is something I’ve seen before, but when you mix it in with his boyish charm and his scruffy, sexy face…
I squirm in my seat as heat rushes through my core and my pussy clenches. I need to get a hold of myself, I shake my head and my long hair slides lazily back and forth. My attempts at regaining self-control are short lived because Jake strolls into the room and a smile I didn’t give permission to cross my face, tugs at my lips.
His eyes are locked on mine and my heart quickens as my breathing grows shallow. I force myself to look away, to drag my eyes from his handsome face and look somewhere, anywhere else. Mabel smiles knowingly at me from across the circle. She gives me a little wink, making deep creases from the scattered cobweb of lines around her eye.
Jake takes the seat next to me and I mentally high five myself. It’s the small things, the little wins that make the days bearable around here. That’s what I tell myself about the surge of happiness flooding through me just because a guy I only met yesterday is sitting in the chair beside me. It would be ridiculous to get this excited for any other reason, right?
“So, uh, did you give anymore thought to my proposal?” Jake’s deep voice cuts through my scattered thoughts and my focus lasers in on him.
The rest of the people shifting in the seats around me disappear. The room itself melts away. He’s all I see. He’s all I want to see.
“Um, proposal?” I lick my lips nervously as I try to push the image of him down on one knee, holding a diamond ring up to me from my mind.
Get it together, Holly!
I tuck my hair behind my ear and look up at him from under my lashes, waiting for the lips I fantasized about kissing me, to explain what he means.
Jake leans back nonchalantly in his seat and lets his eyes drift over me. “Yeah, what I mentioned yesterday. You know, about us trying to help each other through this?” His eyes shine with amusement as he waits for my mind to register what he’s talking about. It doesn’t. “Since we’re both in here for the same addiction?” He continues after pausing long enough to see that my mind is drawing a blank.
“Oh, that!” I giggle. “Yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, technically, I think we’re all supposed to help each other out in here. You know?” I fight hard to keep myself from looking as flustered as he’s making me feel. The distinctive heat spreading over my cheeks is telling me I’m not doing that great of a job hiding it though. “But, I’d, um, I would like if we tried that.”
Jake’s smile makes the heat I was feeling in my cheeks rush through my entire body. I’m done with wondering how he can make me feel this way with just a look. It doesn’t matter. He just does. For once, I’m going to stop overthinking and enjoy it.
“Get the fuck out of my seat, shithead,” the room snaps back into crystal clear focus as Carl kicks the leg of Jake’s chair.
What the fuck is this guy’s problem? Jake’s smile evaporates as he snarls up at the idiot who has been following me around Edgewood like a stalker since I checked in. Every woman has dealt with some version of Carl. The guy who talks too close. The guy looms around you like he’s marking his territory. The guy whose creepy stares make you want to scrub a layer of your skin off in a hot shower. The shitty thing about a place like this is, I can’t just leave at the end of the day and not worry about him. He’s always lurking in the shadows, ready to assault my personal space with his delusional attempts to claim me.
“Listen man, because this is a one time warning, get the fuck out of my face. Now!” Jake lurches forward in his seat, snarling.
Across the room, Mabel interrupts the growing tension, “Carl, go sit yourself down and stop making a damned fool of yourself.” Her sweet, granny face furrows with wrinkles.
Carl looks over his shoulder at her and then sneers down at Jake. I can see every muscle in Jake’s arms tense as he looks like he’s about to pounce from his seat.
Carl shrugs and rolls his eyes, “Whatever man. I don’t really want to sit by this little bitch anyway,” he turns to find another seat and Jake almost knocks him off balance when he pops up to his feet.
“What did you just say?” He growls.
Carl turns back to face Jake. Their noses are little more than an inch apart. Jake’s eyes narrow and his shoulders hunch forward as he balls his big hands up at his sides.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Carl answers mockingly, “you’re right. My bad. I shouldn’t have called her a bitch. Not when she’s clearly a fucking slut,” the words that I’ve heard Knox say more times than I can count feel like a slap to the side of the head. Carl shoves Jake’s shoulders back, but he doesn’t budge.
Jake’s fist jabs up quickly, so fast that I don’t have time to blink before it’s over, and lands right under Carl’s rib cage. The hiss of his breath leaving his body fills the room like a balloon being let go before it’s tied off. The creep falls to his knees opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, trying to gasp of lungful of air. I grip the edges of my seat, watching as Carl sputters for his breath.
“Looks like you’re the little bitch now,” Jake’s voice is rough like gravel.
“What are you doing?” All eyes in the room flicker over to the door to the office. Standing there, with his clipboard and a grimace is Gavin.
“Carl started it!” Mabel jumps in.
Gavin holds up his hand and she falls silent. “I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it. Jake, Carl, let’s go. You’re getting discharged.”
11
Jake
From the waiting room, I can hear Gavin inside the office. Even if his voice wasn’t as loud as it is, I’d have no problem listening since the door is open.
“I want them both out, not just Carl. This one has been nothing but a disruption since he walked in. I’ve been doing this long enough to know who’s going to take their recovery seriously and who isn’t,” he yells.
I’m the only one seated in a line of chairs against the wall. Carl is already being discharged after everyone gave statements about who started that shit.
Clenching my jaw, I stare straight ahead as I eavesdrop. I can’t catch a break. I mean, being in shit seems to be the only thing I’m good at these days. I don’t care. I would drop that fucker again in a second for what he said.
I saw how it hurt her. How his pathetic name-calling clouded over her sky blue eyes as she hunched over, defeated. As if I was going to let him degrade her. Like fuck. That asshole got what he deserved.
Now what’s going to happen to me?
I hold my breath and tilt my head as I strain to hear the Director answer. “Gavin, it’s not your job to decide who will recover and who won’t. It’s your job to brea
k through to them and guide them through this program,” she answers calmly.
“But, this is different…”
“The decision has been made. It’s final. I won’t argue with you. Carl is being processed to leave and Jake is staying. That’s that.”
I wait to hear my counselor’s rebuttal, but instead I sit a little straighter in my chair as he comes huffing out of the office and storms past me. I stand up, not sure if that means I’m free to go, or what? Before I have a chance to overthink it, a tiny woman with huge, clunky heels comes clopping out to the waiting room.
She can’t stand taller than five feet, and that’s with the heels. Her severe, black pantsuit matches her severe, black hair that’s neatly pulled back into a bun. Her oversized, round glasses make her look like an owl.
“Jake, please come into my office. We need to have a word,” she holds out her hand to lead the way and I comply. For such a small woman, she is daunting. Her thin-lipped, no nonsense attitude is one I’ve seen many times with military brass.
I silently make my way into her cozy office. Sitting in the plush, leather chair in front of the desk, I soak in the array of diplomas framed on her wall as she makes her way to her seat.
“I’m Edna Morehouse,” she begins, somehow sitting evenly with me from across her large desk. Is she sitting on a phonebook back there? “I run this facility.”
“Hi, Ms. Morehouse. I’m Jake Armstrong.”
“I know.” She nods. “And Edna is fine. We all use first names here. Even the staff.”
“Uh, ok,” I glance down at the file folder lying in front of her.
She opens the cover and looks inside at the first sheet. From where I’m sitting, I can see my name typed on the top.
“It’s only your second day here, Jake. For you to end up in my office at all during your stay is never a good thing. I’d say that you’re off to a rocky start, wouldn’t you?” She blinks at me from behind her absurdly large glasses.
Navy SEAL Bad Boy Page 5