Broken Girl
Page 25
“I want to show you something.” I grab her hand and guide her into the bedroom. She’s nervous, her palm is damp as we stand in the doorway.
“This is our bedroom. Yes, our bedroom. Our bed, our closet and our dresser. The space saved just for you and me. You’re the only woman I want here, sharing this with me.”
Her eyes widen when she sees the picture of us on the dresser, her chin quivering, her body shaking, as she drags her fingers across the bed. “When you decide to close this door, our pasts don’t exist. Whatever was, stays was. Whatever becomes . . . is. I’ve spent the last seven months discovering who I am, and I discovered that I’m deeply and madly in love with a woman who isn’t defined by her past.” I wrap my arms around her. “It’s only you and me, no past, no future, we only exist in the moment right now. I love you Rose Newton, more than I’ve loved anyone in my life. I won’t leave you. I’ll do everything in my power to convince you that you’re worthy of being loved by me as much as I am worthy of being loved by you.”
“Just stop it! Just . . . stop.” She sniffles, wiping the tears from her cheeks and nudges her lips up under my chin before I lower my mouth against hers. “It won’t be easy. I’ve got a lot of baggage,” she whispers against my flesh.
“I promise you, I’ll carry each and every bag you have,” I answer. Dragging my hands up to either side of her face, I look into her beautiful earthy eyes.
“I complicate things, make them unbearable sometimes.” She makes an excuse before she swallows hard.
“I can handle complicated things. I’m persistent, remember?” Every excuse she flings at me, I counter with the perfect answer. I drag my thumbs across her lips, asking without the wasted words to kiss her. I lean down and brush my lips against hers, she shivers and that’s when I know she’s run out of excuses.
“I love you, my Complicated Rose.”
“I love you, Persistent Shane.”
“Will you stay here with me tonight . . . and every night after that?” She looks up at me, her eyes beaming as a silence rolls between us. Tears prick and clutter her eyelashes as I pull her into my chest.
“It’s up to you, only you,” I add.
She leans back in my embrace, just enough to look at me. I watch as peace floods her expression, her eyes vacillate back and forth before forever passes between us. She pitches me a slight smile just as she gives me a delicate nod, reaches behind her and closes our bedroom door. My mind responding before my body, I believe the most beautiful woman in the entire world just told me she’s found what she’s been looking for her entire life . . . home.
A Moment of Reflection and Thanks . . .
WRITING A BOOK isn’t a solitary journey. There are so many hands, that touch it. This book was touched by so many beautiful people. People who gave me their hearts, their talent and their time. Nothing is work if you decide to approach it from your creative process. But, man, oh, man, there were parts of BROKEN GIRL that nearly killed me and yet others that made me fall back in love with the process of writing again.
BROKEN GIRL is my quantum leap into understanding how intimate, personal, damaging and healing writing truly is. Parts of this book pull from the personal wounds that scar my soul and other parts of this book are experiences I’ve plucked from the fray of humanity. I dove deep into the good, bad and ugly, splaying myself open while letting the world take a gander.
I can never dance on the outside edge of my creative writing abyss again. Surging with love and sadness, hate and compassion, fear and strength, I had to learn how to surrender to my vulnerability in order to find out who I was as a writer. Through writing BROKEN GIRL, I learned that I must be completely invested. No more teetering back and forth on the edge of the creative process and my own personal fear.
To My Family, Ed, Jared, Kyle, Nate and Mom, this year was a tough one. Maybe it was the point of where I never figured out balance, maybe it was the point where I discovered vulnerability is something that showed up when I didn’t really want to deal with it. Either way, I know the sacrifices you’ve made so I could follow my dream. Long days where a ghost of who I was would show up when you needed me fully present. I’m just so glad you still love me. Tough, torn apart and rebuilt, I hope that as my journey changes you’ll still see the value in following your heart, no matter where it leads you. The fact that the whole family sacrificed even when there was no guarantee BROKEN GIRL would lead to anything more than a pile of words shoved in a drawer. Your support has been my fueling cell to continue. I love you all with everything I am.
Becky Codere, “Beck”, listen, do you hear that? It’s you and me closing the cover on another book. I know I could leave this space blank, and not write one word here and you’d know exactly what it would mean. We don’t need words, my sister, my soulmate. We’ve both grown exponentially this last year with and without this story. It was a difficult road, many days where you calmed me with words that were the key pieces to the puzzle I was trying to put together. I know Rose’s story at first wasn’t appealing to you, but you stuck with me and together we created one of my favorites. I appreciate that no matter what, no matter the content of our talks, you love me with your whole heart. If I had one wish for humanity, it would be that everyone got to experience the unconditional love we have for each other. Truly, everyone should have a “Beck” in their lives. Someone who never gets spooked by what comes out of their soul-sister’s mouth. I truly love you so much and thank God every day that I have you in my life.
Gail McHugh, “G”, they say opposites attract and well, I’d have to agree. I truly believe God took one look at us, and thought to himself, “Why not?” And, in that decision and all of his miraculous brilliance he brought us together. I feel so blessed to have you in my life, beyond the book world and all the memories I’ll cherish forever, even exceeding the moments where we both learned to love unconditionally beyond our own fears. No matter if it was my reality that was bled into the pages of BROKEN GIRL or the daily posts I’d read aloud and sent your way, you showed me that friendship isn’t defined by preconceived ideas, expectations or what appears to be, but in fact defined by trust, love and understanding. There’s something magical in a friendship that has been formed and placed in God’s hands. I love you and all of our green hearts, dearly.
Mia Sheridan, my infatuation and author crush, I can’t tell you how honored I was when you agreed to help me polish BROKEN GIRL. I don’t know if you really know how much I love you! Your advice was never taken lightly, and whether I spend the rest of my life writing only one more book, or if I write hundreds, I will continue to ask for and honor your advice. And let it be known here, that I will always keep asking to read your books before the world gets them. Thank you for being such a beautiful friend and colleague.
AL Jackson, my love, the woman I look up to in all her glory. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Thank you for investing your time in me and this book. You are such an icon in the book world, and I am so fortunate to call you my friend and colleague. I can’t begin to express the gratitude I have for you. My love for you and your work will never waver.
Nichole Strauss, Perfectly Publishable, the woman who I rip open for and allow to see all the vulnerable parts of who I am. Editors are special people. They deal with crazy, emotional, angry, scared, open and closed creatives. Nikki, you’ve navigated your way through every single book I’ve published. I adore you dearly, and appreciate the gentle nudges you give me when I need them. Thank you for being such an understanding, strong and firm book mate with me.
Christine Borgford, Perfectly Publishable, the woman who keeps me looking good! I love your creativity, your passion, your attention to detail and your support. When I needed something, you were there to give it to me. I’m so blessed to have you. Thank you for being part of my process and residing in my heart! #SnoopyRules
Sommer Stein, Perfect Pear Covers. Another cover down. I know I drive you insane with all the crazy I send your way. But I can’t imagine having anyone
else create my covers. Your vision is so amazing, thank you for being such a giving, understanding creative. Thank you for making one of the most amazing covers ever. You truly out did yourself with BROKEN GIRL! I love and adore you.
Janett Gomez, Judith Lattin, Hannah Anderson, Jennifer Hagen, Denise Tung, Jerri Baxter, Victoria Colotta, and Mindi Lou, my proofers, the last set of eyes, who even though they’re under the gun . . . still pulled up the pieces that needed work and found the places that needed to be tied up and put away. Ladies, your help was vital to making BROKEN GIRL what it is!
Cheryl Scarborough-Wilkins, Delia Nuno and Ashley Walczak, my beta readers, your input was invaluable. Your love for my words means so much to me. I took to heart your reactions and appreciate all the love and support you’ve given me. Thank you for investing your time in my words!
Holly Malgieri, thank you for working on the beginning and investing your time. I appreciate your insight to Rose and how her intention must match her words. You don’t know how helpful that was to me.
Bethany Castanada, what can I say, a woman after my heart! Thank you for PM’ing me on Sunday nights for Tuesday Teasers. Your support and love has been irreplaceable. Never stop being such a beautiful and giving woman.
To My Blogger Friends, Peers and Readers, without you this book wouldn’t exist. Well, maybe it would exist, but it wouldn’t make it to people without your love and support! I’ve said it before and I will continue to say it, this industry exists and thrives on word of mouth. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your words flowing from your mouths regarding my books! Your love and support for me and my work is inimitable. No matter if a handful of people buy this book, or thousands, the fact that you supported and loved me through this process means more to me than anything else. Thank you for sharing my cover, teasers, and reviews.
To those who I’ve missed, please know you are in my heart. I would never intentionally leave you off, so if I did, please find it in your heart to forgive me. It isn’t the mountains we climb or choose to die upon that define who we are, but the quiet moments in which we choose to simply be.
With Peace and Love,
Gretchen
GRETCHEN DE LA O, is a writer of romantically unique stories. A proclaimed positive energy infuser by people who know her, she finds joy in helping those around her discover their creative process. Gretchen is a firm believer that anything is possible if you set your mind to it; and what you expect out of life, always finds a way of showing up. She’s authentic in her dedication to her own creative process, finds strength in her spirituality, and is always looking for the bright spot in every situation.
Gretchen released her first novel, Almost Eighteen in September of 2011, the first in a three book new adult student/teacher romance series, The Wilson Mooney Series. In November of 2012, she followed with book two, Eighteen at Last, and concluded the series with Beyond Eighteen in October, 2013. Her fourth novel, PROTOTYPE, a romantic suspense, the first book in the Possession Series was released in October 2014. BROKEN GIRL, is Gretchen’s fifth novel, a standalone contemporary romance released on April 29th, 2016. She’d love to hear from you.
DO YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEED HELP?
If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault or continued abuse, there are people who can help.
RAINN: (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
1–800–656-HOPE (4673)
https://ohl.rainn.org/online/
DARKNESS TO LIGHT: (Childhood Sexual Abuse)
1–866-FOR-LIGHT (1–866–367–5444)
http://www.d2l.org/
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE:
1–800–799–7233
http://www.thehotline.org/
Remember, you are not alone.