Joy

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  Just as she stood, she heard the patting of footsteps running up the steps. A few seconds later, Sasha appeared in her doorway.

  “I thought you were working until closing tonight.”

  “I did. It's almost ten.”

  Anya looked at the clock. Had she been roaming around for that long? After she left Madear's, she'd driven around until the day's light gave way to the night. But even after darkness descended, she continued driving, finding her way onto the freeway. It wasn't until she saw the sign DIAMOND BAR NEXT 5 EXITS that she turned around and drove another seventy minutes back into Los Angeles.

  “I could hardly work all day, thinking about this.” Sasha sat on the bed. “Are you going to have an abortion?”

  Anya held her cousin's gaze for a long moment. “No,” she said softly, and turned away, waiting for Sasha's wrath.

  “I didn't think so,” Sasha said simply.

  Anya raised her eyebrows. “I thought you'd be ranting about how I can't have this baby.”

  “If it were anyone else, I might be. But as I thought about it, I knew you guys wouldn't do that. It's a God thing, right?”

  Anya released a bitter chuckle, remembering Braxton uttering those same words. “It's a God thing for me, but Braxton doesn't agree. If he had his way, we would have driven directly to an abortion clinic from the doctor's office this morning.”

  Sasha had been lying on the bed, but now she sat up and crossed her legs under her. “Wow! This could be trouble.” She paused. “Anya, Braxton may be right. It might be better to have an abortion. Think about it; how are you going to actually have this baby?”

  Anya didn't let a second pass. “I'm going to wait for my water to break, go to the hospital, get into one of those beds with stirrups and push.”

  Sasha rolled her eyes. “You just found out this morning and you've already made a decision. You haven't given yourself enough time.”

  A deep grunt came from Anya's throat. Sasha had no idea how much time she'd had. She looked at her cousin and, for the second time that day, thought about revealing her secret.

  “Sasha, the main reason I can't abort this baby is because of God. I just know that all life comes from Him. But, there's something else.” She bit her lip. “This is not the first time I've been pregnant. And that time, I did what everyone wants me to do now.”

  Sasha scooted closer to the window where Anya was standing. “I never knew that.” Her shock made her voice go up a pitch.

  “I don't want to go into the whole horrid affair, but imagine this.” Anya paused and folded her arms across her chest. “A virgin freshman meets senior star football player. It takes a week to get her into bed and a month to get her pregnant. But it only took twenty minutes for him to forget that she exists.”

  “He just left you … pregnant?”

  “Right after he told me that he knew the baby wasn't his. Sasha, I was so scared. I'd been away from home for two months and I was pregnant. I just couldn't bear the thought of telling Madear. So I scrounged around for the money, and went to a clinic where a faceless, emotionless doctor scraped that baby out of me.” She said the words as if she were angry. “Then I went back to my dorm and cried for a week.”

  “So no one knows about this?”

  “Braxton knows. He knows how that abortion affected me. He knows about the dreams I had every night where I could hear my baby crying. He knows that I thought I was going crazy. But interestingly, that turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me.”

  Sasha tilted her head like she was confused, but before she could open her mouth, Anya continued. “It landed me right in the arms of the Lord.”

  “Was the doctor a Christian?”

  Anya chuckled. “I don't think so, but my roommate, Maria, was.” Anya paused, remembering. “I was so ashamed. Here I was, a young woman raised in church and I had just had an abortion. I can't explain how empty I felt. But when I told Maria, she reminded me of what I just couldn't believe—that God still loved me and had already forgiven me. All I needed to do was forgive myself. It took a little while, but a few weeks later, I recommitted my life to the Lord, and my entire relationship with God changed.” Anya paused.

  “I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'm not going to repeat that one.”

  “But, Anya, this is totally different. I understand your connection with the first baby but this—”

  “The result is the same,” Anya interrupted. “There's a life inside of me and this time, God knows I know better.”

  “It's hard for me to understand how you can put this in the context of God—it was a rape.”

  “I don't understand it either, Sasha. But I don't have to. The only thing I have to understand is that this”—she placed her hand on her stomach—”has to be from the Lord. I don't have to keep this baby, but I have to birth it.”

  Sasha shook her head slightly. “But what about Braxton?”

  Anya looked out the window. Most of the lights in the homes across from her were darkened as families settled in. “I have to convince him because if I don't…”

  “Anya, you and Braxton have come so far. Don't let this destroy your relationship.”

  “But I can't let Braxton destroy my relationship with God. That's the most important relationship to me.”

  Sasha stared at her cousin for a long moment, then stood and hugged her. They held each other silently, holding their thoughts inside. While Sasha closed her eyes and hoped that things would work out, Anya twirled the ring on her finger, and prayed that this wouldn't be the end that she had felt coming for a long time.

  Chapter 45

  It was already after nine when Anya awakened and tapped on Sasha's door. When there was no answer, she opened the bedroom door slightly and peeked into the room. She sighed with relief at the sight of the empty bed.

  She dragged herself to the kitchen, where she automatically reached for the Mr. Coffee pot, but then stopped her arm in mid-air.

  Instead, she poured a glass of orange juice, and made a mental note not to bring coffee into the house. No need to tempt herself now that she was pregnant.

  Pregnant. All night she had tossed while that word turned in her mind. She'd gone from thinking this was a nightmare to believing it was a blessing, back to a nightmare, then blessing again.

  Taking only a sip of the juice, she put the glass down, then rubbed her arms trying to massage the tiredness that had settled deep in her bones. Questions flickered through her mind like flash cards. Should she keep the baby or give it up for adoption? Would she love this child or hate it? Would she think of the attack every time she looked at the baby or would she be able to put that behind her? Would she wonder about the father? No! That would never happen. Braxton would be the father. He would be the father if she kept the baby. She sighed. The questions overwhelmed her.

  Outside the morning light was brilliant. She was already late for work, but she couldn't handle work today.

  She called her office.

  “Dianna, I'm not coming in today.”

  “Didn't you say the same thing yesterday?”

  Anya shook her head. She had the only assistant in America who would say that.

  Aloud she said, “Well, I have something important to do, is that okay with you?”

  “I didn't mean anything.” Dianna whined. “It's just that you never take time off unless something's wrong. You're not sick, are you?”

  Not in the way you think. “No,” she replied, softening her voice. “Is David in?”

  “Not yet. I just tried to page him, but he hasn't called in yet.”

  “Is he on his way?” Anya asked, wondering now if she should go into work.

  “I think so.”

  Anya was thoughtful. “Tell him to call me the moment he gets in.

  She hung up the phone, and headed straight for her bathroom. In front of the mirror, she slipped her oversized T-shirt from her body and stared at her bare stomach. It wasn't as flat as it used to be, but it
was flatter than it was going to be.

  She moved her hand gently across her abdomen trying to imagine what she would look like. Inside, there was a baby with hands and feet and … she turned around abruptly, and started running the water in the tub, then sprinkled lavender bath salts into the water.

  Just as she began to immerse herself in the steamy, bubbling water, the phone rang. She paused. Only one person would be calling her now. Second ring. It's probably Braxton, she thought and decided not to answer the phone. Third ring. Or maybe it was David. Fourth ring. She needed to know if he was going to be in the office today.

  Grabbing a towel, she ran into the bedroom, shivering as the cool air hit her wet body. The answering machine beeped and instead of picking up the receiver, she turned up the volume.

  “Anya, this is Detective Bush—”

  She picked up the phone. “Good morning.”

  “Anya, I'm glad I caught you.”

  She sat down on the bed and pulled the comforter around her, covering the towel. “I was just coming out of the… kitchen. Do you have any news?” She hadn't spoken to Detective Bush in a few weeks and it wasn't until this moment that she realized she'd given up. It was a random rape and unlikely that her attacker would ever be caught.

  “Actually, I do have some news. I need you to come to the station. We have a suspect in custody.”

  Anya jumped from the bed and both the comforter and towel fell, but she didn't notice. Her hand was covering her wildly beating heart.

  “We got a break last night and we're pretty sure we have the man who assaulted you.”

  She needed both hands to hold the phone. “Oh, God,” she breathed heavily into the phone. “Who is it?”

  “It would be better if you came down to the station.”

  “Is it someone I know?” The question trembled from her lips. She didn't know why she asked that and it frightened her.

  “Anya, I really prefer not to talk about this on the phone.”

  “Please.”

  The detective sighed. “All right.” He paused, then told Anya who they had in custody.

  Anya gasped, and dropped the phone.

  The BMW's tires screeched as Anya turned west on Wilshire. She couldn't believe it. When she had picked the phone up from the floor, Detective Bush had given her little information, but she knew enough. She knew there had been something familiar that night. But why?

  In less than twenty minutes, she pulled into the precinct parking lot, jumped from her car, and ran into the building.

  “David!” she exclaimed. He was waiting in the lobby.

  He grinned. “Anya, it's over.” He hugged her.

  “I can't believe it,” she said, finally pulling back so that she could look into his face. “It was Alaister? And Detective Bush said that you found him. How?”

  “Hold on. Detective Bush wants you to come to his office.” He clutched her hand, and they almost ran down the long corridor.

  Detective Bush was on the phone, but motioned for them to enter. Anya paced the small office until David pulled her to him, hugging her, calming her for the moment.

  The detective finally put the phone down. “Well, Anya,” he grinned as he came from behind the desk and enthusiastically shook her hand, “it looks like the first part of this might be over; this should be a slam-dunk for the DA. We have a confession. And, we have my man here”—Detective Bush slapped David on the back—”to thank.”

  “You said it was Alaister.” Anya looked from the detective to David. “I still don't believe it. How—”

  Detective Bush motioned for David to speak. “It was by accident really,” he began. “Yesterday Alaister called in sick, and I needed some of the new business files. So, I went into his office and found the files, but inside one of them was a piece of paper with your name scribbled all over it. It seemed strange, but I put it aside. Then I thought about it and called Detective Bush. I didn't know if it meant anything…”

  “I wasn't sure if it was anything,” Detective Bush said, “but I wanted to talk to Alaister, because all along we suspected it was someone close to you. David told us that the night he found you, the office door was locked when he returned. Seems like a small thing, but it narrowed our suspect list. So I couldn't wait to talk to Alaister. We went over there last night, asked a couple of questions, and with a little probing, got what we needed.”

  “It sounds too simple,” Anya said, still shaking her head. She laid her hand on her stomach and a chill filled her.

  “It's usually like that,” Detective Bush stated. “We work for weeks, months, and it's usually one simple thing that breaks the case. We've caught serial killers through traffic tickets. We don't usually catch these guys in the act, it's usually by accident.”

  “So he's going to jail?”

  “Well, Alaister has to be arraigned and depending on how he pleads, things will move from there. But he won't have much of a case. He didn't try to hide anything, just started talking. We had to get him in front of a lawyer fast.”

  She looked down at her shaking hands. “Did he say why?” she whispered.

  Detective Bush leaned forward. “Anya, there is no real why to this type of crime. At least not a reason that you or I would understand.”

  She shook her head not accepting his comment. Her mind searched for a motive through every conversation, every meeting she'd had with Alaister—the ones before and the ones after. But the only thing filling her thoughts was that she now had a face to go with those cold eyes that almost destroyed her that night.

  “What do I do now?” She wasn't sure if she was asking the detective or herself.

  Detective Bush shrugged. “Nothing yet. Alaister's in the holding cell downstairs.” Detective Bush returned to the other side of his desk and missed the way Anya stiffened in the chair. He put on his glasses and opened a manila folder. “He's been arrested on suspicion of rape and battery and he'll be formally charged this afternoon. Bail will be set—”

  “You mean, he'll be walking around?” She couldn't hide the shaking in her voice.

  David reached for her hand and she gripped his tightly.

  “You don't have anything to worry about,” Detective Bush said reassuringly.

  “How can you be sure?”

  Detective Bush removed his glasses and stared directly at Anya. “Because rapists don't go back.” He let his harsh words settle. “I don't want to sound rough, but he's done what he had to do.”

  Anya wondered if Detective Bush could see her fear. She nodded as if understanding, although she didn't understand at all.

  Now that she knew Alaister was in the same building, she wanted to get away. She stood and forced herself to smile. Detective Bush had promised results, but now she wished she had never found this out.

  Sensing her change, the detective came around the desk and took her hand. “This guy's going down, Anya.”

  She nodded.

  “The DA's office will contact you. This case hasn't been assigned yet, but the prosecutors will be helpful.”

  “Thank you for everything.”

  He shook her hand gently. Then the detective turned to David. “If you ever need another career …”

  David and the detective chuckled; Anya didn't.

  “This guy wouldn't let this go,” Detective Bush said through his laughter. “I guess if I were engaged to you, I would have been relentless too. So when's the wedding?”

  “Uh, no,” David stammered. “I'm not marrying Anya. I mean, I would, but—”

  “We're not engaged,” Anya jumped in. “I'm marrying Braxton Vance. You met him. He spoke with you about my ring?”

  It was the detective's turn to stammer. “I'm sorry, I forgot. It's just that David has been here all the time and the way you're together today…” The detective frowned. “Maybe I should just shut up.”

  “It was an honest mistake.” She wanted to get out of there. “Thank you again, Detective Bush.”

  David held Anya's hand as th
ey walked through the hallway, out of the building and into the parking lot.

  “I have never been so fooled in my life.” Anya leaned against her car and stared at the gray building. Alaister was in there. One part of her wanted to go in and see him. Face him and tear him apart. But a larger part wanted to run away. “I thought the man was familiar. But I didn't want to believe I knew someone who could do something like this to me …” Her voice trailed off. Should she cry? Should she feel relieved?

  “He fooled us all, Anya.”

  She nodded.

  “But it's over. There's nothing for you to fear. I'll make sure of that.”

  She smiled. “You're living up to your name? No matter how many Goliaths are out there, you're going to slay them all for me.”

  “I'll do my best.” His smile didn't hide his seriousness.

  Suddenly her smile faded. “What did I do to Alaister?”

  She dropped her face into her hands and David put his arms around her. ‘You know this is not about anything that you did.”

  “It was easier for me to believe that when I didn't know who it was.”

  David held her close, trying to console her with his touch. They stayed that way until a car pulled into the empty space beside them.

  Anya wiped her face, though no tears had fallen. “I'd better be going.” She needed to tell Braxton, and she wanted to see Pastor Ford.

  “What are you going to do for the rest of the day?” he asked.

  She shrugged.

  “I have an idea. Are you game?” He lifted her chin with his finger.

  “I don't know… if you're not going to be in the office, then I need to be there.”

  “The troops can handle things for one day and I have something that I think will cheer you up. This is what we'll do,” David said, taking charge. “We'll take your car to your house and then you'll ride with me. Come on,” he urged.

  She needed to call Braxton. But when she imagined his reaction, she knew she couldn't handle it right then. “Okay.”

  Determined not to give it any thought, she got into her car and drove, as David followed her home.