by Hazel Keys
It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t romantic. It was just pathetic and mean-spirited.
Though Jake and David drove me to the bar, I was fed up with their single life bullshit. I decided to call a cab and escape their douches R us party. I didn’t even bother saying goodbye to the crowd of jackasses. As a matter of fact…
“Hey,” I said to the waiter heading out. “That loudmouthed Italian guy is paying for my drinks, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Asshole. I should have ordered another ten shots and three more bottles of wine!
Chapter 6:David
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jake said, after shoving me into the bathroom and putting his hands on his hips like an angry mother—the sight of which made me laugh.
“What?” I said. “Mom is that you? How are you inside Jake’s body?”
“Very funny,” Jake said. “Dude, I saved your ass. You were staring awkwardly at Amelia for like ten fucking minutes! What gives?”
“Oh that…”
“Yeah! I faked being drunk so I could save your ass. She looked like she was ready to punch you.”
“She did? Why?”
“Gee I don’t know, probably because you basically said she broke your heart and tried to make her feel bad about decisions she never even made! What the hell, man?”
“Oh…you were listening?”
“Of course I was listening! I’m Italian man, I can drink twenty bottles of beer and still drive home while talking on my phone and fucking like a stallion.”
David laughed. “You’re not Italian.”
“So? Amelia? I mean, did you just say all that stuff to be a dick?”
“No…of course not.”
Yeah right…tell Jake of all people, that gossip queen, how I really felt about my best friend. I’m sure HE wouldn’t tell anyone. That fool…I once confided in him about a time I was caught masturbating in the gym locker room. I begged him to keep it secret and he did…for like five days. Then all of a sudden, some girl I didn’t even know comes up to me and says… “So, I heard you were caught playing your musical instrument in gym.”
I almost killed Jake that day!
So no, I wasn’t about to confide in Jake a secret that could potentially end my friendship with Amelia forever.
“Jake…I was drunk. I was…not talking about Amelia. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, you know I would never do that. I was trying to apologize to her, but then you brought me here.”
Jake shook his head, but the way he stared at me, seemed to tell me he knew I was spouting bullshit. I already told Jake, Amelia and whoever else was listening at that table how I really felt.
Maybe the only thing that changed was that everyone knew I was full of crap. Everyone thought I was a pussy for not confessing my feelings.
Dammit, all about timing. I swear, all about timing. And the timing on this one was all screwed up. I just hoped I could win Amelia’s friendship back. God knows I couldn’t survive without her.
Oh yeah…I changed again, this time from being atheist to agnostic. Funny how my mind changes so much. Amelia called that one too. Christ, the woman knows me all too well.
She knows me better than I know myself. Sometimes I do wonder why she isn’t in my life…why she isn’t ALL of my life.
Chapter 7:Amelia
At first I was angry at David, but then the more I thought about what happened—the naked emotion that was all over his face when he spoke those words—the more I became terrified.
I felt for sure that he was going to come over, or call, and just come out of nowhere with this big revelation of how he felt about me. I was panicking to say the least. What would I tell him?
How did I really feel about him? I won’t lie…part of me just wasn’t sure that we would click. What if I wanted to love him but couldn’t? What if the attraction wasn’t there? I just didn’t understand where he was coming from. Did I misinterpret the whole thing? Maybe he was talking about some other woman…and maybe I freaked out thinking it was me when it really wasn’t!
Oh David just stop tormenting me and come out and say it!
At least if he admitted it face to face I could think of a way to deal with the emotion. I really had no idea how to respond to what he said anyway. What is a good friend supposed to do in that situation?
Am I supposed to be a mom and explain why “transference” is clouding his judgment? Do I have to give him a big long speech about different roads in life?
Or can I just let him fuck me and then let him get bored of me…like the other guys seem to prefer doing? Is that a terrible thought? It’s what he wants after all…but maybe I should be mature and respectful of our friendship.
After all, I would not want him taking sexual advantage of me. A good friend wouldn’t let him do something stupid and ruin his life.
After a series of sighs and rehearsing my speech in front of a mirror…I decided it was all too much stress for one week. I decided to sit down and calm myself for a few minutes.
Just a short session with my eyes closed…wearing my work clothes. Just a thump on the bed, eyes down, on my stomach…I hoped that this would pass. I hoped I would wake up and the whole ordeal would be over. My eyes were sleepy and my mind was shutting down…
**
I blink myself awake to find a familiar site. My bed just as it always looks in the morning, right before class begins. A warm presence is around me and I desire nothing but to stay in bed for as long as possible. I’m not sure why but I get the feeling the real world waiting for me outside that bedroom is going to be a pain in the ass.
Suddenly my body goes tense. There’s David sitting on my bed! Just staring at me. What is going on? What happened last night?
He seems to be shirtless and comfortable. I’m almost ashamed to admit…I don’t remember what happened. Why are we like this? This feels wrong.
“David…” uttering his name, in this intimate of a setting sends a wave of excitement throughout my body. I watch him like a deer caught in headlight! What does he want?
He reaches over and takes me into his arms. Without apology or explanation, he kisses me and kisses me so slowly…so passionately. I almost want to object, or at least ask him how he got in here…
But all I can do is close my eyes and let the emotion take me. I am embarrassed since I notice I am wearing my black nightgown. I thought I was dressed before? This gown is a bit revealing…it shows my cleavage and a lot of my leg. Every curve I have on my body is showing and he can’t help but look at me—letting me know for sure how he feels.
Silence comes over me as I enjoy the feeling of being looked at in that way. It’s a new side of David I can’t remember seeing before. The way he hungrily eyes my breasts, just inches away from shoving his face in between…the way his eyes meander around my midsection, and passing along such a taboo thought…wanting to be inside me. My friend…my lover…
I sigh in inappropriate excitement when he kisses me again, this time with the intent of lowering his hot kisses into my shoulders and neck. Everything is so sensitive there. I let out a moan that says, What are you doing…maybe we should stop… but I say it with a throaty voice that will probably only encourage him.
“David…David…” I say nervously as he begins kissing that hot spot between my breasts, taking what he wants. I can’t resist him…I’m worried what will become of us…how I could do this…and how the hell I even got to this place…but none of it matters because my skin is on fire! My groans are so loud and uninhibited. I feel like I haven’t enjoyed a man in years…like my body is working against me.
Shyness overtakes me as I blush at the feeling of being wet. My body is forcing me to accommodate him, getting aroused…my clit aches for me…all my sensations seem to swarm in my pussy. I have to do this…I have to give in.
Maybe because…
“Oh David…what are we doing…”
Because he deserves this. It’s a friendship…it will outlast whatever
this tryst is. If he wants to fuck me…
“Oh David,” I cry out as he pulls my panties down slowly, looking into my eyes and giving me a gaze that takes my breath away.
I should just let him fuck me. I want to feel him inside. I spread my legs, reluctantly, but so wet for him. I feel awkward and embarrassed but he is on fire—looking straight into my soul with no hesitation. A confident stride I’ve never seen in him before.
Just when I think he’s going to take his penis out…he shifts downward and lowers his body. His head comes close to my stomach, softly nibbling me as he goes down, past my pubic bone and passed that…so eager to taste me.
Oh no…that first lick was electrifying. I don’t think I can stop from screaming. I bite my tongue as he continues to lip caress me. I should be embarrassed that my best friend is tasting my intimacy…so greedily…so thirstily licking me…but I’m throbbing from the pleasure. I can’t even open my eyes. All I feel is his tongue lashing me. So ruthlessly flicking at the one spot I would forbid him to touch. But now, I have no say in it. My body has betrayed me and just wants me to suffer. Wants me to get wetter and wetter and…
Oh no! He’s going to eat me out. I grab his ear and open my eyes, giving him a reluctant look. He looks at me—deep into my soul, as his tongue goes even deeper—and it’s too much to withstand.
I start shaking with desire, my entire body writhing. I can’t even beg for mercy, can’t even ask him to slow down or stop. The orgasm impending is too intense and I have nowhere to go but further into his mouth. My legs…in between my legs…going to explode…going to give him everything inside of me.
“Oh David…” I say, grabbing at his face in sheer desperation. He grabs my squirming hands and forces me to sit still while he finishes me off, licking my clit with every more intensity.
“I’m gonna…I’m gonna…”
I arch my back and lift my pelvis, so rudely into my friend’s face! This can’t be becoming of friendship…this can’t be polite or respectful. Oh God, what have we done? What are we doing? How hard am I going to come…
**
Needless to say, I came very hard at that moment, and it was the most awkward moment imaginable!
I was still asleep but had a “wet dream”. And while some women are never sure if they actually had one when waking up, since I woke up fully wet and just starting to spurt out little vaginal discharges I could definitely attest women get them too!
Just as I woke up, somewhat relieved that I didn’t really just flood David’s face, I shrieked when the doorbell rang. My orgasm was still pounding throughout my body, but I had to run to the door to see who it was.
Sure enough, it was David and just the sight of him standing there filled me with a tingling. I had just had a powerful nocturnal orgasm and now I had to talk to the man who so wildly captivated my subconscious imagination.
I answered the door and smiled as wide as “The Joker”, I was so embarrassed. I was still blushing in the face and still wet, even though thankfully I still wore my work clothes and underwear.
“Hey,” he said, before a slight pause. He seemed to know something was amiss, even though he couldn’t put his finger on it.
Oh God, put his finger on it…that thought was definitely buzzing through my mind.
“You okay?”
“Uh huh…” I said, hoping my wet panties weren’t giving off too strong a scent. “What’s up?”
I stared at him, smiling, trying to forget the strong visuals of those fierce eyes watching me while his tongue pushed me to the edge.
“Look…I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking last night, at the bar.”
“Oh it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”
“No, it’s not fine. I would never say something like that…if…”
I flinched. So did he. I started shaking my head for a second.
“If…I knew it would hurt your feelings. You know I don’t joke around about stuff.”
“Oh no,” I said, a bit relieved. “No, I didn’t take any offense to it at all. I just thought you meant you had some girl in your past who broke your heart and thought you were going to tell the story or something.”
He laughed nervously. “No, no, no sense reliving the past. I do that sometimes, I just drone on about the past and it’s stupid. I should live in the here and now, right?”
“Yes. I agree. But don’t worry, I didn’t take any offense at all. I’m glad to know that you would survive in the zombie apocalypse.”
We both laughed.
“Because of your high threshold of pain!”
He laughed, a bit affectedly, once again giving off mixed signals.
“I definitely would. Pain and misery is my middle name.”
“Well don’t say that,” I said with a gentle chide. Go find your dream girl and be happy.”
He nodded quickly, as if getting the message. “I hear you. No problem, yeah I’ll work on that.”
“Okay!” I said nervously, starting to get weirded out at why David was just standing there, looking at my clothes…? Anyway, I was relieved to know that he was not coming over to proclaim his love.
A big relief came over me, as I bid him goodbye and shut the door. No drama for tonight. And no guilt, having to reconcile that I somehow broke David’s heart.
Then, as I finally relaxed and went about my day, I started thinking it over.
I really, really, really hope that he was telling the truth. Because if he really was having some ridiculous pre-midlife crisis and then just fucked me in the ass with that stupid mind game bullshit play…oh God I would be so pissed off at him.
You’re not a player, David. You’re not an asshole. Please say you wouldn’t toy with me like that. I take everything you say at face value. Your friendship means everything to me. If you ever lied to me, it would kill a part of my soul. I will gladly take your words at face value, David. And you sure as hell better find that girl you love and be happy. Because I can’t live with this kind of stress.
It’s time to move on with both of our lives…for good.
Chapter 8:David
I am an idiot. I had the chance to say something to Amelia and I said nothing. But hell, that’s the pattern of my life, isn’t it? Why didn’t I say it? I don’t know, call it intuition. A man’s intuition! She seemed terrified of me saying it! Every signal she was throwing at me seemed to be screaming, “Please don’t.”
I’ve never thought of myself as physically repulsive but the look she seemed to give me just cried out, “I never want to see you naked!” Jesus, that works wonders for my body image. Truth is, I’m not the kind of guy to beg a woman for her favor. That’s just not me.
It’s easy to see that Amelia doesn’t see our lives matching and I’m learning to be okay with that. More importantly, I need to show her that I am strong enough to handle romantic rejection but still be there as a friend. I owe her that. I know that if I found someone she would be the first in line to congratulate me. That shows her true character. I need people like that in my life.
Hell, sex is nothing anyway. Trust is everything. Platonic love can be a force so much greater than just having a stupid one night stand. I learned that as soon as I lost my virginity—sex is over in an hour, give or take. Love is supposed to be ongoing.
Even if that’s platonic love. I will always have love for Amelia.
I have to remind myself that it all meant nothing. That we were both buzzed and just fell into a personal moment, that really meant nothing. That’s an occupational hazard of being friends with an attractive opposite sex partner. You could open that can of pheromones at any given time—and we as thinking honorable people have to have the strength to move past it.
If Amelia wants me to be her friend, the one constant in her life that is what I will be.
**
It’s a strange feeling being on a date with somebody while trying to imagine your best friend’s face on their body. I went out with this woman I me
t online and immediately started comparing her to Amelia—which I know, isn’t the nicest thing to do. Although, if I’m being completely honest, she is Amelia’s type of body shape. Average weight, red hair and with a congenial and perky smile. Yeah that looks like Amelia but it may just be coincidental—maybe I just like curvy red heads. Maybe Amelia and Becky, the name of my date, just so happen to be my favorite body type.
It’s not really fair to say I’m trying to recreate Amelia with Becky. After all, I can’t help who I’m physically attracted to. My subconscious mind sort of takes over, doesn’t it?
By the time I started quizzing Becky—who I’ve established by now looks like Amelia, except a few years older and a little more serious—I realize that I am easily bored in dating conversation. I couldn’t even pretend like I was excited about this date. Amelia invaded my mind every so often, especially when Becky rambled on about health food, diets and vitamins—you’d think that would be my favorite topic. But no, I realized as she droned on about Atkins and South Beach, I really hated bringing work home with me.
“Say Becky, I have a question,” I said, as I begin to crash the so-so conversation with a little unpredictable fun. “Let’s say it’s the end of the world.”
“Okay?”
I smile, pretty much admitting that I’m checking out of the conversation and filtering her out. “Zombies invading, or earthquakes and fire…whatever. What’s more important? Leadership skills or having assets like land, weaponry, food and so on?”
Becky frowns…but surprisingly doesn’t take offense to the change of thought.
“Actually neither of those.”
“Really? Why?”
“The instinct to survive is more important than both of them. If you want to survive a war, or the end of the world, you have to be selfish. You have to figure out how to land on top, even if others are falling at your side.”