Tripping the Tale Fantastic

by Christopher Jon Heuer

  Dec. 18

  Dear Prof. Johns,

  I got the job! Thank you so much for telling me about it and encouraging me to apply. The principal, Dr. Grant, interviewed me by videophone yesterday, and today he emailed me a job offer. I’ll start right after New Year’s. I’m excited!

  Not sure if I’ll get a chance to see you before I leave, but I’ll be back in May for hooding and graduation. Dr. Grant said I would be able to come back for that. He says he’s met you at one of the Deaf Ed conferences. CEASD perhaps? He seems like he’ll be a good boss. He’s even given me a lead on a place for rent near the school, a basement apartment in another teacher’s house.

  Thanks again!

  Mary Jane Bradford

  Dec. 18

  Hi Jon,

  Thanks for sending the pictures and video tour of your basement apartment. The rent seems reasonable, and it sure will make things easier that you include utilities and WiFi. I will take it! It looks nice. I like how much light it has for a basement apartment. The open living area is so deaf- friendly. You said that when you renovated you installed a built-in visual signaling system. Does that include a visual doorbell? Just trying to figure out what I’m going to need for my new place.

  I plan to spend Christmas Day with friends here in D.C., and start driving there the next day. I should probably arrive in the afternoon on the 28th. Let me know if that doesn’t work for you.

  Best,

  Mary Jane

  Dec. 28

  Hi Mom!

  Wanted to let you know I arrived safely. It was snowing when I got here. Fortunately I made it, but the old Corolla isn’t going to cut it here. I guess now that I have a job I can buy a new(er) car that will handle better in the snow. It is pretty here, but cold!

  I’m going to get to work putting things away. Jon, my landlord, did a great job designing this apartment. There are built-in bookshelves in the living area, and the bedroom has a walk-in closet with shelves and drawers. Since there are already two stools at the breakfast bar separating the kitchen from the living area, I won’t need much furniture beyond a bed and a sofa.

  Jon is really friendly. Maybe it’s that famous Midwestern thing? He invited me in for coffee when I got here and helped me unload my car. And since I don’t have any food and the snow is still coming down, he’s invited me to join him for dinner tonight. Isn’t that nice?

  Love,

  MJ

  Dec. 28

  Jilly—

  Missing you like crazy. Tried to FaceTime you, but you must be away from the screen. So will resort to writing! Arrived earlier this afternoon and am as settled in as I can be until I can get some furniture. I just ordered myself a bed—not looking forward to my sleeping bag on the floor tonight. Thank God for the Internet and a landlord who lets me use his WiFi.

  Jon seems like he’ll be a good landlord, but I so wish you were here to help me figure him out. You’ll just have to do it from a distance! So, I’m guessing he’s around 45. Gray hair, weathered skin. He teaches history in the high school, and coaches the football and baseball teams. He remodeled this whole house himself, opening up walls in the old farmhouse to make it more open-concept and deaf-friendly. He even wired it all for visual alarms. He’s not bad looking for his age: a little beer belly and in need of a haircut that would work with his receding hairline, but he has strong arms and a square jaw and bluish-green eyes.

  I can’t believe someone like him is living here. This place is really the boonies. What’s he doing here? I can’t see staying here forever—too lonely. He’s got that big Deaf family out in California. I mean, everyone in the Deaf community knows the Princes. Why wouldn’t he get a job near them? Does that seem weird to you? If I had a Deaf family, especially in a place with at least one local Starbucks, you couldn’t pry me away. Your thoughts?

  XO

  MJ

  Dec. 30

  Hiya Jilly—

  Happy New Year’s Eve Eve! Sure wish I was back in D.C. with you so we could ring the New Year in together. You going to H St.? Looks like I’ll be going to a party Jon annually hosts for the local Deaf community. He makes his “famous” chili, and everyone else brings something for a potluck. It will be good to meet some of the other people here.

  I’ve got so much to tell you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts about Jon. I have to say I guess I’m getting used to him. I can’t believe how nice he’s been. I still wonder about him, and think he’s lonely. He made a really nice dinner the night I arrived—pan-fried pork chops and mashed sweet potatoes with vanilla ice cream for dessert. And a bottle of red wine. We talked over dinner for a long time, and moved to his den after to finish off the wine. We figured out a bunch of people we both know. Lots of professors and staff at Gallaudet. Some worked there when he was a student (more than 15 years ago!) and some went to school with him, or he knows them from NAD or other Deaf organizations. Then there are some of his former students who went on to Gallaudet, plus his cousins. And believe it or not, our favorite interpreter (yes, her—the hippie goddess) is his former sister-in-law!

  I told him how I got curious about Deaf people and ASL when I saw Deaf people signing in the waiting room at my audiologist’s office. He said he couldn’t believe I hadn’t started signing until I took my first ASL class as an undergrad. I hope the rest of the Deaf community here is as welcoming and not as cliquey as Gallaudet.

  We even talked about you. (: Jon asked me why I hadn’t gotten a CI when my hearing got worse. But by then I had met you, my first Deaf friend. Remember our many long talks about my doctor’s recommendation that I get an implant? You were so patient with my back-and-forth thinking. One of the many reasons I love you!

  We talked fairly late. Not sure how late, because I don’t even remember going down to my apartment. I guess the driving and unpacking, and the wine, were too much. I must have been really out of it because I didn’t even put on my PJs. Just took off my clothes and got into my sleeping bag. And I forgot to lock the door from my apartment to the stairs that connect it to the house. (There’s a laundry room I share with Jon at the bottom of the stairs.)

  When I finally woke up it was almost 10:00! I ate a granola bar from the care package you sent me off with—the only food I had here! Thank you again for that. The snow from the day before had stopped, but it looked like there were at least six inches on the ground from what I could see from my window. (The basement is really a half basement. The house is set into a slope, so on the back of the house the basement is at ground level.)

  I felt foggy and had a headache, probably from the oversleeping and no coffee, so I took a shower to revive. I just got out and was wrapping myself in my bathrobe when the lights flashed—the doorbell! I figured it had to be Jon. Of course it was him. He held two travel mugs, one of which he held forward as soon as I opened the door. Once his hand was free so he could sign, he told me it was coffee and apologized for interrupting my shower. He said he was heading to Wal-Mart to buy a few things and offered me a ride. That way I wouldn’t need to clear snow from my car or worry about the roads. Nice, huh? He came in to sit at the breakfast bar and drink his coffee while I got dressed. A little strange. I guess he just didn’t have anything better to do.

  At Wal-Mart Jon insisted we shop together since he knew the store layout and could help me find what I wanted. He bought things for his New Year’s Eve party, and I got everything on my list, from food to a kitchen trash can. But what is cool is that Jon suggested I look at the furniture and the end result is that now my living area has a futon and reading lamp. I’m sleeping there for now, until my bed arrives! It’s a good thing Jon drives a pickup with a shell on the back. Plenty of space to haul things.

  Today I went to the county seat to get a driver’s license and make my move official. They call it a “city,” but you could walk one end to the other in twenty minutes. I know because when I finished, I decided to take a walk to see a bit of the town. Norman Rockwell would love this place. Tidy, well-kept houses, all
with their sidewalks cleared of snow. Churches on either side of the courthouse (one Catholic, one Lutheran), a diner across the street. This will take some getting used to, but I definitely don’t mind that there was no wait at the DMV.

  Hard to believe tomorrow is the last day of the year! Miss you bunches.

  XO

  MJ

  Dec. 31

  Hi Mom!

  Happy New Year! I wanted to let you know that the kitchen things you ordered for me arrived. Thank you! Now I feel like I have a functioning kitchen. I can see you put a lot of thought into what I might need. Maybe I’ll even learn to cook some. Now I’m mostly set up here and have plenty of space for you to stay. (Hint, hint!)

  My big news is that I’ve decided to get a cat. My lease said nothing about pets, so I asked Jon. He has no pets, but he says it is fine. I’ll adopt from the county shelter. It’s a win-win. A homeless cat gets a place to live and I’ll get someone to hang out with.

  Jon is having a New Year’s Eve party for the local Deaf community. I’ve been smelling his chili cooking all day. (: It will be good to meet the other Deaf people here. A lot of them work at the school, so I’ll be meeting my future co-workers, too. Most of them are staff, though. Jon says most of the teachers are hearing.

  Happy New Year!

  Love,

  MJ

  Jan. 4

  Jillllllyyy!!!!

  It was so good to catch up with you on FaceTime the other day!

  Remember your question of if Jon might be interested in me romantically? I think you are right. I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on it before. I guess because he’s old enough to be my dad and I was looking at him like a dad or uncle. I never thought I would say this about someone so much older than me, but I think I should give it a chance—it is lonely out here, and the younger single deaf men out here, none of them have college degrees. Not that I would hold that against them. Plenty of smart and interesting people haven’t gone to college. But the whole community was at Jon’s party, and everyone—even the hearing interpreter who is married to the school’s deaf third grade teacher—looked pained when they found out I teach English. What did they think I was going to do, tell them their subjects and verbs weren’t agreeing? We weren’t even using English. Sheesh.

  Still, Jon hasn’t made a move beyond checking me out and doing things that could just be very neighborly—sharing dinners, picking up my mail, things like that. So we’ll see. I’d do anything to be with you right now in D.C., hanging out with a group of smart, educated signing folks and talking politics or philosophy or even sports.

  And maybe I’ll feel less lonely now that I’ve got a cat! Yes, you read right. I went to the animal shelter today and brought home a gorgeous female orange tabby. The shelter assures me she’s had all of her shots and has been fixed. Not that I’m planning to let her roam outside, but cats do get out. I’m still trying to decide on the name. Her orange color has me thinking Mandy (for Mandarin, like Mandarin oranges) or Canty (for cantaloupe). What do you think?

  XO

  MJ

  Jan. 6

  Dear Prof. Johns,

  I started my new job today. The teacher who quit in December left behind complete lesson plans for the rest of the quarter, so that will help ease me in. I also need to start planning for next quarter. I’m most excited about the senior class’s upcoming unit on the short story. I get a lot of leeway to pick which stories.

  This job will be a challenge. I’m grateful for your support. There really isn’t any here. Some of the hearing faculty sign so badly I can barely understand them—am pretty sure most of the students can’t understand them. And then they sit in the faculty lounge at lunch complaining about how their students don’t pay attention to them. I can’t believe this is still going on today, but am hoping I can make a difference. My students definitely seemed glad to have a signing Deaf teacher. Mark, one of my seniors, even stayed after school today to help me figure out the classroom tech.

  I also have some support from my landlord, who teaches history. He graduated from the Education Department at Gallaudet, too, but I think well before your time. I never thought I’d miss having to write papers for class, but I miss the people that come with grad classes—professor and classmates alike.

  Best,

  Mary Jane Bradford

  Jan. 6

  Hi Mom!

  I started my new job today. Had a quick meeting with the principal before school and met my classes. Tonight I’m reviewing the lesson plans I inherited. I’m sure Mandy will help me. She’s curled up next to me. I can feel her purr every time I reach over and scratch her ears.

  Mandy gave me a good scare early this evening. I went out to run some errands, and when I came home, I couldn’t find her anywhere! I was sure she was in the apartment when I left, but I looked high and low, and no cat. Not under the bed (which arrived two days ago!), or under the futon, or in the closet or any of the kitchen cupboards. And yes, I opened them all. You never know if a cat might figure out how to open a cabinet door and hide inside. So I had to conclude that she had somehow gotten out, and I was so mad at myself. I was trying to figure out what to do, and got out my laptop to start making a flyer in case someone found her. Then the doorbell lights flashed—Jon was outside holding Mandy. He said he found her curled up on top of his truck. I was so happy I gave him a kiss!

  Love,

  MJ

  Jan. 8

  Jill,

  Hoping you have some advice for me. I’ve been getting anonymous love-letter emails (from a Yahoo account) from someone who signs off with “Your secret admirer.” This person definitely knows who I am. He makes comments about what I am wearing, how I fix my hair, etc. That alone would be disturbing, but from the things he says it seems like he also has watched me at home and somehow has read my email. He also knows what I’m doing at work, with comments about my teaching. I’m really afraid it might be this kid in my senior class, Mark. He’s known on campus as a computer genius and has a scholarship for next year to MIT; and he only just turned 16! I hardly need to tell you that makes him a star here. I don’t have any proof it is Mark, but I think he’s the only one capable of this. And he does watch me intently in class.

  If I accuse him, I’ll make enemies whether I’m right or not. I’ve got to do something, though. Whoever it is says he watches me while I’m sleeping and plans to join me soon. Maybe I should have gotten a dog instead of a cat.

  Do-do?

  MJ

  Jan. 10

  Jilly—

  I wish you were here. I just got back from the vet, where I had to have Mandy put down. I’d try to get you on FaceTime, but it is so late. I stayed after school to meet with two students who want to revive the school newspaper and needed a faculty sponsor. When I got home, Mandy was lying in front of my door, covered with blood. I wrapped her in some towels and rushed her to the vet. There was so much blood I couldn’t really tell where it was coming from, though it looked like most was from her chest area. I thought maybe she got caught on a barbed wire fence. When the vet examined her, though, she said that someone had cut off a heart-shaped piece of skin and fur. What kind of a creep does that?

  The vet called the police, and we made a report. The cops asked me who might have done it. I told them about the emails I’ve been getting. They asked me to give them the emails. They said it is really hard to identify someone using an anonymous email account because companies won’t reveal client information and even fight court orders. I told them that I thought it might be someone from school, maybe a student. I didn’t name Mark, but if the cops go and ask around school his name is sure to come up as someone with the tech skills to hack my accounts. Plus, I can’t be the only person who thinks he is creepy. Jon offered to let me sleep up in his place, so I’ll probably go up later. There’s no way I will feel safe enough here to sleep tonight.

  I feel so damned guilty. Mandy must have gotten out when I was leaving this morning and juggling all my crap for wo
rk. I can’t believe she is gone. The more I think about this, the more I’m freaking out. There’s some psycho here!

  MJ

  Jan. 11

  Mom,

  I know you are worried. Me too! Thanks for FaceTiming with me so late last night. You always make me feel better. I asked Jon to install a motion-activated light outside of my door and add a deadbolt lock. He’ll do that this weekend. Jon is restoring a bit of my faith in humanity. He is going to bring me dinner tonight so that I won’t have to bother with food or thinking about what to make. He will just reheat some of his chili but that’s a lifesaver since I was barely functioning today. I don’t know how I got through the day at work.

  I really miss you. Come visit soon?

  Love,

  MJ

  Jan. 12

  Jilly,

  Thank you so much for sending the flowers for Mandy. I wish you could have met her. I had her cremated, and now have the ashes in an orange urn to keep with me forever. I can’t believe how quickly she was taken away from me, but I hope that I made her last days better even with the horror of her last day.

  I wonder if she came into my life to bring me closer to Jon? When he stopped by to check on me today, he leaned in to kiss me. That turned into a long makeout session. Maybe this is the wrong time to start something like this, but I need the comfort. The police tell me they are investigating. I know they questioned Mark because he was absent from my class and I got a message from the front office to give him an excused absence. It was nice not having him there staring at me the whole period. I guess the cops don’t have enough evidence yet, because there’s still no arrest. I’m afraid they don’t see the death of a cat as a high priority.

  Hugs.

  MJ