Hold On

by Hilary Wynne

  Although we start the night in each other’s arms, we never end that way. Julian is always out of bed before me. I’m cozy and warm and want to stay here all day. I decide right then that one day in the not so distant future, I’m going to convince Julian to stay in bed with me all day. Unfortunately, today isn’t the day. I walk to the bathroom, put on my robe and brush my teeth. Then I go find my missing boyfriend.

  Julian is in the kitchen and on the phone talking to someone at the hotel. I listen to the conversation and ascertain he’s getting a morning recap. I wonder if he used to get them in person and now, because I’m here in the mornings, he gets them over the phone.

  I run my hand over his ass and kiss his naked shoulder as I walk past him on the way to the coffee pot. He’s in red running shorts and looks like he’s worked out already. Our fitness habits are very different. I never get up in the morning to exercise. I like to sleep too much. I’d rather run in the evening or take a yoga class. Julian doesn’t seem to miss a morning and it shows.

  He grabs me with his free arm and pulls me in close to him. He holds the phone with his chin and shoulder and picks me up. He sets me on the countertop in front of him and positions himself between my legs. Julian loosens the sash of my robe and I wrap my legs around him and pull him as close as I can. His free hand is caressing my breast. Julian is staring at me the whole time he’s talking and touching me and I have no idea how in the world he can focus on work. I’m getting completely lost in his touch. I lean over and put my mouth on his ear and bite gently.

  I whisper seductively, “Get off the phone and finish what you’re starting here, Bauer.” I punctuate my request by running my tongue across his earlobe and down his neck. He tastes salty and it turns me on. Either he really is done talking or I’m more appealing, because he hangs up just as my tongue finishes its first trip around his left nipple. He looks down at me and moans. Then he looks at the clock and sees that it’s already after eight. He moans again.

  “We don’t have time for the all the things I want to do to you this morning, mi amor.”

  I shrug my shoulders innocently. “You started this, Julian. I was just coming to get some coffee.”

  “I know. I can’t seem to keep my hands off of you. I’m fucking hard all the time. I feel like a teenager.”

  “Well, I for one have no problem with you being hard all the time. It’s working in my favor. But, you’re right, we don’t have time to finish this properly. Plus, I’m a little sore from last night. You kind of rocked my world.”

  “Mmm. And you rocked mine.”

  Julian kisses me sweetly on the lips and helps me off the counter. I’m okay with not taking this any further this morning. I truly am a little sore from last night and I need to get in the shower. Julian tells me to go first and I make my way toward his room and start getting ready for work.

  When Julian sees I’m done in the bathroom he heads in and gets ready. When he walks out of his closet fifteen minutes later, he looks hot as usual in a white, tonal, paisley, cotton button down that fits his muscular chest perfectly, dark jeans that hug his legs and ass in all the right places and black, Ecco, slip-on loafers. He doesn’t tuck the shirt in so he looks casual but not too causal. I can’t help but stare. He really is stunning. He catches me ogling him and winks at me.

  “I’m just another girl mesmerized by your good looks. Don’t let it go to your head.”

  He walks by me on the way out of the door and kisses me on the forehead. “You aren’t just another girl, Corazón. You’re my girl and I love that you can’t keep your eyes, or your hands, off of me. I feel the same way about you.”

  I just smile. Big. And I feel happy. I let myself feel happy.

  When we get into his car, I pull my phone out of my purse. I have a few texts from Marissa and Shannon, one from my sister, Jill, asking me to call her and one from Lauren asking why I didn’t call last night. I respond on the short drive over.

  Alexa: Will be home tonight after work. Dinner?

  Marissa: Yes. 7?

  Shannon: I’m in. See you at home.

  Alexa: Sorry I didn’t call. With Julian. Will call at lunch

  Lauren: Ok, ttyl

  Alexa: Are you ok?

  Jill: Need to talk you. Can’t talk now. Call you tonight.

  Alexa: Ok.

  I get a pensive look on my face and Julian asks if I’m okay.

  “I’m kind of worried about my sister, Jill. She texted me at seven this morning which isn’t normal and then said she needed to talk. Something is wrong.”

  “I’m sure everything is okay. Maybe she just misses you.”

  “Nice thought Julian but my family doesn’t work that way. We aren’t very touchy feely.”

  Julian doesn’t have a chance to respond as we pull up to the trailer. I see Serena standing near the door. It’s like she’s waiting for me.

  “Oh yeah. Look who the welcoming committee is. Great. I’m already over her and it’s only day two.”

  “Don’t let it get to you. She’ll get bored if you don’t respond to her bullshit. Trust me.”

  “I’ll try but today isn’t a good day for her to fuck with me. I’m in a great mood and don’t want her ruining it.”

  Julian’s eyes open wide and he pulls me in for a kiss. “I’m the only one who gets to fuck with you.”

  He slides his tongue into my mouth and gives me a passionate kiss that sends chills throughout my body. I know he did it for her but I don’t care.

  When I get out of the car, Serena is still standing there and watching me. She’s on the phone now and when I walk past her I hear, “Yes, I’m sure it was Julian. You might want to call him.”

  Geez. Really. Are we in high school? I give her my very fakest smile and breeze past her into the trailer.

  I follow Julian’s advice and do my best to stay away from Serena. I’m not sure what her game is but she stays away from me too and only speaks to me if necessary. It really isn’t a great way to start a working relationship, but for the moment I prefer it.

  Around eleven I get a text from Lauren.

  Lauren: Coming there. Andrea asked me to bring some marketing stuff. Lunch?

  Alexa: YES! See you soon.

  I’m happy she’s coming here. She isn’t going to be fond of Serena either and it’ll be nice to have her on my side.

  Because we won’t be showing anything to clients for another week or so, I don’t have much to do. I’m bored. I send some emails, check out Facebook, and look through my library on my phone for a song to send to Julian. After about thirty minutes I still can’t come up with anything and stop looking. Lauren walks in five minutes later and saves me from my boredom.

  “Hey there, stranger.” I get up and give her a hug. I also introduce here to Evelyn and Jai. Serena left twenty minutes ago so I get to skip that. We stay and chat for a bit and I show her around the trailer. We decide to eat at the same café I ate at yesterday.

  “So how are things going with Julian?”

  “Right now, great. I’m trying really hard not to mess it up. There are enough people trying to do that for me.”

  I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling much more secure with our relationship, but I feel like it’s okay to share a little more with Lauren about what happened with Julian and me. We spend the next thirty minutes discussing Serena, Alejandra, Victoria, and how I’ve dealt with it all. She nods, agrees with my take on the ex-files, and says all the right and supportive things. I don’t bring up Luke. She does. “You haven’t mentioned Luke once. I really don’t know what happened but I do know he isn’t working for Julian anymore.”

  I shake my head. Thinking about what went down still makes me feel nauseous. “Yeah, he quit. There was just too much tension between those two. It wasn’t a good place for Luke anymore.”

  “Have you talked to him lately?” I guess she really doesn’t know what happened.

  “No. We had a falling out and don’t see us talking for a while.”
>
  She looks genuinely surprised. “Seriously? You guys are so close. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

  I shake my head again. “No, not this time. This may be uncomfortable for you to hear because of your history with Luke, but he finally decided to tell me how he felt about me. He wanted to be more than friends. I chose Julian and things ended badly. We said some really ugly things to each other.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me. And please don’t feel uncomfortable talking to me about it. We didn’t have a relationship. I was a booty call and I knew it. I also knew he was in love with you. We all did. I guess I always thought he would put the friendship first though.”

  “Well, he didn’t and there’s no going back. It does suck though. I’m mad at him but I miss him, if that makes sense.”

  Lauren takes a sip of her drink. “Of course it does. You guys spent so many years together. I understand and I’m sorry you’re sad about it. I’m sure Luke never wanted to hurt you.”

  If she only knew. I let the conversation die there and we spend the rest of lunch talking about her and a guy she met recently at the gym. I’m happy to focus on her. We get to the office at one-thirty and Serena is back. I wish there was a way to avoid introducing them but Lauren will be working here in a few weeks so there’s no way around it, especially since Serena is standing right in the middle of the trailer when we walk in.

  I dig deep and pull out my professional smile. “Serena, this is Lauren. She works at The Towers and will be joining us in the next few weeks.”

  Lauren smiles and extends her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Serena. I’m looking forward to working down here. From what I’ve seen of the building, these units are going to be easy to sell.”

  I wait to see if Serena is going to be bitchy to Lauren because she knows we’ve been working together and probably assumes we’re friends.

  Serena returns the smile, shakes her hand, and replies. “It’s so nice to meet you Lauren. I’ve heard nothing but great things about you from Andrea. I heard you kicked ass at The Towers. It’s going to be great working with someone like you.”

  I swear I get a cavity from the sugary-sweet fakeness coming out of her mouth. When she spoke to me it was with venom. What a phony. I look at Lauren to see if she’s buying it. I have to stifle my laugh when she responds. “Oh, that’s so sweet Serena, but you must have misheard Andrea. It was Lexie who really kicked ass at The Towers. She outsold all of us there. Actually, she’s in the company-wide top ten for sales this past year. You should be happy to be working with her. I’ve learned so much from her and I’m sure you will too.” Lauren turns to me and winks slyly. I owe her big time.

  Serena doesn’t know what to say so she just turns on her fake heels and slinks away. I walk Lauren outside and finally get to laugh.

  “Damn, Lexie, you weren’t kidding. How ridiculous was that?”

  I give her a hug. “I owe you, girl. Hurry and get over here. It’s like being in a shark tank.”

  We say our goodbyes, promise to get together for drinks soon, and both head back to work. I hurry to my little cubicle and try to avoid Serena. She stays away so it’s not hard. I still have a few hours until Julian picks me up and not much to do. I check my emails and texts and nothing. I call my sister, Jill, and leave a message when she doesn’t answer. I can’t help but wonder what she wants to talk about. We get along well, but we really don’t share personal stuff. She was the one who encouraged me to get help after Brady died and I want to be there for her if she’s reaching out.

  I’m so bored, I decide to text Julian even though he’s coming to get me in a few hours.

  Alexa: Hey you. Hope you’re having a good day.

  He responds immediately. I love that.

  Julian: Better now. How’s your day going?

  Julian: In a meeting but can text

  Alexa: Good. Had lunch with Lauren. Minimal Serena.

  I don’t know what comes over me but all of a sudden I feel like being naughty.

  Alexa: You looked hot this morning. Been thinking about your ass in those jeans all day.

  Julian: Hmm. Really. I think about your ass all the time. But naked. Pun intended.

  Geez. How quickly I forget who I’m dealing with. He’s a pro at provocative sexual banter.

  Alexa: Ok, I’m busted. I really was thinking about your naked ass too. You know it’s perfect, right?

  Julian: I’m blushing. And hard.

  Alexa: You’re hard? Imagine that.

  Julian: Complaining?

  Alexa: Yes

  Julian: You’d prefer I wasn’t hard?

  Alexa: I’d prefer to be able to take advantage of your hardness. Right now. With my mouth.

  Julian: Fuck, Alexa. You just made me moan out loud. The thought of your mouth on my dick…

  Alexa: Am I supposed to fill in the blanks?

  Julian: Yes

  Alexa: Makes you so horny you may need to excuse yourself and go take care of it in the bathroom?

  I wait a few minutes and he doesn’t reply.

  Alexa: In the bathroom jerking off?

  Julian: Haha. I wish. No. Trying to focus on an employee giving a report on what’s happening at the hotel this week. I’m fucking hard as a rock and distracted now. You’re a bad girl.

  Alexa: I’m so sorry to have bothered you. We can talk about this later.

  Julian: Your mouth will be too busy doing other things to talk. See you at 6.

  Alexa: :-)

  That was fun. It made me a little horny too. Six can’t come fast enough.

  Julian picks me up at six and we swing by a Greek restaurant to pick up dinner. I order a salad and some hummus I can eat later. I want to run on the beach tonight and ask Julian to join me. I know he already worked out this morning but I’m not surprised when he agrees. We put the food in the refrigerator and change into workout clothes. I’m wearing a melon-colored, racer-back tank and black shorts and Julian is in white athletic shorts and nothing else. I know I’ll be distracted when I run next to him. I love watching his body move.

  By the time we get out to the beach it’s after seven and a bit cooler. There’s a slight breeze coming off the ocean and I know I’m going to enjoy running here. As I stretch and look at the waves, I think about how much better I feel when I’m near the water and remind myself to make it a priority to come here.

  We decide to run five miles and, as he did before, Julian lets me set the pace and matches my stride. I’m sure he really runs faster than I do and I appreciate him being a good sport. We don’t talk when we run but every so often we glance at each other and smile. The exercise feels good and the company feels right.

  By the time we get back to the Bellavista, it’s a little after eight. As we’re getting into the elevator Julian tells me he has some work he needs to do tonight.

  “You’re going back to the hotel?” I’m surprised he didn’t mention it earlier.

  He smiles when he hears the hint of disappointment in my voice. “No. I brought everything I need home.”

  I smile at him playfully. “So, you’re basically just letting me know I need to keep my hands to myself tonight so you can get something done?”

  Julian steps to the side and lets me walk out of the elevator first. His return smile is playful too. “I didn’t say I had to work all night, mi amor.”

  He opens the front door and lets me in. As I walk past him I respond over my shoulder. “Julian, we don’t have to have sex every day. I can restrain myself if you can.”

  He grabs me from behind and pushes me up against the wall. His skin is slick with sweat and I can feel the heat coming off his body.

  “I’m a big fan of everyday sex. And like I said, I didn’t say I needed to work all night. I just need to do it first so it gets done. You’re very distracting and once I sink into you, I never want to stop.” He kisses me gently on the lips and backs away.

  Mmm. I know the feeling. “Well, okay then. I’ll try to be as undistracting as possible
. I’m going to take a shower, alone, and then eat. Just pretend I’m not here.” I give him a quick peck and head to his shower after he tells me he will take one in the other bathroom. I take my time, shave my legs, and enjoy his luxury shower. I change into a pink and white striped, tank nightie, blowout my hair, and head to the kitchen. It’s close to nine now and I’m starving. As I walk by the living room, I see Julian sitting on the couch with his laptop open in front of him. He’s on the phone talking about numbers and projections and permits.

  I grab a People magazine out of my purse and sit at the island and eat my dinner. As I sit there by myself, I’m kind of amazed at how at home I feel. Of course I’d rather be snuggling, or something, with Julian, but I really am comfortable here now. I finish eating quickly and remember I told Jill I’d call her tonight. I grab my phone out of my purse and see she’s already called me. So has my mom and so has Marissa. I don’t want to interrupt Julian so I walk back toward his room. I glance at him as I walk by and he motions for me to come over. I walk to the couch and stand in front of him. He grabs my nightie and pulls me down for a quick kiss. It’s a sweet gesture and it makes me smile. He goes right back to his conversation and I close the door to his bedroom so he won’t be disturbed.

  I call my mom first and check in. After a few minutes of asking how I am she gets to what’s obviously the reason for the call and asks me if I’ve talked to Jill lately. She tells me Jill has been ignoring her calls for the last week and she’s worried about her. I don’t tell her Jill called me this morning and try to reassure her everything is okay. But the truth is, I’m a little worried now too. I cut the call short so I can call Jill back. Before I do though, I send a quick text to Marissa and Shannon.

  Alexa: At Julian’s. I’ll be home tomorrow night.

  Marissa: k. Jill called looking for you. Sounded upset.

  Alexa: I’m calling her now. Thnx

  Shannon: See you tomorrow.

  Okay, now I’m really worried and as I dial Jill’s cell number my heart is racing. She answers on the first ring and I can tell she’s been crying, or is crying. I get under the blankets in Julian’s bed and prepare myself for what I’m sure is going to be bad news.