Hold On

by Hilary Wynne

  “Good, baby. Just enjoy it.”

  I try to reach out and touch him and he deftly moves away. “No. Let me just touch you. I want to enjoy your body. It might’ve been all innocent today while we were at the beach but the entire day I was thinking about what I was going to do to you tonight. Every time I looked at you in that tiny bikini, I thought about how and where I wanted to touch you; how I was going to make you come. How many times I was going to make you come.”

  My moans become a little louder and a little more frequent as he continues his sensual massage. I’m getting totally lost in the sensation of his fingers all over my body when the water turns off. I open my eyes and look at him.

  “We’re going to take this in the other room.”

  As he dries me off with a thick, white towel, he lays out his plan for me. “You’re going to go lie on the bed, naked of course, and I’m going to get some lotion.”

  I like this game. “Okay. That works for me.” I smile at him and go get into bed. Julian is right behind me with a bottle of lotion. He climbs on the bed next to me.

  “Turn over on your stomach.” I do it and as I’m turning over, I tell him he’s being a little bossy.

  “Bossy? I haven’t even begun to tell you the rules, Alexa.”

  “Rules, Julian? I’m not a big rule follower, you know that, right?”

  Julian chuckles and breaks his attempt at a serious demeanor. “I do know that about you, but tonight you either play by the rules or we don’t play at all. Your choice.”

  My choice? I have no choice here. I’m so turned on there’s no way this isn’t happening. I turn my head so I’m looking at him. “Fine. What are the rules?”

  “You’re not allowed to touch me at all tonight. If I kiss you, you can kiss me back but only then. You have to keep your eyes closed the whole time too. I don’t want to get the handcuffs and blindfold out so I’m going to trust you.”

  Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be. So much for PG. He was saving himself for tonight. I guess he’s taking our discussion last night and putting it into action. My entire core clenches at the thought of Julian finishing what he started in the shower.

  “You can trust me.” I say it as seriously as I can. There isn’t anything funny about this moment but I’m a little nervous. Not nervous in a bad way, but nervous in an anxious kind of way.

  The air is filled with the succulent aroma of jasmine as he opens the bottle and begins to rub lotion on my shoulders. The scent is sensual and warm and instantly relaxes me. I close my eyes and consciously tell myself to let go and let myself really feel Julian’s touch. His strong, soft hands and long fingers feel magical as they knead and caress the muscles in my shoulders, upper back, and neck. With just the right amount of pressure, Julian is able to help release any negative tension I have in my body and by the time he gets to the small of my back, I’m like putty in his hands.

  The heat from Julian’s hands makes me moan as he firmly caresses my ass and slides his fingers down to where my thighs and ass meet. He runs his hands on the inside of my thighs, up and down. He gets close to my sex several times only to withdraw before he really touches me there. I can’t help but squirm and move as I try to dictate where he puts his hands. I want them on me, there.

  When he continues to tease, I vocalize my desire, “Feel free to move your fingers a little higher. If you’re intent on touching me everywhere, you’ve missed a spot.”

  “Paciencia, mi amor. I’ve got this.”

  Patience? He’s torturing me. “Mmm. I can’t wait anymore. I want you. I want to come.”

  He chuckles sexily. “You will come. I promise. Good things come to those who wait.”

  Julian puts more lotion on and I feel his hands on the back of my thighs and then on my calves as he continues making his way down my body. He’s getting farther away from the place I want his hands to be.

  “You’re going in the wrong direction.” It all feels so good, but I’m starting to feel desperate for his touch on my sex. I’m so turned on.

  “Do I need to add no talking to the rules? You need to just relax and enjoy this. I am.”

  I try and keep my mouth shut as Julian begins rubbing my feet. His fingers are putting exquisite pressure on the soles of my feet and I can’t help but moan softly. My moans turn louder when I feel the warm moistness of Julian’s tongue graze my arch. Fuck, he’s using his mouth now. When he puts one of my toes in his mouth and sucks greedily on it, I feel a burst of fiery heat travel at light speed through my body.

  “Stop, Julian, I can’t take it.” My plea comes out in a whimper. I try to roll over and he stops me by lying his body on mine. He doesn’t put all of his weight on me, just enough so I can’t easily move. I can feel his erection between my legs and I’m about to lose it when he rolls his hips into me lazily.

  “Hmm. I’m not sure what to do now. I had planned to turn you over and touch the rest of your sexy, warm body but I don’t think you can be trusted to stay still.” He runs his hand down my side, grazing my breast on the way.

  “I can tell you what to do.” I try to move back so his hard shaft slides into me. I feel the pressure of his thick head as it’s about to dip into my aching, wet sex, but then he pulls back. Then, because he really is trying to kill me, he pushes in again, a little further this time. He doesn’t move and I can feel the throbbing between my legs. It’s like everything else in the world has stopped and the focus is completely on the union of our bodies. I can feel my heart beat as I’m pressed into the bed and I can feel his heartbeat against my back. We’re totally in sync.

  I’m in awe of his restraint. I want him so badly and have zero ability to hold back. I press my ass into him as I try to make him go deeper. Instead of going deeper, he pulls out.

  “No, no, no.” I’m begging now and I don’t care.

  “Shh. I’ve got you. Julian rolls off of me, gets behind me, and turns me half on my side, where I’m leaning back into him. I’m not in a position where I can really touch him and I’m sure he planned this. I want to touch him. I’m desperate to touch him. I think about his stupid rules and keep my hands in front of me. There’s no way I want him to stop. I don’t think he really would, but I’m not going to take any chances.

  Julian’s first touch on my nipples is delicate but quickly becomes a little rougher as my moans indicate I like it more when his touch is firmer. He does the same with my breast, starting softly and then taking it wholly in his hand and caressing it firmly. As his hand flits across my belly, I start to tremble a little. I feel his fingers on the inside of my thighs again and my longing to have him touch me between my legs causes me to squirm and push back into his erection.

  When he finally does touch me, when he finally slides his fingers into my wetness and across my clit, it makes me want to cry. I could’ve come an hour ago when he started this sensuous assault and I need the release. His touch has redirected all of the tension that was in the rest of my body to my core and I feel like I might explode from the buildup.

  I know I’m not supposed to touch him, but I can’t help myself. I need something to hold onto as the intense physical and emotional feelings he’s stirred up in me begin to swell. I reach up and grab his hand and squeeze as hard as I can as the massive orgasm he orchestrated reaches its crescendo. Oh. My. God. He hasn’t kissed me. He hasn’t really been inside of me and he really hasn’t even used his mouth, yet he was able to bring my body to a state of arousal I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced. This, to me, is the definition of erotic and it’s left me bare and completely exposed.

  I let Julian be in complete control of my body and everything I was feeling, both emotionally and physically. I trusted him and in return I gained a little piece of the “me” I’d lost. There are simply no words to describe what he just did for me. So, I don’t say anything. I roll over and look at him. I want him to see that I just gave another piece of myself to him.

  He kisses me on the forehead and pulls me to him. We don’t
talk about the multiple orgasms he had planned for me or about the games he was trying to play. I don’t try to reciprocate because I feel the need to return the favor. We just lie there, in each other’s arms, and silently agree we really are meant to be.

  Chapter Eight

  It’s a good thing I showered and did my hair last night. I can’t seem to bring myself to get out of Julian’s bed this morning. As I reach over and turn my alarm off, I notice Julian isn’t in the bed. Again. Ugh. Why doesn’t he ever have an issue getting up? My mood isn’t as good as it was last night but not for any reason other than I’m cranky and not looking forward to what I know will be a rough week. I want to live in this past weekend forever.

  Unfortunately I can’t because I live in the real world. I roll over and out of the bed and head to the bathroom. When I’m done, I go find Julian. He’s in the kitchen making himself a protein shake and talking on the phone. He obviously has already worked out and looks hot standing there in white athletic shorts and nothing else. Sweat glistens off his tanned skin. I make myself a cup of coffee and am grateful it’ll only take me ten minutes to get to work. I don’t feel rushed and think Julian may be on to something with the idea of me staying here regularly.

  Julian finishes his call and leans in for a kiss. “Good morning beautiful. How’d you sleep?”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine? That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?”

  Introducing Alexa: the open book. “I’m cranky. I’m not really a morning person. I’ve been faking it. But you want to know the real me so here I am.” I try to say it jokingly but I’m actually being serious.

  “Well, okay then. I’ll stay out of your way.” He smiles and sidesteps me. “I’ll drop you off at work when you’re ready.”

  “I don’t have to be in until nine. It’s only seven forty-five. You already worked out and started working. Just go in. I’ll take a cab or walk.”

  “Or, I’ll drive you. Again, I’m the boss. I can go in whenever I want.”

  I sit down at the island. “I don’t want you changing your whole schedule for me.”

  “I’m not changing anything, just adjusting. I usually work out in the morning or run, you know that. I got up early and did it so I can come home early.”

  Tears spring to my eyes and I decide PMS is responsible. Julian sees the tears and looks a little freaked out. “Lexie, why are you about to cry?”

  He’s looking at me like I’m crazy, which I kind of am at the moment.

  “Because I have PMS, and I’m cranky, and I don’t want you to change your whole life for me. It’s too much pressure.”

  “Pressure? I worked out early and want to take you to work.”

  “Yes. Pressure. Seeing you all sweaty reminds me I haven’t worked out in a week and now I feel guilty about that too. I woke up feeling bloated and the outfit I brought is going to look awful. I can’t change and to make it worse I have to deal with Serena.” I have officially spun out of control and the cool, collected version of Alexa Julian saw this weekend is g.o.n.e – gone! I know I’m acting like a nut-job but I can’t help it.

  “I’m thinking if I question any of that it’ll make it worse?” He’s trying to stifle a laugh and it makes me smile.

  “Uh huh. That’s the perceptive guy in you who gets that. I’m going to get dressed and squeeze myself into my clothes and try to calm down.”

  “Can I ask you something first?” He’s still trying not to smile.

  “At your own risk.”

  “I have to go to Coral Gables today for a meeting. If you give me a key and tell me what to bring, I’ll get your workout stuff. We can run tonight.”

  “That’s very nice but I don’t feel like running which is part of the reason I feel guilty. And, I thought you were taking me back tonight. I don’t have anything for tomorrow and I have my appointment with Ellen on Wednesday. I need my car.” He looks disappointed when I say I’m going home and I feel bad. He’s trying here.

  “But, you can bring your stuff with you and if I do feel like running, we can. Now leave me alone so I can get ready.”

  I hear Julian chuckle as I walk down the hallway.

  “PMS is no laughing matter, Bauer.” He chuckles again.

  I get dressed and as I anticipated, I feel like my dress is too tight. I’m probably imagining it but I do feel bloated. I put on my makeup, add a few curls with the curling iron, and pack up my stuff. I leave my shampoo in the shower. I have another bottle at home. It would be easier to leave my toiletries here but I can’t bring myself to leave anything but a toothbrush.

  Julian is sitting in the living room waiting for me. He gave me a wide berth and took a shower in his other bathroom. He also got dressed while I was in the bathroom. He’s in a suit and this is the first time I’ve seen him dressed like this. Oh wow. He’s wearing a lightweight, charcoal gray, D&G two-button suit with flat, front pants that fit like they were made on his body. Underneath he has on a crisp, white linen shirt and a black tie. And because I’m all about the shoes, I fall in love with the black, lace-up, leather Prada oxfords he has on. This man was in the kitchen thirty minutes ago in white athletic shorts and now he looks like he just stepped off a runway. It almost takes my breath away. He sees me gawking at him and flashes me that Bauer smile.

  “Now you’ve just made my day worse. I can’t let you go running around Miami looking like that. The ladies will be dropping like flies.”

  “Thank you for the compliment, Corazón.” He gets up and walks toward me. He stops in front of me and kisses me softly on the lips. “You look beautiful yourself.”

  “I’m serious, Julian. You’re gorgeous. Like runway-model gorgeous.”

  He kisses me again and seems a little uncomfortable with my flattery. “Let’s get out of here so you aren’t late.” He picks up my bag and I follow him to the elevator. He tells me about the meeting he’s going to. There are a few more things to work out with the company that owns the property Bywater is buying in Naples and they’re here to work out the final details. His meeting is at eleven so he has time to take me to work, run by the hotel, and get down to Coral Gables where Bywater’s main office is located.

  After Julian drops me off I head into the bathroom to get myself together. I feel super-stressed and like I’m going to cry at the drop of a hat. I want to blame it on PMS but the truth is the one-year anniversary of Brady’s death is this Friday and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about Luke too and wondering how he’s dealing with this. I thought we would be dealing with this together, and right now I wish he was around for me to talk to. My anger is still there but I miss him. I feel so conflicted. I can’t talk about this with Julian so I just stuff it all down which never is a good plan for me. I was distracted by all of the positivity this weekend but now that I’m alone with my own thoughts, the memories come streaming back in.

  My birthday is also coming up and Julian keeps making comments. I’ve told him time and time again that I don’t want to celebrate but he doesn’t seem to be listening. Last night he kept pushing the issue so I reluctantly agreed to go out to dinner Saturday night. We’re getting along so great I didn’t want to argue. I took the weekend off work too, just in case I’m a basket-case, which is a very real possibility.

  My parents are planning a dinner on Monday and I haven’t told Julian about it because I’m not sure I’m ready for him to meet them. I really just want to crawl in a hole until the weekend passes. I’ve convinced myself once I get past this last hurdle, I’m going to be in the clear and really be able to move on and have more great weekends like the one that just ended. It may be naïve to think that, but it’s what’s holding me together.

  My day is okay. I don’t break down in tears even though I feel like I might. It helps that Serena isn’t at work today. I don’t ask why and I really don’t care. I haven’t seen her since Friday night and I’m sure she has some snarky comments waiting to zing at me. The day passes slowly and it seems like forev
er until it’s time to leave. By six I’m crawling out of my skin.

  When I walk outside after work, Julian is waiting for me. I motion he doesn’t need to get out and quickly open the door. He’s on the phone again, this time on Bluetooth, and I recognize Danny’s voice. They’re talking about dinner plans. Julian hangs up and leans in for a kiss.

  “That was Danny. The people we were meeting with today want to go to DeAngelo’s for dinner. You can go in that or we can swing by your house so you can change. You look great though.”

  Huh? “Did I miss something? You were just going to drop me off remember? I have dinner plans with the girls.”

  “It’s a last minute thing and I want you to go. Have you been there? The food is great.”

  Julian is still parked as we hash this out. “Who’s going Julian?”

  “Danny, the three guys we met with today, and my parents.”

  His parents? He’s lost his mind. I’m not meeting his parents tonight. No freaking way. “Um, I’m not sure what you’ve been smoking but this is so not happening. I’m not ready to meet your parents first of all, and second, why would you want me to go anyway? It’s work.”

  He shakes his head and finally starts to drive. He better be heading to my house.

  “You came up in conversation today and I’d like you to come. It’s not a big deal so don’t make it into one. And you’re going to meet my parents at some point I hope. No time like the present.”

  “My name came up in conversation?” I don’t even try to hide the sarcasm.

  “Sí, we were talking about sales and marketing and Danny mentioned my girlfriend was also in the business and that you would be a great asset to Bywater. My dad, who had no idea I was seeing anybody seriously, started asking questions about you and the next thing I knew they all wanted to meet you. He even called my mom and told her you were going.”