She breaks down, resting her head on her hands as she cries. Huge wracking sobs rip forth from her chest. I can’t get past the horrified lump in my throat. My thoughts are consumed with Ky—this is going to destroy him. I know, because I’ve been in his shoes. After a couple minutes, she straightens up, sniffling. I grab a few tissues from a box on the table and hand them to her. “I gave the doctor my dates but he said something didn’t add up, that the pregnancy was more advanced than I thought. When he calculated the new dates, everything inside me turned to ice.” She sways, shaking and crying, as she relives the moment. “Kaden and Keven’s biological father had returned a few weeks before I traveled to Ireland, and I’d stupidly let him into my bed, believing him when he said he’d turned over a new leaf, that he wanted me, wanted us. I woke up the next morning to find him gone along with my cash and credit cards and any remnants of my self-esteem.”
She cries again, and I fight the urge to console her.
“After I left the doctors, I went to the park and I sat there for hours, cursing God and my own naïveté. I knew my ex wouldn’t give a damn about my pregnancy, and there was James, ecstatically happy, waiting at home for me, already loving my two sons as if they were his own and so blissfully happy at the thought of being a father. I cried for hours over the unfairness of it all. I begged God for it somehow to all be a mistake.” She sniffs, gripping my hands firmly. “The next day I went to a gynecologist for a second opinion, praying the whole time for a miracle, but he confirmed the doctor’s findings, and I knew what I needed to do. I went home that evening to confess it all to James. I hoped he wouldn’t leave me because of it, but I knew I had to tell him the truth. That it wasn’t fair otherwise.” Her lip wobbles as she stares at me through red-rimmed glossy eyes.
“What happened?”
“Before I had a chance to confess, James got down on one knee and proposed to me.” The sobs start up in earnest again. “He had even bought replica rings for Kaden and Keven to give to me. As I stood there, looking at the three men in my life, all on one knee, asking me to marry them, I knew what I should do. That I should reveal the truth as I’d intended, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t destroy the family I’d created with James. He was the best thing to happen to me and my boys and I felt it was selfish to take that from them. They needed a father, and James had willingly stepped into that role, and he was such a natural. As I watched him with them, I thought who cares that he isn’t their biological father? He was their father in every way that mattered. I knew he would be a better father to Kyler than my asshole ex, so I said nothing. I pushed the truth away. I let James believe he was Ky’s father because he was, because he is, in all the ways that mean anything important. I have never regretted my decision to marry James. Even with everything that has transpired between us recently, I will never forget what he did for this family. He loves those boys so much, and they couldn’t have had a better father. I won’t ever regret bringing him into their lives, but I do regret not telling him the truth. And I’ve had to live with that guilt my entire marriage. It has been on the tip of my tongue so many times, but I was always so scared to admit the truth because I knew what it’d mean. I was selfish and a coward and there’s nothing you can say to me about my actions that I haven’t already thought.”
“You should’ve come clean when it came out about Kaden and Keven.”
“I know, but I couldn’t do it. This family is hurting enough already. Ky is hurting enough already. I love him so much and I didn’t want to do this to him.”
“He deserves to know the truth! And it’s because I love him so much that I want him to know the truth. I’m insisting you tell him, Alex, both of them, and if you won’t, I will.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
The door swings open and I gasp as James steps into the room, a look of sheer horror etched on his face. “Oh my God, no!” Alex wails, scrambling to her feet and ambling toward him. “Did you hear?”
His jaw tenses, a muscle popping in and out as he holds her at arm’s length. His lip quivers. “He isn’t mine?” His façade crumples, and he sinks to his knees. I’m rooted to the spot, watching in horrid fascination. “I need you to say it to my face.” Alex drops down in front of him. “I need you to look me straight in the eye and tell me that boy I love with all my heart isn’t mine. Is it true, Alex, is it?” His anguished pleas are ripping my insides to shreds. “Kyler isn’t my biological son? Your womanizing asshole ex got you knocked up and you passed the child off as mine? Tell me, Alex.” He grips her wrist, shouting now. “Tell me you’ve lied to me about this for years!” She tears up again, and I wrap my arms around my waist to ward of the bout of shivers attacking me. “Tell me!” James’s voice cracks.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpers. “I’m so sorry. I thought it was for the best.”
“I’m so dense.” James slams his palm against his forehead. “I knew he was too big to be premature.” His look turns to ice. “How much did you pay the doctor and midwife to lie?”
She hangs her head. “Whatever it took.”
“I should’ve known.” James grabs fistfuls of his hair. “Kyler is such a natural at motocross. I never even stopped to think about that fact.” My stomach curdles at the stone-cold look that crosses his face. “You can’t tell me that Kaden and Keven didn’t ask you these questions? Not when they found out who their dad was?”
Her lip wobbles as she pulls herself back up onto the chaise longue. “They only asked me a few weeks ago, after we told the rest of the boys. I didn’t realize they had met him.”
“What did they ask you, Alex?” James pushes to his feet, extending his hand toward me. He pulls me into his side, and I willingly oblige.
“They asked me if he was Kyler’s dad too.” She wets her lips nervously. “They put me on the spot, and I panicked. I lied. I told them he was yours because I don’t want Kyler mixed up with that man! I already see enough of the same darkness in my son.”
James clings to me and his body shakes. I don’t know if it’s fear or rage or grief or a different emotion altogether. Maybe it’s a mix of everything.
Alex starts crying again, but James just stares straight ahead. He clutches me tight, and my heart is breaking for him. “Are any of the others his children?” he asks after a while in a low voice. “Are my other sons mine?”
“They are yours. I swear it.”
He goes quiet for a few minutes. “I’m having trouble believing anything that comes out of your mouth, so I’ll be organizing paternity tests to make sure.”
“If you do that, they’ll all want to know why!” Alex’s tone is borderline hysterical.
James lets go of me, crouching down in front of Alex. “If you think I’m staying quiet about this, you can think again. Kyler needs to know first, and then we’ll tell Kaden and Keven and the rest of the boys after.”
Tears cascade down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, James. I’m so sorry. I thought it was for the best.”
“Out of everything that’s happened these last few months, this is the worst lie. You know how much I love that boy! When I was in his room, by his cot, singing him to sleep every night when he was a baby, did you feel any guilt? Any remorse? Did you ever consider telling me?”
She swipes her fingers under her eyes. “Guilt and remorse? Yes. I felt those emotions. Did I ever consider telling you?” I spot the resolve returning as her face hardens. “No. I never considered telling you back then. If anything, it strengthened my belief that I’d done the right thing. All I could think about was how Kaden and Keven had missed out on those moments because my ex hadn’t been around when they were babies. And I was so glad that you were there for Kyler. You were everything I wanted for my sons. I couldn’t have dreamed a more perfect father. You may not have been the perfect husband, but you were the perfect father. I will never take that from you, James.”
“I can’t forgive you for this, Alex. I don
’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”
“Please, honey. Don’t say what you’re going to say. Not when you’re this emotional.”
James stands up. He cricks his neck from side to side and closes his eyes. Alex stares forlornly at me, and though she’s the orchestrator of this mess, I have sympathy for her. I’ve never doubted her love for her children, and I believe her when she says she thought she was doing the right thing. It doesn’t excuse it, like what my mother did doesn’t excuse her behavior, but I have a greater understanding of it.
James opens his eyes and walks toward me. “Would you mind giving Alex and me a few moments alone?” His voice is eerily calm.
My mouth is coated in a layer of bile as I speak. “No problem.”
“And would you mind fetching Kyler and bringing him here in about fifteen minutes. Please don’t say anything to him yet. He needs to hear this from Alex and me.”
“Of course. I’ll go see if he’s back.”
My stomach twists and turns as I step out of the room and fly down the stairs. I pull out my phone and tap out a quick message. “You home yet?” Without waiting for a reply, I head to the garage but neither Brad’s nor Ky’s bikes are there. Returning to the house, I keep checking my phone, but there’s no message waiting. I head to my bedroom and flop down on the bed. I’m sick at the thoughts of what is lying in wait for Ky. As if he hasn’t been through enough already. I’m beginning to believe there’s some truth to this notion of a Kennedy curse. Happiness seems to evade this family, and they appear destined to career from one tragedy to another. He’s only just extricated himself from the Addison mess, and we’re finally on the same page—and now this. While Ky doesn’t have the best relationship with James, he has always known he can rely on him. This is going to destroy him.
It isn’t fair.
I check my phone again. Still nothing. I send another message, and this time I copy Brad.
“Where r u?” Brad messages me back straightaway.
“In my room. Where r u?”
There’s no immediate reply, and I groan, tossing my phone onto the bed. I peek at the clock. James and Alex will be expecting Ky any second now. I hop up and stride across the room, opening the door with a flourish. I shriek as I, unexpectedly, come face to face with Brad. “Jeez. You startled me!”
“We need to talk.”
The solemn expression on his face drains the blood from my face. I look out in the corridor, but it’s empty. “Where’s Ky?”
Brad takes my elbow and pulls me back into the room, shutting the door with the heel of his boots. “Don’t freak out.”
“You can’t expect me not to freak out when you say something like that! Where is he, Brad? What’s going on?”
“Here.” He thrusts a folded-up piece of paper in my hand. “He left this for you.”
“No!” I clamp a hand over my mouth as it dawns on me. “When did you get back to the house?”
“Right around the time James confronted Alex at the top of his voice. We heard everything. Ky heard everything.”
Panic and fear almost throttle me. “No, Brad! No! He can’t have found out like that. Where is he?” I grip his shoulders firmly. “I need to be with him! You shouldn’t have let him leave.” I start pacing the floor, and my heart is pounding in my chest. “Shite!” I slam my palm into my forehead. “We have to go after him! He could get killed on that bike!”
“Faye.” Brad walks toward me. “Faye. Stop! Calm down. Read the letter.”
I’m scared to read it. Terrified of what it might say. “You know what it says?”
He shakes his head. “He told me to only give it to you. I wouldn’t invade your privacy like that.”
With trembling fingers, I open the page and read.
Faye,
I overheard it all, and I can’t believe she lied to me. I can’t deal with this, and I can’t face either of them so I need to leave. This isn’t about you. I LOVE YOU. Nothing about that will ever change, but I need to do this by myself. For myself. Don’t come looking for me. I don’t want to drag you into this because you are too good to get mixed up in my crap. I need time and space to wrap my head around it, to sort myself out, so I’m properly worthy of you. I will come back for you—I just don’t know when.
Don’t worry—I’ll be fine. This is something I have to do for me. Stay strong. Dad James will need you.
Love you, baby.
Ky.
The page floats to the floor, and I stand rooted to the spot as if my feet were cemented to the ground.
I didn’t think my heart could hurt any more, but I was wrong. My heart is rupturing in my chest. Splitting wide open like someone has cleaved it in two.
He’s gone.
I’ve lost the love of my life.
I don’t know when he’s coming back.
If he’s coming back.
If I’ll ever see him again.
I don’t know where he is going, or if he’s okay.
He can’t be. Everything he thought he knew about himself has been flipped on its head.
I know all about that. I wish he’d stayed to talk to me, although I understand the urge to flee. Sometimes it’s far too tempting to run from the problems, even if you think you’re running toward the solution.
He needs me. He just doesn’t realize it yet.
With fire in my eyes, I push past a clearly worried Brad, storming out of the room. I know exactly what I need to do and who I need to help me.
He’s gone, and he’s asked me not to come after him, but he clearly isn’t thinking straight if he believes that’ll stop me.
Losing Kyler is not an option I’m prepared to accept.
No matter what it takes, I’m going to find him, and I’m not giving up until I do.
To Be Continued.
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About The Author
Siobhan Davis writes emotionally intense young adult and new adult fiction with swoon-worthy romance, complex characters, and tons of unexpected plot twists and turns that will have you flipping the pages beyond bedtime! She is the author of the Amazon international bestselling True Calling, Saven and Kennedy Boys series.
Siobhan’s family will tell you she’s a little bit obsessive when it comes to reading and writing, and they aren’t wrong. She can rarely be found without her trusty Kindle, a paperback book, or her laptop somewhere close at hand.
Prior to becoming a full-time writer, Siobhan forged a successful corporate career in human resource management.
She resides in the Garden County of Ireland with her husband and two sons.
You can connect with Siobhan in the following ways:
Author website: www.siobhandavis.com
Author Blog: My YA NA Book Obsession
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Email: [email protected]
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Acknowledgments
I have been blown away by the reaction to this series, and I’d like to thank each and every reader from the bottom of my heart. I’m so happy to see you embracing the Kennedy boys and loving Faye and Kyler despite the controversial nature of their relationship. Initially, I only committed to three books in this series, and I always said I would reserve judgment on future books based on reader feedback. Thanks to all the lovely emails and Facebook messages I’ve received imploring me to write the other boys’ stories, I am thrilled to confirm that I have decided to continue with this series, and I couldn’t be more excited!
Keeping Ky
ler will conclude Faye and Ky’s story, and I will be releasing Loving Kalvin (Kalvin and Lana’s story) in the summer of 2017. Subscribe to my newsletter, or follow me on Facebook or Amazon to be notified of the exact release date of this book and future books. Also, if you have a preference for the next book in the series, I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can email me at [email protected] to let me know which Kennedy boy you’d like to read about next, and don’t forget about Brad who will also be getting his own book.
I always say it takes a mini army to release a book, and never a truer word has been spoken. I need to thank all the following people who helped in some way with this project and launch: Kelly Hartigan, Fiona Jayde, Tamara Cribley, Lola Verroen, my wonderful beta readers (Danielle, Teresa, Karla, Jennifer, Sinead, Nelia, and Karen) and my fantastic street and ARC teams.
A big thank you to all my family and friends and my wonderfully supportive author friends around the world. My husband and sons continue to enable me to write full-time, and I’m very grateful they are so understanding and encouraging. I couldn’t do this without them.
Thank you to all the readers who have been with me from the very start of this exciting journey. Please know how grateful I am for your support, and I very much appreciate all the lovely emails and messages you send me. You have no idea how they keep me going on difficult days. I have lots of exciting projects in the works, and I look forward to sharing them with you soon.
Glossary Of Irish Words And Phrases
The explanation listed is taken in the context of this book.
Bedside locker » Nightstand
Bill » Check
Bleedin’/Bloody » Damn
Boot » Trunk
Cop a load » Get a look at
Cop on » Realize/Get it together/Figure out
Done a right number on » To mistreat/Mistreated
Losing Kyler (The Kennedy Boys Book 2) Page 33