“How long where you in that stall?” Abby laughed.
“Long enough. Ben told him, and I’m paraphrasing, If a man cheats on his woman, he’s lost all right to her. It’s true. He lost all rights he had to you, including your emotions and feelings when he cheated on you, let alone when you divorced. Your husband treated you like you were a possession that he could throw away when he got tired of it, like a little boy with his toys. He has no right to claim you back when someone else wants to pick you up and dust you off.”
“Thanks, I think. I still think it doesn’t matter. Even if I decided-“Abby broke off when Kassey threw her a disgruntled look.
“If, or when, I decide to go back, and make a decision to come back here and relocate or stay in Boston, Logan isn’t still going to want me. As soon as I went back to Boston to finalize things, he would forget about me. There’s attraction there, but you need feelings for someone, and despite what I feel, that doesn’t mean he feels it too.”
“And what do you feel?”
Abby thought long and hard about that.
“I don’t know. It’s true that from the moment I first looked at Logan, I felt like a new person. On my way out here, driving all those miles, I felt that my life was over, like the moment I found out Steve had cheated on me, my life ended. I was on auto-pilot, not feeling anything, everything was by rote. Then I got here, and saw Logan, and I lit up. I haven’t felt anything like that before.” Abby smiled, thinking back to the first moment. It had felt like everything she had done in her life had led to that moment, that everything in her past had been rehearsal until then.
“Sounds like you’re in love.”
Abby looked at her sharply, Kassey’s words sending a fissure of disquiet into her stomach.
“How can I be in love with someone I barely know, while I’m still getting over a man that I was married to and thought I loved for 13 years?”
“Because sometimes, our hearts know what’s right long before our brains do.”
Chapter Five
Abby pondered over Kassey’s words as she brushed down Ellie, finding comfort in the long smooth strokes of the brush down the mare’s gleaming coat. In love with Logan? After only knowing him for 2 days? How could that be?
She stopped what she was doing, and laid her head on Ellie’s side. Just more to think about, adding to the turmoil already in her poor, beleaguered brain. She thought back to when she met Steve, and the multitude of emotions that she had felt then. Excitement that a man of his looks and breeding had paid attention to her, pride of having him as her man, but she had never had that feeling that a person was supposed to have when they met the person they were going to spend the rest of their lives with. She didn’t immediately look at Steve and think, “That’s the man I’m going to marry”. It just came with time, as if it was a step on their way to becoming responsible adults, like a check list. Dating, check; moved in together, check; marriage, check.
When she first saw Logan, when he had stood and turned around and looked at her with those penetrating eyes, it was as if he had looked into her soul, and she had felt as if she had finally found what she was looking for. That was something she had never felt with Steve, didn’t believe it had even existed.
Even thinking about him now, her blood ran hot, her pulse quickened, and he wasn’t even near. She was smart enough to realize that was a carnal reaction, and it was a deep ache she longed to ease, but beneath that was something else, a fierce need to know everything about him, his wants and dreams, what drove him.
God, girl, you are in love with him. What a fine mess. Until a week ago, she had thought she had made a decision to get her life in order, not turn it upside down, mooning over a cowboy with gray eyes and black hair.
She straightened, and led Ellie back into her stall, her mind made up. She would go back to her cabin and call her lawyer in Boston, start wrapping up loose ends, sell her townhouse, find a competent accountant to run her finances. Whether or not Logan wanted her, this was something she needed to do. She knew now she couldn’t go back to Boston, not with the new understanding that she most likely never loved him the way you should love a man that you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. Kassey was right. The divorce hurt so badly because it was a destruction of more than just a marriage, it destroyed everything she had in Boston.
She walked out of the dimness of the stable and crossed the main paddock. She raised a hand in greeting to Jake, who was riding in from west. She took it as a good sign that he waved back without falling out of his saddle.
As she walked the path back to her cabin, everything seemed brighter, more in focus. The snow had stopped and the sun had come out, bringing with it birds that wheeled across the sky and sky-rocketed into the branches of the spruce that lined the path. Through the trees, she could see antelope grazing on a high ridge, and off in the distance, the mournful sound of an elk bugling.
She came to the cabin and let herself in, having not even bothered to lock it. She noticed a hot pink piece of paper on her kitchen table and crossed over to it. It was a flier for a Valentine’s Day dance at a neighboring ranch. Kassey must’ve been in with more towels and brought it over. A gentle nudge, perhaps?
She hadn’t been to a barn dance since she left to go to college. She thought back to all the Valentine’s Day dances she had been to at neighboring ranches when she grew up, and knew them to be a Sadie Hawkins type of affair. She would tell Logan then, that she had decided to come back, and make her life here.
She walked over to where she had her cell plugged in to charge, and did a little boogie dance, thinking that she was way too happy for a woman about to uproot her entire life and move back to the antithesis of everything that she had grown to become accustomed to. But it also felt like the first right decision she had made since she had met Steve. No, the first right one would’ve been deciding to come here, a place she had looked up on the internet at home. That decision seemed guided now, as if an invisible hand had pushed her to click the link on the website that brought her to Logan’s ranch of all the places she could have chosen.
She took a deep breath and dialed her attorney, sealing her fate.
Kassey laid in wait for Ben, practically jerking him out of the aisle as he walked through the barn.
“God woman, can’t you wait until tonight?” Ben joked as he pulled her into his arms, and leaned down for a kiss. Kassey let him kiss her, melting as she always did, marveling that after all this time, he still could make her melt. Then she pushed him away.
“I had a talk with Abby.”
Ben sighed, and rolled his eyes. “Kassey, what did you say? You didn’t get nosy, did you?”
She punched him in his stomach and he grunted for show.
“I heard you and Logan talking-“
“Were you hiding in a stall again? That’s why I couldn’t find you!”
“No, I was getting ready to go on a ride, then you two walked in, talking about Abby. Logan loves her, Ben, and it’s tearing him up. After you left, Abby came in, and he treated her like she was just another guest. It was heartbreaking to see.”
Ben looked down at his wife, the woman he had fallen in love with at first sight, and drew parallels. She had been about to divorce a bastard when they met, and it had never given him a moment’s hesitation. Logan was stubborn, and he had a sense of right and wrong that left no room for errors. He held himself to such a higher standard that Ben had wanted to shake some sense into him more times than one.
“Babe, Logan can’t be forced into doing anything he thinks is wrong, you know that.”
“It’s not wrong!”
He lifted a hand to brush a lock of hair off her forehead, and pressed his lips to the spot.
“Just because we think it’s not wrong doesn’t mean he won’t.”
Kassey wrapped her arms around him, and snuggled in for warmth.
“He didn’t think it was wrong when we met. Hell, he helped me go get the rest of my stuff from the house
.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t him in the situation. He doesn’t judge, you know that.” He leaned back and looked down at her, “You really like Abby now, don’t you?”
“Yeah I do. We ended up going for a ride, and talked. She’s messed up about the whole thing with her ex-husband, but I think I changed her mind about going back to him. She’s good people. It helped that she wasn’t dressed like a fashion plate. I guess we should just let them work it out for themselves, huh?” Kassey pulled away from him, and took his hand, a gleam in her eye.
“What was that about waiting for tonight?”
The next day, Logan was out in a remote pasture, replacing fencing. He had been trying since the day before to take out his frustration on hard work, and it had barely made a dent in what he was feeling. He crouched down in the snow, hands hanging between his knees. He hadn’t seen Abby since he had pretty much dismissed her, the green pools of her eyes reflecting the hurt in them.
. Ben thought he was in love with her, but can someone be in love after only two days? Logan was a far cry from a cynic, but he didn’t think it was possible. True, Ben and Kassey talked all the time about how they had known the minute the first saw each other that it was love, but Logan had never experienced that.
All he knew was for sure was that Abby made him feel things he had never felt; the instant jolt of pleasure so intense it made him ache immediately when he touched her, the heating of his blood when she looked at him, and the certainty that he would just as soon stay up all night talking to her instead of making love to her. Hell, he already did that, and it was one of the best nights of his life, even though she had fallen asleep in the middle of it.
Would it be different if he could have her? Was it just the challenge, because she was off-limits? He had no way of knowing. He didn’t think so, but it didn’t matter.
He stood up and walked back to the truck. He got in and got the truck started, and pointed it toward home. He had been thinking about what to do and still hadn’t come to any kind of decision regarding her. He couldn’t keep aloof for long, because he just couldn’t stand to hurt her. If this was love, it would just have to unrequited, because as long as she wasn’t sure where she belonged in the world and unsure of herself, he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Last night had taken all his self-control not to get in the truck and drive down to her cabin and beg her to leave her life in Boston and be with him, then spent the rest of the night wrapped up in dreams so vivid he had to take another cold shower in the morning. He should get used to that in the next week or so.
At dinner, Kassey and Ben had gone on about the Valentine’s Day dance at Circle B Ranch the following week, acting like a pair of matchmakers, but Logan had just ignored them. He wasn’t even sure he would go. He usually didn’t miss it, not because of the dancing, but he used it to catch up with other ranchers and see how their winter was going.
He would just be her friend, a shoulder to cry on if she needed it, but nothing else. She would probably go back to Boston and back to her old life, but even if she didn’t, and stayed in Montana she would probably forget about Logan in the process of trying to get her life back in order.
It was a crappy plan, but he didn’t have any other options.
As he pulled into the barn area, he saw Ben, Kassey, and Jake sitting on the top rails of the corral, and as he stopped the truck and got out, he heard Jake let out a whoop. He smiled, and walked towards them, wondering what could have brought that out of Jake. As he got closer though, his steps slowed, and when he was up against the rails, he saw what had their attention.
Abby was on Ellie, whipping a lariat over her head, as she chased down a calf. It was poetry in motion to a cowboy, the quick flick of her wrist as she spun the lariat, her knees and thighs all that was guiding Ellie as they barreled down the ground of the corral, snow flying in all directions. With a smart flick of her wrist, Abby let the rope fly, and it landed neat-as-you-please over the calf’s head. She brought Ellie to a sliding stop, and jumped off, all in one fluid motion. She walked, hell she sauntered, thought Logan, over to the calf and released the rope, bowing low to the claps and hollers coming from her audience.
“Damn, you can take the girl outta the country, but not the country outta the girl!” Ben hollered, nudging Jake, who clapped his hands hard enough to break bones.
“I thought you were bluffing, Abby, but you showed me up.” Kassey laughed, then sobered as she looked down and noticed Logan standing there.
Abby looked up as the noise tapered off, and saw Logan at the fence, a booted foot on one of the lower rails, his arms crossed on the top rail.
Even from where she stood, she could see the smile tugging his firm mouth, his gray eyes lighting up.
“That sure was impressive ma’am.” He drawled, and clapped his hands together. Abby beamed inside, but graciously nodded her head. Jake snickered and Ben reached over and cuffed him on the head.
As he saw her standing there, her eyes alight with excitement, her generous mouth turned up in a huge grin, he knew then that he loved her, and would love her the rest of his life. He could fight it, and deny it, but it was there. The fact remained that he couldn’t have her, but at least he admitted that truth to himself. It would be hard to be near her and know he couldn’t do anything, but he would treat her like a precious gift, one that would be taken away from him.
Abby watched him, sensing a change in him. She hadn’t seen him since he left her in the barn yesterday morning, and had spent a lonely night at the cabin. He hadn’t been around this morning when she had walked up to the main house to talk to Kassey, and she had the feeling he was avoiding her, but now he was here, smiling at her, and hope rose up inside her. She would tell him at the Valentines dance about her decision, and then would go from there. He would either accept her, or turn her away, but it would have to be enough.
She walked over to the fence and grinned up at him. “Bet you didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”
He shook his head, and returned her smile. “No, I doubted you, thought you were just blowing smoke.”
She reached up and poked his arm. “Never doubt a woman when she brags. We’re usually not bluffing.”
“I’ll keep that in mind from now on. Were you serious when you said you could run a fence line?” he asked, crossing his arms and shooting her a challenging glance. Abby took her time answering, wondering if he was offering up a truce for his behavior.
“Of course. If I can remember how to rope, I can remember how to string barb wire. What do you have in mind?” she asked as she walked toward Ellie, picking up the dangling rein.
Logan looked around, and noticed that everyone else had mysteriously disappeared. Resolute, he pressed on.
“I have to replace another couple of lines out in one of the pastures, and wanted to know if you’d like to come.”
Abby led Ellie over to the gate and walked her through and Logan fell into step beside her, shortening his stride to keep pace with her.
“Are you offering a truce Logan?” she asked coyly, sliding her eyes his way.
“I am. One more time, I’m sorry. I can’t seem to act right around you. I don’t think I’ve apologized more in my life than I have in the past three days.”
Abby laughed, feeling wonderful for the first time since yesterday morning.
“I would love to come out with you. I might not have done physical labor back in Boston, but I was quite active. I feel like I’m stagnating.”
Logan wondered what he was getting himself into, taking her out, alone, just the two of them, but he had resolved to be a friend and friends hung out together.
“Well, I’ll meet you out here at the crack of dawn tomorrow.”
Abby mock gasped and placed her hand on her chest in an outraged gesture.
“Crack of dawn, well that’s just not civilized. Maybe around noon?” she teased. He threw back his head and laughed the first laugh he’d had in days. It felt good.
&
nbsp; “Ok, how about 8 o’clock and I’ll bring the coffee and donuts.”
“Deal”
They walked in companionable silence to the stable, Abby thrilled that he was opening up to her again. She thought about what she had told Kassey, how she would tell Logan at the dance about the move she was planning to make. Kassey had said that she should tell him sooner. Abby wasn’t sure about that. She wanted some time to get to know Logan better. Maybe now they would have the chance.
They reached the barn and Logan let her go in front of him.
“Do you want to come up to the house tonight for dinner?” he asked casually, opening the stall door so she could lead Ellie inside. He shut the door and leaned his arms over the top of it.
“Yeah, that would be nice. I had a lot of fun the other night. Everyone is so nice, especially now that Kassey and I have formed our own little truce.”
“Well, I’m going to go get cleaned up, so I’ll see you tonight at 6.” He knocked on the top of the door and walked away, whistling. Abby turned back to Ellie.
“I love men”
Chapter Six
Abby sat next to Logan in the truck, occasionally bumping in to him as the truck jostled over the ground. This did nothing to for her composure.
“Don’t you think you should replace the shocks on this thing?” she asked, reaching a hand out to brace herself on the dash.
Logan flashed a grin in her direction and intentionally aimed the truck at another bump in the ground. Abby laughed, and bounced again.
“It’s just an old ranch truck. As long as the engine runs, that’s all I care about.”
Abby nodded; she was familiar with that attitude.
They had met that morning outside the storage barn and Abby had wondered if she would ever get used to the sight of him. He had looked so good in the morning light, tall and strong.
He had seemed more comfortable around her, which Abby didn’t know how to take. She was glad for it, but was worried he had already lost interest in her. She was usually more confident and sure of herself, but she didn’t know where she stood with Logan, and that bothered her.
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