Losing Myself in You

by Heather C. Myers

  "Dinner, of course," Abigail said, pausing. Her brows were furrowed, as though she were unsure of what caused Bridgette’s sudden change in demeanor.

  "Dinner?" Bridgette in the same tone before shaking her head. "No. I'm not eating with him."

  "But, miss, he insists," Abigail said. "And I know that sounds as though he's requesting it, but he's really not. He's ordering you to be dressed appropriately and down in the dining room at six sharp."

  "I don't care," Bridgette said, her tone firm. Her ice blue eyes didn’t flinch as they looked at Abigail. "You go tell him I won't eat with him."

  Bridgette could tell Abigail kept a look of frustration from crossing her features before nodding a couple of times. "I will go tell him," she agreed, and turned around to head out the door. "But he will not be happy."

  When Bridgette was finally left alone, she rushed over to the door handle and immediately locked it.

  It was a good thing she did too, because in a manner of moments, she could hear someone stomping up the stairs, to her room, before banging on her door.

  "You are coming to dinner," a familiar, gravelly voice ordered in a booming tone.

  "No I'm not," Bridgette replied, just as firm. Marcus, she realized, could definitely be intimidating when he wanted to be. She was glad they weren’t face to face; she couldn’t even imagine his expression on his features, just outside the door.

  "Yes you are," he argued before banging on the door once again.

  "No I'm not," Bridgette said; fists forming at her side. At that moment, she was all but afraid of Marcus. In fact, she was boiling mad at him. "I'd rather starve than eat with you!"

  There was a moment's pause.

  "Fine," Marcus said after a while. His voice was no longer booming, but it still had the same effect. "Fine. If you won't eat with me, then you won’t eat with anyone."

  “That doesn’t even make sense!” Bridgette screamed from behind the door.

  Bridgette felt her body tense again, preparing for another fight, but she heard his footsteps disappear back down the stairs.

  And then, it was silent once more.

  * * *

  Chapter 12

  * * *

  She would rather starve than eat dinner with him.

  Well. That was a new one.

  Marcus had to clench his teeth together and coil his fingers into fists in order to prevent himself from turning around and banging on her bedroom door until she finally relented and decided to eat with them. He gave her the whole day to rest. He didn't force her to get up and eat breakfast with them, nor did he force her to eat lunch with them. She had to be getting hungry. Couldn't she just put on some kind of dress and impress the Elders for a couple of hours?

  But wait… Marcus froze as a tingling sensation began to slither up his spine. He wanted her to fail at this whole dining thing, didn't he? At least, that's what he had originally thought. If the Elders refused to allow him to claim her as his mate, then she would no longer be a part of his life anymore, and that was what he had wanted in the first place. Plus, it wasn't like she was going to argue with him on the matter, because she didn't want to be with him on the same level that he didn't want to be with her.

  So they had an understanding.

  Except…

  Marcus started to walk again, but instead of heading downstairs, he turned and walked into his bedroom. It was the biggest bedroom in the entire house and it even had a private bathroom attached to the room. Whenever Marcus was troubled or something was weighing heavily on his mind, he would lie down on his bed and stare up at the ceiling, breathing evenly until his frustrations faded away and he had some sort of solution to the problem. He highly doubted he would be able to find one now, but that didn't stop him from trying.

  Marcus had always been familiar with his culture. He knew that by him nipping at Bridgette's neck, by literally marking her as his, that they were connected on a deeper level than one of mere possession. In fact, he didn't necessarily believe that he owned her in any way, but if some guy tried to hit on her, he would do something about it. It was actually hard to explain. But they were connected.

  There were times when he could feel what she was feeling. It was only subtle, of course, and he knew that once she went through the transformation, if she survived it at all, those perceptive feelings would only enhance. Right now, he could detect that she was feeling an assortment of emotions. Because her presence was drastically closer to him than normal, he could pick up more of her emotions that he did before. She was angry, frustrated, confused, and maybe even a little scared. It's not every day she gets thrown over a shoulder and led into a pack of werewolves, he realized.

  So maybe he should have tried a different approach when it came to her, but even if he had, it wouldn't have changed anything. She would still frustrate him to no end, and he would be stuck trying to get her to impress the Elders.

  And then there was the fact that ever since he had marked her, his desire for her only grew. She was the only one he wanted, and he knew that from that moment on, no one would be able to satiate him the way she would. Even dreams wouldn't do, though they were momentarily satisfying. He needed to touch her, to feel her, to be inside of her. Nobody else would do. And he absolutely hated that. What had he gotten himself into? He wouldn't have sex with anyone who wasn't her for the rest of his life. He idly wondered if she felt the same way. Maybe Bridgette didn't know what she felt yet. Logic seemed to plague her, but there were moments when he had caught her eye, and he saw the same raw desire in them that he felt for her. Maybe it would take her longer to realize what she was feeling because she was human.

  So while he wanted nothing more than to have the Elders disapprove of the match, Marcus knew that he needed her. He couldn't be without her. And if the Elders did disapprove of her, then he would be forced to marry somebody else. And if that were to happen, it would be pure torture.

  But he couldn't force Bridgette to like him, love him, or at least entertain his company. She would have to come to that conclusion by herself, and all Marcus could do was to wait.

  When he realized quite a deal of time had passed since first arriving to his room, Marcus slipped off his leather jacket and replaced it with a black blazer. The pack, as usual, would eat together, whether it would be with Bridgette or without her. When he passed by her door, he stopped himself from trying to talk her into joining him, though he wanted nothing more than to attempt it. If she wanted to be stubborn, he could be stubborn too.

  By the time he reached the dining table, the entire pack was seated, waiting for him. When the Elders realized Bridgette was not with Marcus, they turned to each other and started whispering. Though Marcus's ears were sharp and he no doubt could pick up what they saying, he chose to ignore them. He took a seat, and without any spoken words, servants started placing food on the surface of the table.

  "So tell us Marcus," Julianne began in a silky purr, her blue eyes locked in his direction. "Where is your betrothed?"

  "She's not his betrothed yet," Razi murmured before taking a bite out of the prime rib a servant girl had just piled onto her plate. Once she swallowed, she licked her lips. "Not until Thane and I approve."

  "Well, where is she?" Julianne repeated, making sure that her voice wasn’t being overtly pushy.

  "She's upstairs in her room," Marcus said in a low, crisp voice, his hazel eyes currently on his food rather than the members of his pack.

  "Is she coming down?" Thane asked, waiting to start eating until he knew for sure, one way or the other, if they would be entertaining a guest. "Should we wait for her?"

  "No," Marcus told the male Elder, raising his eyes to look at him. Though his face looked relatively impassive, his eyes flashed with annoyance and anger due to the fact that things weren't exactly going according to plan.

  "Wait," Razi said after taking a sip of her red wine. "So you're telling us that the woman you have chosen as your potential mate won't even come down to dinner and meet with u
s?" Though she asked the question, her tone reflected that she already knew the answer.

  "That's not very sophisticated," Julianne said, throwing her two cents in. "Especially if this woman is supposed to be your partner, Marcus."

  "Did you do something?" Thane asked, turning his gaze over to Marcus.

  "Why would you accuse me of doing something to her?" Marcus asked, though his tone was not in any way disrespectful. However, he was obviously offended at the thought that it was his fault she wouldn't come out of her room.

  Although…

  "Well," Thane said, not taken aback by Marcus's tone. "Sometimes we say or do something that causes our mate to get upset, and then they don't want to be around us for a time afterwards."

  "She's not his mate" Julianne pointed out.

  "She never wants to be around me," Marcus said, all but growling.

  "May I ask you a question?" Razi said as she dabbed the napkin around the corners of her lips, wiping away any traces of residue. "Why did you choose her? I mean, look at your clan, Marcus. You have your choice of many women, all beautiful, all wolf, who would be willing to sacrifice so much to take her place by your side as your mate. So why her? Why this human who can't even be bothered to eat dinner with us?"

  It took Marcus a long time to reply, but he masked it with chewing. He needed to buy time to make sure that what he said was honest and believable. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he felt as though he needed to defend his choice, no matter how incredibly upset he was with her.

  "To be honest," he said after swallowing the meat, "I have no idea. But for some reason, I could distinctly sense her presence when she first stepped onto the property. I could smell her. And when I saw her… I don't know. I chased after her, and my instincts got the best of me. I bit her. Of course, this, in no way, justifies her behavior tonight, and for that, I apologize."

  Thane and Razi looked at each other upon hearing what Marcus had to say. Razi looked slightly defeated, but Thane was smiling, as though he fully understood what Marcus meant.

  "Okay," Thane said, nodding his head. "Okay."

  * * *

  Chapter 13

  * * *

  Once dinner was over, Marcus waited until everyone left before heading back upstairs. They wouldn’t be running through the forest as wolves tonight, as per tradition. He was in no mood to lose himself through the forest, in the night, feeling the cold, crisp breeze run through his thick locks. And he highly doubted the majority of his clan would be too.

  His feet were heavy with each step as he ascended the staircase, unsure how he felt about the woman currently occupying the guestroom. The obvious emotion he felt was anger directed at her and the rude behavior she displayed, but something else inside of him could understand where why she was feeling this way. It wasn't as though she had agreed to any of this. Marcus had no idea one nip of the flesh would cause her to actually turn into one of them, and if the Elders didn't accept her or approve of her, she would have to endure the harsh transformation by herself. She would be a lone wolf, with no pack to answer to. Maybe in movies, especially Western films, it was cool to be by one's self; people saw it as tough and masculine, but in actual werewolf culture, being a lone wolf was nothing to be proud of. It just showed that no other pack would have her. And being in a pack truly defined a wolf. Without the necessary support system, she wouldn't survive much longer after she was released.

  Marcus frowned at the thought, stopping in front of Bridgette's door and cocking his head so that his dark chestnut hair slightly littered his face. The name suited her; he had read it on the nameplate that day he invaded her office. He didn't exactly want to marry her or anything, but he could certainly feel the biological effects from biting her. His basic instincts all revolved around her in some way. It didn't matter that he didn't particularly like her, but he wanted nothing more than to protect her, ensure she was getting enough food and water, had shelter, clothes, and most importantly, make love to her over and over and over again, not only to breed, but to experience the pleasure he knew only she could give him.

  Bridgette, he knew, had to be feeling the same sort of emotions, but he assumed her stubbornness would rule it out, telling her that it wasn't really what she wanted. As if she had been drugged. But she wasn't. This was the greatest weakness werewolves saw in both humans and vampires; the lack of significance in their emotions. Even if she denied them now, she would clearly feel them soon when she changed.

  The fact that she was a human made a big difference in how this would all play out. Purity was a rarity among packs nowadays, and the Sterling pack had prided themselves as being one of the remaining few in the country. Normally, werewolves looked in their own packs before choosing a human, and it was crucial that the human give some sort of consent after being thoroughly informed of what their body was going to go through. Some humans weren't strong enough to survive, and many died. If Bridgette did survive, she would need someone to watch over her for 72 hours in order to nurse her back to health before building her strength. She would transform from one extreme (a human, with no concept of anything animal) to another (a literal werewolf). Her desires and cravings would be uncontrollable then, during her 3 day transformation, which was why it was necessary for someone to watch over her if she survived the initial turning point.

  Because the transformation was so unknown and had the potential to be so damaging, the importance of the Elders’ approval only increased. He could guarantee her care around the clock care from his pack – her pack - and he would be right there by her side. He had to be, knowing that it was he who transformed her.

  However, her transformation wasn't going to happen soon, and as a result, she would complain, fight, and do just about anything else in order to create conflict with him. Because of his pride, Marcus would do the same thing to her.

  With a silent sigh, he turned and headed towards his room, trying to think of some way for them to get along, at least long enough so the Elders could give their consent. Once she was guaranteed a place in their pack, she could fight with him as much as she wanted, and he would probably enjoy it.

  ---

  Immediately after dinner had finished, Abigail headed upstairs to Bridgette's room. She wasn't exactly sure what she hoped to accomplish, but maybe if the human heard about Marcus from someone who knew him, maybe, just maybe, she would understand that Marcus wasn't as bad as he seemed. Yes, he wasn't exactly helping himself with how he had yelled at her and how he ordered her around, but Abigail knew that that was just Marcus's way of… Okay, there really was no excuse for it, but she knew that Marcus, in some way, cared about Bridgette, and if she could get Bridgette to realize that then…

  She knocked on the door and after stating who it was, Bridgette called her in. Abigail realized the human was just as stubborn as Marcus was; if it had been she who was forced to remain in here with no food, Abigail would probably agree to anything.

  "I wanted to check on you," she explained as she walked through the doorway, hoping the smile on her face was friendly and warm.

  "Why does he keep me here?" Bridgette asked. She was currently standing over by the window, looking out of it until Abigail walked in. Though her position stayed the same, Bridgette's eyes were now locked on the young girl rather than the night sky. "I know we both don't like each other. I know he doesn't want this in the same way that I don't want this. Why can't he just let me go?"

  "You can't just leave," Abigail told her gently. "I mean, whether you like it or not, you're one of us now."

  "I don't want to be one of you," Bridgette snapped, and then, upon realizing what she had just said, sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean it the way it came out, it's just… It's just a lot to process right now." Her eyes returned to the night sky, her mind still constantly trying to find some way to escape.

  "He's really not as bad as you think, you know," Abigail said, her voice holding a subtle glint of hesitancy in it. "I mean, he can be very intimidating,
but he's really one of the best leaders this pack has ever seen."

  "I'm not intimidated by him," Bridgette said, almost defensively, looking at Abigail once again. "I mean, I know that sounds weird and everything, but for some reason, he doesn't really scare me. I can't explain why."

  "It's because of the bite," Abigail explained, her chin tilting up as if to point to the place on her neck. "The bite causes a lot of biological and emotional changes in you."

  "So I don't even get to choose if I fall in love with him or not?" Bridgette asked in disbelief.

  "The bite cannot cause someone to love you or not," Abigail explained with patience. "But it causes basic instincts to heighten. You may feel the need to procreate with him –" Here, Bridgette blushed – "Or you may feel jealous if another woman wants him for herself even though you have no emotional connection with him whatsoever. I'm not sure how the whole thing works, especially not when it concerns humans, but…" Here she paused, cocking her head slightly to the side before smiling. "But I think that Marcus chose you for a reason, even though I am most definitely not aware of what that is."

  "I miss my job," Bridgette murmured, her forehead resting on the cool surface of the window. She didn’t want to talk about Marcus and any feelings she had regarding the wolf. She just wanted to return to her normal life, go back to work, be the independent young woman she was known to be.

  "You worked at NDS, didn't you?" Abigail asked, sincerely interested in working at such a place.

  Bridgette nodded. "And I was damn good at it," she said. "In fact, it was only coming here did I fail at something. I let myself get cornered and then even with an opportunity to escape, I got caught once again. And now here I am. Also, everyone I know probably hates me in some way…" She let her voice trail off, her thoughts suddenly emphasizing her statement. She hadn’t really put much thought into how others would respond to her change, but know that the subject had been broached… As much as she wanted to be sure of her colleagues and friends, she wasn’t. Didn’t know how they’d treat her, once she did change...