Tweenache in the Time of Hashtags
Page 11
‘Ooh, what’s happening?’ Akaash whispered to me.
‘I don’t know!’ I said.
‘Well, on behalf of the headmistress and the faculty,’ Ms D’Souza continued, ‘I am thrilled to inform you that starting this June we will have a professional therapist on campus to help anyone who needs it.’
‘Oh, my gawwwwd!’ I squealed in delight. I couldn’t believe I had actually started something at school.
‘Well done, Nina!’ she said as I grinned till my cheekbones hurt. The whole room burst into applause again and Anna gave me a thumbs-up from where she stood.
‘I’ve lost my loser-troublemaker friend,’ Akaash said mournfully.
‘Nah,’ I assured him. ‘The whole point of therapy is to solve problems AFTER we have got ourselves into a mess, silly!’
‘Come on, then.’ He winked. ‘Let’s show ‘em we mean business.’
On Looking Back
Posted by Nina on 22 December 2014 at 11.11 p.m.
It’s been an intense few months and a string of losses. I mean, check it out:
My dad turned out to be a disappointment.
My first crush was hijacked by my big sister and later turned out to be gay.
My best friend found another best friend and didn’t talk to me for a considerable period of time.
I lost the one thing (the exchange programme) I had wanted more than anything else to someone who won it from me fair and square.
All in a matter of months! I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. I’ve not lost this much in such a short span of time before, and the weird thing is, I’ve never felt better (it was all part of BLG’s plan from the beginning, clearly). So this is my big question this year: How come they never tell you how important it is to lose? See, winning is a high like no other but losing just makes you a better person, I think. I mean, each one of those losses taught me something really cool and just expanded me, you know?
Also, since we’re clearly going to be losing as much – if not more – in life (that’s just probability), how come we aren’t taught how to be good at this? Why don’t our progress reports have remarks from teachers on the lines of ‘Nina took her loss like a boss,’ or ‘A++ in losing and keeping chin up’? Something tells me that might come in more handy than algebra when I grow up.
Epilogue
‘Aaaaaaaah!’ I let out a gut-wrenching cry. ‘All right, I’ll admit it, this HURRRRRTS!’
‘So PMS is what?’ Nikki said, also holding her stomach but totally enjoying my admission of pain.
‘Not a scam,’ I said, hoping this act of contrition might end the pain. No such luck.
‘God, I hate everything,’ Mom said. Our cycles had synced and the three of us were now seated next to each other, legs stretched out on bean bags.
‘Does it get better?’ I asked.
‘What do you THINK?’ Nikki spat.
‘I dreamt last night that I died,’ Mom wailed. ‘I think this is it! It’s going to kill me!’ The doorbell rang. We exchanged a look. ‘Who will get the door?’ it said. ‘God! Who the hell is it?’ Mom muttered.
‘Sorry, sorry, I have the keys!’ It was Ashwin Uncle.
‘Girls, let’s psyche him out!’ Mom whispered. ‘Go nuts.’
‘Hello ladies!’ Ashwin Uncle greeted us chirpily as he entered the room.
‘You’re so lucky you can stand!’ I groaned.
‘I miss strong, non-wobbly legs! I miss standing!’ Nikki added.
‘Why are you just STANDING there?’ Mom snapped at him.
Ashwin Uncle eyed us like a child who had fallen into the bears’ enclosure at the zoo. ‘I brought cheesecake!’ he said, holding up a plastic bag.
‘What flavour?’ I asked.
‘Blueberry?’ he said tentatively.
‘Nooooooooo!’ Nikki wailed.
‘What, what?’ he said.
‘It’s just that … I really feel like having raspberry.’
‘And I want a beeeeeg piece of dark chocolate cake,’ Mom said.
‘Uh, I do have chocolate cake in here,’ Ashwin Uncle said. He gently placed the dessert on the floor and pushed it towards us with a foot ruler he found lying around. ‘I also have a movie!’ he waved a DVD at us.
‘Is it a rom-com?’ Nikki asked.
‘Does it have zombies?’ I asked.
‘Are you watching with us?’ Mom asked.
‘Oh, I’d LOVE to, but I have to drop my car off at the service station. Will check in on you guys later?’ And with that, he disappeared out the door as fast as he had emerged.
We burst out laughing. ‘Good! He’d never have let us watch a rom-com,’ Mom said.
‘HA!’ Ashwin Uncle was back again. ‘KNEW IT!’ he said, marching in with his DVD. ‘And as the only person in the room who can walk up to the DVD player, I’m telling you frauds that we’re watching THIS!’ He held up a sci-fi thriller. Mom and Nikki groaned.
Half an hour later, he and I were the only ones watching the movie. Nikki had fallen asleep and Mom was pretending to sleep. ‘This is it,’ Mom murmured through her fake sleep. ‘The dream was right. This is what’s going to kill me.’
We both chuckled and continued watching artificial intelligence take over the world. It was like everything had changed and nothing had changed.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
As always, I’m most grateful for a super supportive family, lovably neurotic friends, readers (especially those who read the first book in the series and told their friends about it) and of course, my illustrator Priyanka Shyam, editor Manasi Subramaniam and all the nice folk at HarperCollins who’ve helped make this book funner and typo-free.
About the Book
#Tweenache101: First, there’s PMS (it’s real and it’s painful and can someone please make it stop?). Second, there’s #TheBoy. Yes, that’s right. The BOY. And third, there’s a #NewDad in the picture. Actually, he’s an old dad, but if Nina’s never met him before, he totally counts as new, right? And worst of all, there’s the #NerdWars. There’s a new nerd in the classroom – and she might be even nerdier than Nina. This. Can’t. Be. Good.
From the author of How to Stop Your Grownup from Making Bad Decisions, here’s another season in the life of #NinaThePhilosopher.
About the Author
JUDY BALAN is the over-thinking parent of an over-thinking child. Reality overwhelms her at times, which is why she enjoys making stuff up. She loves reading, watching and writing comedy. How to Stop Your Grownup from Making Bad Decisions was her first attempt at writing for non-grown-ups. She enjoyed it so much she decided to make it a series and call it Nina the Philosopher because tweens who think deserve their own series. For more on Judy and her writing, hop over to judybalan.com or check out Nina’s blog ninathephilosopher.com.
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First published in India in 2016 by Harper
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
Copyright © Judy Balan 2016
P-ISBN: 978-93-5177-550-8
Epub Edition © December 2015 ISBN: 978-93-5177-551-5
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Judy Balan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
This is a work of fiction and all characters and incidents described in this book are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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Cover design & all illustrations: Priyanka Shyam
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