by Kyra Lennon
The heart I’d given him, and hoped he’d keep safe.
All I really had left while he’d gone was the hope he’d keep on keeping it safe. That it would remain unbroken and unbattered until he returned. Until he chose me.
The last thing I felt like doing on Monday morning was have Bree give me a make-up trial for a wedding I wasn’t sure would happen, but she insisted we carry on as if nothing had changed. Since the wedding hadn’t – yet – been cancelled, she said I still needed to be prepared. We were still many months away from actually needing to go through this part of wedding prep, but since she had the day off, and neither of us had anything better to do, I agreed.
Before heading to her place, I took Jessica over to Mitch and Deanna’s as they’d agreed to watch her while Bree made me look pretty. As I knocked at their front door, the cold weight in the pit of my stomach felt heavier. Not just because I’d asked them to babysit again – although I was starting to feel bad about the amount of times I’d left Jessica with them recently. But because I hadn’t spoken to them since Radleigh left the night before, and we hadn’t discussed Jayden and Jen at all. It couldn’t be anything other than awkward, and instead of running from it, I’d left for their house earlier than I needed to, just in case they wanted to talk about anything – not to mention having to battle through the press who still lurked by their gates. It took all of my strength not to speed up and run over the nosy bastards.
Mitch was the one to open the door, and as his eyes fell on me, the façade I’d spent so long building up before I left the house was stripped away from me. He opened the door wider and I carried Jessica inside, and the moment the door was closed, the tears spilled over and he wrapped us up in his arms.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said, softly. “It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry, Mitch,” I sniffled. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to apologise for, honey.” Mitch released me, and took Jessica from me as she was reaching out for her grandpa. She snuggled in to his shoulder, and I couldn’t help wondering if she loved him so much because he was so like Radleigh. Although Mitch no longer had the same muscle tone as his son, he was tall and well built, and their faces were pretty similar too. I reached over and gently stroked her cheek, and she smiled at me in that way that made my heart melt.
“Leah.” Deanna’s footsteps hurried down the stairs, and I turned to her. She wasn’t her usual put together self; her hair was not in its usual perfect bun, but hastily shoved in a knot at the back of her head. She hadn’t bothered with make-up, and although her clothes were as immaculate as ever, it was obvious she wasn’t entirely in the mood for making an effort.
“Morning, Dee.” I wiped at my eyes a she came towards me and wrapped me in another hug.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
Big question.
“I’m… surviving.” I shrugged, trying to keep the rest of the tears down. I loved Mitch and Deanna so much, and it was the horrifying thought I might lose them too that had caused me to break down. That and the fear that they might blame me for the mess I was in now. “I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened. I just… I hope you know that being apart from Radleigh was never what I wanted. It’s just something we need to do right now.”
Deanna gave me a small, understanding smile. “I understand. We both do. And we want you to know that whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you. If Radleigh is dumb enough to throw away what he has with you… you’re still part of our family, Leah. Nothing will change that.”
A sigh of relief left my body. I should have known that would be their response to everything that was happening, but Radleigh was their son, and when it came down to it, they didn’t have to keep me in their lives. Sure, they’d see me occasionally because of Jessica, but it didn’t have to go any further than fleeting meetings here and there.
“I appreciate that,” I told them. “I don’t know how this will end, but I’d hate to lose you both.”
“Not gonna happen,” Mitch said, and I turned to him. “We don’t want that woman in Radleigh’s life on a permanent basis. We never liked her, and we ain’t gonna start liking her now. Seems to me she’s just the same as she always was. And if he is stupid enough to decide he wants to be with her…” He sighed and shook his head. “We think the world of you, sweetheart. She won’t get in the way of that.”
It was oddly comforting to hear first-hand how Mitch and Deanna felt about Jen. Nothing they said would make any difference to the way Radleigh felt about her, but knowing they were rooting for us helped lighten the tension I’d carried around.
Forcing a smile, I said, “It’s not all bad. You have a grandson now.”
Deanna nodded slowly. “Yes. And awful as it might sound, I really wish we didn’t. It’s not the boy’s fault, but that conniving witch will use him to get whatever it is she wants.”
“Have you met him yet?” Might have seemed like a silly question since Radleigh had only met him the day before, but with the rush Jen seemed to be in to introduce him to everyone, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she’d taken him over for breakfast.
“Not yet,” Mitch said. “We haven’t made any arrangements for that yet. I think we all need a little more time to get used to the idea.”
“That’s for sure.” I sighed again. “It’s all moving so fast.”
“That’s Jen for you,” Deanna said bitterly. “She doesn’t waste any time in making her presence felt. She breezed back to L.A…. what? A week ago? Two weeks tops, and we only found out a couple of days ago, yet already it feels like she’s been here forever.”
I couldn’t speak for them, but Jen’s ghost had been a reality for me for as long as I’d known Radleigh. Not that I was ever truly worried she might return, just that there were little things that happened between Radleigh and me that reminded me he still wore the scars she gave him. No different to any other relationship, really – I sure as hell had my own – but Jen was like this larger than life image I held in my head that I sometimes felt I’d never be able to compete with. Those thoughts never stayed for long; most of the time they never even occurred to me. But they had lurked in my sub-conscious. Seeing her in the flesh had only made those fears come to life.
“Tell me about it.” I took Jessica’s bag off my shoulder and handed it to Deanna. “Something tells me she isn’t going to make this easy on anyone. I intend to avoid her as much as I can.”
“Radleigh mentioned something about you meeting Jayden sometime. How do you feel about that?”
“I think that’s a question to ask in a few weeks.” A familiar twinge pulled at my insides. Who knew where Radleigh and I would be in a few weeks? He might have chosen Jen by then and there would be little need for any kind of formal introduction to Jayden. “Besides, Radleigh needs to spend more time with him first. This whole thing has to be confusing for Jayden. He’s been whipped away from the man he thought was his father, and suddenly he has a new one. He doesn’t need to add anyone else to the mix right now. So… yes. I would like to meet him, but it’s a bridge to cross when things have settled down.”
Deanna placed Jessica’s bag on the floor and gave me another hug, understanding what I meant without me having to say it out loud, and I clung to her for a moment, hoping to convey just how much I loved her.
“This is going to be okay, you know?” she said as she released me. “I did not raise the kind of man who walks out on his family.”
“Even if he’s walking into another one? One that is his too?”
“Jen isn’t his family, honey. She’s the woman who had his child and then lied about it for five years. But you? You’re home to him. Everything you’ve built together… that’s real. And he’ll see it eventually. I know he will.”
I only wished I shared her faith in our future. Because as I stood there in Mitch and Deanna’s entrance hall, what I felt was the slow crumbling of the life I thought I had with Radleigh.
“I shoul
d go,” I said, desperate for a change of subject and scenery. “I don’t want to be late for Bree.”
With an understanding nod, Deanna said, “Sure. You go have fun. We’ll be home all day so take as long as you need.”
“Thank you.” I smiled then turned towards Mitch and Jessica. Taking her hand, I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “Be a good girl for Nanna and Grandad, okay?” She smiled at me and I sighed, reluctant as ever to leave her behind.
“Go,” Mitch said with a laugh. “Go relax and forget about everything for a few hours.”
Chuckling, I said, “Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you later.”
**
“I have two rules for today,” Bree said as I sat in front of her in what had now been designated her make-up room. It used to be a bedroom, but since she had taken her new career so seriously, Jude had had the room fitted with an enormous window to let as much natural light in as possible, plus expensive lighting just in case she was working on a dark day or in the evening. A huge mirror took up most of one wall, and the opposite wall had been fitted with shelving to house all of Bree’s supplies. In the centre of the room was a work station with chairs around it, and that was where I sat, waiting for her to work her magic.
“Okay,” I said. “What are the rules?”
She pushed her red hair behind her ears and focused her eyes on mine. “One - we don’t talk about anything that might be upsetting or stressful. And two – you have to be totally open-minded about this. I’m not planning to make you look like a clown, but if I use a little more make-up than you’re used to, just go with it. Trust me. How does that sound?”
Her infectious smile did its job and I laughed. “Perfect.” The last thing I wanted to think or talk about was the situation with Radleigh. Just for one day, I needed some breathing room. Obviously, it played on my mind that the reason for this little make-up session might be cruelly snatched away from me, but it hadn’t been yet, and I needed to keep going as if nothing had changed.
“Cool.”
Bree had already laid out more make-up than I had ever seen anywhere in my life, and as she looked over it all, I laughed again. “You’re not planning on using all of this though, right?”
“No. But I will be trying a lot of it out on you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Okay. Well, off you go then!”
Bree rubbed her hands together with glee then handed me a primer. She’d already made me remove the minimal make-up I’d had on. “This stuff costs a freaking fortune, but it’s better than Photoshop for blurring out flaws. Not that you actually have any.”
I began rubbing the primer into my face. “It feels really good. I might need to invest in some of this myself.”
Bree hopped up from her seat and wandered around the work station to one of the drawers set into the shelving. She pulled out another tube of primer and placed it beside me before sitting down again. “Have this one. It’s my new best friend, Leah. I swear to God, I don’t know how I’ve lived without it all my life.”
“Thank you. I’ll pay you when we’re done.”
She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Please, just take it. I got a bunch of freebies from work.”
I paused rubbing the primer into my cheeks and smiled at Bree. She had always been the ray of sunshine in my life, but her new job and new pregnancy had her glowing in a way I’d never seen before. Everything about her beamed happiness and I couldn’t help but be warmed by it. She deserved every moment of this newfound joy.
“What?” Bree shifted her eyes from side to side. “What are you looking at?”
“You!” I laughed. “You just… you seem so happy right now. I know you had a rough year, but since you took this job you’ve just seemed more and more…”
“Settled?” I nodded, and she smiled. “That’s how I feel. It’s like I went through my whole life with Jude being viewed as some gold-digging ditz. And until you came to L.A, hardly anyone gave me the time of day. And even then, something was always missing.” She shrugged in a self-deprecating way. “I’ve still got a lot to learn about what I do but I feel calmer now. Like I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, and there’s a whole world of options for me. I love the job I have now, but people are already recommending me for new positions and while I don’t want to make any moves just yet, not until after the baby’s born, I love knowing there’s a whole lot more for me to achieve.”
Pride swelled inside me, and, since I’d finished priming, I set the tube on the side and gave her a hug.
“What was that for?” She laughed as she hugged me back.
“I’m just so excited for you. You have so many good things happening for you.”
As I sat back in my seat, Bree stood and cast her eyes over the foundation shades on the table before looking back at me. “I can’t believe it, Leah.” She giggled and her eyes sparkled. “I’m so lucky to have all of this, and the chance to actually have my dreams come true.”
I shook my head. “It’s not all luck. At least, not the career stuff. You’ve worked hard and you’ve earned it.”
“I know. And that’s all I ever wanted. To do something. To make a contribution to the world. And sure, I know it’s just make-up and I’m not about to change anyone’s life or find a cure for some awful disease, but I’m doing something. And that’s what matters to me.”
“You just wait.” I chuckled. “Wait until the baby comes along, and going back to work will seem like the toughest thing ever.”
Just because I hadn’t leapt over that hurdle yet, didn’t mean I couldn’t imagine how tough it would be. I got a little taster every time I left Jessica with someone else. It’s never easy handing over such a large part of your heart.
“I know,” Bree said as she picked up a foundation brush and opened up the foundation she’d established was the correct shade for me. “I’m kinda dreading that part. I’d like the kind of job where I could take the baby with me, but if my goal is movie sets, I can’t see that happening. I’ll just have to get used to it, I guess.”
“Or… I’ll just open up a nursery at my place where I take care of the next generation of Westberg kids.”
Bree laughed. “That could work! And, if I have a boy, he could end up being Jessica’s first boyfriend!”
The image made me smile. If my daughter was anything like me, though, she’d be in to older guys, not younger. But… actually, I’d have preferred she wasn’t so much like me when it came to dating. She sure as hell wouldn’t encounter the same boredom issues I’d faced when growing up. No matter where life took us, I’d make sure she didn’t grow up isolated in a tiny village. I wanted her to have the kind of childhood that didn’t leave her feeling like she was missing out on anything.
“You never know,” I said. “All we need now is for Freya and Miguel to have a kid and we’ll all be sitting around talking about sleepless nights and the best way to handle tantrums!”
As Bree began applying my foundation, she said, “Oh. My. God. Their kids would be stunning. But…” she paused. “Do you think that’ll happen? You think they’re together forever?”
“You know, if you’d asked me a few months ago, I wouldn’t have been completely sure. But the more they’re together, the more I think they’ll make it. What do you think?”
“I think they’re great together. But there’s always a part of me that wonders if… is Miguel always going to be second best to Will? I mean, does she love Miguel the way she loved Will?”
“I don’t think she’ll ever love anyone the way she loved Will. What they had was so rare. Everything about them was right. They had the best friendship, and the most honest kind of love. I don’t think she’ll feel that way about anyone again because nobody else could be as perfect for her as Will was.”
Freya and I didn’t talk about Will as much as we used to. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten him, or that she loved him any less now he was gone… because that kind of love? It never stops. But she had learned how to move on
, and that came with an acceptance that any relationship she had would be a lot different. Everyone knew she still missed him, and she would for the rest of her life, but it had gotten easier for her, and a large part of that was down to Miguel.
“They’re happy though, right?” Bree asked. “They seem happy.”
I nodded. “Yeah. They’re happy. I think if they weren’t in this for the long haul, they would have ended it by now.”
“That’s true. Now we just need to get Bryce fixed up with someone! Honestly, I thought Bethan might be the one.”
“They weren’t together long,” I pointed out. “She was sweet, though. Better than Sarah.”
Bree screwed her face up at the mention of his ex-wife. “Hated her. How she managed to find someone else so fast is beyond me. Bryce deserves to find someone new.”
“I’m not sure he’s even ready.”
Bree giggled. “You think he has some wild oats to sow?”
“Maybe.” I laughed. “But not really. He might act that way, but he’s a big softy. I think he wants what he had. Family life.”
I could relate to that. I wasn’t in the exact same position as him, but already life felt unsettled, and I wanted my stability back.
But I wasn’t allowing myself to think about that. I was at Bree’s for a little bit of make believe and imagining that nothing had changed.
It took over an hour, but Bree was finally happy with what she’d done, and she allowed me to look in the mirror at her handiwork. She smiled as she handed me the mirror, and my jaw dropped in to my lap.