The Sinner

by K. Trap Jones

Its sole purpose was to grant me with a safe haven

  Until God requested my service.

  I did not own the farm or the animals in which I cared for.

  They were all depictions supplied by God.

  They neither enhanced my mind

  Nor benefited my character.

  The farm was more of a prison than the cave

  And offered me less satisfaction over time.

  The vegetation and animals all belonged to God.

  I had no claim to them;

  They only served to distract my judgment

  As I awaited my destiny.

  I required everything from the farm.

  It gave me nothing but shallow memories of a past life

  That I did not understand.

  It was merely a play and I was the actor portraying God’s script.

  I could not return to my slumbering life

  Of false ideas and unknowing thoughts.

  How would I live?

  With my friend of misery and partner of denial?

  I had traveled too far with a mind

  That was inflicted and altered against the shape of sin.

  Sin was my only guide now.

  It took many encounters and choices in order to realize that.

  Peace was not something that I felt within my experience.

  To view the restful scene of the farm

  Was as if I was looking through a dense forest

  To find a wandering deer.

  I could not understand serenity now;

  I could not understand a life of tranquility.

  To live in peace was to deny sin.

  To deny sin was everything against who I now was.

  I had embraced temptation with every demon.

  My grip on sin was tight now and

  I could not let it fall

  Even for the most precious vision of my past life.

  It was a part of me now and I was a part of it.

  I could not entrap sin within my soul and deny its exit.

  Doing so would destroy it.

  Sin was now my burden to carry; my burden to protect.

  Denying it would not benefit either of us.

  It feeds from me like a child to a mother and

  I will provide for it like a father to a son.

  It was the one true relic that I possess now.

  I will cherish it always and never leave its side

  As it was a personal token from God.

  I imagined my wisdom and courage would be tested.

  When that occurs I would rely on my friend

  To pull me from depression and

  Guide me through the storms of confusion.

  I will feed it my emotions and

  Allow it to devour my soul in order for it to grow and prosper.

  My farm served as my past life,

  One that helped me through my darkest hours

  Within the cave and for that I am always thankful.

  I disregarded the path with respect and

  Grasped the creativity of the landscape to enhance my fate.

  I looked down the left path and saw my dirt infested cave

  Along with my trusty quill, stack of papers

  And the lone candle that provided me with protection.

  The cave served as my alteration,

  My draining of the old to create room for the new.

  The cave broke me as a man,

  But developed me as something much more.

  The torment was often too much for me to handle,

  I know now why it had to occur.

  The paths were completely different in their outcomes.

  As I stood at the threshold of the crossroads,

  I felt sin conjuring within me.

  All of the desires that I needed pulled at my temptations.

  I could not resist them as they were a part of me now.

  The rebellion that occurred within me

  While standing at the gate of decision

  Surpassed my capability of thought.

  My comrades were calling me.

  God was calling me; sin was calling me.

  My past life was not.

  I looked down the right path once more.

  I saw that the vision of my farmland was fading.

  It was growing weak both in imagery and within my mind.

  Before it disappeared, I captured a small portion

  That I would secure in my soul.

  The goats that I so loved and admired

  Would be carried with me always.

  With that in place, I let my farm slip away

  As the path sealed up and was no longer an option.

  The left path with its unpredictable

  Attitude and rotating vision lured me.

  What awaited me at the end of the path was unknown,

  But that was what I admired about it.

  I grew accustomed to the confusion and

  Chaotic nature of my sinful world.

  The continuation of such a place would be a blessing.

  While looking down the lone road,

  I saw my cavernous dwelling in the horizon.

  The place that I hated had become a visionary feast for my eyes;

  A blessing in disguise.

  I longed to feel the warmth of the candle and

  The security of the quill within my hands.

  With one foot I chose my destiny.

  It served as my first step towards my immortality;

  The continuation of my service to God.

  I no longer was a lone farmer.

  I no longer had a home to call my own.

  My home was with God; my life was with God.

  I walked down the path

  With full confidence in my choice as

  I believed it was the only outcome.

  After all that I had experienced and seen

  In my trials of sin, I could not justify living a regular life again.

  My mind was damaged and beyond correction.

  I envisioned trying to live a normal life,

  The ideology of sin always showed the darker side of me.

  I would have died a man with a heart full of sin and

  God would not have been pleased with me.

  In order to control the sin, I had to live a life

  Where I could focus all of my attention towards it.

  I would feed the sin as if it were my pet and

  Allow it to run free in my surroundings.

  The path proved to be longer

  Than I had imagined with plenty of twists and turns.

  The slow process of the journey

  Provided me an opportunity to reflect upon myself and

  All that I had recently remembered.

  The reality that Lucifer had granted me

  Released my soul and I had finally felt content.

  I did not recall ever feeling so alive

  In either of my life situations.

  I believed God required more reassurance

  Of my choice as the path soon entered

  A valley where my farm resided.

  I stopped and looked to my farm not with sorrow,

  But with happiness

  That it would always be a part of my memories;

  That I could travel to it whenever I so desired.

  The rolling fields would always

  Be lush and green in my vision,

  The trees would always sway in the wind.

  I had captured the scenery deep within my mind

  Where no one but me would be able to retrieve it.

  Regardless of what my destiny had for me,

  I would always remember

  Where I had come from and the tragedies

  I endured along the way.

  I know God allowed me to cherish my farm

  As a gift for my good deeds.

  For that I would always be thankful.

  A single goat roamed the nearby field.

 
; It ran to me when I caught her eye.

  She was not afraid of me or my touch.

  Her presence humbled me and pulled

  At the small amount of emotions that I had left.

  I turned from her and continued to walk.

  God wanted me to remain modest and

  Keep a few sentiments as he allowed

  The goat to break free from my vision and become real.

  Followed closely by my new friend,

  I walked further down the path.

  I soon encountered a wealthy man

  Dressed in extravagant clothing.

  His lifeless body was butchered by two blades

  Protruding from his chest as he lied upon a pile of gold coins.

  With no hesitation, I pulled at the daggers.

  I believed that his cadaver was no home for such artifacts.

  I cleansed the blades with his silk robe and took them.

  Traveling further, I arrived at a large wooden wall

  Littered with skeletons of the dead.

  The vision did not startle me

  Although the goat was a little intimidated.

  I felt the wall that I had constructed and

  Offered it no sorrow as to why it was erected.

  Upon the ground was the empty vial

  I grabbed the vial and left the vision behind.

  My journey led me through two wheat fields

  Being replenished with the oak irrigation system.

  While walking, I ran my hand along

  The grains of the wood and dipped my fingers

  Into the cool stream of water.

  I paused for a moment to allow for the goat to drink

  And noticed a small slither of wood lying upon the ground.

  I turned over the relic and saw the etching of a lion.

  The artifact was to come with me,

  I gathered it up and continued to walk.

  The weather turned snowy and windy,

  However, I did not feel the effects.

  The path was covered with snow, and ice

  Crystallized the trees on either side.

  I came to several frozen corpses

  Who were desperately trying to retrieve apples from a tree.

  Their extended arms were frost bitten and a deep hue of blue.

  Their painful expressions and starvation

  Were sealed perfectly upon their faces.

  Only one frozen apple resided on the tree.

  I easily plucked it from its limb and continued on my way.

  I followed the path as it led me around a bend

  Towards two bloody, beating hearts lying on a bed of roses.

  The scene conjured up a heavy dosage of love within my veins.

  My heart pounded with emotion

  As butterflies soared within my stomach.

  I picked up a single red rose and continued on my way.

  The path soon wrapped around the base of a large mountain.

  The smell of fresh ore filled the air and carried me further.

  I came across a barren wagon on the side of the path.

  The back was all but empty except for a small piece of ore.

  The symbol was beautiful in my hand and even made me smile.

  Up a hill I traveled and at the summit was the marble monument.

  I weaved in and out of the marble columns

  Allowing my hands to glide over their smooth surfaces.

  I halted when I felt an alteration in one of the columns.

  A small portion of one of the columns was cracked.

  Upon further investigation,

  A chip of marble fell from its abode and into my hand.

  I looked up to the clouds and offered a smile to God.

  Armed with a relic from each of my memories,

  I proceeded further into the unknown and

  Edged along deep trenches and vast underground caverns

  Led only by the hazy light of torches that aligned my path.

  The dusty environment offered very little visibility,

  But the closeness of the rocky walls

  Allowed for me to funnel along.

  The small tunnel exited

  Into a wide cavern where a river resided.

  The path took me onto a wooden bridge

  That spanned the width of the river

  And allowed me safe travel to the other side.

  The turbulent current of the water was unpredictable.

  It often violently shifted without warning.

  The crests of the waves appeared to battle

  One another for dominance of the current.

  With no wind or environmental powers controlling the waves,

  The river was just mystically upset.

  The brutal shifting water followed me

  With every step that I took upon the bridge.

  Every sounding creak that the wooden planks

  Made awoke more of the waves

  Until I found myself dodging their onslaught.

  I was concerned about the sturdiness of the bridge

  As it began to get bullied by the river.

  The splintered construction offered no resistance;

  The rope handles provided no support.

  I had to rely on the uneasy balance of my legs

  To avoid being swallowed by the blackened water.

  I was very content to be off of the bridge and

  Away from the shoreline of the river.

  The howls of the bloody current

  Echoed through the cavern and followed me

  For quite some time before finally fading

  Into the shifting sounds of the rocky walls.

  I continued on through a few well lit tunnels

  And soon came to a small crevice.

  The darkness of the crack prompted me

  To seek out a torch, but I could not retrieve any.

  I tried several of them, but either my strength was not enough

  Or I was simply not given permission to carry them.

  I was not excited about entering into the crevice

  Without a light source as the sheer darkness

  Inside was tormenting and belittling me.

  I felt it laughing at me and testing my courage.

  Much like a wild animal observing its prey

  For a sign of weakness that could be used against it,

  The split in the wall was studying me.

  In a sign of fear, the crevice spilled

  Its darkness upon me as if it was vomiting on me.

  I gave no physical reaction in return

  So that I would not appear afraid.

  Apparently, I passed the test as

  The darkness gradually crept back inside.

  A moan of dissatisfaction exited as I shielded my eyes.

  I smiled at the challenge in an almost conquering demeanor.

  It was important for me to show the confidence in myself,

  Which had been building throughout my journey.

  I touched the outer wall of the crevice

  To calm its nerves and reassure it that

  I was just passing through.

  My foot disappeared as I took a step into the darkness.

  The blackness was unlike anything I had seen before.

  My vision was useless and forced me

  To rely on my sense of awareness.

  Instead of wandering around aimlessly

  With my arms extended outwards,

  I closed my eyes and inhaled the darkness.

  I felt it flowing through my body and filtering through my heart.

  I did not resist it;

  I allowed it to become one with me.

  I allowed it to befriend me no matter

  What physical cost it wanted from me.

  The darkness left no portion of me untouched

  Both externally and internally.

  Every organ, every vein and every bone

  Was observed and devoured.
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  After I felt the darkness exit me,

  I opened my eyes and could see.

  My vision was improved.

  I held up my hand to touch the entity of dark.

  My act of kindness was well perceived

  As a howling breeze surrounded me.

  Exiting out of the crevice

  I found myself in a narrow cavern

  With a dirt path winding between two rivers of fire.

  The rivers spit flames high up into the air.

  As I walked along the path,

  I realized that the fire was celebrating.

  Sparks flew within the air in a joyful spirit of happiness.

  At a certain height, the sparks fizzled out

  Leaving behind a cloud of smoke.

  The illuminations ignited the cavern walls and

  Bled the rocks with a red haze.

  The scene was inspiring and beautiful to behold.

  I had gained the respect of the water,

  The darkness and now the flame.

  Each one I offered my full respect in return.

  I treated them as if they were each my offspring.

  I held up my palms and allowed sparks to dance upon my skin.

  They leaped back and forth from each hand

  In a playful pattern that formed a smile upon my face.

  I did not force their departure from me;

  Instead I allowed them to decide how long

  They wished to accompany me as I walked.

  They soon leaped from me and rejoined the others in the fire.

  The next cavern I came to was a circular land mass

  That rose up in the middle to create a small hill.

  Atop was a plateau with seven marble-lined pits

  That dove deep into the middle of the environment.

  I knew what the hill wanted me to do.

  I knew what it desired;

  The sacrifice of my relics that I had collected.

  One by one I dropped the artifacts into a respected pit.

  I showed no hesitation, no remorse and

  No self-doubt when unleashing my grip.

  I banished the memories into the belly of the beast and

  Unburdened myself from their clutches.

  They no longer tempted me with sorrow;