Cruiser

by Dee J. Stone

  “Now that you’re back, let’s discus your future,” Dad says, clasping his hands together like this really is a meeting.

  “I told you guys last night,” I say, keeping my voice calm. “I’m joining the Navy after I graduate.”

  “No,” Mom says. “The Navy is not the right choice for you. I won’t say it again.”

  I grit my teeth. She’s taking on that tone again, that I-control-what-you-do-so-you-better-listen-to-what-I-say tone that made me her little puppet when I was a kid. I’ve had enough of it then and I’ve had enough of it now. “I’m out,” I say, getting to me feet.

  “You sit right there, Elvis. The Navy is out of the question. Period.” Mom pulls a stack of papers off the coffee table. “I spoke to the guidance counselor this afternoon and we came up with some options…”

  I can’t believe this. “I’m going to join the Navy. Do something brave and honorable.”

  “Joining the Navy requires commitment and responsibility,” Dad says. “Are you sure you can handle that?”

  “Yes,” I mutter. “I can handle it.”

  “We’re not discussing that because he’s not joining,” Mom says, crumpling the papers.

  “Most parents would be proud of their son who wants to serve his country. But you won’t back down until you have the final say, ain’t that right?”

  “Proud, Elvis?” She almost spits the words out. “Reagan’s someone to be proud of. He’s studying for the SATs and his FCAT. He’s involved in extracurricular activities. Where have you been spending your time since you came back? Off gallivanting with girls!”

  My fists clench.

  I stomp up to my bedroom and slam the door, grab a pillow and fling it at the wall. Just when I think they might listen to reason, they tell me what to do, shoot down my dreams and hopes. Just like they’ve always done. When are they finally going to let me be my own person? Rey and I are twins, but that doesn’t mean we have to be the same. I kick my desk’s leg. One. Two. Three. The damn thing caves and my desk tips to the side. My school crap slides off and splatters to the floor.

  “Geez, Cruise.” Rey’s at the door.

  “Shit.”

  “Easy, bro.” Rey lowers himself onto my swivel chair and props his elbows on the armrests. Leans back. “Never seen you this angry.”

  “Your parents! I hate them.”

  “You never cared what they thought before.” He drums his fingers on the armrests.

  I sink down on the bed. “Hell, I don’t care what they say.”

  “Then why trash your room?”

  Because all my life I’ve wanted them to just listen. I got a brain and I sure as hell know how to use it. “Joining the Navy is an honorable thing to do,” I say.

  “Yeah, but you know how Mom gets. Her growing up with a Navy captain dad and all the crap she had to deal with.” He shrugs. “She’s just looking out for you, y’know.”

  I don’t want her looking out for me. I just want her to accept my damn decisions and not make me feel stupid for thinking them. And I just wish Dad would say something instead of sitting in the passenger seat. “Forget this. Got time for a few rounds of All For One?”

  “Sure.”

  My anger seeps out of me as I hunt down soldiers. I don’t think about the parents or the future, or even Lex.

  I’ve missed spending time with Rey. We kept in touch throughout the year, but it wasn’t the same. He and I have always been tight. Never hated one another like some other twins. He’s one of the reasons I decided to come back. Now that I’m here, it’s like I never left. We’ve fallen back into how things used to be. Like we were never separated. I worried things would be strained, but we’re cool. Maybe it’s a twin thing.

  Rey’s phone sings the melody of Pachelbel’s Canon. From the little time I’ve been here, I know it’s Lex’s ring. I scan the screen, see her name. Like I’m seeing her. Being close to her. Damn, I need to stop thinking about her. She’s not mine.

  Rey ignores it.

  “Lex?” I ask, keeping my voice neutral.

  He shrugs. “Yeah.”

  My thumb slips off the button of my controller. “Something not right on Planet Love?”

  He shrugs again. “She keeps blowing me off. It’s always one excuse after another, so I’m ignoring her tonight.”

  I want to tell him to get his butt over to her house, gather her into his arms, and kiss her until her lips go numb. Man, if only…

  “Call her back, Rey.”

  He doesn’t say anything.

  Sweat gathers under my arms and the back of my neck. I pull off my shirt and hurl it across the room. “Come on, man,” I say. “Call her back. She probably needs you right now. You got something good going on with Lex. Don’t screw it up.”

  He gets to his feet. “Yeah, you’re right. Catch you later.”

  “Later.”

  He can’t screw things up with her because she loves him. And he loves her. Only a dick would try to break them up. And as much as I want Lex, I’m no dick. He’s got to be the perfect boyfriend to her, make up for all that I’ve done.

  Chapter Six

  Lex

  Rey and I are making out on his living room couch while a romance movie plays in the background. No awkward silences, no worrying what’s wrong with us and desperately trying to fix it. Making out is also the best way to take my mind off the problems going on at home. Before I escaped here, Mom and Dad argued again. No, not argued. Arguments are exchanged between two civilized people. My parents were at war when I left the house. Instead of talking things through calmly like caring, devoted parents, they yelled so loud they could have cracked the walls or shattered the glass cups drying on the kitchen counter.

  What’s worse is that Rosie’s home. I offered to take her for ice cream, but she insisted on finishing her computer game and watching her next TV show. All excuses. Rosie likes to torture herself by listening to how she causes such a rift in the family. Which is not true, but that’s the lesson my parents teach her with their bickering. I can’t stand being there.

  With Rey’s arms around me, I feel protected and loved, something I never want to lose. Even though we haven’t communicated properly in what feels like forever, I know we’ll get back on track soon—we need to. Maybe when he’s no longer tied down to his extracurricular activities, or when he’s no longer stressing over his recital.

  I kiss his lips, then run my finger across his cheek. I have this fantasy of combing my fingers through my boyfriend’s hair, but Rey has a buzz cut and refuses to grow it long like his brother. I wonder what it’d feel like to…no! I can’t think about that.

  “Why do you always have to pick these movies?” Rey mumbles. For a second I forget where I am, and for even a slighter second, I think I’m with Cruiser. I hit the side of my head like that’ll help get his face out of my mind. Rey cocks an eyebrow.

  Oh, he just asked me a question. What was it again…? “We watch these movies because documentaries put me to sleep.” All of the sudden, I feel suffocated by Rey’s proximity.

  It seems like he feels the opposite because when I try to slide away from him, he pushes me deeper into the couch, leans down and presses his lips to mine. “Documentaries make you smarter. Open your eyes to things you’ve never seen or thought about before. Romance movies are all fake.” He kisses me harder, like he hasn’t kissed me in weeks, and rests his nose on mine.

  “Rey?”

  “Yeah?”

  I want to ask what’s going on with us. But instead I say, “Is everything okay?”

  He picks a strand of my hair off my shoulder and sniffs it. “Strawberry-flavored this time?” he asks and I laugh lightly. Trust Rey to remember the scents of all my shampoos. He twirls the strand around his finger. “I’m just nervous, I guess. My violin instructor told me some scouts are going to show up at my recital. No pressure there.”

  “Scouts from Juilliard?” I ask, sitting up and forcing him to roll off me.

  “Yeah, I thi
nk so.”

  It’s been both our dreams to get into Juilliard after high school and live in New York. But with my doubts about dancing, I don’t know what to think anymore.

  “Let’s not talk about this,” I say, pulling him to me and wrapping my arms around his neck. I press my lips to his.

  He kisses my neck, and when he reaches a sensitive spot, I feel like I’ve been transported into another world, where it rains chocolate and smells like flowers. I’m floating up and up and never will come down until—

  Until he jerks back. Footsteps come down the hall.

  “It’s just Cruiser,” Rey mutters before leaning in for another kiss. The Dalton twins have always had an uncanny ability to sense when the other one is near.

  I turn my face and Rey’s lips brush my cheek. “What’s wrong?”

  “Not in front of…” I rasp, my heart beating so fast I’m scared the blood may burst out of my veins.

  “Who? Cruiser?”

  “You don’t have to worry about me,” Cruiser says, checking himself in the hall mirror. “I’m going out tonight.”

  He’s wearing black jeans and a tight blue shirt.

  “New girl?” Rey leans toward my lips again. I shove at his chest, but my hands are like rubber bands.

  “You bet.” Cruiser shuffles his hair until it falls over his eyes to get his perfect “bad boy” look. “Goes by the name Erica.” His reflection winks at me, then stares at me, and I can’t take my eyes off the mirror.

  My ears pound.

  “Oh, the chick you picked up at work. Where’re you taking her?” Rey locks his fingers though mine and squeezes. I look at him and try to muster a smile, but my eyes flick back to Cruiser’s reflection. His eyes are still on me.

  “Her house,” Cruiser says. My stomach clenches.

  Cruiser gives the mirror a thumbs-up. “I’ll be home late. What you kids doing tonight?”

  “Just hanging out,” Rey says.

  Cruiser turns around. His brother can’t see him because he’s facing me, so he can’t see how Cruiser is looking at me. I pry my eyes away.

  “I’ll catch ya later,” he throws over his shoulder as he heads out the door.

  Once it slams after him, Rey’s lips seek mine. As I press myself closer to him, an uninvited thought enters my head. Cruiser kissing me. Exploring my body. He was the first guy I kissed at fourteen. We’re older now—would Cruiser touch more? Rey holds back because I’m his first girlfriend and he’s very hesitant about major touching. Would Cruiser trail his fingers up my shirt? Would he fling me down on the couch, yank at my hair, kiss me deeper?

  I blink a few times and my stomach swirls when I realize what’s actually going on in my mind. How could I even think this? I love Rey. I want to be with him, want to spend all my time with him. Why’s Cruiser invading my thoughts—my heart? I haven’t stopped thinking about him since he arrived from New York. I stay up all night and see him before me. His sincere, dark brown eyes, his wild, wavy hair. The soft, gentle hands that held mine a year ago and filled me with hope and promises.

  I pull away from Rey.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  Tears fill my eyes. I wish Cruiser would return to his grandparents.

  “Are you okay?” Rey cups my cheek.

  I swallow the tears and the guilt, and force a smile. “Yeah, thanks.”

  He returns the smile. “Okay. Want to focus on the movie?”

  Sometimes he looks so similar to Cruiser. If the twins would dress the same and if Cruiser would chop off all his hair and lose his six pack, they could look almost identical. And the way Rey’s smirking, it looks just like one of Cruiser’s cocky grins.

  I shove those thoughts away and promise myself to ignore all Cruiser-related thoughts. Let him live his life with all his girls, and I’ll live mine with Rey, who’s the right guy for me. “I’ll make popcorn,” I say.

  Chapter Seven

  Cruiser

  Her bedroom light in the distance catches my eyes. Stands out like a lone star in the night sky. I ease my bike to a stop in front my house. Pull off my helmet and look up at her room.

  I wish I was with her tonight. When Erica’s silky hair pooled over my chest a little while ago, I didn’t see her almond-shaped eyes, but the familiar blue ones of the girl next door. I’ve always loved those eyes. Too big for her face, but all the same. She’s Lex.

  I push out the kickstand and half-sit on my bike. As my index finger twisted around a strand of Erica’s luscious hair, I imagined Lex lying near me, her hand nestled on my chest, her soft chin resting on my right shoulder. “I love you, Cruiser,” she murmured before drifting off to sleep. I tucked some hair behind her ear and stared at her while she slept.

  The fantasy is too good to ever come true. I wonder what it would feel like to actually be with a girl I care about. A girl who cares about me. Tonight with Erica was fun, unforgettable, and it beat my old time favorite, Christie. But I always get this feeling after I ride away from the girl’s house. Used. Empty. A tool.

  I stopped sleeping around after living in New York for a while. Spent time with Gramps and Gran. Built things, baked things. They’re obsessed with baking contests, although they suck. Didn’t matter, though. They understood me. Accepted me. Never compared me to Rey like my parents do. Made me feel good about myself. I realized I should head home and patch things up with the parents and keep my close bond with Rey.

  But the real reason was for Lex. I never stopped thinking about her. For some idiotic reason, it never occurred to me that she’d be with someone. Guess I thought she couldn’t stand being with anyone other than me, just like I couldn’t stand being with anyone other than her. Then I came home and saw her with Rey. He didn’t know Lex and I were together last year. I felt the stab of betrayal. Don’t know why I thought she’d miss me. Want me. Wait for me. She doesn’t give a crap about me. Tossed me aside and went after Rey.

  It fucking hurt. I called Christie that night.

  A head peeks out from the window. Stares down at me. For a second it feels like everything around us disappears, and it’s only Lex and me. But she reaches for her curtain and pulls it across the window.

  “Hey, Cruise!” Rey’s head sticks out of our guestroom window. “What’re you doing down there? Shut the engine before you wake the neighbors.”

  I force out a chuckle. “Be right up.”

  My gaze goes to her window again. The curtain is still drawn. I wonder if she climbed into bed, if she’s on the train to Dreamland. If there’s room for me.

  Get over yourself.

  She’s Rey’s. They should be together. They’ve got more in common than I ever had with her. Like their love for the arts. The way they can carry a conversation about nothing. Their drive to succeed. Their taste in food—baby ribs and Hawaiian pizza.

  They’re both the perfect child in the family.

  Lex doesn’t think about me. Dream about me. She loves Rey. He makes her happy. When she looks at him, she forgets all the shit. When she looks at me, the shit buries her.

  It’s up to me to ensure that Rey continues to make her happy. There’s nothing more I can do to make it up to her.

  “Yo, Cruise!” Rey calls again.

  I park my Harley in the garage and head inside. Mom and Dad are in bed. Rey’s on the living room couch, watching CNN.

  I plop down near him, crossing my feet on the coffee table. “Sup, Rey. Why aren’t you in bed?”

  His gaze doesn’t move from the dude on TV talking about an earthquake in some country. “I got into the news,” he says. “Been so busy with the violin I’m not in tune with what’s going on in the world.”

  Yeah, it’s a tragedy when one is not informed about the stuff that goes on beyond our borders. Lex would call me an arrogant ignoramus. Wonder if she’d say the same to Rey if he was as ignorant as me.

  I need to smash something against my skull. Lex doesn’t give a damn. Get that into your big head, you arrogant ignoramus.

&n
bsp; “You need rest,” I tell Rey. “Big day tomorrow.”

  “I’ll sleep in.”

  “It’s Friday.”

  “Mom’ll let me skip.”

  “Yeah.” I grab a pillow, fold it under my head, and lean back. Close my eyes. Damn, I’m tired. A night with Erica will do that.

  I must have said that aloud because Rey says, “Speaking of Erica. How was it?”

  I open my eyes. Rey looks intrigued. He’s never asked me about my nights before. Maybe because he’s never had a girl until Lex. I give him a not-so-graphic play by play of what my night was like. His eyes flash with jealousy.

  “You’ll get there,” I tell him. “Will be great with Lex.” What I’d give… I block out the image of Lex lying near me, body tucked close to mine.

  “Yeah, I guess.” He leans back on the couch. “Sometimes she’s so…difficult, you know? I mean, I don’t want to pressure her or anything, but she was acting a little weird tonight. Maybe we both were. I don’t know.”

  Did she act like that because of the way I looked at her? Nah, who am I kidding? “Sometimes it’s better to fly solo, Rey. No commitments. Not that you should,” I quickly add. “Lex is a catch, Rey. A big one. Some guys would give anything to be with a girl like that.” My guts start a boxing match in my body.

  “Yeah?” Rey lowers the volume of the TV and scoots closer to me. “Sometimes I feel that the only reason we’re together is because we’ve been friends since we were kids.”

  I bite the words forming on my lips. The accusations. Why didn’t he tell me he got together with her? He doesn’t know what we shared last year. Had I known they were a couple—in love—I would have kept my ass in New York.

  “You love her, Rey,” I say. “You’d do anything for her and she’d do anything for you. That’s what’s important. Remember that. She’s not ready to take the next step. You don’t want to hurt her.”

  He picks at the loose thread on a cushion. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “She’ll tell you when she’s ready. It’ll come, bro. Probably faster than you think.”

  He focuses on the news. After a few minutes, I doze off. Wake up every few minutes because of the TV. Too lazy to go to my own room.