Cruiser

by Dee J. Stone

  “I got into Kelman’s Music Academy in L.A. The new semester starts in two weeks.”

  I blink a few times as the news sinks in. “You got into Kelman’s? Rey, that’s awesome!”

  He’s trying to fight it, but a big grin forms on his face.

  “I knew you’d get recruited. I knew it. This is so exciting. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thanks,” he says. His tone isn’t bitter, but it’s not very appreciative, either.

  Thoughts form in my head. Dreams of Cruiser and me together without having to worry about Rey’s feelings. I push them away. It’s not fair to think about that.

  “Yeah,” Rey says, looking at his shoes. “So you and the hot Dalton twin can finally be together, just like you’ve always wanted.”

  Tears prick my eyes. “Don’t do this, Rey.”

  “It’s a good thing I’m leaving.”

  “I want to try to be friends.”

  He snorts again. “Whatever.”

  “Please. Do it for Cruiser, Rey. He loves you and would do anything for you.”

  He clenches his jaw.

  “Just think over everything I said. I wish you lots of luck in Kelman’s. I know you’re going to be a famous violinist one day.” I squeeze his arm and make my way to the door.

  Before I leave, I turn back to look at him. He seems upset, but I hope he comes to peace with all of this. Hopefully L.A. will be a new start for him. Hopefully he’ll meet a girl there and forget all this.

  As I’m about to open the door, I see Cruiser at the top of the stairs. Our eyes lock for a second. I give him a small smile, pull the door open, and walk out.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Cruiser

  Rey’s already packing. He’s not leaving for another two weeks, but that’s how he is. Always preparing ahead of time.

  I can’t believe he’s actually moving away. We just got back together after my being away for a year. I’ll miss him like crazy.

  A knock on my door. I glance up. Rey’s there. Twin telepathy at its finest.

  “Hey,” I say.

  He sits on my bed. Stares at his shoes. Means he’s got a lot on his mind. I plop down near him. “Scared?” I ask.

  He scoffs. “For what?”

  “Gonna be your first time alone on the west coast. I’d be a little scared.”

  “You? The Mighty Cruiser ain’t afraid of nothing,” he jokes.

  “You’d be surprised, Rey,” I mutter.

  “At least I’ve got two weeks to let it sink in.”

  “Yeah.”

  We’re quiet for a few minutes. Then I say, “Rey,” just as he says, “Cruiser.”

  “You first,” I say.

  His sneaker taps on the floor. “Lex talked to me yesterday…about the two of you.”

  I shut my eyes. Take in a breath. When I opened the door for her, I got all these feelings. Felt like I was going to lose my mind. Damn, I miss her so much.

  He gets up from my bed and starts pacing, rubbing the back of his neck. That’s what we Dalton men do when we don’t know how to broach a subject. We pace. “The truth is…I knew all along that we’ve never really loved each other. Not the passionate love everyone talks about. Where you can’t eat, sleep. How she’s constantly on your mind and you want to spend every second with her.”

  “Rey, we don’t need to talk about it.”

  “We do.” He strides to the window and peers out. “I was jealous of the two of you when we were kids. I always felt left out. Always thought she’d replace me as your best friend.” He turns around. “But then I got her and it felt so good. I finally had my first girlfriend.” He paces again. Stops by the door, his back to me.

  I don’t realize I’m holding on to every word he says until I feel my fingers digging into my palms.

  “I felt safe with her because I knew her so well, since we’ve been best friends forever. It was so much easier to stay with her instead of putting myself out there.” He scratches the back of his head. “When you left for New York, we got close. I thought it was love. I hoped it was. But it never really was. We loved each other, but not in that way.” He pauses for a second. “When you came back, I knew you liked her. I knew you wanted her. It made me feel good to have something you wanted. This was the first time a girl chose me over you. I was such a horrible person, such a dick. I knew you wanted her, but I didn’t care. You’ve always been there for me, always put yourself before me. And I kept the one thing you really wanted away from you, just to boost my ego.” He shakes his head. “And when she broke up with me, it wasn’t my heart that was broken, but my pride. I couldn’t stand that she dumped me. That’s why I wanted her back. I’m so stupid.”

  He turns to me. His face is sad, guilty. Apologetic. “I’m sorry, Cruise. I should have brought you two together. I shouldn’t have kept her away from you. You’re my brother. Lex makes you happy. You should have her.”

  Shit. My eyes are getting wet. What the hell. I march to the window and look out. Why the hell am I crying?

  Rey stands behind me. “I want to see you happy, Cruise. Even if I weren’t leaving for L.A., I’d still want you to be with her. You two share something very special. I hope I can share that with a girl one day.”

  I wipe my eyes and turn to him. “You’re a good guy. Come here.” I take him in for a hug. “You will meet that special girl one day. Trust me.”

  He pulls out of the hug. Smiles shyly. “I hope.”

  I smile sadly. “What the hell am I going to do here without you?”

  He walks to my door. “Lex.” And he disappears.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Lex

  Mom’s in the kitchen when I return from hanging out with Dani. She’s wearing her thick-rimmed reading glasses. She has a pamphlet from a new doctor laid out in front of her. Tucked under the pamphlet are the forms Mom’s filling out. Rosalind Woods.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, taking a seat near her.

  “Just going over this program.”

  I don’t say anything.

  “Lex, sweetie, what’s the matter?”

  “Nothing,” I quickly say.

  Mom takes my hand. “I know something’s bothering you. You can talk to me about it.”

  I stare at the tablecloth. “I’ve just been thinking. About my future.”

  She slides her glasses off her face. “Let’s sit down on the couch.”

  I want to talk to my mom so badly. I let her take my hand and lead me to the living room. She settles down and I sit down near her. Up until this point, until my mom’s arm comes around me, I didn’t realize how much I need her.

  “What has you worried?” she asks.

  “I’m thinking of quitting dance so I can study to be a spinal cord specialist,” I say, then look at her. I’ve never brought this up before and I’m not sure how she’ll react. “It kills me when you and Dad fight,” I continue. “It kills me even more when you tow Rosie from doctor to doctor. It kills me that Rosie would rather stay home with her computer and the TV instead of hanging out with her friends.”

  Mom stares at me for what feels like forever. She rubs her forehead. “I need some coffee.”

  “Mom.” I take her hand so she can’t escape to the kitchen. “Rosie’s fine the way she is. Please. When will you finally let it go?”

  “I have to fix her, Lex,” she whispers, her eyes brimming with tears.

  I stare at her. “What do you mean?”

  She digs into her pocket and pulls out a tissue, then brings it to her eyes. “It’s my guilt, Lex. Rosie begged to come along with us to the restaurant. If I hadn’t left her…” She presses the tissue to her nose.

  “Mom, that’s crazy. You know the accident wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s fault.”

  “Yes, I know that. But…I can’t help it. I need to help my daughter.”

  “If I were Rosie, I wouldn’t want to see any more doctors, any more programs. I’d want my mom to love me the way I am.”

&nbs
p; She blows her nose. Her hands are shaking. “I know, sweetie. I know. I keep telling myself that. But the more I dig, the more I feel that the next doctor will be the one. And when he fails, I find another, and I get hopeful.” She shakes her head. “Why am I telling this to my teenage daughter?”

  I place my hand on hers. “Because your teenage daughter is here to listen.” I rest my head on her shoulder. “Dad doesn’t like it. He’s accepted Rosie the way she is. I’ve accepted. Rosie did, too. We can’t do this without you.”

  Mom lays her head on mine. All I hear is her heavy breathing and the tick tock of the clock on the wall. Mom’s arms tighten around me as she hugs me to her chest and kisses the top of my head. “You are absolutely right. I’ll try. It’s a hard adjustment, but I really want to do what’s best for Rosie.”

  “Let’s show her how beautiful her life can be even though she’s confined to her wheelchair. Let’s get her back to the spunky little brat she used to be, the chatter box who brought home a new friend every day. I miss that girl.”

  My mom runs her fingers through my hair. “I miss her, too.”

  We sit in silence for a little while. Mom sits up and looks at me. “Don’t quit dance, Lex. You are so talented and you can have such a bright future. Don’t let your guilt throw you down a path that’s not for you.”

  I bite down on my lower lip.

  “Do you honestly want to be a spinal cord specialist? The only way to heal, and to help this family heal, is by being yourself and doing what you love. Don’t change.”

  I smile as her words sink in. She’s right. I love to dance, and I’d love to have a career in it. I need to take my own advice and live life the way I’ve been living before the accident. Becoming a spinal cord specialist is noble, but it’s not for me. I think I’m finally learning to forgive myself for the night of the accident.

  “Mom?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for everything. I miss this.”

  She kisses the top of my head. “I do, too. We’ll work on getting things back to normal around here. I promise.”

  I smile. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Cruiser

  I haul one of Rey’s suitcases down the stairs. His flight is in a few hours. School won’t start for another week, but he and Mom decided to fly out early to check out the place. See the sights. Truth is, Mom’s shitting a brick about Rey living all the way on the other end of the country. She won’t rest easy until she sees him settled in.

  Truth is, she’d do the same for me.

  “Sure you can’t come with me to the airport?” Rey asks when I return to his room.

  I shake my head. “Promised Jackie I’d take the night shift. Sorry.”

  He packs some last minute things. My heart clenches. Can’t believe this is actually happening. My twin bro is leaving. Wish I could stow away in one of his suitcases. Would be fun to hang with him in Cali. The Dalton Twins take on L.A. Maybe I would have stuck with the damn violin if I knew this would happen.

  Except, I’d be away from Lex.

  Haven’t seen or spoken to her in a week. Been busy helping Rey pack and shop for clothes and shit. Truth is, I’m scared. Yeah, I’ll admit it. When she was with Rey, she was only a dream. Now she’s a possibility. A reality. I’m scared like hell.

  “What?” Rey asks.

  “What?” I ask back.

  “Looks like you thought of something.”

  I shrug. “Just wondering how I’m going to live here with the parents for the next year and a half. Don’t know how it’ll be with you gone. Kind of freaked out by it.”

  He laughs again. “You’ll be fine, Cruise. They’re really not that bad.”

  I lean against the wall. Maybe with Rey gone, they’ll no longer compare us. Maybe they’ll see me for who I am. Maybe we’ll be cool.

  Dad sticks his head inside Rey’s room. “We need to leave for the airport soon,” he says to Rey, then looks at me. “Say your goodbyes, boys. Your flight is in three hours, Reagan.”

  We look at each other. I smile weakly. “You’re going to be your own man now,” I tell him.

  He rolls his eyes. Smirks.

  “Let’s go,” I say, clapping him on the back.

  We get downstairs. Dad’s lugging Rey’s suitcases into the car and Mom’s going over the packing list. I turn to my bro. “Come here.” I pull him into a hug. “I’ll miss ya, you know.”

  He returns the hug. “I’ll miss you, too, Cruise.” His voice cracks.

  “Keep me posted on what’s going on. I want to know every detail. What the girls are like, the sights, the food.”

  He runs a hand across his eyes and nose. “I didn’t know how intense this was going to be.” He gives me an embarrassed smile. “Damn, I hate goodbyes.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Maybe you can come visit me over spring break. Or maybe I’ll come home. Damn.” He rubs his eyes. “I can’t believe this is happening. My whole life’s going to change.”

  “Yeah. It will,” I say and lean closer to him. “Don’t get into too much trouble,” I whisper. “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Hell, don’t do anything I would do.”

  His smile is strained. “I’ll remember that.”

  It’s quiet. We just look at each other.

  “It’s time,” Mom says.

  Rey nods to her. Turns back to me. “Well, this is it.”

  “Yeah.”

  He hugs me again. “Bye. And remember what we spoke about. Lex.”

  I smile weakly again and nod. “Bye, Rey.”

  He picks up his carry-on from the floor and waves. I watch him, Dad, and Mom climb into the car and drive away. I wave back. Wipe my eyes. Yeah, I knew this day would come. But I didn’t know it would be this hard.

  ***

  I hang up. Rey and Mom are at the airport. All set for their flight. I carry the last few of Rey’s boxes down to the basement. Since he was cleaning out his room, he put all his useless shit into boxes. I’m stashing them in the basement until we get rid of them.

  I drop the last box. Stretch my muscles. That’s when I catch sight of the violin sticking out of one of the old boxes. Must be sitting here for years.

  I head toward it. I don’t come here because I don’t have a reason to. I didn’t know Mom kept my old violin. Thought she threw it out years ago when I quit. I pull it out. Feel the cool wood against my skin. It’s been years. I’d lie if I said I don’t miss it. It drove me insane and I remember wanting to smash it against the wall. Throw it in the gutter in hopes that a car would run it over. But truth is, deep down, I kind of liked playing. I didn’t like how the parents would pressure me and yell at me for screwing up the notes. But I did like to play.

  I fish the bow out of the box and press the violin against my neck. I start to play. Ain’t got a clue what, but it’s a classical song I spent weeks practicing. Thought I played it flawlessly at a recital, but Mom didn’t agree. It comes back to me. I’m sure I’m screwing up the song, but I feel at peace.

  When I finish, I go again. Not saying I’m going to pick it up again, but it feels nice right now. Makes me feel connected to Rey.

  A creak on the floor. I spin around. Lex stands in the doorway. I lower the violin from my neck.

  “I’m sorry,” she says. “I heard the violin. I was wondering who was playing, since Rey left.” She runs her fingers through her hair. Eyes meet mine.

  We stare at each other. For eight seconds. Yeah, I counted.

  She breaks away and steps inside. “Please don’t stop. I love your playing.”

  I stare at the violin. The bow. The last time I played was when I was twelve, at my last recital. Lex was there. Cheered me on. Said I did so well, and it made me so happy.

  I motion toward a chair. “Do you want to sit down?”

  She gives me a small smile. Drags a chair close and sits down.

  I clear my throat. Place the violin to m
y neck. Feel my hands shake. It’s silly, but I want to impress her. Want to play the song perfectly.

  ‘Course I screw up. More than once. Lex doesn’t give a damn. She smiles as I play and cheers when I’m done.

  “Come here,” I say.

  With confused eyes, she gets up and walks over. I take her arm and gently pull her toward me. Press her back into my chest. Her hair tickles my nose. I inhale her sexy Lex smell. Fight the urge to moan. I reach over and position the violin against her neck. “Take the bow.”

  Her fingers close around it.

  I wrap mine around hers. “We’re going to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” Was one of the first songs I learned.

  She nods.

  I move her hand. Back and forth. The song’s not flowing well, but it sounds decent. Lex twists her neck and looks at me. “I’m playing.” She laughs.

  Those Rice Krispy eyes. My lips move toward hers, but she turns away and focuses on the song. I tell her to hold the violin. Then I wrap my hand around her waist and push her closer to my body. Her legs brush against mine. I nuzzle my lips into the back of her neck. Her head falls back. I push it to the side and run my lips down her throat.

  “Cruiser,” she moans.

  My response is another round of kisses to her throat.

  “What are we doing?”

  A groan escapes my mouth. “What I’ve always dreamed of doing.”

  She lets me continue kissing her for six seconds. Then pushes off and stands before me. Chest heaving. “We need to talk,” she says.

  I don’t want to talk. Just want to be with her.

  “Rey texted me before his flight.” She bites down on her lip. Eyes search mine. “Do you want to give us a chance? A real one.”

  Hell yes. She’s the girl for me. Always has been and always will be. I nod because I can’t talk.

  “Then we need to take things slow. We can’t just jump into this.”

  I reach up and stroke her cheek. “Whatever you want, Lex. Now that I have you I never want to let you go.”

  She smiles. Brings her hand up to my face and pushes some hair out of my eyes. “And I never want to let you go.”