Wynnie.
Hearing that name causes ice to rush into my veins, my arousal turning off as quickly as a faucet. Suddenly, I’m full-on crying. Uncontrollable sobs escape from deep within as the realization of what I’ve just allowed to happen comes barrelling at me. Oh, God. I’ve just erased Shawn’s last kiss from my lips; he’s no longer the last man to have kissed me. What have I done? How could I?
“Wynnie, baby, what’s wrong?” Levi asks, concern lacing his tone, but I can’t find the words to reassure him that it’s just me. That I’ll be fine. Instead, guilt fuels my anger and I unleash it all on him.
“No! Don’t ever call me that,” I scream, while struggling against his arms, forcing him to let me down. My breathing is erratic as my body heaves, my emotions are so out of control. Backing away, he tries to talk to me, to comfort me again, but I want no part of it, or him. “No.” I raise my shaking hand. “You have no right to call me that, don’t ever call me that. What have I done?!”
With that, I bolt out of the storage room and beeline it for the front door where, as if by the grace of God, I fall hysterically bawling and speaking incoherently, right into the arms of the one person I need—London—who drops the tray of Starbucks she was carrying to catch me.
*
The next thing I know, I’m waking up in my room. The space is dark except for the glow of the purple lamp that sits on the night table beside my queen-sized bed. Sitting up and shifting the blankets, I instantly have flashbacks of Levi—and my freak out. Tears threaten to come once again as I imagine how crazy he must think I am.
Leaning over to check the time, I realize it’s already after ten. Oh, no! Emmerson! And the tears fall as guilt about being a terrible mother seeps into my mind.
I notice a folded note resting on the base of the lamp, my name scrawled along the outside. I pick it up and see it’s from London.
Hooker:
All is good. Breathe. Emme is with me, we’re having a girls’ night over at my place. She, Luce, and I are having a pizza, nails, and movie night. So relax, she knows you’re not feeling well. Please believe me she was more than thrilled to come stay with us. I will have her back for brekkie.
P.S. You have got some big juicy dirt to share with me. And you have one hell of a sexy Boss Man that you need to call. Braun, he was scared shitless when he found you in my arms like you were. He carried you to my car and made me promise to have you call. He was super sweet. I know whatever happened involved him. All he would say was “tell her I’m sorry.”
Text me when you’re up.
xox,
L
Finally getting out of my bed, I decide I need some Grams time. Over the years, she’s been my biggest supporter, always offering me her perspective and never judging my craziness over the choices I’ve made. She has, however, always encouraged me to move on with my life. Pulling on my Brock U hoodie, I head upstairs in search of my grandmother.
I find her in the dimly lit kitchen, a teapot, ceramic mugs and a plate of fresh-baked cookies all set up on the dark kitchen table.
“Hi, darling. I figured you’d be up here soon enough.” She puts down her copy of “Desertion” by River Savage and comes to take me in a warm embrace. I notice her flinching a bit, and make a mental note to ask whether she’s been to the doctor yet. I glance at the book, needing her to be done with it ASAP. Grams, London and I have an addiction for sharing our sexy reads, and I’ve been waiting for this baby.
“How is it?” I hold it up, admiring the cover.
“Oh, it’s her best yet, in my opinion.” She releases her hold on me, and proceeds to gush about Jesse, the oh-so-conflicted hero.
“Well, hurry up. I just finished ‘Evanesce’ and need this,” I smile, gearing up for our talk.
“But, holy crap, does that Cassia give us a real doozy, or what?”
“She sure does,” says Grams. “I wasn’t sure I was going to get past that ending, let me tell you. London will lose her mind having to wait for the next one. Now, how about we have a spot of tea and figure out how to make the world right again?”
I nod, a tear running down my cheek despite the little reprieve she’d just given me from my troubles.
“I’d love that, Grams. I feel so stupid. God, Levi probably thinks I’m a mess,” I sigh, and sit down across from her at our small table. I immediately reach for a cookie before telling her everything that happened. My Grams is the best, and so I do tell her every detail. I mean, come on, we share our addiction for smut books, and she is, after all, the one who would love to see me with a new man in my life. So, yeah, she gets the long version.
“Do you want my honest opinion or the one you hope I give you?” she asks.
“No, I want to hear the truth. He’s going to fire me and recommend I see a therapist, right?” I huff, ignoring the dirty look she gives me.
“No, what I think is that what happened today was a good thing, and it’s about fucking time, actually.”
“Grams, language!” I chide, at her f-bomb drop. You know Violet Daniels is serious when she starts in with the four-letter word usage.
“Well, I’m serious, Braun. This boy obviously affects you, and you him. There’s no reason for you to feel embarrassed or that he’s judging you. So you have a past. Everyone has a past,” she stresses. “Yours is just a bit heavy, is all. Call him. You have his number. See what he says. After all, you’re friends, yes? Give him the opportunity to support you. Maybe give him some trust? Who knows, maybe this will give you the extra push you need to work on getting more of that human interaction I’d love to see you get.” She adds a wink to her last comment. “You need to move on without feeling guilty. You know it’s true. Shawn didn’t want this life for you. He wanted you to move on, so get moving sweetheart.” With that, she kisses my head, and leaves the room wishing me a good night.
“I know, you’re right.” I whisper, as I sit for a few more minutes contemplating her words. Shawn, just give me a sign.
“Make that doctor’s appointment, Grams. Call tomorrow or else I will,” I call out, knowing she can still hear me.
Returning to my room, I decide Grams is right. I owe it to Levi to at least let him know I’m okay, and see what he’s actually thinking before assuming he’s ready to cut me off.
Tapping my finger across the screen, I look for Levi’s number under “Boss Man”. Steeling my nerves, I take a deep breath and hit call.
It doesn’t take long before I hear his gruff voice saying my name.
Chapter 18
Levi
I see her name appear on my cell phone and I thank Christ that it’s her.
I’ve been sitting here for hours wondering what the hell went wrong. Other than the fact I kissed my friend, I have no clue. After all, it was Braunwyn that made the first move; I just went with it. But now I feel like a complete dick as I replay her reaction over and over in my mind.
Fuck me, did she taste good, her body melting into mine. I thought I was going to combust from the pressure of her sweet heat as she started to grind down on my cock. But then the hot replay is halted by the major freak-out that followed when I called her “Wynnie.”
All I know is that I will be getting to the bottom of that shit and soon. Never have I witnessed a chick lose it like that before over a name. I hate knowing that I did that to her, when all I want to do is make her smile and feel good, the way she’s been making me feel since the second she crashed into me a few weeks ago. My phone buzzes again, breaking me free from my thoughts.
“Braunwyn,” I answer, way too eagerly, but I honestly don’t give a shit at this point. I’m just happy she’s calling. Finally.
“Umm, hi, Levi. I’m…I’m so sorry for what happened. I’m mortified. I…” she trails off, her voice soft and low. “I need to explain, but I’m just not ready yet. I need more time. Please just know I am so sorry.”
I cut her off, needing to get out all the things I’ve been thinking of saying to her. “No. No. Listen to
me baby, I’m sorry. I crossed the line, I took things too far, and we’re supposed to be friends. It’s on me; you have nothing to apologize for. Okay? Just tell me that you’re all right?”
I can feel the tension ease from her voice as she continues to talk to me. That’s right, Braun. It’s all good, sweetheart. Just keep talking to me.
“Levi, honestly it was me. I pretty much attached myself to you. I’m sorry for that. God, it’s like I was a cat in heat. I am so embarrassed. I mean, you’re my boss…well, I hope you still are at least. And hopefully still my friend?” she questions, and I smile because we are so way past that, but again this—today—just shows me she’s not ready for more yet. So for now, I’ll play the friend role and count down the days until I can claim her as mine. I’ll do whatever it takes to make her comfortable with the idea of more, with me.
“I have a bit of past trauma,” she reveals, “and sometimes I have triggers that bring up the memories. I’m not ready to get into it all right now, but I just wanted to call and make sure you knew that I was sorry, and that I hope that one day I’m brave enough to share my story with you.” I can hear the sorrow lacing her words.
“I’m not going anywhere, Braun. We’re friends, and I have fun with you. I want us to get to know each other. Please don’t worry. I won’t rush or pressure you, but know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk. Okay?”
We chat for a while longer and by the end we’re both laughing, all tension evaporated. Back in the friend zone I shall stay. For now.
As long as she’s happy, I’m okay with staying in the penalty box awhile longer.
Chapter 19
Braunwyn
“Emmerson, baby, you need to have three more bites of your pizza and then you can be all done,” I say, as we sit at the food court in the local mall having lunch with London.
We came to pick up the Minions costumes I’d ordered from the store, as they were finally in. Talk about cutting it close; Halloween’s tonight after all. I’m not sure what I would have done had they not arrived, but thankfully I don’t have to worry about that. Emmerson is going to be dressed as Bob, while I will be dressed as Dave.
“I’m so excited to take Little Miss trick-or-treating this year. I’m sure you’ll be the cutest Minion ever,” I say, leaning in toward my smiling girl.
“Twick or Tweat” she says, clapping her hands, causing both London and I to burst out laughing at how excited she is.
“Awww, I wish I was going to be there to see you guys all Minion-ed up tonight. But, of course, as a recently-hired server at the hottest new restaurant in town, I will be indisposed,” says London. “But I’m working with Finn, so I can’t complain too much. That boy is all kinds of yumminess.”
“Yeah, it sucks. This will be the first year you’ve missed! It’ll just be me taking Emme out. Grams will be busy handing out candy,” I sigh, a bit disappointed. Every year we’ve all dressed up and gone around the neighbourhood together. Then London and I would usually polish off a bottle of wine or two while eating the leftover candy.
“Speaking of all things yummy, how’s it going with Levi, anyway? Well, once you finally stopped ‘being sick’ and actually went back, I know you said it was a bit awkward the first few times after your little episode…but now?”
“Honestly, it’s good. Like too good. I know I said I only wanted to be friends, but London, he’s just so damned perfect for me, I swear.” I smile, but don’t let it last. Every time I think these thoughts about Levi, I stop myself. I think back to Shawn and how I owe it to him to respect his memory. That I shouldn’t be thinking about another man the way I’ve been allowing myself to think about Levi.
“Stop it, Braunwyn Marie Daniels, you stop that right friggin’ now. You hear me? It’s almost been five years, Braun. It’s okay to date, to feel, to even have sex with another man. In fact, it’s time.”
I shake my head at her words. Tears start to blur my vision but I manage to keep them from falling down my face. Reaching for my hand London whispers: “Hooker, look at me,” and I smile at her calling me that, knowing how much I hate it, “It’s okay to let go. He’ll always be in your heart, your life,” she says, gesturing at Emmerson. “Just give yourself the permission to feel. No-one said it has to be instantaneous, but, Braun, you can’t stay like this. You need and deserve companionship. Sex. Love. Emmerson needs a male role model, I’m not saying it has to be or will be Levi, but, honey, it’s time to let the Levi’s of the world in. It’s time to find your ‘Knight’,” she adds, quoting Shawn’s letter. With that, the unshed tears now flow freely down my face in the middle of the food court on a Thursday afternoon, while people go about their lives.
“You’re right. I know it’s time. I’m trying, I swear.” I look over at Emmerson who is sucking on a lollipop, which I assume London gave her so I could have my little meltdown without her watching me.
“Okay. Enough for now. I’ve said my piece, but I need to add this last bit before I shut up. Shawn told you to move on, Braun, he told you to find someone. He’s probably pissed at you for taking so long.” London smiles at me sympathetically while patting my hand before reaching in her bag handing me a much-needed tissue. “I do have to tell you, though, your costume is cute but it’s kinda sexy too, clingy in all the right places. No-one would ever guess a yellow shirt paired with those fitted overalls would result in a hot little number like that. I think it’s the hat and goggles that do it. Maybe you should consider working the Halloween party at the bar tomorrow night after all?” she teases. “I can watch Emmerson. I’m sure Boss Man would love to see that costume huggin’ you all tight and right and shit. Besides, nothing says ‘hottie’ like a pretty girl with a big eyeball on her forehead.” She laughs out loud at herself before biting into her pizza. Thankful for the tension breaker, I laugh too.
“I hope you burn your tongue,” I taunt back, sniffling. “No,” I shake my head, “I know it would be fun and I will work a big event like the Christmas fundraiser or Valentine’s, I promise, but I took this weekend off. I have a huge paper due and it’s Grams’ birthday tomorrow and Emmerson will be up later than usual tonight with Halloween and all the excitement, so we’re going to have a lazy Saturday doing whatever Grams wants. Besides the last person I want to see me in this crazy costume,” I motion to the bag, “is Levi.”
Chapter 20
Levi
“Twick or Tweat!”
I hear a sweet little voice calling from outside my front screen door. I’d left the inside door open so I could listen for the kids while I get shit done around the house. Working so much, I have to admit I’ve most definitely neglected the place, so today I’ve been on autopilot giving the place some much needed attention.
I love Halloween. It’s such a fun holiday, especially for kids and bar owners. Our annual costume party is always a huge hit, so I decided to take tonight off because with the party happening tomorrow, I know I’ll be pulling a late night. Thank fuck I seem to have found a few competent people that have been working out so far, allowing me to finally take a night off here and there.
“Coming, just a sec,” I holler, grabbing the bowl of candy as I run from the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. As I reach the front door, I stop, needing to do a double-take.
Braunwyn Daniels is standing there, just as surprised as I am, right on my doorstep. Blinking in disbelief, I open my eyes again to see that Braun is indeed actually here on my porch, and fuck me if she isn’t dressed up like one hot Minion. That’s when my gaze lands on a cute little kid, also dressed as a Minion. The kid-friendly version.
Candlelight flickers over their faces, illuminating their features, and I catch a whiff of Braunwyn’s vanilla scent through the smell of the wax melting inside the jack o’lanterns on my doorstep.
“Levi! Oh, wow, hi. Um, we were just trick-or-treating. Uhhh, is this your place?” she asks, breaking me free of the surprise-induced shock that had left me speechless. God, I’m a tool. Where the hell is my game
?
“Hey, yeah, this is my place. Welcome.” I step outside. She nods in that familiar way that I have come to really like. I wonder if she knows what she’s doing and what it does to me.
“And what’s your name?” I ask the shorter Minion.
“Emme,” she answers.
“Hi, Emme. Nice costume,” I say, and turn my attention back to Braunwyn for a moment. “Yeah, the other day, I couldn’t believe how close we lived.”
“It is super close.” She looks at me with confusion crossing her face. “Did you know we were this close all along? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, I kind of did. That was the whole point behind me wanting to drive you home, remember?”
“Yeah, right, that was the reason, pure goodness of your heart. I thought you had that Boy Scout look about you,” she teases.
“Oh, I’m no Boy Scout, believe me. That’s the last thing you should call me when it comes to you.” I attempt to flash a serious tone and a wolfish grin so she gets my point. The hitch in her breath confirms it. Point made.
“The good thing is at least now you know it isn’t a big deal for me to drive you home after work.” I pause. “And the best part is, you can’t argue with me about it. I have to say I’m pretty fuc—” I remember the little girl “—happy about my victory.”
Braun glares at me and tries to show her annoyance at my bringing up our little fight, but a slight smile graces the corners of her mouth.
“Well, maybe you should have said it a little nicer, rather than blowing it up the way you did. Maybe you could have been like this: …” She clears her throat then attempts to make her voice deep before letting out the worst guy impression ever.
“‘Hey, Scrappy, I, like, live less than a block-and-a-half away from you, so driving you home is on my way and it would absolutely be my pleasure. Can I please give you a ride?’” She loses the baritone voice she can’t pull off for shit. “See how nice that is? I probably would have given in without a fight.”
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