Road Trip

by Andie M. Long

‘Thank you, but seriously, I’m fine.’

  We head back into the waiting room. ‘Well, it was lovely to meet you, Katy.’

  I smile back at her. ‘Likewise. This is Felix Montague, by the way. We came together though his interview isn’t until later.’

  ‘Didn’t trust you alone?’ She questions.

  I shake my head. ‘Seriously, no. We’re great friends. Aren’t we, Felix?’

  ‘Besties,’ he says, before giving Mrs Ross one of his killer smiles. He receives a dead-eye in return.

  ‘We’ll be in touch,’ says Mrs Ross before turning on her heel.

  ‘What the fuck was that all about?’ Felix questions.

  ‘She thinks you beat me up. I had to tell her you didn’t.’

  ‘Fucking what? Katy, how can I go into the interview and face someone who thinks I’m a woman beater?’ His eyes widen.

  ‘I told her she had the wrong end of the stick. You’ll be fine. Where’s your jacket?’ I ask him.

  ‘Fuck, it’s on the back seat of the car still. I’m just going to grab it.’ He runs out of the school.

  When he returns his face is a grim mask, ‘What the hell did you do to my jacket, Katy?’ His voice is a menacing rumble.

  Mrs Ross appears, obviously catching him berating me. She stares at him like she wants to have him arrested there and then.

  ‘Miss Drummond, would you like to come through?’

  ‘I can explain,’ Felix says, walking over to Mrs Ross and lifting his jacket up to her, opening it up. He places it under her nose, accidentally brushing her top lip with the jacket. She veers back, scared half to death by the thoughts of being attacked by a woman beater. ‘She washed my jacket in strawberry body wash. I smell like a girl.’ Felix whines.

  He's not really helping his case here.

  ‘Mr Montague. If you could kindly take your seat and wait for your own interview.’ Mrs Ross’ face is now taut as she attempts to keep her emotions in check. ‘Miss Drummond, I apologise for the interruption, please come through.’

  They leave the room and Felix stands up, ‘Come on, let’s get some lunch. There might be a Wetherspoons with a meal and beer for a fiver. I need it.’

  ‘But your interview?’ My brow furrows.

  ‘What did you use to clean my jacket, Katy?’ Felix questions.

  ‘You know what, my strawberry body wash.’

  ‘Yeah but how did you get the stain out?’

  ‘I scrubbed it with my bath sponge, why?’ This man gets weirder I swear.

  'Because when Mrs Ross looked back up at me asking me to take a seat she had a pubic hair on the top of her lip.’ He replies. ‘So funnily enough, what with her thinking I’m into domestic violence too, I think I’ll call this one quits. Now let’s get that beer.’

  He stalks out of the school and I have to run behind him to keep up. I wonder at what point in the interview someone is going to point out to poor Mrs Ross that she has a pube on her face? That poor woman, all she did was try to help me. If I had been a victim of domestic violence she would have done her best to assist me. I could tell.

  Taking out my interview schedule from my handbag, I dial the schools number. I could go back in, we’re only a few yards away, but I think that school has experienced enough already at the hands of me and Felix.

  ‘Hi. I’m afraid that Mr Montague won’t be attending his interview after all.’ I tell the receptionist.

  ‘Oh,’ she replies back. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Listen, is Mr Montague single? Could you pass him my number…?’

  I snap the phone shut. ‘Unbelievable.’ I shout out as I get behind the wheel again, winding the windows down as the car is like an oven. ‘Fucking unbelievable.’

  ‘What now?’ Felix says. ‘Can we just get to a spoons and get my beer? I can’t cope with any more drama today.’

  ‘The receptionist wants your number.’ I shout out. ‘The fact you’re potentially violent doesn’t seem to have put her off in the slightest.’

  He reaches for me with his hand. I veer back.

  ‘I was only going to tickle your cheek and say ‘is Katy-waty jealous’.” He rolls his eyes.

  ‘Well, I don’t want you near my lip. I need it to settle down before the next interview.’ I sigh when I think about the journey. ‘In Newquay. Just six and a half hours drive away.’

  ‘Dear God,’ says Felix, ‘Six and a half hours stuck with you? I’ll probably kick you out of the car halfway and leave you at the roadside.’

  ‘That right, Sir? Would you like to step outside the car?’ We turn around to find a policeman stood at the side of our vehicle, next to Felix. I notice that while we were engrossed in conversation a police car has pulled in behind us.

  ‘We’ve had reports about your potential safety, Miss Cornish. Just need to ask a few questions.’

  Felix’s stomach rumbles and I shake as my hypoglycaemia worsens.

  ‘No need to be scared, love. We’re here to help.’ The policeman places a hand on my arm in reassurance.

  Oh dear.

  Katy

  I wake up from my nightmare, my neck stiff from leaning awkwardly against the car door. Why have I been having that same dream recently? It’s always I’m desperate for the loo and the only toilet I can find is in public. Like, a toilet right in the middle of a department store, kind of busy. Maybe it's because I got caught short the other day.

  I look at my watch. Wow, I’ve slept most of the journey. I suppose having to persuade a police officer that Felix isn’t a wife beater took it out of me.

  ‘We’re nearly there,’ Felix says, tossing me a Mars bar.

  I’m still too asleep to catch it, instead it smacks me on the boob before falling on my lap.

  ‘Ouch! Boob attacker.’

  He grins. ‘I can’t help it that all boobs are naturally drawn towards me.’

  I scoff. ‘You wish.’ I push my arms up in the air and stretch out my muscles. I notice him shamelessly check out my tits. He really can’t help himself. ‘Bugger, I can’t believe I slept so long.’ I unwrap the bar and shove some in my mouth. I need the chocolate. Mmm, I let the sugar soothe me.

  Then I notice he has a bag full of treats. A lot like how I’d normally treat myself when I’m due on my period. ‘Remember we have to be tight with our budget?’ I remind him.

  He rolls his eyes. ‘Yes, thank you, money saving expert.’

  I hate how he’s always making me out to be a huge stick in the mud.

  ‘Hey, I’m being serious. I counted our money before I collapsed, and we only have one hundred and eight pounds left. Well, we did, before you went and bought every chocolate bar in the world.’

  He shrugs. ‘Okay, so maybe it's more a clear one hundred now. It’s not the end of the world.’

  ‘Shit, one hundred quid left and we’re only on day two. We are so gonna run out of money. Then what will we do?’

  ‘Don’t you have any other savings?’ he asks, as if this whole thing is no big deal.

  ‘Nope. I used up my savings for mine and Dick’s trip to Paris last month. Big waste of time that was.’

  ‘Jesus, you paid for you guys to go to Paris?’ he asks. I nod my head in answer. ‘I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. The guy sounds like a right cock. But I assumed you’d have savings. Isn’t that what sensible girls like you do?’

  I balk. ‘Excuse me? Sensible girls like me? Are you saying I’m boring?’

  He snorts. ‘Well, before this trip I would have definitely said that, but now I’m starting to find you slightly entertaining.’

  ‘Gee, thanks. So I take it you don’t have any other money?’

  ‘Babe, the money I gave over is all the money to my name right now.’

  Babe. I hate being called that. Especially by him in his southern drawl.

  ‘Snap.’ I look out the window. ‘God, when did our lives become so shit?’

  ‘Around the time a woman asked me to help with her break up.’

  I grimace. This is kind
of all my own fault. If I could have just kept away from bloody Felix Montague we wouldn’t be in this huge mess.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he reassures with a quick squeeze of my thigh. ‘Soon we’ll have a job and everything will be looking up.’

  Just when I think he won’t say a nice thing to me, he surprises me.

  ‘Well, I’ll have a job,’ he clarifies. ‘I’m not overly confident for you.’ He winks to let me know he’s joking. It’s still pretty cheeky.

  Ugh, and now I have to pee.

  ‘Can we pull over? I really need a wee.’

  ‘You and your bloody bladder. Can’t you wait? I reckon we’re only about fifteen minutes from the hotel.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but I really can’t.’

  He huffs. ‘Fine.’ He pulls over into a public car park.

  I look around at the dark sky, a sudden chill running down my spine. ‘Would you…’

  ‘What?’ he snaps bad temperedly. I suppose he has just been driving for six hours.

  ‘Would you… come with me?’ I ask pathetically.

  ‘Sorry, but you want me to hold your hand while you pee on the grass?’

  ‘Yes, okay! It's dark out and it's not safe for a woman like me to be getting her bits out for everyone to see.’

  He rolls his eyes. ‘Look around. There’s no one here. And I can’t see any bees around either.’

  I glare at him. ‘Please?’

  ‘Ugh, fine.’ He gets out of the car and follows me as I use the torch on my phone to find a secluded area by some bushes. ‘Come on then. Get your vag out.’

  I punch him in the stomach. He doesn’t even flinch. Damn, that’s a six pack right there. The glorious bastard.

  ‘Just shut up, will you?’

  ‘Come on, it's nothing I haven’t seen before.’

  I pull my trousers down, careful to hide myself from him the best I can, and then I squat, ready to do my business.

  ‘Hello!’ a voice booms from behind us. It catches me so off guard, my legs tremble and I find myself falling forward onto Felix’s crotch.

  ‘Agh!’ he screams, like a little girl. ‘Why the fuck would you head butt me in the nuts?’

  ‘Didn’t mean to interrupt,’ the voice says again, shining a torch at us.

  I think about how we must appear. Me on my knees, my trousers and knickers down my ankles, and Felix clutching his knob through his trousers. Jesus!

  ‘Are you here for the festival?’ the man asks. I can just about make out that he’s about fifty and wearing rainbow tie-dye clothes. Bloody nosy hippy.

  ‘No–‘

  Felix straightens himself out, quickly standing in front of me. ‘Festival? Yes, we’re here for the festival.’ He looks back at me in warning. ‘The only problem is that we’ve forgotten our tickets.’

  ‘Ah, well that’s alright. Stick with me and I’ll get you in.’

  ‘Okay great,’ Felix smiles. ‘Well, then lead the way.’

  He strides off ahead of us. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I hiss at Felix.

  ‘Getting us into a free festival. You’re welcome.’

  "Don't go too far, I'll catch you up. I still need my wee." Felix shakes his head at me and walks off slowly in front following the guy. I quickly wee, then crossing my arms I run to catch him up begrudgingly. It’s not like I’m going to sit in the car waiting on my own. We walk for what seems like miles.

  ‘You realise this guy could be leading us to our deaths?’ I whisper to Felix.

  He cracks a smile. ‘Where’s your sense of adventure, Kitty Kat?’

  God, he’s annoying as fuck.

  We eventually feel sand under our feet and hear the distant echoes of the waves. We’re on a beach? Thank God I had my wee, the sound of water would have finished me off.

  ‘Here it is,’ the guy says pointing towards something that looks like a big bonfire in the distance.

  I fasten my pace, eager to find out what we’re heading for, but slow down when I feel Felix take my hand. I look at him, but he doesn’t say anything, nor does he look at me. He just keeps walking.

  It annoys me that I like the feel of my hand in his. I’m so weak.

  When we get to crowds of people, everyone smiles at our friend and we have beers thrust into our hands.

  ‘It’s going to start soon,’ he says, finding his way off. ‘Have a great night.’

  I turn to Felix, my hand still in his and raise my eyebrows. ‘Well, what the hell are we doing here?’

  ‘We’re having an adventure, Kitty Kat. Try to live a little.’

  I roll my eyes and down my beer. His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.

  ‘Whoo! Get you!’

  I smile back, glad at his encouragement and approval. ‘So what time do you think the music will start?’

  He shrugs. ‘No idea.’

  Music suddenly blares out of speakers, except it’s not the usual fast paced energetic beats you’d expect at a festival. Instead it’s some kind of laid back melody.

  ‘See,’ Felix says smugly. ‘There’s the music.’

  I get handed another beer by someone. ‘Okay, I’ll admit it. This is kind of fun.’

  I mean, at least we get free beer.

  ‘Told you.’

  I smile around at the crowd. They all seem to be shuffling around to the music. Hang on a minute. Are they shuffling to the music or are they removing their clothes? Uh-oh. They’re definitely removing their clothes. What the hell is going on here?

  ‘Err… Felix?’

  He takes my arm and pulls me closer. I look down at it, pleased at the small protection it offers me. I look back and men and women of all ages are now fully naked: tits, vag, arse, and dicks, on full display for everyone.

  ‘Come on, you too,’ the guy who brought us here says, suddenly at our side, completely bollock fucking naked.

  ‘Oh, no thanks,’ I say with a smile. ‘I’m going to keep my clothes on for now.’

  ‘She’s a bit of a prude at first,’ Felix says with a grin, removing his jacket and top. Jesus, why is he getting naked? Damn, look at that six pack! Why isn’t he naked more often?

  ‘Felix!’ I snap just as a leggy blonde comes up to him and touches his chest. Jesus, her pubic hair is out of control. It's like a forest down there!

  ‘Come on,’ a sleazy guy with a moustache says, taking my hips and trying to force me to sway to the music. I freeze, my whole body shutting down. How the fuck can this be happening? Could this be a nightmare? Maybe I’m still safely asleep in the car?

  ‘Hey!’ Felix shouts from behind me, so loud and close to my ears that I flinch. ‘Get off her. She’s with me.’

  Sleazy guy’s hands immediately leave my hips. ‘Sorry, fella. But what on earth are you doing coming to a swinging festival if you want to be selfish?’

  ‘A what now?’ I blurt out, my mouth hanging open in shock.

  ‘A swinging festival,’ he repeats. ‘I thought you guys said you had tickets?’

  ‘We did,’ Felix nods, pulling me back to his chest. Mmm, it's warm. ‘We just like the thrill of watching.’ He bats off leggy blonde’s hands as if to prove a point.

  ‘Ah! Why didn’t you say! You should go on over to the watchers tent. Here, I’ll take you.’

  He turns and starts walking. I’m ready to bolt it out of there, but Felix takes my hand and drags me along after him.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I whisper hiss. ‘I don’t want to watch.’

  ‘We need to keep this guy sweet. We don’t want this huge crowd turning on us. It could get ugly.’

  I look around at all the balls surrounding me. ‘It already has.’

  Sleazy guy introduces us to Ciara, a lady with a whip, and an eye mask surrounding the most piercing green eyes I’ve ever seen before. She smiles friendly. ‘Right guys, if you’d like to come through to a booth.’

  I gulp but follow her. We’re sat into a small booth where we have a view of a stage where a couple are making out, him finger f
ucking her roughly. Luckily, we can’t see the other watchers. God knows what they’re doing. I dread to think.

  ‘Enjoy your evening,’ Ciara smiles, giving come fuck me eyes to Felix, before sauntering off.

  ‘Right, let’s get out of here,’ I say as soon as she’s out of earshot.

  He makes himself comfortable on the seat. ‘Well, now we’re here we might as well watch a bit of the show.’

  ‘Sorry? You want me to watch porn with you?’

  He laughs. ‘You don’t have to watch it; if it really scares you. But I wouldn’t mind watching some.’

  ‘God, you’re a dirty bastard.’

  I turn begrudgingly towards the stage and force myself to watch as the guy takes her tit in his mouth and sucks, drawing out a moan from her. God, why is this hot to watch? I can’t remember the last time I had sex that looked this good.

  He moves his mouth down to her pussy and starts going down on her. My lady parts tingle. Dick never liked doing that. Did it suddenly get hot in here?’

  ‘See,’ Felix whispers in my ear seductively. ‘You’re enjoying it.’

  I blush, hitting him on the shoulder. ‘No, I am not. I’m just watching it to keep you happy.’

  He smiles devilishly. ‘What else would you do to make me happy?’ He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

  My chest rises and falls erratically, my traitorous breath coming out in short spurts. I don’t answer him. I can’t. Instead my eyes roam greedily over his naked chest.

  ‘Look at you,’ he grins. ‘You’re turned on.’

  ‘No, I’m not!’ I protest, hiding my face from him.

  ‘Yes, you are. You do enjoy watching. You’re all flushed, and you keep squeezing your thighs together.’

  ‘I do not.’

  ‘If you say so. Look, I’m turned on.’ He points down at his erect dick straining against the fabric of his trousers. Jesus!

  ‘Wow. You’re not shy, are you?’ I snort.

  I turn away from him and focus on the couple on stage. He’s fucking her now, his thrusts so relentless that she’s moving up along the bed. Her face becomes flushed and then she’s screaming in pleasure. Fuck.

  I look back to Felix, who is no longer touching his dick. ‘Shall we go then?’

  ‘After you, pervert.’