Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1)

by P. J. Belden

  The sound of the front door opening broke into Ember’s panicked worst case scenarios that were spinning through her head. The sound of her parents’ laughter hit her next, and her heart ached with loss. She wanted a love like that. A love so complete like her parents have, like she thought she had with Sage, but his not calling or showing up has her wondering. Why hasn’t he called? Was he hurt? Oh God! What if something happened to him? This made it all more necessary to find him.

  “What’s wrong Emmy?” her father’s firm, concerned voice broke into her thoughts.

  “I need you guys to help me find Sage.”

  “Honey, we don’t know where he is.”

  “You don’t understand. I’ve not heard from him in over a month! I need to talk to him, and I need to speak with him NOW!”

  Looking at her parents with a look she was sure was nothing short of deranged, she waited for their response. A response she was ready to fight to get the answer she wanted. Something was wrong, and she knew it. She could feel it deep in her soul. He was half of her soul after all. So, of course, Ember would be able to tell that he was in trouble. If he wasn’t, he was going to wish he were.

  “Honey,” her father started.

  “Don’t.” she snapped.

  “Whatever this is about can wait…”

  “I’m pregnant,” she blurted.

  Kim and Everett’s jaws dropped to the floor as they stood there stunned into silence. Yeah, she was fifteen and pregnant. This was not in her plan. But as her parents told her constantly, plans change. There’s just one more thing Ember needed to get out there.

  “I’m keeping it.”

  One year later…

  Dropping to her bed, Ember had the overwhelming urge to cry. She was just so exhausted. Her son, Hudson Jacobs, was colicky and would not sleep. Turning her head, she looked at the picture frames that dotted the shelves on the wall beside her bed. He may only be two months old, but he was everything for her. Everything she thought she had and everything she knew she’d never have again. When he grew older, he’d want to know where his dad was, and Ember wasn’t sure what she’d tell him. Sage left over a year ago. When he stopped calling or texting, Ember’s parents helped her search for him. It broke her to pieces.

  Kimberly just couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Emmy!” Her mother squealed from the kitchen. “Get in here.”

  It had been nineteen weeks since they started looking for Sage. Ember has been an absolute bear to deal with. This time, though, Kimberly was sure that Ember would be jumping up and down, kissing them to death. The thought brought a smile to her face as she stared at her incredible husband. He’s been the picture perfect dad. Always going above and beyond for Ember. Today, however, he was going to make his daughter the happiest she’d been since Sage left.

  Ember had just been climbing out of her shower when she’d heard her mom scream for her. Something in her voice had Ember’s stomach in knots. Quickly grabbing clothes and dressing, she rushed into the kitchen. There stood her father and her mom. Kimberly would not stop dancing in her spot. Deep down, Ember knew something was up. Out of self-perseverance, she pulled out the closest chair and sat down at the table.

  “What’s wrong,” she asked with a shake in her voice.

  “Honey,” her father started. “You know I’ll do anything for you and our grandchild. Seeing you so unhappy is not sitting well with me. I miss my happy girl. So, I turned in some favors and found something you might be happy about. I really worked…”

  “Daddy, please tell me,” Ember worked hard to not cry.

  “I think we’ve found your boy honey.”

  “Seriously,” she sobbed.

  “Yes. If you want to go tonight, we can.”

  “Yes,” Ember jumped up and hugged her father hard.

  Soon, they were headed out to wherever they believe Sage was staying. Honestly, at that point, she didn’t feel the need to ask. She just wanted to be in his arms again. Ember wanted to smell him again. To feel his kisses, his warmth, his light.

  “Emmy, we’re here.” Her father spoke while pointing toward the building in front of the car. “You need to stay with us. We’ll go in here, see if anyone’s seen him, and go from there, okay?”

  “Yes, sir.” Ember would have agreed to anything at that point. She just wanted to get to him, in his arms, and to know he’s safe.

  Climbing from the vehicle, they headed inside. As her parents were talking to some guy, Ember’s eyes found him right away. He was alive. The bruising on his face was the only proof that he’d been in trouble. Leaving Kimberly and Everett’s side, she rushed over to where Sage stood against a wall with his head resting against it.

  “Sage,” Ember called with tears in her eyes.

  Sage spun around and looked shockingly at Ember. “What are you doing here?” He forced himself to stay still and not move. Moving to her and holding her as he has dreamed about, would be a huge mistake.

  Ember noticed Sage’s face hardened, almost as if he was angry. Several other guys around had tuned into what was going on with them. Everyone here was so scary, but Sage was here and would protect her. She knew it.

  “I’ve been looking all over for you. You stopped contacting me and I… I love you, Sage. I miss you,” Ember rushed out.

  “Well, you need to go back to your cookie cutter life. I don’t need you.”

  Ember’s heart stopped in her chest at his words. “What,” she gasped.

  “Get out of my face. I fucked you, that’s it. Go on sweetheart. I’m not in the mood for a relationship.” He laughed at the end, but it sounded funny to Ember’s ears.

  “You said… I thought… But we’re going…” Ember couldn’t finish any of her sentences.

  “Please woman, this is getting old. Just leave me alone. Alright?”

  Her heart shattered in her chest at his words. His words sliced through Ember like a razor sharp blade to paper. He’d told Ember for years how much he loved her and how he saw a future with only her because she was that for him. Now, after all this time and energy spent searching for him, he was telling her he used her. Sure, he didn’t use those words, but he might as well have.

  “I hate you, Sage Jacobs. One day you’ll regret how you just treated me, and I’ll never forgive you. In fact, I know you will. But that’s okay, that’s on you. Not me. I hate you!”

  Turning, Ember ran to her parents and collapsed in their arms as the pain in his rejection hurt her so much. With no words, Kimberly and Everett carried their distraught daughter to the car. Kimberly sat in the back seat and held her as she cried all the way back home.

  That was the last day that Ember cared about anything. Well, until she saw her bundle of cuteness on the ultrasound machine. All her focus, love, and life were focused on her son. He gave her back what she lost. The kids at school made fun of her for being pregnant. So much so that Ember quit public school and her parents enrolled her into homeschooling. Through her whole pregnancy, Ember worked extra hard to get her schooling done. Though she worked hard, she wasn’t completed by the time Hudson was born. She wasn’t giving up, though. As tired as she was, school was always done when Hudson was lying down, or she wasn’t working.

  She’d picked up a job about half way through her pregnancy at the local diner to be more independent and actually had got a small two bedroom apartment shortly after. Ember’s parents weren’t thrilled about her moving out, but it was something she wanted to do. If she was a single mother, then she needed to be the one responsible for her child. Though her parents pitched in on babysitting and other things here and there, Ember was proud that she was doing this all on her own. If anything, she’d sure show her son how important it was to always take claim of your responsibilities.

  Pushing herself up to a sitting position, she grabbed her laptop. Sighing, it was time to do schoolwork. Hopefully, Boogabutt stayed asleep long enough for her to get it all done. Widening her eyes and blinking hard, Ember focused on her schooling. After only
one hour of working, she heard Hudson’s cries. Setting her computer aside, she climbed from the bed and walked across the hall to his room.

  “Hey Boogabutt,” she cooed softly as she reached in to pick him up. “The doctor said this new formula will help you feel better. We just have to give it time to work.”

  She changed him, and got his pacifier and started back to her room. Ember didn’t like him using a pacifier, but it was one of the things that have helped soothe him some. Swaddling him in a blanket, Ember rocked him as she worked on her homework. Life was stressful, but it was better than reliving the past. Hudson kept her on her toes, and she loved him even more for that.

  Waking, she noticed first that her neck and back hurt like hell. The next thing she noticed was the light coming in the window. Smiling, Ember looked down at her little bundle. He’d slept some. Pressing a light kiss to his forehead, he stirred. Moving the laptop off her lap, she carried her son into the kitchen to feed him. Dr. Johnson put Hudson on Alimentum. It was supposed to be easier on his stomach and help with colicky symptoms.

  Once finished with the feeding, she carried him to the bathroom. Ember had bought this little bouncer like thing that was made to go inside a tub or shower. It really came in handy when she needed a shower, but didn’t want to leave Hudson alone too long. He loved it. Giggled the whole time.

  “You like the shower, buddy?” His giggles were the only answer she got. It brought a smile to her face. This little man, though he looked so much like his father, was the light she lost. Hudson was her world.

  Ember couldn’t say she was over Sage Jacobs, because, well, that would be a lie. Even though he turned her away so easily, she loved him deeply. More than that. He carried her heart with him even now, even knowing how he felt about her. There were days that she could not think of him, but then there were times when that was all that was on her mind. Damn it! I miss him! So freaking much!

  Getting Hudson dressed was about as entertaining as taking a shower with him. They played and laughed nothing else in the world mattered. Looking around, she gathered up everything she needed and headed out the door. The only other thing Ember settled for her parents getting her was a car. Having Hudson, Ember wanted something dependable that she could count on to take him places.

  “Mom, are you here,” she called out when she arrived at her parents’ house.

  “In the laundry room dear,” her muffled response came.

  Walking through the little entry way, living room to the kitchen and into the laundry room, Ember finally located her mother. Kimberly was in her habitat, cooking and cleaning. What others might find the trivial things in life, Kimberly thrived on it. And it wore off on Ember as well. When she got nervous or upset, cooking and cleaning helped her work through it.

  “How’s my gorgeous grandbaby doing today?” Kimberly asked as she took him from Ember’s arms.

  “He had a rough night last night, but he did get a little more than the usual amount of sleep. So, hopefully, this is a sign that we’re working through this.”

  Kimberly kissed Hudson on his cheek before giving him a raspberry on the same one. “And how are you doing?”

  Forcing a smile, she ran her hand over Hudson’s head. “I’m all right, Mom. I am going to be late for work, though. I brought everything as if I was going out. I know you have everything here, I just wanted to make sure…” Ember trailed off on a shrug.

  “Did you complete your school?”

  “No, but I’ve brought my computer with me. I’ll work on breaks. I won’t be getting off until eight tonight. Are you sure that’s okay?”

  Kimberly gave Ember a look she knew all too well. It was a look of knowing, but she’d let it drop for now. “Any time that I can spend with this handsome little cutie is good enough for me. And it’ll give grandpa some time too.” Kimberly looked up at Ember then. “Why don’t we keep him tonight so you can get your work done and be able to get some sleep?”

  Smiling, her heart swelled in her chest. “I love you for the offer Mom, but I would be too lost without him. I’m good Ma, really. I need to get going, though.” Kissing her son on the cheek, she rubbed her nose on his. “I love you, buddy. Mommy will be back later tonight.” Kissing him one last time, she hugged her mom and left.

  It never got any easier leaving him behind, even though she knew he was in excellent hands. They weren’t her hands, and that was where he belonged. With her always. Before she realized it, she was pulling into Cumin Diner. The name always made her crack a smile. It’s their play on ‘Come in’ and it brought many people in too. At first, people in town thought this was some kind of kinky sex place. Needless to say, their food won the town over. Now, it’s the busiest place around.

  It made tips bigger, and she was able to pay her bills, that was all Ember cared about at this point. Supplying for her child was number one on her list of things that came first. Anything that involved her son was always top order on that list. Reaching into the seat next to her, she grabbed her bag and headed inside.

  The noise was her first indication of how busy it was going to be tonight. Though she thrived on the place being busy – it made it harder for her to count down the hours until she was back with her baby boy – they played hell on her back and feet. Winding between people and other staff, she headed back to the office. Knocking on the door frame, the owner – Kenny Thomas – lifted his head from the paperwork he was doing.

  “Hey, Em. You’ll have section seven tonight. It’s super busy, and I need my best waitress on the busiest section.”

  “Okay. Can I store my laptop in here? I brought it so I could do my homework on breaks.”

  “Oh, sure. Yeah, just put it in the closet over there,” he pointed with his pen diagonal from him at the closet.

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  Quickly stowing away her bag, Ember grabbed her apron and headed out to the floor after clocking in. Just as she thought, it was super busy tonight. So busy, in fact, that she didn’t get her breaks, and her lunch was cut short. She didn’t complain either. It was money, but it also drained her by the end of the night. Once she gathered her tip money, her bag, and clocked out, she headed to her car and ready to see her son and hopefully rest. Ember’s homework still needed to be done, but she was off tomorrow. Hopefully, she could have it all caught up then.

  When Ember arrived at her parents’ house, they made her stay and eat. After a several minute debate on her staying at the house or at least leaving Hudson, she ran off with the promise to come by tomorrow for Everett to have more time with his grandson. Honestly, it still shocked Ember on how supportive her parents have been through it all. They could have turned their backs on her. They could have yelled at her, kicked her out, but they didn’t. Instead, they helped her and continue to do so. Ember, honestly, didn’t know where she’d be without their help, love and support.

  Hudson cooed away in the backseat on the way home. His little noises – just him – filled Ember with so much love and happiness, she could almost forget the pain in which his arrival was possible. Almost. Sage was never far from her mind. How could he be, she stupidly still loved him. That day, that last day that she saw him, his eyes had tried telling her something. Ember has spent many nights trying to figure out what that was, but still she couldn’t. No matter, something was still off that night. Ember was probably reaching for something that wasn’t there, but it helped her through the days either way. Believing in a lie made the heartache a little easier to handle.

  Pulling into her designated parking space, she turned off her car. Sitting there a moment, she stared at the run down building. Life may not be what Ember had hoped it would be only a short time ago, but it was still filled with so much promise. Hudson has changed her pain to lessons and her loneliness to love. No matter where the future took them, as long as she had Hudson, it was in her plan. Her new plan. Her plan to move past Sage’s shadow and live for the little boy in the backseat. Collecting all Hudson’s things and hers, and then lif
ting her son into her arms, she headed inside.

  Hudson continued to coo away and move his arms around rapidly. It brought a smile to Ember’s face. Dipping her head, she kissed him tenderly on his forehead.

  “We’ve been through the wringer, you and I. But no matter the pain, no matter the tears, you make every moment worth it. You and me against the world.” She caught his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing softly. “I can’t regret anything in my life because it brought me you. Mommy may be sad for losing your daddy, but I’m the happiest I’ll ever be because of you. I’ll do my very best to never let you down.”

  “I understand what you’re saying,” Ember urged, trying her best not to cry. “I just don’t want to hear anything on the matter. I need to move past it all.”

  Ember’s father – though his heart was in the right place – just informed her that he’s been tailing Sage. Now, he wanted to tear down the walls she’d worked hard to construct over the year he’s been absent. If she was to continue with her promise to not only herself but her son too, then he needed to stop. Sage was not here, and he never would be. He didn’t want Ember, only sex. That was what he’d said to her so callously a year ago. Ember could still remember that day like it happened yesterday. No, it was bad enough she still dreamed about him and that moment, she didn’t need this too.

  “Emmy, I know he hurt you, but I really think he may be in some serious trouble.”

  Sighing heavily, she looked at her father’s concerned face. He always did love Sage, figured he was the best thing to happen to her. Maybe he’s having a hard time letting go too. Maybe he’s having a hard time accepting the fact that he made a mistake – just as Ember had – and it cost his only child their heart and many tears.

  “Daddy, I love you. I really do, but I can’t keep holding on to hope. Do you know how many times over the past year I have gone over that day and tried to see something that was missing – something that was never really there? I screwed up and loved the wrong man, but I won’t let that mistake ruin my life or bring my son down. He’ll know who his father is. I’ll tell him all the good times… but that’s it. I need to let go and so do you.”