By Fairy Means or Foul: A Starfig Investigations Novel

by Meghan Maslow

  As obnoxious as the enhancements were, the thick pink collar sprinkled with rainbow sparkles was far worse. I’d like to say it was the oddest servant’s collar I ever saw, but I’d be lying. Fairies and other creatures of the Elder all reveled in unusual taste in adornment. Now, I know I’m biased because my dragon side really only appreciated gold—or in a pinch gems would do—so I might not be the best judge of these things. Besides, the collar hid another tattoo that just peeked out of the top and curiosity made me want to unbuckle it so I could examine the ink up close. I cleared my throat, willing my mind to focus.

  “Go ahead and say it. I can tell you’re dying to tell me something,” I said when he began chewing on his bottom lip. My dragon practically purred. What was that about? And what was with the urge to lean over and pull his abused flesh from his teeth? Must be the lingering effects of the unicorn’s magic. I was still so horny, my cock refusing to behave. My brain even now felt slow, but I could talk at least. Perdition, punishment, and perversions, that was some wicked magic.

  “You’re awfully small for being dragon-born,” he blurted out, even though he was a good foot shorter than me.

  Well that deflated my cock faster than a werebeaver with braces offering free blowjobs. My dragon wasn’t happy either if the grumbling in my head was any indication.

  “And you’re awfully rude for a human,” I shot back.

  He blushed. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I’d think it was adorable. But no.

  “I’m sorry . . . sir. I didn’t mean . . . well, I meant . . . he’s not what you think he is.”

  “Are we having the same conversation? Because I have to say I don’t really see a common thread here.”

  “Be careful what you promise, sir. Demand payment upfront. Don’t be fooled by appearances. Brandsome seems all sweetness and light, but underneath he’s as rotten as can be.”

  I scratched my jaw, the stubble itchy against my skin. “That gentle, lovely creature? Are you kidding?”

  He threw his hands up in the air. “Never mind. You’re obviously as susceptible as the rest.”

  “You seem to have anger issues,” I offered. What game was he playing? Everyone in this damn realm seemed to have an ulterior motive. Yet, his warning focused my dragon on his words. That side of me seemed to agree with Quinn. Odd. I didn’t doubt the dragon’s instincts. It kept me alive on more than one occasion. Yet, I couldn’t think of the unicorn without a sappy smile coming to my face. I’d never felt that kind of discordance before.

  “I was trying to do you a favor. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you, sir.” Quinn kept his eyes downcast like he’d probably been taught.

  “About what exactly?”

  Quinn pinched the bridge of his nose, glanced up from under ridiculously long, glitter-enhanced lashes. “Look, he’s going to ask you to find his horn.” He held up a hand when I would have interrupted. “He’ll give you a sob story about how it was stolen from him and can a big strong creature like you help little ol’ helpless him get it back?”

  Quinn batted his eyes in the same fashion as Brandsome—obviously mocking—then shook his head.

  “So what really happened?” I leaned forward until we were only inches apart. His breath ghosting over my cheek smelled of the sweet meadowmint bark, though the rest of him reeked of that damn pheromone spray. Did any creature actually find it appealing?

  “He—”

  “Sorry, sorry, I’m baaackk!” Brandsome sashayed into the room, the sway of his hips drawing my eyes like vampires to blood. Damn, the unicorn was sex incarnate. Succubae had nothing on this dude. “Fans, you know. They’re so excitable. But also sweet. Like cupcakes with sugar sprinkles.” He giggled.

  Quinn had practically shot out of his chair when Brandsome reentered the room. He wasn’t very good at this secretive thing. I almost rolled my eyes, but eased back into my seat instead, hoping that keeping my distance would keep my wits about me. For whatever reason, my dragon side loathed moving away from Quinn and growled menacingly in my head as Brandsome approached.

  Brandsome ruffled Quinn’s hair affectionately before he resumed sitting and proceeded to tell me a tale, just like Quinn had warned.

  “So do you know who stole it?” I asked when he’d finished.

  “Well, yes. But it might scare you away if you knew.” His face was so earnest. I broke eye contact so I could think with something other than my dick, which began to perk up again, even with the meadowmint bark and my dragon snarling in my head.

  My eyes found Quinn’s and I swear he was shouting, “See, see!”

  “I don’t scare easily.” Which was true. I was dragon-born after all, and even though I was cast out for being too runty—the human sure knew how to hone in on a sore subject—I still possessed the courage of a full sized dragon.

  “I’m sure you don’t.” Brandsome winked. “In that case, you’ll be outraged to know it’s none other than the scoundrel Lapus Rainbowpebbles.”

  2

  “Lapus Rainbowpebbles stole your horn?” Rainbowpebbles, despite his name—or perhaps because of it—was a nasty little fae who’d been under investigation from the Elder Bureau of Investigations many times for breaking several of the High Council’s tenets. He lived in the seedier part of Lighthelm, running a den of iniquity called the Steamy Bean Café.

  “Can you believe it? He gave me bluebell nectar!” The outrage in Brandsome’s voice rang pitch perfect, but I was a little wary with Quinn’s warning ringing in my ears. After all, why would a unicorn even know a shady fae like Rainbowpebbles?

  “That’s some potent stuff,” I agreed. Tasty, but more than a thimbleful and next thing you know you wake up with three leprechauns, four elves, and one very horny satyr in a sleazy inn on the outskirts of the Elder. Not that it ever happened to me.

  Not more than once.

  Okay, twice. I’m a slow learner.

  “He tricked me! The next thing I knew, he took my horn and wouldn’t give it back.”

  “You could report him to the EBI.” I kept my eyes on my notebook so I could concentrate on my questions. Being around Brandsome made it hard to think about anything but sex. I needed my wits about me, though.

  He laughed, the sound like tinkling chimes and more than a little rueful. “Oh icicles, I suppose I could. But then the story would be leaked and everyone would know he duped me. I-I couldn’t bear the shame.”

  With my attention focused on my notes and the meadowmint bark in my mouth, I could definitely hear the lie—or at least omission—in his voice. Definitely more to this story than he let on. I should walk away. Rainbowpebbles was bad news and I’d already had a run-in with him years ago when I first came to live with my father’s people.

  Then again, no one ever accused dragons of being particularly bright.

  “I need payment upfront. Fifty gold dypari.”

  “Oh, well, I thought . . .” He sounded genuinely confused.

  “I always request half the money upfront. The other half on completion of the job.”

  “See, here’s the thing. . . . I’m a little short. Oh, gingersnaps and grape jelly, I’m not explaining myself well, am I? I mean, I can get it, of course, but I don’t have it today.” Brandsome reached out and touched my arm again and I felt his magic course through my body.

  Damn, it was some potent stuff. But if there was one area where I couldn’t be swayed, it was adding to my hoard. Though truthfully if Quinn hadn’t given me meadowmint bark, I wouldn’t be able to resist Brandsome's pull. Even now, I bit my tongue to keep from giving him what he desired.

  “I’m sorry. I’d like to help you,” I choked out, my tongue trying to rebel, “but I can’t bend my rules for any client or I’d have to do it for all of them.” It physically hurt not to give him what he wanted. I ground my back teeth down on the bark, drawing as much of the taste into my mouth to give me strength.

  “You don’t have to tell anyone. I can keep a secret if you can.”

  “Unfortunately, I mus
t decline. At least for today. When you get the funds, please come back and I’ll be delighted to help you.” I closed my notebook with a snap, my hands shaking from the effort to resist his magic. I needed him to leave so I could think straight again.

  “You can take my pet as collateral.”

  Quinn groaned and my eyes shot to Brandsome before landing on the human. His face expression was an interesting mix of horror and hopefulness. What an odd combination. What did it mean?

  “He’s a great . . . um, a good . . . enough servant. You’ll see,” Brandsome said, enthusiasm lacing his voice. He ran a gentle hand through Quinn’s hair.

  So why did Quinn flinch? Which one was playing me? Then again, in the Elder it was likely to be both. Everyone had an agenda.

  “I . . .”

  “He spent time at the Steamy Bean Café with me and would be very helpful when you go to confront Lapus. If you need to break in, I bet he’d figure out a way. My pet’s quite clever for a human.”

  I felt like I should be examining the poor guy’s teeth. A thief then. In the Hominus Realm that secured a quick ticket to indentured servitude or a long stint in a human dungeon. I couldn’t blame Quinn for choosing to be a unicorn’s companion. I should have known that’s how he ended up in the Elder. My dragon should have also known since thieves tended to raid hoards if given the opportunity. Yet, all remained calm. Weird. Still . . .

  “I don’t need his help.”

  “I didn’t want to be crass, but you’ve forced my hoof. He’s, uh . . .” he lowered his voice. “Very eager. In the bedroom, I mean.” Brandsome blushed a fiery shade of red, while Quinn’s face paled noticeably even under all the face paint. “I mean, that would be part of the perk if you’re into humans. I saw how you were looking at him when I reentered the room. The only stipulation is that you have to take good care of my pet. I’m very fond of him.”

  On the surface, it was a tempting offer. Except, I’d never force any human—male or female—no matter how exotic, into my bed. Especially not a bed slave who didn’t feel like he had any choice. Just the fact Brandsome offered him up turned my stomach.

  Before I could tell him I wasn’t interested, Brandsome snapped his fingers and Quinn sprung from his seat like he’d been bitten by a nine-headed hydra and hurried over to slide onto my lap. He batted his lashes and started running his hands over my shoulders and chest. His expression locked in what was supposed to pass for aroused, but looked suspiciously vacant.

  I clasped his hands when they began to slide toward my trousers. No doubt he felt my interest. My dick had been overeager ever since Brandsome and his magic walked into my office. He tugged to free himself from my grip, the motion a little panicked. Almost desperate. I squeezed tighter until he stilled.

  “I’ll take him.” I could have kicked myself, except I feared Brandsome would hand over Quinn’s papers to another in order to secure the coin he’d need to pay me. While not all creatures would take advantage of an indentured human, most wouldn’t hesitate. I told myself I just didn’t want that on my conscience.

  Of course, it was just as likely that I was being played. But could I take the chance that Quinn would be passed off to someone else? And why did I care about a human thief? Maybe it had something to do with my dragon purring like a contented cat. What was up with that?

  Well, Quinn could clean my office and maybe even cook some meals. In fact, he could take over some of my duties. No reason I couldn’t use him as temporary office staff. After all, I was looking for an assistant. Might as well get something out of the arrangement. I’d just make sure I didn’t leave out anything easily pocketed.

  “Goodie gumdrops! You won’t be sorry!” Brandsome clapped his hands together. I found him much less charming now that he so willingly traded his “pet,” even though my cock liked his magic just fine. He glided to his feet. “I’ll just be going then. I don’t want to keep you from your job. Quirk, behave for Mr. Starfruit. None of your sass, pet. Remember what we talked about.”

  Quinn stiffened in my lap, his gaze ricocheting between us. Poor guy. Brandsome muttered something under his breath and flourished his hand in a sort of intricate pattern. A large cloth sack and a scroll appeared. Had to be Quinn’s contract. He unrolled it and placed his thumb on it, then laid it on the desk for me to sign.

  I avoided Quinn’s gaze, read over the document, making note of his full name, then placed my thumb on the line indicated, once I determined everything was in order. With a flash of light—and a few rainbow shimmers—it was complete. Quinn Broomsparkle was now my responsibility.

  What had I done?

  Brandsome smiled, a Cheshire cat grin—not near as attractive as you’d think—and gave me a finger wave. “I do so hope you can retrieve my horn within two weeks. I have an appearance for Glitter Apparel I must attend in full form and I can’t imagine the mortification if I had to use a fake.” He shuddered. “I’m sure a clever creature such as yourself understands the need for all haste.”

  “Wait, I’ll also need his residency papers so the High Council won’t get in a huff.” Since my father sat on the council, I couldn’t get away with any bureaucratic laxity. I knew enough to be sure my father would ask.

  The unicorn chortled. “Silly, he’s a bed slave. He doesn’t need any.” He might as well have said Quinn wasn’t a person at all.

  With that he flounced from my office leaving a glitter trail in his wake. In another few seconds I heard the outer door slam.

  Quinn sighed. It sounded suspiciously like relief.

  “Why do I have the feeling I’ve been bamboozled?”

  “Because anyone who has dealings with Brandsome Nightwind can be confident they’re being swindled, sir.”

  “Perfect.”

  Quinn’s skin remained as pale as a graveyard ghoul, but he smiled in a flirtatious manner, much like Brandsome had done. It didn’t seem genuine, that was for sure. “Appears we’ll be spending some time getting to know each other. Intimately.” He winked. It looked more like his face was having a convulsion.

  “Fate worse than death, eh?”

  If possible, he paled even further. “No, no, why would you think that? I, uh, I want to sleep with you. Like Brandsome said, I’m very eager. Very.” He pulled his hands from my grasp and fumbled at the laces of my trousers. I stilled his fingers again.

  “Why don’t you try being honest with me?”

  “Y-you’re quite handsome.” When I snorted, he added, “That was honest. You have to know you’re gorgeous. Even Brandsome noticed. And getting his attention isn’t easy.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “P-please don’t send me back to Brandsome. I’m willing to do whatever you want, sir. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. He’s trained me well.” His gaze dropped to the floor as he shifted to straddle my lap and then pressed up against me in a way that was supposed to be sexy, but made me want to shove him off me. The message rang loud and clear—I’d enjoy it, not him.

  Now, I was offended. I didn’t plan to take advantage of him at any rate, yet could he be any more insulting? Not like I needed a pity fuck. There were plenty of magical creatures more than willing to spend time in my bed.

  “You know, dragons are known for their stamina,” I said to goad him a little.

  “And selfishness,” he muttered under his breath, probably thinking I wouldn’t hear him. Little did he know, dragons had exceptional hearing.

  I laughed.

  “I-I mean—”

  “True enough. I suppose it’s a good thing I have some fairy in me then.”

  “Yeah, that’s so much better . . . sir.” He looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown, even as he tugged at his hands so he could go to work on my trousers again. I decided to put the poor guy out of his misery.

  “I’m not planning to use your services if that’s what you’re worried about. I like my bed partners willing.”

  “But . . . I am willing. . . .” His voice trailed off. He studied my face as if to gauge wheth
er I told the truth or not.

  “You’re not. Not really.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Then why did you take my contract? What other use could I be to you?”

  I shrugged, embarrassed to say I did it to keep him safe. I had a reputation to uphold after all. Being a softy—especially toward a criminal—really wasn’t beneficial in my line of work. And I can’t even really say why I felt the need to save him. Besides, he’d signed a contract with Brandsome. He had to know what he’d be getting into, right? I mean, the guy reeked of pheromones, and all things sexual. He was a trained professional, in more ways than one. But I still couldn’t bring myself to use his services knowing he didn’t really have the right to choose. Damn morals.

  I set him off my lap. Reaching down, I snatched the sack off the floor and it tore like soggy tissue, spilling all his personal effects. A few items of clothing, lots of little pouches of who knew what, several sizable tomes—a thief who liked to read?—and other basic necessities. Lots and lots of face paint and body sprays. A sad statement about the guy’s life.

  “Oh damn. Sorry.” Crouching to help, I scooped up as much as I could and handed it to him. “I’m sure I have another bag around here somewhere.” I then went in search of something he could use. Finding a suitable substitute, I handed it off, then returned to my seat.

  Once he finished repacking his items, I said, “I thought you could work in my office. I’m looking for help anyway. This will kill two fairies with one spell.”

  Not sure he believed me, but his shoulders seemed to relax and color began returning to his cheeks, though he stayed kneeling near my feet.

  “Okay, well, good then. I’m actually pretty proficient at office work. I used to work in the bursar’s office at . . . um, well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? I can do the work, sir.” He crossed his arms over his chest like he was giving himself a hug.