by Carol Lynne
“I think you’re right about having Zander talk to Kit. I’ll discuss it with her when I get back to work.”
“Thanks,” Cullen replied.
When Mario’s eyes closed, Cullen pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his messages. He found the one he was looking for and opened it.
Sully: Hey, thanks for giving me your number. Feel like getting a beer later?
Cullen: I can get a beer and shoot some pool, but that’s as far as it can go.
Sully: You’re killing me. I’ve watched you at O’Brien’s and I’ve never seen you with a partner, so what’s up?
Cullen: It’s complicated. Sorry. Let me know if you still want to get that beer.
Sully: I do, but maybe after you sort out your complication.
Cullen: Fair enough.
Cullen licked his lips. Maybe it was time he took the sexy motherfucker up on that offer. He glanced at a sleeping Mario before texting Sully.
Cullen: Hey. Where’ve you been?
It took several moments but Sully’s reply finally came through.
Sully: Working. Why? Miss me?
Cullen: I think I’m finished with that complication we spoke of if you’re still thirsty.
Sully: Parched. I’ll be back in CV next week.
Cullen: Well, that sucks because I’ll be in Lobster Cove, Maine for the foreseeable future. Working on a project for Asa Montgomery. We’re working on another town like CV.
Cullen wasn’t sure where Sully went when he left Cattle Valley. Actually, he didn’t know much about the man at all, including his last name. Sully would come to town out of the blue and stay for a few weeks before disappearing again.
Sully: That the deal Priest’s working on?
Cullen: Priest’s guarding the shelter in DC. We’re going to Lobster Cove to work on a new shelter to transfer the teenagers to. Interested in helping?
Sully: Do they have beer in LC?
Cullen rested his elbow on the arm of his seat and rubbed the scar on his forehead. Part of him felt like he was cheating on Joseph, but how could it be cheating when Joseph had never admitted there was something between them in the first place?
Cullen: There’s a bar in town, but I don’t know how long it will take for us to get it up and running. You could always bring some with you?
The longer their conversation continued, the more Cullen felt stupid for not just calling Sully in the first place.
Sully: Might just do that. Gotta go. We’ll talk later.
Cullen: Yep. See ya.
Cullen winced after sending his last message. Stupid.
“Joseph?” Mario asked, pointing toward the phone.
Cullen felt his face heat with embarrassment. “Umm, no.” He cleared his throat. “Sully,” he admitted.
Mario whistled. “That’s a big step for you. Is there something there?”
“Probably not. He asked me out a few months ago, but I was still holding out for Joseph at the time.” Cullen shoved his phone in his pocket.
“And you’re not anymore?”
Cullen shook his head. “Joseph made it perfectly clear that I should move on, so that’s what I’m trying to do.”
* * * *
After five days of sitting at Pip’s bedside, Joseph finally made the trip to the shelter to check on the kids. He knew the place was running smoothly in his absence, but he missed the boys and had good news to share with them.
He pushed the buzzer on the front of the building and waited. He had a key, of course, but with the increased security, he decided it would be safer for either Snake or Priest to let him in.
“Hey there, stranger.” Snake opened the door.
Joseph reached out and shook Snake’s hand. “Thanks for helping out.”
“Not a problem, although, I have to admit that I’m going home tomorrow for a few days. Don’t worry, two of us will always be onsite.”
“I understand.” Joseph ran his palms over his face. He was exhausted. “Pip’s awake and improving. They’re finally moving him out of ICU to the private room Asa arranged.”
“That’s good.” Snake leaned against the doorjamb leading to the common room. “The boys have been antsy, but we’re trying to keep them entertained.”
“Any trouble?” Joseph asked.
Snake shook his head. “No, but then we didn’t expect Big G to come directly to the shelter. We should be fine as long as we can keep the kids inside.”
Joseph entered the common room and looked around. “Where’s Cullen?”
Snake seemed confused by the question. “He left three days ago. I assumed you knew.”
Joseph’s steps faltered at the news. “No,” he admitted. It wasn’t surprise he felt at the news but pain. He’d always taken comfort in the bond he had with Cullen, and even though he’d told Cullen to move on, it hurt to know Cullen had taken the first step to do just that. “I’m going to grab a few hours’ sleep before heading back to the hospital.”
“Probably a good idea,” Snake said as Joseph headed down the hall.
Joseph quietly shut his bedroom door before sitting on the side of the bed. He stared at himself in the mirror mounted over the dresser and sighed. He looked every one of his forty-four years and then some. The hours spent worrying about Pip, the other boys in the shelter and Cullen had taken their toll. Now that Pip was on the road to recovery and the shelter would soon be relocated, the only thing he had to think about was Cullen and whether or not he’d done the right thing.
His gaze fell to the pictures on his dresser and he noticed the change immediately. He crossed the distance and stared at the single, facedown photo. It was his favorite shot of Cullen because it served as a reminder of why he couldn’t have him.
Joseph picked up the frame and gazed at the laughing man who was spread eagled with faint white wings behind him. Picture clutched to his chest, he dropped to his knees and gave in to the grief that had threatened to overwhelm him the moment Snake told him Cullen had left. He knew he’d done the right thing by breaking Cullen’s hope of a future together, but, damn, did it hurt.
He turned back and managed to crawl onto the mattress as his heart continued to break. The sobs that escaped him were reminiscent of the weeks that had followed Phillip’s unexpected death. The only comfort he had was knowing that the pain of losing Cullen would lessen with time as it had with Phillip’s passing.
Joseph sat up and dried his eyes, catching the few errant tears that continued to escape. He needed to get himself together, shower, catch a few hours of sleep and talk to the boys. Cullen would move on, and Joseph would continue to do God’s work by giving other unwanted young men a future.
A light knock on Joseph’s door drew him out of his emotional haze. “Yes?”
The door opened and Snake stepped inside. “I know this isn’t my business, but I heard you.”
Joseph cleared his throat. “I’m fine. It’s been an emotional week.”
Snake stared at Joseph for several moments. “I spoke to Mario a few days ago, and he told me something that I think you should know.”
Joseph scooted to the edge of the mattress. “What is it?”
“Cullen’s planning to meet up with Sully in a few days in an attempt to move on.” Before Joseph could comment, Snake held up his hand. “Yes, he told me what you said to him, and even though I’m a man who believes strongly in minding my own business, I can’t with this. The Cullen I’ve gotten to know since moving to Cattle Valley isn’t the same man who returned from the hospital after you sent him away.”
Joseph squeezed his eyes shut, determined to do the right thing by Cullen and the other boys in his care. “Before he came to the shelter, he protected me for two years from the wrath of his pimp by fucking him. I knew it was going on, and I didn’t do a damn thing about it because while he was fucking Willy, I was free to rescue the boys Willy hadn’t got his hands on yet.” He stood and took a step toward Snake, allowing Snake to see just what a worthless piece of shit he re
ally was. “I knowingly sacrificed him to Willy and all the other scum on the streets, and every time I’m with him, I remember what I did.”
Snake crossed his heavily tattooed arms over his chest. “And for his sacrifices, you’ve shut him out.”
“It’s not like that.” Joseph bit back a curse. “I can’t take from him the one thing other men have used him for. It’s bad enough that I let it happen for so long.”
Despite his bronzed skin, Snake’s complexion darkened as his nostrils flared in anger. “You walk the streets and preach to those kids how much better their life will be if only they come to Rainbow Youth Shelter, right?”
Joseph didn’t answer. Instead, he set Cullen’s photo back onto the dresser where it belonged.
“Cullen protected you for two years before finally giving into his feelings and coming to you, not because he needed the shelter. We both know he was overage and lied to get in. He came here for you. Probably because he hoped you would accept him like you had all the others who came before him.”
“I did accept him. I fell in love with him!” Joseph snapped. Realizing what he’d admitted, he turned his back on Snake. “What do you think he would have thought of me if he’d known I wanted to do all the things those other men had done to him over the years? If he’d known how many times I’ve touched myself while thinking of him?” He glanced over his shoulder. “I’m no better than the men who’ve used him in the past. The only difference is I wear a cross around my neck that isn’t meant to be a fashion statement.”
“There’s not a fucking thing wrong with getting kinky with someone you love as long as you both enjoy it. Whether you realize it or not, Cullen’s a man who’s gone without sex for a long time. If you think his past is going to keep him from having it again, you’re naïve. The question is…” Snake paused. “Do you want him to have it with someone he loves or with a man like Sully? Don’t get me wrong, Sully’s a nice enough guy, but he’s not the kind of man who plans to settle down with one person anytime soon.”
Chapter Five
Cullen lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a long pull before ending his story. “So, that’s how I got this.” He pointed to his forehead.
Sully reached out and ran a fingertip over the scar. “Thanks for telling me. I’ve always wondered, but I’m not one to pry.”
Cullen waited for his body to respond to the touch, but nothing happened. Perhaps he’d been foolish to think he could move on so quickly. He sat back in the booth and took another drink of his beer. It hadn’t taken long for Asa and the other council members to realize the construction crew being brought in would need a place to unwind, so they’d set up a temporary spot in one of the storefronts while the actual bar was rehabbed.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Sully asked.
Cullen snorted and ran a hand over his newly shorn hair. He’d thought the haircut would feel cathartic, after all, he’d grown his curls out in the first place because Joseph had once made a comment about how pretty they were, but he’d been so very wrong. Not only was he stuck with hair barely an inch long, but it hadn’t helped him feel any better about not having Joseph in his life. “Yeah, the haircut was a bad idea.”
“I like it,” Sully replied. He slid out of the booth and moved around to the opposite side to sit next to Cullen. “I’m rather fond of everything about you.”
Cullen wasn’t sure what to say or how to react to Sully’s close proximity because although he’d had sex with more men than he cared to count, he’d never once been on an actual date. Would he be expected to invite Sully back to the small house he’d temporarily moved into? Was it too soon?
“Relax,” Sully whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.
Kissing wasn’t something Cullen was comfortable with either. Very few men had cared enough to pay for kisses when they’d had full access to his cock. He held very still and waited for their lips to touch. When they did, he waited to feel something. Sully licked at the seam of Cullen’s mouth until Cullen opened for him. He responded automatically to the kiss, but it didn’t feel any different than the few he’d shared with clients.
Sully broke the kiss and moved back slowly. Staring into Cullen’s eyes, he grinned and shook his head. “I take it the complication is still there?”
Cullen broke eye contact, ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do it.” He slammed his bottle on the table. “I’m fucked up.”
Sully toyed with his glass of whiskey, twisting it back and forth, before swallowing its entire contents in one gulp. “If you’ve found something special, you owe it to yourself to fight like hell for it.”
“I wish it were that simple.” Cullen groaned and scrubbed his palms over his short hair. “I was told to move on with my life.”
“Just an observation, but you don’t strike me as the kind of man to take orders.” Sully slid out of the booth and gestured to the opposite side of the room. “Care for a game of pool?”
* * * *
Suitcase in hand, Joseph waited for the white pickup to pull to a stop. It might have taken him a week to get his shit together and make arrangements for the boys before he could go after the man he’d wanted for far too long.
Mario grinned at him through the open window. “You gettin’ in?”
After stowing his bag in the back of the truck, he climbed into the passenger seat. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“No problem. Asa needed to come to town anyway to meet with the bank, so we decided to make a day of it.” Mario pulled away from the curb. “I just got a text from him, and he’s ready, so unless you want to stop to get something to eat, we should be in Lobster Cove before dark.”
“I’m fine. Priest made me a couple of sandwiches to eat on the plane.” Joseph didn’t want to waste another minute before seeing Cullen again. He’d prayed nonstop for the last few days that his love wouldn’t be too little too late.
Mario glanced over. “Tell me you’re here for more than a check on the shelter.”
Uncomfortable, Joseph turned his attention to the view out of the passenger window. “Looks like a pretty place.”
“It is.” Mario thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Well?”
“Well what?” Joseph wasn’t about to volunteer information. As much as he appreciated Mario giving Snake a heads-up about Sully, Joseph wasn’t about to confess his feelings to anyone but Cullen. “How’d Cullen’s date go?”
“Really? It’s okay for you to ask me questions, but you won’t answer mine?” Mario stopped at a red light. With a dramatic sigh, he spoke, “They’ve been hanging out together, but I don’t get the feeling they’ve slept together. Is that what you needed to hear?”
Although it did make Joseph feel better, he was still worried. What if Cullen and Sully were trying to build something beyond a sexual relationship? That would be reason enough for them to take things slowly, right?
“How’s the shelter coming along?” Joseph asked.
“Smooth dodge there, Padre.” Mario took off again. “The plumbing was supposed to go in today for the communal restroom as well as the three private baths.”
“Private baths?” At the home in DC, Joseph’s was the only room attached to a private bathroom. “Why do we need three?”
“Because Cullen insisted on it. He said there might be occasions where the shelter takes in females, like Mandy,” Mario explained. “He’s thinking ahead, which I know Asa appreciates.”
“I can see Cullen’s point,” Joseph agreed. “He’s done a great job at Second Chance. I have no doubt he’s putting the same dedication into his work for Asa.”
“Wait’ll you see your space.” Mario flashed a mischievous smile. “I designed it myself.”
“I don’t need much.” Joseph hoped Asa wasn’t spending money on him. “I’d rather you focus your talents on the boys.”
“Don’t worry about the boys. They’re gonna love it.” Mario turned into a parking lot and pulled up in front of t
he bank.
Joseph climbed out of the truck to shake Asa’s hand. “It’s good to see you again.”
Asa released Joseph’s hand before thumping him on the back. “How’s Pip?”
“Good. He’s anxious to get out of the hospital.” Joseph opened the rear passenger door. He shoved his suitcase over before getting in.
“How’d it go?” Mario asked Asa.
Asa shook his head. “They said they won’t put a branch in Lobster Cove until we can prove to them we’re a viable community.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Fuck ’em. I’ll talk to my lawyers and see what we have to do to form a credit union in Lobster Cove.”
Mario pulled the truck to the side of the road and stared, open-mouthed, at his partner. “Are you kidding me?”
“No,” Asa replied. When Mario continued to stare at him, Asa threw up his hands and sighed. “Is that a problem?”
Mario broke eye contact. “It’s your money.”
Joseph cursed his decision not to rent a car. The last thing he needed was to be privy to an argument between Mario and Asa.
Another sigh came from Asa. “It’s our money, and if you want to discuss it…”
“Nope. You’ve obviously made up your mind,” Mario shot back. He put the truck into gear before pulling back onto the road.
“Babe,” Asa growled.
“Don’t.” Mario met Joseph’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize. As much as I loved Phillip, we still went head to head at times.” Joseph wondered if he and Cullen would argue in the future or if they even had one. If they did, would they enjoy making up? A sense of excitement filled him at the prospect.