by Penelope Sky
“I asked your mother for it.”
And she just handed it over? She definitely wanted to make it work.
“So, how about dinner? Or do you want me to ask her that too?”
I grinned when he was being a smartass. “You caught me off guard.”
“I can imagine a lot of men ask you to dinner, so I find that hard to believe.”
“They don’t usually ask for a second date when the first one was so bad.”
He chuckled. “Well, I’m not really asking for a second date. I just want to have dinner with you—as friends.”
“Really?”
“Really. I get the distinct impression that you aren’t ready to do the whole dating thing. That’s fine with me. So how about we get to know each other as friends? No pressure, no expectations. You pay your half of the bill, and I pay mine.”
That sounded too good to be true. I wasn’t ready to date, not when I was madly in love with a criminal warlord. I couldn’t imagine myself ever getting over him, and I didn’t want to rush through it. “That sounds nice…”
“So you’ll meet me tonight?”
“Sure.”
“Alright. See you then.”
He didn’t rise to greet me when I walked into the restaurant. All he gave me was a handsome smile. “You look nice.”
“Thanks.” I sat across from him, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a cardigan. It was warm that afternoon, but not warm enough to leave the house without some kind of sweater. “You do too.”
He was wearing a dark blue blazer and a white V-neck, dressed up in a casual way. His brown eyes were playful as he grabbed the bottle of wine and poured me a glass. “What were you doing today when I called?”
“Painting.”
“Cool. Did you finish that painting I saw last week?”
“I did. I have seven that I’m ready to send to my parents to display at the winery.”
“Seven?” he asked incredulously. “That’s a different painting every day.”
“I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands…” I wasn’t sleeping because I couldn’t stop dreaming about Bones. I wasn’t eating much either. I didn’t like to watch TV because there was always a romantic storyline somewhere that made me miss the man I couldn’t have. “What have you been doing?”
“I worked a lot this week. Had a date on Wednesday. Went out with some friends on Friday…it passed in a blur.”
He told me the truth so casually, and this transparency was nice. Maybe we really could be friends. “How’d the date go?”
“Well.” He drank from his glass and didn’t elaborate.
That told me he slept with her, but he was too much of a gentleman to actually say it. “Are you going to see her again?”
He shook his head. “No. I enjoyed her company, but we didn’t hit it off that well.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
He shrugged. “They say there’s a lot of fish in the sea, but that doesn’t mean there’s plenty of fish that are right for you…” He swirled his wine and took another drink. “What about you?”
“What?” I asked blankly.
“Any dates?”
“Oh.” I laughed. “No. I’m not going to date for a long time. Our date was such a disaster… I’m so not ready. I promise you, I’m polite, interesting, and spontaneous. You just didn’t catch me at my best time.”
The corner of his mouth rose in a smile. “I don’t think our date was that bad. You’re being a little hard on yourself.”
“You’re just being nice.”
“If I were, why would we be sitting together right now?”
I didn’t have a rebuttal to that. “Honestly, I have no idea why you want to see me again.”
“I like you,” he said. “You’re honest, interesting, gorgeous…what’s not to like? I’m not interested in seriously dating you when you’re hung up on some other guy, but eventually, you’re going to be over him. I’m basically holding my place in line until you’re ready.”
“That’s a long time to wait…”
“I’m still living my life and not making any sacrifices.” His implication was clear, that he was still having lots of sex with lots of women.
That was fine by me. I was touching myself and thinking about Bones every night.
“Well, I could use a friend right now. It’s been a rough month.” I finished my glass of wine then refilled it. “How are your restaurants doing?”
“Great. I usually stop by each one before noon and check on things. Then I go to the gym, the grocery store, etc.”
“I heard you opened all those businesses on your own.”
He nodded. “Didn’t take a cent from my father.”
“Any reason why?”
“Just wanted to prove I could be successful on my own. I think my father was offended in the beginning, but now I can tell he’s very proud. He tells people that every chance he gets, which is why you must know about it,” he said with a chuckle.
“My mom told me my father thinks very highly of you because of that.”
“That’s quite a compliment coming from a man like him. He has the most successful winery in all of Italy—and it’s only forty years old.”
“My father has always been a hard worker.”
“I see a lot of him in you.”
“Really?” I asked. “People say I’m a perfect blend of both my parents.”
“I mean in personality. You’re headstrong, disciplined, and hard-working. Barsetti qualities.”
I felt my cheeks redden. “Thanks…”
We had our dinner and talked about sports, the opera, and music. It started to feel like two friends just spending time together. He was a family friend, so being close to him wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
“Can I ask you something personal?”
There didn’t seem to be any secrets between us anymore. “Sure.”
“You love this guy?” He asked it bluntly, his eyes watching mine with intense focus.
I didn’t squirm under the stare or consider what my answer would be. I went with the truth. “Yes.”
“He loves you?”
“Very much.” He was the first one to say it, but I think I was the first one to feel it.
“And you really can’t work it out?” he asked incredulously. “There’s something that strong keeping you apart?”
I wouldn’t tell Matteo the specifics because it was too risky. It would be devastating if he mentioned anything to my parents. “Unfortunately. There’s no way to compromise. There’s no way to overcome it…we just can’t be together.”
“That is unfortunate,” he said seriously. “Do your parents know about this?”
“My mom does a little. I’m sure she mentioned some of it to my father, but we’ve never had a real conversation about it. I’m not a private person and I’ve always been open with my parents, but I don’t want to waste their time and energy on a man who won’t be around for the long haul, so I’d appreciate it if you kept all of this to yourself.”
“Of course. I just feel bad for this man. He’s lucky enough to have your love, but he can’t really have you.”
I felt bad for both of us.
“I’ve never been in love, but if I were, I imagine I would do anything to be with her…and wouldn’t let anything stand in my way.”
I was sitting across the table from a handsome man, someone I would have fallen for if Bones had never come into the picture. I’d probably be smitten, gushing about him to my mother and friends. I would have kissed him by now if he hadn’t kissed me, and I’d be struggling to keep my legs closed as long as possible.
But now…I didn’t feel anything.
Matteo was the total opposite of Bones, the exact thing I wanted in a partner. But there wasn’t that pull that I felt with Bones. There wasn’t a hint of that desperate feeling of love. I could keep my hands to myself because I wasn’t struggling to fight off my affection.
What I had with Bones was deep, pas
sionate, and powerful.
It was the strongest emotion I’d ever felt.
Could I really walk away from that for something safe?
Wasn’t love innately unsafe?
Wasn’t it supposed to break your heart?
Matteo studied my face. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah…I just lost my train of thought.”
My mother called me the next day. “Hey, sweetheart. How’s it going?”
“Good. How are you?” I had just finished a late breakfast, and now I was staring at the seven paintings I’d wrapped up and leaned against the wall.
“Great. Your father and I are getting ready for spring. Conway and Sapphire want to do a wedding soon, so I think I’m going to drive up there and help Sapphire pick out a dress. You want to come?”
“Absolutely. That sounds like so much fun.” I was finally looking forward to something for the first time in a while, something to get my mind off the man I couldn’t have.
“Great. We’re going next Saturday. Mark your calendar.”
“Sapphire is going to look so great with that baby bump.”
“I know. I’m really excited…my son is getting married.” She paused over the line, a moment of emotion.
“You aren’t losing a son, Mama. You’re getting a daughter.”
“I know,” she said with a smile in her voice. “It just surprises me how quickly time passes. I feel like the two of you were in diapers not too long ago.”
“That’s because Conway still needs a diaper.”
She chuckled. “Be nice, Vanessa.”
“Because he’s so nice to me?”
“Good point…”
“What else is new?” I asked.
“Well…I told myself I would never be one of those mothers…but… How’d it go with Matteo? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and you haven’t said anything to me so…my impatience got the best of me.”
“Oh…” Matteo wasn’t on my mind much, so I kept forgetting about him. “We went out a few times. He’s very nice…a perfect gentleman, but I don’t see it going anywhere right now. I’m just not ready to date. It’s too soon.”
“I see…” She couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. “That’s a shame. He had a lot of nice things to say about you.”
“He’s a very sweet guy. I’m just not ready. We’re still hanging out as friends, so when I’m ready…maybe we’ll have something.”
“Not a bad idea,” she said. “But you have to go at your own pace. Everyone deals with heartbreak differently.”
I didn’t know how to deal with my heartbreak at all. It was simply unbearable, suffocating. I didn’t know how to begin the healing process, and I wasn’t sure if I was even ready to start that painful adventure. “Yeah…they do.”
“You know I’m here if you want to talk, sweetheart.”
“I know, Mama.”
“Well, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you on Saturday.”
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too, Mama.”
Five
Bones
I spent most of the week in London because I had a double hit—two brothers. Apparently, they were leading a trafficking point near the harbor, shipping girls from America to Ireland before they were put on a new transport ship to London.
I was paid extra to make them suffer—so they didn’t die from bullets.
But torture.
Having the work was a respite for me because forgetting about Vanessa wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t possible, actually.
When I returned to Milan, I almost considered going back to London and starting over. This entire city reminded me of her, and I hadn’t stepped foot inside her art room at my apartment because I couldn’t bear to look at her leftover supplies and easels.
I couldn’t stand to see her absence.
It’d been over a month, and I hadn’t been with another woman. The idea didn’t sound appealing to me, but now that I knew we were truly finished, I knew I had to get back out there. Sinking into warm pussy might make me feel better.
Even if that pussy wasn’t Vanessa’s.
Max called me when I’d been home for about an hour. “How’d it go?”
“The same as usual.”
“So you got both brothers?”
“Yeah.”
“And documentation to prove it wasn’t a swift kill?”
“Got it on video.”
“Great. So what are you doing now? Catching up on sleep?”
I hated sleeping. I thought about Vanessa until the darkness descended, and then I dreamed of her beautiful green eyes. A part of me wished I could erase her completely so I could move on with my life.
But I knew I would never want to lose those memories.
“I’m going out. Hitting a bar or something.” I could pick up a woman, fuck her, and try not to think about Vanessa, just to get the first lay out of the way. It would get easier after that. After several dozen women, I would probably stop thinking about Vanessa altogether.
“I’ll join you. It’s been a while since we’ve done something besides talk about work.”
“You know that’s all we ever talk about.”
Max and I got inside quickly and moved through the crowd of people. Women wore heels and short dresses, and the guys were dressed in collared shirts and slacks. I wore a t-shirt despite how cold it was outside, wanting to show off my ink.
It was always a conversation starter.
We hit the bar and ordered our drinks.
“Did they beg?” Max asked.
“They always beg.” I skipped the beer and immediately went for scotch, needing something stronger these days. Beer just didn’t cut it anymore. My arms rested on the bar, and I spotted a woman in the corner. With dark hair and brown eyes, she reminded me a little of Vanessa. She had a petite waistline in her skintight black dress, long legs, and an obvious aura of confidence.
She was definitely my type.
“I just got the funds into my account. I’ll wire them to you in the morning.”
“Works for me. No rush.” I didn’t just do that kill for the money—but for the distraction. When my eyes turned back to the woman, I saw her looking into my eyes. Her brown eyes settled on mine, warm like coffee in comparison to the ice in mine. Her friends continued the conversation, but she seemed more interested in me.
“So, what’s up with you and Vanessa?”
The mention of Vanessa shattered my eye contact. I turned back to Max, no longer thinking about the woman I would probably take home tonight. “I’m not seeing her anymore.”
“You aren’t?”
I shook my head. “We’re over.”
Max stared at me in surprise, both of his eyebrows raised. “You alright?”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly, my voice packed with bitterness and pain.
“So…you aren’t alright.”
“She doesn’t want to be with me, and that’s just fine. She can do whatever she wants.”
He patted me on the back sympathetically. “I’ve never seen you be with one woman for so long. I know this must be tough for you.”
“I’m fine,” I said for the millionth time. “I’m going to find a beauty to take home tonight, and I think I already know who it’s going to be.”
“Yeah?” he asked. “Who?”
I nodded to the corner. “Brunette in black. She’s got curly hair.”
Max turned to the bar and took a drink as his eyes flicked in her direction. “You’re right. She’s cute.”
“She’s more than cute.”
He turned back to me. “Then go for her.”
“I’m gonna wait a bit. If I move too quickly, it comes off desperate.”
“I guess.”
“What about you?” I asked. “See anyone you like?”
He leaned against the counter and looked across the packed bar, seeing people gathered around
the tables and couches. The lights were low, and some women were wearing dresses that were so short their ass cheeks hung out. I liked seeing skin, but not everything.
“There’s too many to choose from,” Max said. “I’ll wait until a lady comes to me.”
“Like that will ever happen.”
He shot me a glare. “A woman will come to me quicker than they’ll come to you.”
“You willing to put money on that?”
“Hell yeah.” He extended his hand. “Five hundred bucks.”
I took his hand. “You’re done.”
“Alright.” Max drank his beer again, a slight smirk on his face.
My eyes moved to the brunette making eyes at me, but she was gone. Her friends were gone too. They probably moved to another place in the club. Maybe another guy made a move. Maybe she’d forgotten me as quickly as she noticed me.
I turned in another direction, and that’s when I noticed she was coming my way. Her eyes were locked on me, and she had a nice smile, perfect teeth contrasting against red lipstick. “Looks like you owe me five hundred bucks.”
He didn’t register my words because he seemed more absorbed in something else going on near the entryway. “I’m pretty sure Vanessa just walked in here.”
I immediately severed eye contact and looked over my shoulder. My heart quickened instantly because I needed more blood to my muscles, needed more adrenaline to the rest of my body. Even without seeing her, just the idea of her presence stole my complete attention. “Where?”
“She’s wearing teal. She’s with two other girls.”
My eyes found the only woman wearing teal, and I confirmed what Max had just said.
It really was her.
She was out with some girls, probably friends from school. I turned back to Max, knowing the woman who was interested in me was heading right this way. My first instinct was to walk away and blow her off and head to Vanessa, but then I remembered that us being in the same room together didn’t change anything.
We were over.
This was my life now.
I was here to pick up a woman, and Vanessa was here to pick up a guy.
As depressing as it was, it was the truth.