by Carian Cole
I leave the bed without waking her, pull on some pants and go downstairs into the basement. I find what I’m looking for in the far corner. Kneeling on the floor, I open the box and suck in a deep breath. I pull out her blanket and a teddy bear, and hold them to me, inhaling her scent.
Fuck, I miss her. So much.
Tabitha
“Sugar Kiss?” I repeat, my head in the refrigerator. “I’ve never heard of them.” Closing the door, I pop a grape in my mouth. He’s standing across the room, arms crossed, leaning against the wall.
“Are you serious? You’re a chick; you should love them. They’re an all-girl rock band.”
“I told you I mostly listen to new-age music, like harps and flutes.”
“Well hopefully you’ll enjoy it if you come. They’re good friends of mine. I’ve known Sydni the longest. She’s a bass player too, and in a few weeks, when my band goes on tour, she’s going to be filling in for me. Her band has opened for us a few times, and we’ve played a lot of gigs together over the years, so we know each other’s songs,” he explains.
“So, what band are you in? I don’t think you ever told me.” He follows me into the living room and watches me hunt for my e-reader, which I can never find when I want it.
“That doesn’t matter,” he replies. “I’m on a break from them.”
“It matters to me. I want to know so I can fan-girl.”
“Sit,” he says, pointing to the couch. “Now.”
I do as he says and look up at him, not understanding why he’s all jittery.
“We talked about this, remember? If you’re going to come with me, I need you to be discreet. Please don’t be telling your friends or posting it on social media or any of that shit.”
“I’m not. I was just curious,” I reply, pouting a little. “I’m proud of you, that’s all. You’re in a sorta famous rock band. Well, supposedly.” I smile at him playfully. “Do you have, like groupies and fans?”
“Maybe,” he says with a sexy smirk. “You know what the female fans do when they meet me?” He reaches down and strokes my hair.
“What do they do?”
“Anything I ask them to.” His eyes are dark and lusty. I don’t want to think about fans and groupies and all sorts of women touching him.
“Is that right?”
His hand slides down to caress my neck. “Yes. How do you feel about that? About me fucking other women?”
“It makes me feel sick and jealous,” I tell him.
“So you think I should give that part of my career up? The benefit of having as many women as I want?”
I nod and answer with confidence. “Yes.”
“That seems awfully greedy of you, Tabi. To keep me all for yourself. Doesn’t it?”
“Yes.”
He strokes his thumb across my lips and I suck it into my mouth, my eyes on his, watching as he sways a little. I love that I can affect him the way he does me. He pushes his thumb further into my mouth and I suck harder.
“You’re my naughty girl, aren’t you?”
I nod, and he slowly pulls his finger out of my mouth and licks it.
“Get in your position. I need to go get something.”
I go to the floor and kneel, palms down, and wait for him to come back. The anticipation of not knowing what he is going to do makes my pulse quicken and my skin flush.
Thankfully he is not gone long. I watch his feet cross the room, and he sits on the couch.
He taps my shoulder. “Kneel in front of me, Tabicat.”
I rise and turn, positioning myself to kneel in front of him, between his legs, keeping my eyes averted as I was taught.
“I have something very special for you. Look up at me.”
I raise my eyes to see him holding a small black box. “I had these custom made for you; I just wasn’t sure when I should give them to you. Now seems like a good time.”
He pulls what looks like a silver bracelet with little bells hanging off of it out of the box.
“These are slave bells, and this is an ankle cuff. I want you to wear this on your ankle.” He kneels down and fastens it around my ankle. I shake my foot and a faint tinkling bell sound comes from them. I love it.
“Vandal, thank you.” I lean to kiss him but he puts his hands up to stop me.
“I have something else for you, but it’s very important to me. I need you to think about it before you accept it.”
“All right. I promise I will.” My curiosity is running rampant. What else could he have in that little box?
His hands are shaking slightly as he lifts the next object out of the purple velvet-lined box. I stare at it, taking in its beauty but also the intense meaning behind it. It’s a silver necklace adorned with red crystals embedded in the chain, with a locking silver heart pendant at the center of the chain.
He turns the heart over. “It’s inscribed,” he tells me, his voice deep with emotion. I squint at the tiny words.
You are my heart. I am your armor.
My heart flip-flops. I cannot even speak as he lifts out a tiny key, showing me that it’s a real lock. I now know what this is. It’s a submissive collar. It’s one of the highest symbols of commitment and ownership between a Dom and a sub. I know for him that this commitment is huge.
I can’t stop the tears that pool in my eyes and slowly fall down my cheeks. “Vandal …” I whisper. I don’t know what to say, and even more so, I’m afraid to speak.
“If you accept this, we take things to a deeper level. While I have the option of being with other women, there will never be anyone else. I want this with you, Tabi, only you. I have no desire to fuck someone else, and I want you to feel confident in that. You will give yourself to me in every way, and I will always take care of you and cherish you. I have no doubt in my feelings for you and what I want. The length of time we’ve known each other doesn’t mean shit to me.” He fingers the necklace in his hands. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to sell my other house so I can buy a house that you help pick out and feel at home in, if you are open to that. I’d like a dedicated scene room for us, and a studio for you. I don’t know how you feel about selling your house—we can talk about all that later. I just want you to know that even though I probably don’t show it all in the right ways, I’m serious about this.”
There is a fine line to be walked where we are right now. This is not to be confused with an engagement ring. This is not a marriage proposal. I’m pretty sure there is no hope of having children together. This is a deep sexual and emotional arrangement. And while those other things could possibly be mixed in, I don’t think they are on the cards with him.
However, he is offering his own version of forever that, if I’m honest with myself, will probably make me quite happy. He’s gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, incredibly talented, caring, funny, and knows how to please me. I know in my heart that he would take care of me in every way.
And then I remind myself that in light of all of that, even forever has an expiration date here with him. He might not know it, but I do, and that makes me sadder than I have ever been in my entire life.
I never expected to feel this way, or for him to feel this way about me. This twist of fate is cruel. Maybe it’s karma, biting me in the ass.
Or maybe we are just meant to be together and this is the way it had to happen. I remember what the old woman at the cemetery said to me that day a few months ago: “Sometimes falling in love can hurt. It’s a stumble off a cliff, with a lot of bumps and bruises on the way down, until you land with a heart-stopping crash, not sure if you lived or if it killed you. If you’re lucky, that other person is lying on the ground next to you, just as battered and beaten, and you pick each other up and walk off together.”
How did she know?
“Tabi?” He touches my cheek and I slowly come out of the daydream state I was in, my eyes focusing on him. “Is this what you want?” he asks, still waiting for my answer.
“You’re not giving me much t
ime to think, Vandal.”
“Do you really need to think about it? Or did you know the answer before I even asked?”
“I think you knew the answer before you asked,” I say back to him. “But just so we’re on the same page, the answer is yes.”
He places the chain around my neck and uses the tiny key to lock it in place with the heart. I reach up to my throat and touch it lightly while he puts the tiny key in his pocket.
“Thank you, Vandal. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” He puts his hands on my face, his dark eyes so close to mine, swimming with hope and desire. “Now I’m going to fuck you like I’ve never fucked anyone else before.” My heart lurches and gallops in response.
Swooping me up into his muscular inked arms, he carries me into the bedroom and lays me gently on the plush comforter of his bed. The electric fireplace is burning, making the room warm and amber. He takes my clothes off slowly, kissing each inch of me that he reveals as he goes, tantalizing me with his warm lips. When I am finally naked, he stands and undresses while I watch him hungrily. I let my eyes wander over his broad chest, down his flat, chiseled abs, to his long, thick cock.
I could stare at him for hours. For a man, he is incredibly beautiful. The way his long hair brushes over his perfect, smooth, dark skin and how his tattoos move with his muscles like animated artwork is mesmerizing. Kneeling onto the bed, he climbs on top of me and slowly lowers his body between my parted thighs. His kisses are soft and lingering, dancing on my lips while his hand moves down my body, gentle and caressing. I slide one hand around his waist up to his shoulder, while my other hand moves down his body to rest on his rock-hard curved ass, pulling him into me. I want to feel him inside of me so badly.
He pushes my hair out of my face and cups my cheek. “Look at me,” he whispers. Opening my eyes, I lock my gaze onto his. “Don’t close your eyes … Stay with me.” He slowly eases his cock into me, gentler and slower than I could have ever thought possible for him. My eyes flutter from the sheer ecstasy of feeling him deep inside of me and he rubs his thumb across my eyelid. “Eyes open, Tabicat.”
His kisses grow deeper, his tongue licking mine as he strokes in and out of me, slowly and carefully—every inch felt. I raise my leg and wind it around his waist, locking us together as he moves inside of me, making me drowsy with his gentle, deep rhythm.
He makes love to me for hours, shattering me bit by bit with this new gentle side of him. I have never felt so loved or so adored by a man just from the passion in his kiss or the softness of his touch. This is what I have always longed for and never had, not even with Nick. Vandal has completely touched my soul and captured my heart.
Nick. Please forgive me. I have broken my promise to you.
After he falls asleep, I quietly climb out of bed and use the bathroom, then go down the hall to the guest room. Grabbing the journal and pen, I sit on the bed and open it to the next page. I haven’t had a chance to write in it for a few days.
Vandal,
I don’t know where this path will lead us or what the future holds for us. But I know that today, in this moment, that I am yours and you are mine. You made a promise and you kept it, and I will be forever grateful to you.
I am your heart and you are my armor, always.
Love,
Tabi
I pick up Sterling and carry him to the bedroom, crawling into bed next to Vandal. Sterling curls up against me, purring like a little motor. I wish I could sleep, but I am tormented by promises made and broken, buried secrets, and twisted lies.
Vandal
“You’re quiet.” She’s barely said a word during the drive to the gig. I glance at her in the passenger seat and she looks sexy-as-hell in the outfit I got her of tight jeans, black boots, white sweater and black silk scarf with white roses embroidered on it. First I had a dress picked out but I knew I’d never keep my hands off her, or the attention of the other guys at the show, so jeans seemed safer. As usual she is completely oblivious as to how sexy and cute she looks.
Reaching across the console, I grab her hand and realize her wedding band and engagement ring aren’t on. She’s worn them every day since we met and even though it bugged the shit out of me, I obviously wasn’t douche enough to say something about it. Taking them off had to be her decision, not mine. I can’t help but wonder if she took them off because of a commitment to me, or if she is just being respectful to me by not looking married while we’re out in public. Not that it would be the first time I was seen with a married woman, but this is different. She’s different.
She smiles over at me in the dim light of the car. “I feel kinda nervous. Will it be a big crowd?”
“No, this is a small, private venue. I’m only playing, like three songs, so I won’t be on stage too long. Lukas is gonna stop by, too; he’ll hang out with you.”
“Ivy too?”
“No, they had a fight.”
“Oh no. They didn’t break up, did they?”
I shrug. “I don’t think so. I’m sure they’ll figure it out; they have some issues to work on. Lukas isn’t the type to give up.”
“Are you?” she asks, squeezing my hand.
“No. I’m not a quitter at anything.”
When we get to the Rabbit Hole, I grab my bass out of the back seat and a bouncer lets us in through the private side door to avoid the crowd.
“Hey, Van, been a long time. Good to see you,” the bouncer says, nodding his head in greeting at us. I don’t recognize the guy at all, but I fist bump him anyway and pretend I remember him as we head down the hall.
I stop in the hallway before we go any further and pull Tabi into me. “You should know I’ve fucked every girl in Sugar Kiss at some point.”
Her mouth falls open in total shock. “What? You could have warned me, and maybe worded that a little nicer.”
“It was just party stuff; I wasn’t involved with them. But we are all friends. I told Sydni that I was in a relationship last time I saw her. So if the girls are kinda flirty, just ignore it, okay? They’re used to me being a certain way, and it’s going to take a while for people to get used to me not being like that.”
“You could have told me this before. Won’t this be awkward?”
“No.”
“It is for me. They’re probably all gorgeous and sexy and perfect, right?”
Ugh. I probably shouldn’t have told her the truth. So much for me trying to be honest and open. She literally looks green with jealousy. Or nausea. Or both, most likely.
“Hey. You’re my Tabicat, right? Who’s got the collar on?”
Her eyes go soft and she smiles shyly. “Me,” she murmurs.
“That’s right. You’re mine. I’m yours. End of story.” I kiss her lips. “And you are gorgeous and sexy and perfect, and sweet. You have nothing to be jealous about. I don’t like jealousy.”
She quirks an accusing eyebrow at me. “Really? Since when?”
I grab her hand, ignoring her innuendo about my own jealousy issues. “Let’s go.”
The VIP room is pretty packed, but we make our way through the crowd to the far corner where the girls are hanging out. I’m stopped a few times along the way to say hey, but I hold on to Tabi’s hand and keep moving after a few seconds of talking. She seems even smaller to me in my own element, her tiny five-foot, one-hundred-and-ten body almost lost amongst all these people.
“And he made it!” Sydni yells when she sees me. She jumps up and gives me a hug, a drink in her hand.
“Hey, Syd.”
“Hey, buddy. And who do we have here?” She smiles at Tabitha. I know that Sydni is genuinely happy for me to have a chick and isn’t jealous. She might flirt with me, but I know our friendship comes first.
“This is Tabitha. Tabi, this is Sydni. She’s one of my oldest friends, and a fucking great bass player.”
“Nice to meet you,” Tabi says, blushing. She’s fucking adorable.
“I’m glad you came. I wouldn’t beli
eve Vandal had a girlfriend unless I saw her with my own damn eyes. You’re absolutely beautiful.” Sydni nudges me. “Awesome catch, Van. Hang on to her.”
I put my arm around Tabi and pull her closer. “I plan to.”
Sydni turns to the other girls and yells over at them. “Hey ladies, look who’s here! Our man Vandal with his girlfriend.”
There’s nothing like having eight eyes that you’ve fucked staring at you while you stand next to the woman you’re falling in love with. It’s not exactly a warm and fuzzy feeling, and for once, I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done. Or whom I’ve done, in this case.
All the girls look a little shocked, two of them definitely look a little crazy jealous, but at least they are all friendly and polite to Tabitha, who looks like a baby deer in the headlights. I’m going to have to do something to make up this awkwardness to her, to show her I appreciate how strong she is. I sure as shit wouldn’t want to be in a room with a bunch of guys she’d slept with, and would be pretty murderous by the time the night was over if I was.
I pull Tabitha to a couch along the wall and we sit next to Rio, who’s got long, razor-edged purple and blue hair and turquoise eyes, and is probably the cutest and nicest of all these girls in the band. She used to follow me around like a lost puppy when we were going through our thing of screwing on the road.
“I’m Rio,” she says to Tabi.
“That’s a beautiful name. I love your hair!”
Rio beams. “Thanks!”
“Rio is the drummer,” I tell Tabitha, and she nods above the loud voices around us.
“Are you a musician, too?” Rio questions, and Tabitha looks away, biting her lip.
“No, not at all,” she finally answers.
“She’s a photographer,” I say for her.
“Hey, maybe you can take some pictures of me and the girls. We need some for our PR stuff, like the website, or online profiles, all that stuff. We were just talking about this, like a week ago.”
“I’d love that. Would that be okay?” she asks me, and yes, it turns me on that she asked me permission.
“Sure, doll. We can talk about that. I think it would be great.”