Finally, I was feeling a little bit useless. After all, it had been my friends’ powers that got us anywhere today. Stench and Plasma Girl had gotten us into Indestructo Industries. Tadpole had solved our squirrel problem. Even Halogen Boy, in his own hapless way, had somehow managed to make our diversion work at the arcade this afternoon.
All in all, I was pretty depressed by the time I came through the door.
“You’re just in time, OB,” my mom called from the kitchen. “Your father and I are setting out dinner.”
As I stepped into the kitchen I saw Dad holding a metal broiling pan in his hands. The steaks on top were nearly done grilling. To be honest, I’m not sure why we even have a stove in our kitchen. I don’t think we’ve ever used it.
“Oh, my. You look so sad,” my mother said as soon as she saw me. “What’s the matter, dear?”
I paused for a second, not sure how to answer that question. Suddenly, I couldn’t help it. It all came pouring out.
“The Junior Leaguers have spent all day trying to find the Professor Brain-Drain card, which is the only one we need to complete our AI Collector set, but we found out from this creep called the Tycoon who’s messing up AI’s reputation with all the bad things he’s doing in his name that they only made three of them and spread them all over Superopolis in places that have to do with the three types of rock, and we were able to find the card linked with igneous rocks, but this stupid kid ate it, and we found the one that had to do with sedimentary rock, but some creep who I think was following us stole it before we could get it, and now I don’t have a clue what location metamorphic rock might be referring to and why does it even matter since I don’t have any superpower anyway!”
At least I didn’t start crying… .
All right. So I did start crying. Not very much or very long, mind you … but enough that I couldn’t pretend I only had something in my eye.
“OB.” Mom knelt down in front of me, touching my tears with her fingertip. “Everything will be okay.”
Each of my tears fell to the floor as a small crystal of ice. As I wrapped my arms around my mom and hugged her, Dad knelt down alongside us.
“Don’t get down, hero,” he said. “Let’s just go over what happened today and we’ll all put our noggins together and help you solve this.”
I told them everything as we sat down to our dinner of steak and chips. We were having Dr.Telomere’s Garlic-and-Onion-flavored chips and they went great with the steak. Oh, yeah, there was a salad, too, since Mom always insists that we have some sort of vegetable. Dad and I would have skipped that part if we could.
When I got to the part about the third type of rock, metamorphic, I was hoping they might have some ideas. Well, they had some ideas, all right. They just weren’t “good” ideas.
“Honey, what do you know about metamorphic rock?” Mom asked Dad.
He sat there sort of blankly for a moment before he responded. “Well,” he said tentatively, “I used to know a hero named the Metamorph.”
Both Mom and I nodded expectantly.
“But he changed himself into a cockroach and someone stepped on him.”
“Well, that’s not very helpful,” my mother said, speaking for both of us. “But the word metamorphic does refer to change.”
My mom is a lot smarter than she lets on.
“That’s true,” I said. “Metamorphic rock is basically rock that was originally either igneous or sedimentary but changed because of conditions like high pressure or heat.”
“I can show you heat!” my dad said in his booming voice, holding up his fork. Within seconds the metal fork melted and began to drip from his hand. Mom and I both watched politely.
“Do you know what the most common type of metamorphic rock is, OB?” my mother asked, turning back to me.
“I think it’s slate,” I answered.
“I think you’re right,” my mom said as she gave me a big smile. “And I don’t think there are many heroes in this city who could have answered that question.”
We both glanced over at my dad, who was wiping the last few molten drops of his fork onto his costume, while using his other hand to stuff a bunch of potato chips into his mouth.
“What?” he mumbled innocently.
“There’s just one problem,” I said. “I’m not sure where the clue is telling me to go.”
“You’ve got all night to think about it,” she said as she got up to start clearing the table. “And if anyone can figure it out, I know it’s you.”
Later that night, at bedtime, Dad came to tuck me in.
“Figured it out yet, OB?” he asked me as he pulled the bed covers up to my chin.
“Not yet. I haven’t been able to make any kind of connection.”
It was true. Ever since dinner, I’d been trying to first think of places that I knew would be selling the cards, and then figure out if those places had any possible connection to slate.
“You will,” he said confidently.
Dad and Mom had so much faith in me. And I had been so busy with my problems that I hadn’t bothered to ask either of them about their day.
“How is your hunt for a new team going, Dad?”
I could tell that he was happy I’d asked. But clearly things had not been going well for him either.
“Well, nothing is going to happen with the League of Ultimate Goodness. I’m about ready to give up and go back to the potato chip factory.” He sighed as he lowered himself onto the edge of my bed and absentmindedly picked up the teddy bear that was sitting there. “I met with three other groups today and they all rejected me for being too old. Too old!” he repeated incredulously.
Then the best idea ever hit me.
“Dad, you’re too good to be part of any of those teams,” I blurted out.
“What do you suggest?” my dad asked.
“Put together your own team.”
My father looked blank. I could see that the gears were turning, though. My eyes darted to my poor teddy bear, trapped in my father’s unwitting grip.
“There’s you, the Big Bouncer, the Levitator,” I listed them off. “You all have cool powers, and I’ll bet you know other really old guys who would like to fight crime again.”
“They never said I was really old,” he corrected me. “Just old.”
“Your experience is worth more than all those other teams put together. Take advantage of it, and show Superopolis what you’re capable of!”
“You’re right!” he shouted as he leaped to his feet, raising my teddy bear triumphantly into the air with one hand. “I’ll do it!”
My doomed teddy bear erupted in flames. Dad quickly dropped it and smothered it with his cape. It’s frankly amazing that our house has never burned down.
At any rate, I couldn’t have been happier about the change in my dad’s mood.
“This is just what I need.” My dad laughed. “It’s time to wipe the slate clean and start over.”
The words were barely out of Dad’s mouth when the answer hit me. I knew exactly where to find the final Professor Brain-Drain card!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The Third Card
The next day, I got to school late and made it into the classroom just as the first bell rang. I was dying to tell the team what I had figured out, but there was no way to get the attention of all of them together.
Halogen Boy was busy fending off Transparent Girl’s offers to trade her string of paper clips for our Meteor Boy card. Stench was shaking his head and rolling his eyes as Cannonball argued that the Crimson Creampuff was the second most powerful member of the League of Ultimate Goodness, right after AI himself. And Plasma Girl was deep in conversation with Little Miss Bubbles, who was showing off her new Whistlin’ Dixie rhinestone bracelet with genuine imitation rhinestones. I could tell from the look on Plasma Girl’s face that her pledge to contribute no more money to any business run by the Tycoon was already crumbling like a potato chip.
Meanwhile, Tadpole was hav
ing another of his pointless arguments with Melonhead.
“Listen, seed brain,” Tadpole was saying, “if you tried using a rocket pack like AI’s you’d burn your butt to a crisp the second you turned the thing on.”
“I dithagree with your athethment,” countered Melonhead. “The Amathing Indethtructo manageth to avoid thcorching hith backthide.”
“That’s because he’s indethtructible—I mean, indestructible,” Tadpole erupted in frustration.
I don’t know why he bothers to argue with Melonhead. It’s just part of his personality, I guess. There’s nothing that Tadpole wouldn’t do for a friend, but he has the shortest fuse of anyone I’ve ever met. He’s also the most stubborn person I know. I could tell he was about to plunge back into the argument, but just then Miss Marble came into the room.
“Good morning, urchins,” she said. She was in a surprisingly good mood for her. “Would any of you like to buy a Professor Brain-Drain card?”
I got an instant knot of despair in my gut as the hand of every kid in the class shot up in a chorus of “me, me, me’s!” Had Miss Marble beaten us to the last Professor Brain-Drain card?
NAME: Tadpole. POWER: A fully manipulatible tongue that can stretch to nearly twenty feet. LIMITATIONS: About twenty feet. CAREER: Efforts to stretch his age have led to two attempts to join the League of Ultimate Goodness before turning ten; currently a member of the Junior Leaguers. CLASSIFICATION: A mouthy little son of a gun.
“Well, I wish I had one to sell you.” She started laughing, enjoying the disappointed looks on everyone’s faces. She can be a little nasty sometimes. Secretly, I was pretty relieved, though.
“I’m guessing that none of you are ready to give up on this quest yet, are you?” she continued. “May I ask how much money that could otherwise be going to fund your college educations is being wasted on this folly?”
“I’ve thpent theventy-theven dollarth tho far,” Melonhead proclaimed proudly.
“I’ve used all the money I had been saving to buy a new bike,” Lobster Boy piped up. “One hundred and ten dollars!”
“I only spent ninety-six dollars,” admitted the Spore, with a wheezy gasp. “But that’s because the store wouldn’t take some of my money because of the mushrooms growing on it.”
As all the kids in my class shouted out amounts of money, Miss Marble wrote them out on the chalkboard. I don’t know if it was disgust over how much we had all spent, or possibly the realization that it added up to more than her annual salary, but I could tell her level of crankiness was growing. Sure enough, she spun around and hit us with the most powerful weapon at her disposal—a surprise assignment.
“That’s enough,” she said, interrupting Transparent Girl’s attempt to top what everyone else had spent. “I want each of you to spend the remainder of the morning writing out an essay. The title will be: ‘The Foolish Children Who Wasted All Their Money.’ Begin now.”
The morning crawled by as we all worked on our essays, but I finally got a chance to gather the team together at our pre-lunch recess.
While no one was looking I motioned them away from the playground and back into the school. Once inside, we headed to the hallway outside the cafeteria. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch was going to start, so I got right to the point.
“I think it would be great to show everyone in class our new Professor Brain-Drain card right after lunch. Don’t you guys?”
They all looked at me like I had a toilet plunger stuck on my head.
“Umm, O Boy. That would imply that we’ve actually found the Professor Brain-Drain card,” Stench pointed out, “which, in fact, we have not.”
“He’s up to something,” Plasma Girl said suspiciously as I stood there grinning. “What gives?”
“Did you find the third card after we split up?” Tadpole asked accusingly.
“No,” I said, “but I did figure out where we’ll find it.”
“Where is it, O Boy?” Hal asked. This morning he had only a dim glow surrounding him.
“A place that has lots and lots of slate,” I replied, “which just so happens to be the most common type of metamorphic rock.”
“And where would that be?” Plasma Girl pushed, sounding irritated. I have to admit, I can be a little annoying when I know something that the others don’t.
“Right here,” I said.
“In the school?” Halogen Boy said.
“Exactly. A school with a slate blackboard in almost every room,” I revealed. “In fact, there is more slate in this building than anywhere else in Superopolis.”
“But there isn’t any place in the school to buy the cards,” an exasperated Plasma Girl blurted out.
I had thought the same thing at first, too. But then I remembered what we’d seen yesterday. I placed my hand on the door to the deserted cafeteria and flung it open.
“Isn’t there?” I asked.
Straight ahead of us, glowing in the dimly lit room, sat the Amazing Indestructo Adventures in Vending machine. Since it had just been installed yesterday, I was sure we were the first to see it. At first glance it seemed to stock just the entire line of AI Candy Bars and Snack Cakes. I began to worry that I had been too cocky, but then I heard Plasma Girl gasp.
“Look, you guys!”
We all glanced up to where she was pointing, to the top row. Right next to AI’s brand of dental floss (what were they thinking?) was a pack of Amazing Indestructo Collector Cards.
I took a dollar out of my pocket and fed it into the machine. Everyone held their breath as I punched in the code number. It felt like an eternity as we heard the machine clank and grind, and then the pack of cards finally fell into the open slot. Reaching for it with a shaking hand, I picked it up and ripped it open. There staring back at us was a card with … who else? … the Amazing Indestructo.
We all groaned. Then I lifted it up to reveal behind it … the one and only remaining, genuine and original, Professor Brain-Drain card.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Homeroom Hysteria
Needless to say, everyone in our class that afternoon was incredibly jealous of us. We allowed the other kids to take a look at the Professor Brain-Drain card, but only from a safe distance. We didn’t want someone like the Spore getting mold all over the thing or Melonhead spitting seeds on it.
Even Miss Marble was impressed. During our last class of the day we told her how we had learned about there being only three cards and how we had found them using the clue we’d been given.
“Very clever,” she said. “And it would appear that you truly do have a very valuable item.”
“That shows her,” I heard Stench mumble under his breath.
“In fact,” she continued, “let’s try a little experiment to see just how valuable it is. Okay, class. How many of you would like to own one of these tiny scraps of flimsy cardboard, printed with a penny’s worth of ink to form an image of Professor Brain-Drain?”
Every hand in the class shot up. “Me, me, me!” they all shouted.
At this point Transparent Girl turned to me and offered me two dollars for the card, which, after all, she informed me, had only cost me a dollar. I told her to disappear completely and turned my attention back to Miss Marble.
“Tell me, Puddle Boy,” Miss Marble said, “how much would you be willing to pay for a card like this?”
“I don’t know. Maybe ten dollars?” he said hesitantly as a thin ripple spread across the pool beneath his desk.
“I’d pay twenty dollars,” offered the Human Sponge. She turned to the Spore and asked him if she could borrow twenty dollars.
“Twenty dollarth?!” Melonhead said, spraying seeds everywhere. “I’d give thirty, pluth my entire thet of Thouth Theath thea thellth!”
“I’d trade fifty dollars and my bike,” shouted Lobster Boy.
“The handlebars are all clawed up,” accused Cannonball as everyone in the class began to shout. “I’d give seventy-five dollars plus all my bowling trophies.�
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“I’d give my allowance for an entire year,” the Banshee suddenly screeched.
We all plugged our ears and ducked just in case one of the windows shattered. Thankfully, the Banshee got ahold of herself and the shrieking subsided quickly.
“I’d trade all thirty-two of my Amazing Indestructo cards for just one Professor Brain-Drain card,” shouted Transparent Girl.
The fact that anyone could even utter such words brought first a gasp and then a crushing silence to the room.
“That’s crazy!” gasped the Human Sponge as she finally absorbed what Transparent Girl had said.
Everyone was shocked. Such disloyalty to AI was unthinkable. Why, he was the greatest superhero in Superopolis, which surely made his cards more valuable than—
“I would, too,” hollered Lobster Boy, breaking the tension.
“Tho would I,” agreed Melonhead.
“Me, too.” At least four other voices rang out in unison.
“I would trade them, too,” the Banshee screeched yet again.
As we all covered our ears for a second time, Miss Marble finally acted, and I felt my entire body freeze. She started to speak, but none of us except the Banshee could hear what she had to say because we had all been frozen with our hands over our ears. By the time Miss Marble’s power had worn off, everyone had finally calmed down.
“You’ve all just gotten a perfect example of the concept of scarcity,” she said. “In this classroom alone I count seventeen kids besides you five who want this Professor Brain-Drain card, but only one exists. As a result, the amount that someone is willing to pay for it increases beyond its actual cost. In fact, the more peo- ple there are who want something rare, the higher the price of that item will rise. That is how the value of anything is determined.”
“But this isn’t the only card,” I said, and immediately wished I hadn’t. The entire class turned toward me like a pack of hungry animals. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop talking now, or they probably would have ripped me apart.
The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book One: The Hero Revealed Page 8