When I was settled next to him, he handed me my wine glass and said, “Tell me what you’re grateful for.”
I was touched that he’d asked. The few men I’d dated wouldn’t have cared to hear my ramblings. That was why those relationships hadn’t lasted. They’d been dating Tiana Starkis, the heiress, not Tiana Starkis, the woman.
“I’m grateful to have a family who loves me.” I smiled when he made a face. “In spite of what you think of my father, he does love me and only wants what’s best for me.”
Blake grunted before downing the rest of his wine. “Maybe he should let you decide what’s best for you if he loves you so much.”
Pretending I hadn’t heard him, I said, “I’m grateful for the opportunity to travel. I’ve seen so much of the world and met so many wonderful people.”
I knew he thought I was referring to dignitaries and celebrities, but I wasn’t. I was referring to the regular people I’d met along the way. The old men in cafés with amazing stories to tell. The starving artists with so much passion for life because they were doing what they loved. The moms playing in the parks with their kids, who’d talked to me about the trials and joys of parenthood. Those were the simple moments I treasured most during my travels.
“I’m grateful for dance. It’s brought so much joy to my life.”
“Why don’t you dance anymore?”
I didn’t know how he knew I hadn’t made time for my passion since returning to the States, but there was no point making excuses. Blake would see right through them and me. “There was a time when I thought I might dance professionally, but it’s too late for that now, so…”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t still dance just for the fun of it.”
But I didn’t think that it would be fun since I would never again grace a stage. Instead of dwelling on that, I reminded myself that this was a time for gratitude. “I’m grateful that my brothers found wonderful women who love them.”
Blake smiled. “I’m happy for them too. Mia and Eleni are great girls.”
“I’m happy my cousins are in town for a while.” I watched him carefully, wondering if he would react to the mention of Kara. He didn’t.
“You haven’t said anything about your intended coming to town. You’re not grateful for that?”
Leave it to him to notice that omission. “I don’t know him well enough yet to know whether it will be a good thing or not. We spent some time together the last time I was in Greece, but not enough time to know whether we’re truly compatible in the ways that matter most.”
“Did you sleep with him while you were there?”
I was stunned by his audacity and slightly offended that he thought I would sleep with a virtual stranger, even if my father was convinced he was the perfect man for me. “Of course not! How can you even ask me that?”
“But there have been others?” he asked, not seeming off-put in the least by my reaction. “I mean, you have had other lovers… since me?”
“Of course.”
Something flashed in his eyes. “I hope they knew how to treat you right, how to take care of you the way you deserve.”
I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. “It was fine. They were… good.” I should have sounded a little more enthusiastic, just to shut him up, but even saying they were good was a stretch.
“Have there been many men?” He grimaced. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
Since I didn’t want him to think I was easy, I told him the truth. “Two.” I didn’t think that was a lot, given that it had been five years.
“Did you love them?” His voice seemed strained as he reached for the wine bottle he’d brought out.
I considered his question carefully. I thought I had at the time, but looking back, I realized I was just infatuated. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Then why the hell did you share your body with them?” He sounded angry. “Tiana, you’re a gorgeous woman. Men will want to take advantage of you not only because you’re beautiful, but because of your family’s wealth.”
I scowled as I reached for the wine glass he’d topped up for me. “You think I don’t know that? Believe me, I’ve been wrestling with that my whole life.”
“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “Of course you have. It just kills me to think of you sleeping with someone who doesn’t love you.”
“You didn’t love me, and I slept with you.”
He seemed to hesitate, his lips poised on the rim of his glass without taking a drink. Finally, he lowered it. “You have to know how important you were to me. I never would have taken the kind of risk I did, being with you like that, if you hadn’t been.”
“What were you risking?”
I was still angry about that night—not at him, but at myself for being so impulsive, then running away like a scared little girl. After we made love, I’d wanted him to pull me into his arms, shower me with kisses, and tell me it had been as wonderful for him as it had been for me.
“I was risking a lot, most importantly, your friendship and respect.” He sighed. “I was also risking my friendship and partnership with your brother. If Deacon found out I took your virginity under those circumstances, I don’t think he’d ever forgive me.”
“What circumstances?” I asked, drinking more of the wine than I should have. I had to drive home, and I’d already had a couple of drinks at the pool party.
“You picked me up in a bar, Ti.”
“I was sober.” I was still mortified by the reminder that I’d picked him up and not the other way around, as it should have been.
“Yeah, but I can’t believe you put much forethought into it. It was your twenty-first birthday, a big night for you. You were out partying with your friends, having a good time.” He ran a hand over his damp hair with a heavy sigh. “I’m glad I was there. I can’t stand the thought that you might have gone home with a stranger, but—”
“I wouldn’t have,” I said, barely loud enough for him to hear. “I wanted to go home with you. Only you.”
It looked as though he was holding his breath, waiting for me to continue. When I didn’t, he said, “How long had you been waiting for that to happen? Did you…?”
Seeming uncomfortable was so out of character for Blake. I had to admit, I found it kind of endearing. “Did I what? Imagine what it would be like to make love to you?” When he nodded, I said, “Yes. What I did that night may have seemed impulsive to you, but trust me, it wasn’t. It was definitely pre-meditated.” It took a lot of courage for me to admit how much I’d wanted him back then, and I could tell by his slight smile that he appreciated and respected my honesty.
“I’d been wanting you for a long time too, beautiful. Longer than I should have.”
I wanted to hear more. I wanted him to tell me how he’d felt the first time he laid eyes on me, and all the naughty fantasies he’d had about me since then. “Go on.”
He topped up my glass again. I should have reminded him I had to drive home, but we both had access to limo services, if it came to that, and the wine was helping to lower our inhibitions so we could talk about the things we should have discussed years ago.
“The first time I saw you, you were home from school on summer vacation.” He tipped his head back, closing his eyes as he rested his arms along the hot tub’s edge, one hand wrapped around his crystal wine glass. “You must have been about eighteen. We’d just graduated and were ready to take on the world.” He smiled. “That seems like a lifetime ago.”
I didn’t want him to get caught up in memories of building a business with my brother. I wanted him to tell me what he thought the first time he saw me. I wanted to know if he’d felt the same inexplicable connection I did the first time our eyes met.
“You were lounging by the pool in a black bikini…” His eyes drifted to the pale blue bikini top I wore. “I damn near had a heart attack when we rounded the corner and saw you lying there.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he inched closer.
“You were wearing dark glasses and your body was glistening with sunscreen…” He licked his lips as his hands slipped through my damp hair. The steam rising between us had nothing to do with the water temperature. “You had a dark tan, but I could see faint tan lines…” His hand dipped beneath the water, tracing the bows where my string bikini was joined at my hips. “I wanted you like I’d never wanted another woman in my life.”
I held my breath as his fingertip traced the triangle between my legs. I understood what it felt like to want someone the way he described wanting me. I felt that way about him the first time we met, the night of my birthday, and again tonight. The power of my desire for him was almost beyond my control.
He leaned in to kiss me, and I could have cried from the tenderness of the moment. I’d expected hunger, but he gave me softness and warmth instead. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. I set my glass down so I could wrap my arms around him. Holding him close, prolonging and deepening the kiss, my mind wandered, wondering if this night could end the way I’d wanted our first night together to end.
When we withdrew, he stared into my eyes, brushing his fingertip across my cheek. “I couldn’t wait to have you, beautiful. I wanted to make you mine. But you were so young when we met, too young. When you came to me that night at the bar and asked me to be your first lover, I felt like I’d won the lottery. Of all the men you could have chosen, you chose me.” He punctuated his point with a brief kiss. “Me.”
I loved that he appreciated the gift I’d given him that night. I’d always assumed I would wait until marriage to be intimate with a man, but since I would never marry Blake, I hadn’t wanted to miss out on the experience of being with him the way I’d always dreamed of.
“I couldn’t have imagined my first time with anyone else.” I kissed him. “I don’t have a single regret about that night. I wanted you. I got you. And I’m grateful for that one night we shared. I wouldn’t have done a single thing differently.”
He framed my face with his large hands. “There are so many things I would have done differently, Ti. So many things.”
I couldn’t imagine what he was talking about. In my mind, it had been almost perfect, except for the emotional aftermath. “What do you mean?”
“Sweetheart,” he said, closing his eyes, “I wanted it to be better for you than it was for me. It clearly wasn’t. You didn’t even…” He shook his head, appearing disgusted as he let his hands fall from my face.
I suddenly realized what he was referring to. I placed my hand on his chest with a smile. “Blake, that’s not a big deal. A lot of women don’t…” I blushed. It was still hard for me to talk about that stuff, especially with a man as experienced as Blake. “You know. During.”
He frowned, shaking his head. “Wait a minute. Are you telling me these other guys you were with didn’t…” His expression grew angry, almost fierce. “They didn’t make sure you were satisfied?”
“It’s not a big deal,” I repeated, knowing there was nothing I could say to convince him. “There are other ways to… you know.” I shrugged before dipping my head.
“You’re right, there are other ways. None of which I treated you to that night. I’m sorry about that, Ti. I left the room that night because I was disgusted with myself for losing it before I made sure you were satisfied.”
“Oh.”
At least now I knew why he’d reacted the way he did. I’d always assumed that I did something wrong. I assumed he was having second thoughts, berating himself for making love to me. I thought that was why things had been so awkward between us since, our exchanges always fueled by annoyance and anger. It had never occurred to me it could have anything to do with pent-up sexual frustration, but the way he was looking at me, as though he wanted to devour me, told me that was exactly what had driven his moods.
“You deserved better from me that night,” he explained gently. “It was your first time. I wanted it to be memorable, perfect. I was honored that you’d chosen me. I never wanted you to regret that decision.”
“I didn’t,” I assured him. When he didn’t seem to believe me, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Climbing into his lap, I straddled him. His erection prodded me, but I tried to ignore it as I slipped my hands into his damp hair, tugging his head back so he was forced to look at me. “Listen to me. I haven’t regretted that night for a single second. Being with you like that was wonderful.”
“It could have been so much better.” He drew me closer. His tongue traced my jaw line before following the line of my neck. “God, that’s all I want, baby, to make you feel good.” Grabbing my hips, he murmured, “Please, let me make you feel good. Right now. Tonight.” Moaning, he pressed his erection into me, heightening my arousal. “Let’s do this, sweetheart. All night long, again and again. To make up for—”
I stopped his words with a passionate kiss. I didn’t want to hear about his regrets. If we were going to make love again, I wanted it to be because we both wanted it, not because he felt he had something to prove. “Yes.”
Chapter Three
Blake
I still couldn’t believe that she’d said yes. I’d been desperate for another chance with her, but I never really thought I’d get it, especially now that another man was in the picture. Every time I thought about her father trying to force her into a marriage with someone she didn’t love, to satisfy his own agenda, I became enraged all over again.
But this wasn’t a night to express my anger. It was a night to express my passion and hunger for a woman I suspected I may have fallen in love with long before I really knew what love was. This was my second chance, and I had no intention of blowing it… again.
I tugged at the strings wrapped around her neck and back, half-expecting her to stop me. But she didn’t. She kissed me instead, reminding me that she wasn’t the same inexperienced girl she’d been our first time together. She was a woman now. A woman who’d had other lovers. A woman who would soon be someone else’s wife if I couldn’t stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life.
“I don’t have a condom.” I kissed her neck while pulling on the strings at her hips. “Let’s take this inside, beautiful.”
“We don’t have to.” She looked at me earnestly, sinking her teeth into her full bottom lip. “I mean, I’m on the pill now. Do you… have you…?”
I loved it when she blushed that way, reminding me how different she was from most of the sexually experienced women I dated. “I always use condoms, sweetheart.”
“Oh.” Bracing her hands on my shoulders, she said, “Okay then, we can—”
She thought I meant I didn’t want to make love to her without protection. Gripping her hips to hold her in place, I brushed my lips across hers. “I would give anything if you’d let me make love to you without a condom. I swear to you I’m clean. But it has to be your choice, Ti. It’s a big decision, and if you’re not comfortable—” She stole my breath, gripping me firmly beneath the thin fabric of my shorts.
“I want to.” She tugged at the tie on my shorts. “Please, take these off.”
I wasted no time meeting her demands, but this time, I wasn’t taking any chances. “Sit up here for me,” I said, pointing at the ledge. “But make sure you hold on. It’ll be slippery.” She looked around uncertainly, making me laugh. “Honey, this isn’t a subdivision. We’re out in the middle of nowhere.”
Tiana relented, doing as I asked, but her legs remained firmly closed as she perched on the edge.
“Sorry baby, that’s not gonna work for me,” I said, spreading her legs.
She looked down at me, her long dark hair falling in wet ringlets, the full moon lighting her gorgeous face. All traces of makeup were long gone, and her plump lips were swollen from my passionate kisses. I’d seen plenty of lingerie models up close and personal, and none of them compared to Tiana. She was simply stunning.
She seemed apprehensive until the first swipe of my tongue erased her inhibitions. I planted my shoulders be
tween her knees, gripping her thighs so I wouldn’t have to worry about her losing her grip and slipping into the water.
I had never enjoyed pleasuring a woman more. Hearing her soft moans, watching her throw her head back, her full breasts jutting out as she planted her hands on the stone surrounding the hot tub, awoke something deep and dark within me, something I’d vowed to always suppress when I was with Tiana.
I wanted to own her.
I wanted my name on her lips every time she had an orgasm. I wanted my ring on her finger every time she stepped out the door. I wanted to be the only one allowed to sink deep inside her, to kiss her intimately, to worship her sweet body the way I was now.
I couldn’t let another man have her. It would kill me. Literally destroy me.
Spurred on by the determination to convince her in the hours that lay ahead that I was the only man she would ever need, that I was worth risking everything for because I could love her the way no one else could or ever would, I became fixated on her pleasure. Her soft moans prompted me to reach deeper, higher, seeking more, giving everything I had to give. I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until she’d surrendered to me in a way she’d been afraid to before. Totally. Completely. Unabashedly.
“Oh, God, oh, oh, Blake…”
I gripped her tighter, probing her more insistently. I could spend the rest of my life listening to the sweet sound of her coming apart in my arms. When she tried to wriggle away, I held her more forcefully. Once wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
“Please, Blake…”
Her plea, coupled with her nails raking down my back, finally got my attention. I allowed her to slip into the water while I was careful to support her. Kissing her deeply, so she could taste the sweetness I’d just experienced, I languished over the kiss. I had to slow down, to get a grip. I didn’t want to have sex with her tonight. I wanted to make love to her, to leisurely learn every inch of her gorgeous body. What made her moan and squirm? What made her scream? What would make her want me to be her only lover?
Tiana (Starkis Family #3) Page 4