Star Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic Book 2)

by Helen Harper

  I let out a crow of exultation then, remembering my promise to Barry, swivelled round to the three contestants who were still stuck and shouted, ‘In your face!’ It was mean and nasty and I felt more than a trickle of guilt but I needed to make sure I wasn’t thrown off the show.

  Panting hard, and under no illusion about what Winter would say about my lack of fitness if he saw me now, I completed the last few obstacles. I was almost ready to collapse but I still had a way to go. I jogged forward, weaving in and out of the trees which I was sure had been placed there just to annoy me. I could see the Celtic-knot puzzle up ahead. Then a root came up out of nowhere and I went flying. Arse.

  Heaving myself up and spitting out a mouthful of dirt, I ignored the cameras that were zooming in on my exasperated face and wiped my eyes. As I blinked away flecks of muck, something flitted across my peripheral vision. I half-turned, just in time to see something shoot behind one of the larger trees fifty metres or so away. It could have been an animal – but what it looked like was a human being with long straggly hair moving around on all fours.

  I froze. Did I really just see that? I spun round towards the cameras but they were all pointed at me. Engaging the cameramen in conversation would be useless. First of all, they were under orders not to communicate; second, I reckoned I’d used up any goodwill I had with them. Another mutter about a hallucination and I’d be out on my ear.

  Swallowing hard and trying to stay calm, I glanced back warily. There was no sign of any potential zombie. I edged to my right and peered round, catching a flash of dark clothing. Then there was a loud heaving grunt, not dissimilar to what I imagined a death rattle would sound like.

  I raised my hands, ready to perform whatever defensive or offensive runes were required, when there was a ragged whoop from behind me. The zombie, if that’s what it was, rustled in alarm. I heard a single pant, like a breath, then the thing crashed away through the undergrowth. The three contestants who’d been stuck in the mud pit were oblivious. As they passed me, they continued to whoop, holding hands and beaming with muddy delight.

  Rachelle, who was closest to me, turned in my direction. ‘This is what happens when you work together and when you’re nice to others,’ she sniped.

  My jaw worked uselessly. Whatever I’d seen had already gone. The river was in that direction so maybe the bloody thing would drown. I could only hope.

  ‘Be as nice as you want,’ I shot back to them as they skipped away in front of me. ‘But just remember that only one person can win!’

  They ignored me. I twisted away and stared back through the undergrowth. If this really was another undead necromantic being, I needed Winter and I needed him now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  In the end I came last, a very bedraggled last at that. The rest of the contestants clapped politely as my name, quite literally, went up in smoke. Then Belinda stepped forward and pointed at Harriet as the winner.

  Despite my fear about what I may or may not have seen, I was surprised. She must have come ahead in the puzzle section. I raised my hands to clap then caught Barry frowning at me. I dropped my arms and pouted instead. Being mean was rather hard work.

  The only saving grace was that we were given an hour’s break before voting. I knew that I’d be free from the cameras because, on screen, the transition between the challenge and the voting happened instantaneously. All the producers made a beeline for their contestants. No doubt this ‘break’ was to make sure that everyone voted the way they were supposed to.

  ‘Ivy!’ Barry stretched his arms out expansively. ‘Bad luck.’

  I shrugged. ‘Whatever. I have to go.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘You want to talk strategy for the voting, right?’

  ‘Of course. What else is there?’

  Bloodthirsty zombies lurking in the trees less than half a mile from here. ‘You’d be surprised,’ I murmured. ‘But either I’ll be voted out or I won’t be. Nothing else I do will make a difference now.’

  ‘Ivy…’

  ‘I have to go.’ I paused for a beat. ‘I’ve got my period.’

  As expected, Barry blanched and backed off. I stalked away from him, my posture ramrod straight to ensure he didn’t come after me. Now all I had to do was hope that Winter had returned from his snooping.

  Ignoring the crew members busying themselves rigging up the voting area, I swept along as if I knew exactly what I was doing. I couldn’t see Winter anywhere. Moonbeam, however, was coming straight towards me so I veered away and moved into the trees. I didn’t dare go far; after all, there might be a damn zombie lurking there. All the same, the last thing I needed now was to be drawn into yet another chat with Belinda’s plotting son.

  Keeping to the fringes of the small wood, I looked desperately for Winter’s familiar form. I was so busy searching for him that I almost tripped up again. This time it wasn’t on a pesky tree root, however; it was Brutus.

  ‘What gives?’ I growled. ‘You abandon me as soon as I get here and now you’re trying to kill me?’

  My cat yawned and began to wash himself. I scowled. I didn’t have time for this.

  ‘Magic man,’ Brutus said as I started to turn away.

  I looked back. ‘You mean Bellows? Your new owner?’

  I received a scathing look in response. Clearly, Brutus didn’t believe anyone owned him. In that, of course, he was absolutely correct. ‘Fish.’

  I raised my hands helplessly. ‘Am I supposed to understand what that means?’

  Brutus licked his lips. Given that he wasn’t using his usual refrain to demand food, I suddenly understood. ‘Oh. He gives you fish.’

  ‘Good fish.’ His whiskers quivered. ‘Give fish.’

  I gazed at him in exasperation. ‘Do I look like I’m carrying a string of mackerel with me? Some familiar you are. You’re supposed to aid me in my magic quests, not piss off at the first chance of a deluxe meal.’

  If Brutus could have shrugged, he probably would have. ‘Magic man no magic.’

  Yeah, I probably wasn’t surprised at that. All the same, I wanted to double-check. ‘You’re sure?’ At least if Bellows possessed no real magical abilities, he could be struck off the list of necromancer suspects. That meant there were only about a hundred thousand people left to investigate if I included everyone in the town, all the outlying villages and the cast and crew involved in Enchantment. The way things were going right now, I had to take every success.

  Brutus sniffed, as if he wouldn’t deign to answer. It was fine for him to repeat the same things over and over unnecessarily but when I asked him to do it for me, he took the hump. Contrary cat.

  ‘Bad man.’

  I froze. ‘Trevor Bellows is a bad man?’

  Brutus yawned again. Then he turned his head to the right. There was a rustle in the trees. The zombie. It had to have come back. I swallowed hard and flicked a warning glance at my cat. ‘Get back,’ I warned. ‘This could be bad.’

  There was another rustle and Winter appeared. I exhaled loudly in relief. He stared at me. ‘What’s wrong? You look as white as a sheet.’

  I opened my mouth to answer but Brutus got in there first. ‘Bad man,’ he said.

  For a fleeting moment, Winter looked hurt. ‘Me?’

  Brutus sighed and stood up, walking away with his tail waving violently in the air as if he couldn’t bear to be near either of us.

  ‘I think he meant Bellows,’ I said.

  Winter’s mouth flattened into a grim line. ‘Then he’s right. Trevor Bellows is a very bad man indeed.’ He gave me a look filled with meaning that I couldn’t interpret then reached into his jacket and withdrew a small manila envelope. ‘Here,’ he said.

  The expression on his face and the tone of his voice made me take the proffered envelope with considerable trepidation. Winter put his hands into his pockets and looked away whilst I slid out the contents and examined them. It was a series of glossy photographs, obviously taken in sequence.

  I fl
ipped through them, with the odd sensation that the last lingering vestiges of my childhood were being shattered in one swoop. I didn’t make it through all of them. Seeing the first few, of Belinda Battenapple in compromising positions involving nudity and a range of objects, including ropes, blindfolds and a lurid pink ball gag, I’d seen enough.

  I breathed out. ‘Well.’

  The tips of Winter’s ears were red. He was obviously embarrassed. He coughed awkwardly. ‘I didn’t take it but there was also an envelope stuffed full of cash and a note.’

  ‘What did it say?’

  He sighed. ‘You’ve got what you wanted.’

  I absorbed this. ‘So you think that Trevor Bellows has been blackmailing Belinda?’

  ‘That’s certainly what it looks like.’

  ‘Do you think he took the photos? Or did he come by them through other means?’

  ‘I don’t know. But we do need to speak to Bellows at his earliest convenience.’

  I shook my head, as much in dismay as in a bid to get the images of Belinda out of my mind. ‘It’s horrid,’ I said, ‘and he’s clearly a bastard. But that doesn’t mean he had anything to do with dead bodies rising up from the ground. You should pass this on to the police and let them deal with it. It’s out of our remit.’

  Winter grimaced. ‘It’s a strange world when you’re the one suggesting we do things by the book. Unfortunately I came by these during an illegal search. The police will have their hands tied. Unless Belinda herself makes a complaint, they can’t act.’

  I cast my mind back, thinking of all the times I’d seen Belinda and Bellows together. ‘I’ve not noticed anything that suggests she despises him or that she’s scared of him. Truthfully, most of the time he seems completely beneath her attention. She’s the star and he’s just the hired help.’

  ‘This is assault, Ivy.’

  I bit my lip. ‘Yeah,’ I said quietly. ‘I know.’

  I heaved in a breath and told him about my failed efforts to steal Belinda’s vial from right under her nose – literally – followed by what I thought I’d seen in the woods. At my mention of another zombie-like creature, Winter stiffened. ‘You’re sure?’

  I shrugged helplessly. ‘Given my recent hallucinatory episode, how can I be? I wasn’t alone and nobody else noticed anything. There’s still security all over the place. Even though this area is larger than the main set so they’re spread thinner, you’d think one of them would have seen something if there had been something to see.’ I pushed back my hair. But then Gareth had managed to sidle through without being spotted and without any great difficulty.

  Winter rubbed his chin and dug out his phone. ‘This is Winter,’ he barked, as someone answered. ‘You need to check out the graveyard. Find out whether any other graves have been disturbed. Everyone not at the graveyard needs to get to the current location where Enchantment is filming. There has been another possible sighting. If there is another exanimate body out there, we need to find it.’ There was a pause. ‘I don’t care. This is a priority.’ He hung up.

  ‘You have a less than charming phone manner,’ I said.

  Winter rolled his eyes. ‘Do you want to call them back and ask them about the weather? Find out if they’re comfortable and getting enough sleep?’

  I grinned. ‘No, I’m good. It wasn’t a criticism. More like an observation.’

  ‘Well those witches tasked with investigating the town could do with some criticism,’ he huffed. ‘They seem to spending more time in the pub than doing any work. Apparently the most they’ve uncovered is that a couple of hundred years ago a family with very strong magical powers moved into the area. We already knew that. Until they can uncover something that’s not ancient history, their presence is nothing more than a waste of time.’

  I patted his arm. ‘There, there. To be fair, we’ve not uncovered a whole lot either and we’ve been here for days. We’ve got access to everything on set and we’re still floundering.’

  Winter grimaced. ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Let’s stop floundering and start swimming. Rather than confronting Bellows, let’s go and talk to Belinda. We’ll find out what on earth that thing is around her neck and ask her what Bellows is up to at the same time.’

  ‘You think she’s more likely to be honest if we’re trying to help her as well as accuse her?’

  Winter raised a shoulder in a half-hearted response. ‘If there is another zombie then we don’t have much choice. If it reaches a populated area there will be carnage.’

  ‘Maybe you were right and we should have confronted her earlier.’

  ‘No. The more evidence we have the better. If she denied everything, she’d know we suspected her and we wouldn’t have any reason to detain her. This way we have an another angle.’ He sighed. ‘Even if it doesn’t feel right using it.’

  I knew exactly what he meant. Belinda was a victim of Bellows, no matter how you looked at it. But if the necromancer was performing magic again, we had to act. It had got to the point where we had to rule Belinda Battenapple out or in for good before more people were killed.

  I glanced down at the photos. In every one, she was wearing the vial. She might not have had on a stitch of clothing but she clearly wasn’t about to abandon her death-drawing necklace, even for this.

  We started walking back again. Before we reached the edge of the trees, I turned to Winter. ‘There is one good thing to come out of all this,’ I said.

  He frowned. ‘What’s that?’

  I didn’t smile. ‘Now you’re calling them zombies as well.’

  Winter didn’t argue.

  ***

  In an ideal world, we could have marched straight over to Belinda and pulled her away for questioning. Instead, there was the small matter of the vote. At least both Belinda and I would be in the same space so she couldn’t hide herself away and avoid us. As soon as this last part of filming was over, Winter and I would both ensure that we got her alone and in a quiet spot.

  I eyed her while Armstrong barked out orders involving technical stuff I didn’t have a hope of understanding. She didn’t look like an evil necromancer – but she didn’t look harried or upset like the victim of blackmailing either. This was a woman who spent her entire life in front of the cameras. I might have told Barry that most people weren’t good liars but I reckoned that someone like Belinda had it down pat. And perhaps calling what she did lying was a bit unfair. She presented an image to her adoring public – that was part of her job.

  I joined the other contestants. Lou looked at me questioningly. ‘Where have you been?’

  ‘Just clearing my head,’ I said airily.

  She frowned at me. Yeah, I wasn’t a great liar either.

  Armstrong came up and gave us a critical once-over. He pointed to Rachelle at the back and someone darted over and adjusted her hair. Then he frowned at Mike, who hastily undid two of his shirt buttons to reveal his chest hair. Only when he was completely happy with everyone’s appearance did Armstrong speak.

  ‘This is a vital moment! This is your first chance to say what you really think about your fellow contestants. It’s not the time to be shy or retiring. It’s not the time to bite your tongue. We expect you to let rip with exactly what you think. Have you got that?’ There was an indistinct murmur of agreement. ‘I said,’ he bellowed, ‘have you got that?’

  ‘Yes.’ We dutifully bobbed our heads.

  Armstrong didn’t appear appeased. ‘This is the greatest show on television,’ he said, his dour expression entirely at odds with his words. ‘You are incredibly lucky to be here. Do not waste it! Regret only what you do, not what you don’t do!’

  I was starting to see why he’d been chosen as Enchantment’s new director. For all his cheesy lines and erratic mood swings, he possessed a great deal of charisma. If it weren’t for a certain blue-eyed witch standing not a million miles away from here, I might even have been tempted.

  The murkier the investigation got, the clearer my feelings towards my erstwhile p
artner became. I shot Winter a sidelong glance to where he was standing by Mazza and Moonbeam. He was watching me with a shuttered expression but when I gave him a tiny wave he returned it with a tiny smile. Butterflies flipped in the pit of my belly. Even the prospect of being part of an Enchantment vote couldn’t beat what Raphael Winter did to my emotions.

  We were counted down then directed out. One by one, we trooped into the clearing where a semicircle of cauldrons had been placed. Our names were written on the near side. I took up position behind mine and peered into the contents. It was a gloopy neon sludge, designed to show up on camera. I beamed. This was always my favourite part of the show.

  Belinda strolled down the pathway, lanterns blazing into life as she passed them. Again, it wasn’t magic providing their power but basic technology. I’d always suspected as much; having my suspicions confirmed now I wasn’t viewing everything through a television screen was rather disappointing.

  ‘Welcome,’ Belinda said. ‘This is the very first vote-off for this series and we know it’s going to be an exciting one. All twelve contestants have had the chance to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Some relationships will snap under the strain of tonight’s events while others will grow and blossom into friendships for life. Enchantment isn’t just about the magic that surrounds us. It’s about the magic within us.’

  Under any other circumstances, I’d have vomited in my mouth. Instead, I bounced around on the balls of my feet in delight. Just for the next five minutes, I was prepared to put aside all the worries and fears I had about the undead and the unsavoury. Enchantment was worth it.

  ‘Each of you,’ Belinda said, addressing us, ‘has a cauldron in front of you. For now your cauldrons are safe but if you are voted out, they will be tipped over and the magic inside will cease to exist. Your names will be drawn at random. State clearly who you wish to see voted out and what your reasons are.’