Biker's Librarian (Lord of Mayhem Book 1)

by Shyla Colt

  “Probably late. It’s a girl’s night and we don’t get to have those often. Why?” She toyed with the cushions.

  “I’m stopping by. I’m nowhere near done with you, Juliette. I told you that.”

  “You did.” But I didn’t believe you. Her heartbeat speed. Words meant nothing. Right now Shooter was showing her his interest, and proving himself to be the man she thought him to be yet again. It’s like he’s got a blueprint to my heart.

  “Keep your phone on. I’ll call you before I head over.”

  “Okay.” She kept her tone steady, but inside she wanted to scream. He wants to see me again already.

  “Later, baby.”

  “Bye.”

  Dazed, she disconnected and stood. This is happening. Entering the room, time seemed to distort.

  “You okay?” Joey asked.

  The girls focused on her, and she shook her head, sinking heavily into the spot she’d vacated.

  “I’m wondering if I know what the hell I’m doing. Shooter makes me feel amazing, but do we really have a future? Can our worlds merge together enough for us to happily exist?”

  “I think reality has set in,” Evonne said. The television paused, and they huddled in around Juliette.

  “Did he turn into an ass?” Joey narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

  “No! That’s the problem. I like everything about him! His blunt way of speaking and his, tendency to be possessive and commanding. He awakens pieces of me I never dreamed existed.” She let her head fall back against the couch.

  “So what’s the problem?” Hil shook her head.

  “It can’t last! We’re from two different worlds, and I’m like ninety-nine percent sure he carries on criminal activities. Plus, how can I feel that way after Peter? Am I that fucking altered?” Juliette closed her eyes and rubbed her lids with her thumbs. “I’m all jumbled up. I don’t want to lose myself in this and not be able to see the forest for the trees.”

  “No, this is different. Peter wasn’t upfront, kind, or giving. You can’t compare this with that asshole.” Hil balled her fists. Her words were full of anger. They fired from her mouth like bullets from a gun.

  Juliette opened her eyes and met her friend’s heated gaze.

  “Don’t let him ruin this for you. What happened was never your fault.”

  “I know that, I really do. It just makes it extra hard to let someone in,” Juliette shook her head.

  Hilary reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a quick squeeze. “But you did open up to Shooter. He scaled your walls and made you comfortable enough to enter a deep relationship. I won’t lie and say things between the two of you will be easy, or that it’ll work out in the end. But I will say this is the happiest I’ve seen you on a long time.”

  Hilary’s words warmed her heart. “Yeah?” Juliette titled her head and offered up a shaky smile. Sometimes healing hurt.

  Most definitely,” Hilary said returning the smile.

  “I don’t think the possibility off crashing and burning is what really scares you. It’s the loss of control. As one control freak to another I understand the panic,” Evonne whispered a faraway expression on her face.

  “Two months at Corked, we all agreed our lived lacked joy, fun, and spontaneity. We had a tough time in adolescence and deep down, we never got over it. Add your ordeal with Peter and it’s tripled. I can’t say what I think about Shooter— it’s too early. Is he unlikely for you? Yes, but he can’t be all bad, or you wouldn’t have gotten this far with him. I’d never tell you what to do, but it’s my job as your best friend to keep you from hiding from the truth.”

  Juliette squeezed her eyes shut. Control was her answer to the cruelness the world had handed her over the years. She might not be able to alter their actions, but she could change her own. It was a handy trick, seeming cool, calm, and collected while your inner child had a breakdown. Shooter stripped that power away. It left her bereft and unsure. Faking it to make it wouldn’t be an option with him. He had an uncanny skill of seeing through her facade.

  “Do you feel unsafe?” Hil inclined her head.

  “No. I feel…safer than I’ve ever felt in my life.” Juliette looked down. “Not that I have much to go off with my hit-and-quit-it father. Maybe this is me finally hitting the Daddy issues. Cause you know the horrific mess with Peter wasn’t enough.” Memories of his sick request to join in sexual acts with multiple partners, addictive drugs, and stifling control made her chest ache. He’d gone from a concerned and doting partner to a man who needed to know where she was and who she was with every single moment of the day.

  “Don’t you dare!” Joey snapped, with her piss-and-vinegar attitude she was known for in full effect. “You fought long and hard to move past the void your father’s bad decisions made.” Joey’s hair fell into her as she shook her head back and forth.

  “Why else would I act so out of character?” Juliette glanced up, eyes glossy with unshed tears of frustration.

  “Maybe you’re just learning who you really are.” Hilary placed a hand on her shoulder. “After the breakup, you sort of tucked back into your shell.”

  Juliette opened her mouth to protest, and Hil rushed on.

  “We all understood why, but you never quite got back on track. The joy and mischief I saw that night in the club were the only reasons I let you leave with him. I think he could be good for you. The minute you feel concerned about your health or safety from his extra-curricular activities, you can walk away. But in this town, nothing much happens. All the hype from ‘Sons’ is exaggerated, I’m sure.”

  The words made sense, but as usual “easier said than done” applied.

  “I think she’s digesting. You know I’m always going to give it to you straight, Jul. Shooter is sick hot, apparently has hidden depths and has some sort of addiction to you. I’ve never had a man call me back the same day, and we’re talking preppy frat boys, not hardcore M.C. men. Ride this out. If you don’t, I think you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

  “Well…shit. When you put it like that…” Juliette sniffed, blinking to clear the water swimming on the surface of her eyes. “I think it’s time I stop being a coward before I blink and find myself, old, wrinkled, and full of regrets. I need to move around the shadows of things that happened, or those people will win.” She took a deep breath. “I know what I want, it’s him. Regardless of everything he brings with him. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so alive or wanted. I think part of me has craved feeling essential to a man’s happiness. Not because we’re having sex, or I’m bending over backward to fit some hard-to-attain image. Simply because I am me, and he adores me.”

  “We’re always here for you, Jul, you know that.” Evonne leaned in, and she found herself in the epicenter of a much needed group hug.

  “I know. I just hate the weakness. How long will it take for me to heal?” Disgusted by her hang-ups, she shook her head. The girls had seen her at her lowest, but she hated displaying it.

  “As long as it takes. One day at a time, remember?” Hil whispered.

  “Right.” Juliette took a cleansing breath. She’d come a long way from constant panic attacks.

  ***

  The sound of someone rapping woke her from a light slumber. Juliette rolled onto her side, grabbed her phone, and pressed a button to illuminate the screen. One o’clock. Grunting, she pushed back the sheets and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Half asleep, she stumbled out of the room and down the dimly-lit hallway. Reaching the door, she flipped the switch on the porch light to reveal Shooter. She unlocked the door and offered a sleepy smile.

  “Hey.”

  “Did I wake you?” He handed her a blue flower and she smiled.

  “Mhmm. The girls left around eleven. Did you borrow this from a neighbor’s yard?”

  “Nope, I found it on your door st
ep. I think you got a neighborhood kid with a crush.” He chuckled, took the bloom and twirled the spiky blue flower with a bright yellow center around one finger. Thoughts of the blue flowers a couple weeks prior made her uneasy. Forgot me Nots. She’d looked them up. Was this the same person? She ran through the kids near her in her head.

  “I hope not, my youngest neighborhood kid is probably about sixteen.”

  “Old enough to get told to back off then.”

  She giggled. “You sir, are ridiculous.”

  “What? I thought women wanted a man who’ll fight for them.”

  He followed her inside, locked the door behind him, walked to the kitchen and pitched the flower into the trash. The action pleased her more than it should have. He took the alpha male thing seriously. And I love every minute of it. He returned and pulled her to his body, cupping her ass.

  “I like the thought of you at home, warm and cozy, waiting for me.” He tasted like alcohol and him, a masculine blend that went straight to her head like champagne. “Last night I didn’t get to see you the way I want to. Tonight I want to examine every inch of you.” Pushing her back against the wall, he licked his lips. “You wear that shirt better than I ever did. I think you should keep it.” He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s on your head?”

  “A sleep cap. It protects my hair from breakage when I sleep.”

  “That’s new,” Shooter said. He studied her with a curious expressions he found adorable.

  “If you’ve never seen one of these, I’m guessing you’ve never dated a black woman.”

  “I haven’t dated any woman for a long time, baby.” Shadows moved forward in his eyes, and he looked away. She wanted to ask him why, but one in the morning on the night after they’d first met didn’t seem like the right time.

  “Until me?”

  “Yes, until you.” His gruff response made her smile.

  He made her feel wanted. It was an addicting emotion. Why? They’d yet to go into details about their pasts, but she couldn’t demand from him what she hadn’t revealed. Reaching up, he found the bow that held the silk scarf and began to unwrap the length of black material.

  The gentle touch surprised her. No, not gentle— precise. It made her wonder what he’d done before he became a Lord. He tucked the scarf in his pocket and scooped her into his arms bridal-style. She felt downright petite. Cherishing the rare moment, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

  “Before the Lords, what did you do?” She peered up at him, watching his face harden.

  “That’s random.”

  “I know. You should be used to that from me by now.” She shrugged. “You give me free reign to ask whatever I want, I’m going to use it.”

  He laughed. “Good Point. I was in the Marine Corps for eight years.”

  “Aaah. I’m guessing you worked with guns.”

  “Yeah, I was a specialist.”

  She sensed there was more to his story.

  Shooter inclined his head. “Bed?”

  “First door on the right down the hallway.”

  His broad shoulders seemed to fill her doorway as they crossed the threshold. He stepped inside her private sanctuary. The dainty robin’s egg blue and lacy curtains made him seem out of place.

  “Lots of books. It suits you.”

  A mid-sized bookshelf sat on the far side. Books were sporadically placed around the room.

  “I like that you’re smart. Stupidity is dangerous.”

  He set her on the edge of the bed and removed her shirt. She tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled his mouth to hers. After licking his lips, she pushed inside his mouth with her tongue, teasing, thrusting, and parrying. Wet and achy, she clenched her thighs together in an attempt to find relief. Shrugging off his cut, he tossed it over a chair beside her dresser and yanked his shirt over his head. He quickly unlaced his boots and toed them off. The rest of his clothes joined the others.

  “Lay back, baby.”

  Stretching out, her body trembled.

  Kneeling at the foot of her bed, he encircled her ankle and smiled down at the heart tattoo.

  “Is this your only ink?”

  “Yeah, the girls and I got it senior year. Our big act of rebellion.” She laughed. The sound changed in the blink of an eye when he darted out his tongue to trace the shape. The man could make anything erotic. Her stomach quivered as he worked his way up with nips and licks. Her body sank into the bed as pleasure clouded her mind. Each sweep of his tongue carried the concerns that had once seemed important farther away.

  After massaging her inner thighs, he continued upward to her hips and her belly, where he froze. Anxiety rushed in and she tensed. The last time they had sex in his bedroom the lights were off. In her bedroom with the lights blazing he could see every extra pound.

  “Juliette?” The query in his tone hit like cold water on a hundred-degree day. She yanked away, and he pinned her down.

  “What happened? Did I do something you didn’t like?” The genuine concern in his gaze made her feel lower than dirty.

  “I got nervous that you might not like what you see.” Her voice shook and tears flooded her eyes. She’d never wanted anyone to see her so vulnerable again, let alone this beautiful man.

  He caressed the hair back from her face. “You’re beautiful, Juliette. Don’t doubt that. I want to kill the person who made you feel this way with my bare hands.”

  “Ok,” she whispered.

  “Tell me, who did this?” His teeth ground together.

  “No one important.”

  “Let me decide that.” His eyes burned with the light of indignation, turning so dark they looked black.

  “Peter.”

  “Peter who?”

  “Peter Stant.”

  His jaw ticked. “What happened?”

  “I made a poor choice for a boyfriend. I missed all the red warning flags, and I stayed too long…earning me a few souvenirs.” Her voice sounded cool and detached. But it was all she could do not to crawl out of her skin.

  “You never have to worry about that with me, okay? I promise you that. If I ever see this guy he will pay for this. Did you ever tell anyone?”

  “Just the girls and my doctor.”

  He moved away, and she sat up, pulling her knees to her chest as she shivered from a chill that emanated from inside her.

  “I was too embarrassed to tell anyone else. I should have known better. Things like that didn’t happen to girls like me…but it did…it did.” The long-healed wounds ached, mocking her stupidity and silence. Her stomach churned. Holding up her failings to the light and showing it to another person wasn’t her idea of fun. It brought her back to the original humiliation that came with her first admission that she’d been abused. “I-I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Okay,” he whispered. He stroked her face with his knuckles.

  She looked into his eyes, stunned. Is this man for real? He offered comfort without condemnation and a million questions.

  “We all have secrets. I’m not going to force you to air yours until you’re ready. If you ever are.” A kindred spirit, she sensed a tragedy touching his life. It had shaped and forged him in the same way. His respect of her wishes, and the careful way he handled her, pulled her deeper into his web.

  “Are there more?” His feather-light caresses on her arm loosened the knot in her belly.

  She nodded, unable to speak around her swollen throat. As far as she was concerned this man was everything. The scars on her heart faded a bit more as she fell harder. This was not a man who’d force her into an unwanted sexual situation. There would be no endless parade of woman she was expected to watch him fuck and later be compared to.

  “Just like I showed you how good sex can be. I’ll show you what a real man is. I promise you that. A man who demeans on a woman is a coward.�
�� An ugly sneer twisted his lips. The disgust showed his outrage on her behalf, speaking volumes. “You’re mine now, Juliette. I take care of what’s important to me. If you ever feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, you call me, and I will take care of the issue.”

  There had never been a male there to protect her. Even before Peter. Now this strong, capable man was practically pledging himself to her. He removed her hands from her knees and she slid back watching him as he kissed he belly gently, playfully nipping and laving her skin with his tongue as if he could baptize her in his essence and exorcize the demons of her past. His gentle care made her tear up.

  Shooter lifted his dark head. “You are always safe with me, baby. I may yell, and we might have some knockdown-drag outs, because I’m a hard-headed bastard. But I’ll never put my hand on you.” He cocked his head. “Do you believe me?”

  “Yes.” Her heart bled as she gave a large chunk of trust to a man. A gift she hadn’t been sure she’d ever be able to present again. She cherished the softer side he trusted her enough to show. This wasn’t the Shooter everyone else saw. Out in the world he was guarded and gruff, an impenetrable mass of a man who intimidated others. Alone he peeled back layers and made her feel like the only woman in the world who mattered.

  His body covered hers. She welcomed the warm weight of his body pressing her into the bed. He captured her breast with his mouth. Streaks of pleasure ran down her body, shifting the mood from sadness to rebirth. He ground into her, teasing her slick entrance with his cock as he stroked between her lips over and over, stimulating her clit.

  Their bodies moved together in a silent dance, and she greedily drank in all he had to offer. A few more thrusts and she came undone beneath him. Flashes of white detonated behind her eyes. Her body convulsed as she transcended pleasure. This dangerous man had put a measure of healing on her no amount of medicine or psychiatrists had been able to accomplish.

  Grunting, he moved his head up and buried his face in her neck. “I want to be inside you so bad it hurts, baby. Are you on birth control?”

  “No.” Her voice shook.