Sweet and Wild

by Hebert, Cerian

  “I’d be in the way. I’m going down to Jacob’s office and try to get through to Emerald.”

  After checking on her ranch with Scott, who’d taken up residence in the old bunkhouse the day before, Quinn decided to remain in the office until someone could get her home, even if it meant taking Piper out onto thet soggy prairie. Sitting still made her mind go in directions she wasn’t too happy to go.

  Despite knowing the anger and hurt with which the words were said, Marisol, and Robby too, for that matter, had been able to draw upon one of Quinn’s biggest insecurities when it came to Craig.

  Elise.

  Elise, the tall, willowy blonde, who was both elegant and intelligent. Who lit up any room she walked into and always made Quinn feel like an uncouth little kid who was too much of a tomboy for anyone to notice. Anyone, in this case, being Craig.

  Elise, who not only grabbed the man of Quinn’s dreams, but also took that man out into the big world and became a huge success. She was one of Falstad’s favorite daughters. Famous television journalist who traveled around the world not once but probably a dozen times, always looking cool and gorgeous in front of the camera.

  Add to it, she’d had a successful marriage and a beautiful daughter. Elise had juggled all aspects of her life with perfect precision.

  No wonder why Quinn felt, and with staunch agreement from Marisol, that she’d never add up. Did she want to live in that kind of shadow all her life?

  “Stop,” she grumbled to herself and stood to glare out the window, which overlooked the rain soaked prairie.

  Playing second fiddle didn’t fit into her plans, and right now there wasn’t much hope of Marisol coming around. Maybe eventually, but in the meantime it wasn’t fair to any of them. She loved them, yes, both of them. Marisol had become maybe not a daughter figure yet, but definitely someone she had taken under her wing. She felt more than fondness and Quinn didn’t want to settle for anything less than what they had before today.

  And Craig. How could they continue on with what they had under these clouds, heavier than those that smothered the landscape? Maybe their relationship happened too soon for him, for them.

  Some invisible hand reached in and twisted her heart. God this hurt. It hurt so much she remembered why she hadn’t wanted to fall in love with anyone. It never would end in some dreamy, unrealistic future. No, for her love would be heartache.

  A gentle knock interrupted her dark thoughts. She didn’t reply but didn’t have to. The door opened and Jacob walked in. He looked tired, but there was a small smile on his face. Always the optimist. Why she hadn’t inherited some of that, she didn’t know. Doom and gloom dominated her personality.

  “How’s Marisol?”

  “Craig took her to the hospital. Don’t think anything is broken, but they’re going to need to be sure.”

  “They make up?”

  Jacob shook his head and joined her at the window. “She wouldn’t say a word to him. Just to Thea. She went along with them. In case they needed an interpreter.”

  Quinn sighed. “What a mess I’ve made. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Jacob. I never meant…”

  “I know. Quinn, I know. You’re not that kind of woman. Even though you hate to admit it, you have a soft spot in you under that tough cowgirl exterior.” He bumped into her arm lightly.

  “Don’t tell anyone. Promise.”

  “My secret. Though I think a few others know.”

  “Listen Jacob, I know everything came as a bit of a shock to you, what Robby said. I do love him. Craig, I mean. Did you two talk?”

  “No. Thought it best to let him tend to Marisol without having to deal with my issues.”

  That gave her pause. She took a deep breath and frowned. “Do you really think that way? That our feelings for each other are ‘issues’?”

  Jacob wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze. “For me, yes, they are issues. Maybe I have a hard time believing you’re a grown woman, but I’ve become very used to being a protective big brother. My instincts are what they are, Quinn. Can’t fight human nature. I know you’re an intelligent woman and I trust you’re going to do what’s right for you. For everyone. In fact, I think you put everyone else in front of your own needs sometimes.”

  Yeah, which is why I’m in this mess right now. Because I was thinking of everyone else when I fell in love with Craig and decided to sleep with him.

  The damned pessimist raised its whiney voice again. How she hated that cynicism sometimes, and it disheartened her to find how comfortably it fit.

  “I need to get home. My horses need me. The rain has lightened up and looks like the clouds are out of my way.”

  “I can drive you.”

  “Nah. I could use the ride. Clear my head.”

  Jacob kissed the top of her head. “Okay, be careful out there.”

  “Careful is my middle name,” she muttered.

  Except when it came to Craig.

  ***

  Scott was finishing up with the feeding when Quinn rode in, soggy and covered with mud from the long ride from Long Knife Creek. She wasn’t in any better frame of mind despite, the fresh air that had followed the colossal storm. Quite the contrary. The ride took longer than she would’ve cared for, due to the sloshy footing, and her mind continued to dwell on her predicament and the directions it could take. None of those roads led to a happy ending. She refused to allow Craig to compromise his relationship with Marisol or force her into a situation in which she’d be miserable. That would be grossly unfair to the child who’d already had her life turned upside down several times in the last few years.

  So then what? Pretend she could work here, be neighbors with the man she doubted she’d ever stop loving; hoping that one day Marisol would approve of their relationship? Sneak around behind the girl’s back and carry on their affair? No way—she wanted more. She wanted it all. Or nothing. Anything in between would break more hearts.

  “Sorry I took so long,” she told Scott when she brought Piper into the barn.

  “No problem. Did they find her?”

  “I found her. She took a fall, but her dad has her on the way to the hospital now, to check her out. I don’t think it’s serious. Hope not anyway.” Because that would be one more thing to add to the plate of guilt she’d been serving herself.

  “Hope you beat the storm, though by the looks…”

  Quinn chuckled. “No, we didn’t beat it back. What’s a little rain, right? Thanks for taking care of the place for me. You’re doing a super job.” He proved a good addition to Emerald. No, priceless, she amended, and wondered if she could manage getting him on full time. With the stock she planned on adding soon, she’d need him.

  “I’ll finish up if you want to knock off. Looks like all the excitement is done for the day. I hope.”

  Scott took his leave and Quinn found she had little more to do than putter around the barn, checking on her moms-to-be, sweeping the aisle that didn’t need sweeping, cleaning tack. Night crawled in and settled over Emerald and she still didn’t want to go to the house.

  It was because of Craig. If she went up there, everything would remind her of Craig. It was his house after all, and she’d never forget that. She couldn’t put it off any longer unless she wanted to sleep in the barn. Besides, her stomach told her it needed sustenance. Food was in the house, so she’d have to suck it up and go inside.

  She made it halfway across the yard when twin beams of light cut through the night. Inwardly she groaned when she recognized Craig’s SUV.

  “Hey there,” she said when he came around the vehicle. God he looked good, even with worry and exhaustion clear on his face. His shoulders had a slight stoop to them and he didn’t smile.

  “Hi.”

  “How’s Marisol?” Keep the conversation focused on her.

  “Resting. At home. My mom is with her. I told her I was going out to get a pizza and some ice cream.” A slight smile pulled at his lips, enough to produce h
alf a dimple.

  Enough to send Quinn’s heart rocketing against her will. It simmered down quickly when she realized he had to sneak over while on his way to somewhere else.

  “She okay? Nothing broken?”

  “Bruised ribs, sprained wrist. Knot on her head. Nothing that won’t heal, but enough to make her uncomfortable. She must’ve taken some fall, but she won’t tell me.”

  “She was riding hell for leather, I guess to Long Knife Creek. I can’t think of where else she would’ve been going. I was coming down the fence line, and when she saw me, Sunny either spooked or she tried to turn her real fast to get away from me. She fell off but she wouldn’t let me touch her. That’s when you found us.”

  Craig shook his head. “What a mess.”

  What an understatement.

  “I’m glad she’s okay. Thanks for letting me know.” Quinn turned away, hoping that would end the conversation, but a hand gripped her arm and turned her around.

  “Where are you going? We need to talk.”

  He stood so close she could smell the subtle scent of soap and shampoo. He’d showered and she wanted to inhale him, but instead she gently pulled out of his hold.

  “Talk about what? I think everything was said that needed to be said.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” He actually looked astonished.

  “No, I’m not kidding. You were listening to your daughter, right? Where do we go from here? She hates me, Craig, she hates the very idea you could have any feelings for me.”

  “She was angry and she said things she didn’t mean.”

  Quinn gazed at him sadly. “She meant them. Maybe she’ll change her mind eventually, but for now, look at everything she’s gone through over the past few years. She lost her mother, moved to a completely alien environment. I mean it’s not like you moved from Washington to another big city, you moved her to Falstad, a place that could probably take up one city block. That’s a lot to swallow. Then you throw me in the mix. Too much too soon.”

  She didn’t mean to cry, but when that first hot tear escaped and glided down her cheek, she was doomed.

  “Quinn.” Craig moved toward her, but she held up a hand to stop him.

  “You have to think about Marisol first. She’s got a whole lot of healing to do, not just a few bruised ribs. I mean everything.”

  “We can get her used to the idea of us. Gradually, like we planned.”

  Quinn didn’t even bother to hide the flood now. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. He took a step toward her, comforting hand out. Again, she withdrew. Touching him would do no good. Damn, why did he have to make this so difficult?

  “It’s too late for that. Don’t you get it? Maybe it would’ve worked if Robby hadn’t opened his mouth and let the whole world know, but now, well, we can’t go back. What’s done is done and we have to deal with the aftermath. I can’t forget what was said.”

  She meant the words, both Robby’s and Marisol’s, pointing out her inadequacies when compared with Elise. Craig’s eyes narrowed.

  “Neither of them meant it. You know that. You are every bit as good… Don’t go comparing yourself to Elise. She was a different woman, but Quinn, you have nothing to feel insignificant about. There is nothing lacking in you.”

  “Easier said than thought. I grew up feeling that way, but that was my own problem. Back then I was the only one comparing myself to her, and I was only a dumb kid. I got over it. It’s different when someone else points out those insufficiencies.”

  “Quinn, stop,” he ordered tightly. Even in the night, his face looked darker and she could see the anger building in him. His shoulders were rigid, and his jaw hard. Who was he mad at? Maybe it was the whole situation. Two days ago, they were in love and looking forward to officially beginning their public romance, but now that lay in tatters and there was no putting it back together again. “There are no insufficiencies. Maybe you’ll figure that out someday.”

  “Yeah, I thought I had. Go home, Craig. Please. Marisol needs you. She has so much potential, I’d hate to see that ruined, but if she’s going to want to live here, to ride again, become a part of this life, you need to concentrate on her, without anything distracting you.”

  “Like you.” His voice was dead now. He shoved his hands into his pockets and glared.

  “Like me. Us. Just better that way.”

  “I don’t agree.”

  “I’m not giving you a choice.” She said it with finality. No more going round and round in circles. They could do that until they were dizzy, it wouldn’t change things.

  Before she could do anything about it, Craig strode forward and wrapped his arms around her. His mouth descended on hers with a fire bordering on harshness. She couldn’t do anything but slide her hands up his rough jaw and into his hair. She wanted to keep going, let his lips and hands chase away all the doubt and her newfound decision to end things, but her senses remained in charge after the brief interlude into desire and she gently pushed him away. It was painful to do it, and she avoided looking into his eyes.

  “Please,” she muttered, “go.”

  “This isn’t over.”

  “Don’t make it harder than it already is.”

  His hand touched her cheek, gently pushing aside the flow of tears that had renewed. “I love you, Quinn. That’s not going to change. This isn’t over.”

  “I love you too. Just go.”

  Before he could say any more, she pulled away from him and rushed toward the house, needing the safety of four walls, and a locked door between them, otherwise her waning resolve might give in totally and then she’d be in a worse mess than she was already in.

  His house. Everything in the place, even if he hadn’t lived there for fifteen years, screamed Craig at her. The memories of sitting in the kitchen, even when she dated Robby, and thinking of Craig, knowing which room was his when he was younger, remembering how he decorated. Every detail seemed fresher, bolder in her mind.

  How in hell’s name could she live like this? When she went to her own room, the pain struck a billion times harder because those memories were new and blindingly clear. How could she sleep in that bed every night and not remember the way he touched her, kissed her, made love to her? The entire room was soaked in the memories.

  She needed to get out. Just for a while. A vacation to clear her head would have been great, but that never would be enough. Of course it was the worst time, with a mare about to foal and with Fire who needed serious work, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to do anything with all this sitting heavily on her shoulders, until she could move past this, or at least get to the point where it was just a dull, but manageable ache.

  The old homestead. The house surrounded by cottonwoods that had been the center of her dreams forever.

  Was this her answer? It wouldn’t exactly be running away—which was her first instinct. But she couldn’t stay on here. Not with everything that happened. Not with Marisol hating her so much. There’d be no healing between Craig and his daughter while she was in the picture. She couldn’t—wouldn’t leave town. But if Craig found someone else to run Emerald then she could walk away and bury herself in her own ranch. Heal from her own wounds.

  Telling Craig was going to be the worst part. She dreaded talking to him again, especially about this. He’d fight her, tell her that she didn’t have to quit because of this.

  She did, though. Quinn reached for the phone. She had no other option.

  Chapter 18

  “Are you crazy?”

  Quinn furrowed her brows and glared at her brother. “Says the man who took a chance and built this hugely expensive lodge on a hope it would make him money.”

  “This is different. I had financial backing. Investors who helped me build this place. You’re nuts if you think you can put the old homestead to rights on your own.”

  “It’s what I’ve always wanted. For years. God, Jacob, I need to do it. Hard work is the only way I’m going to flush all this emotional
crap out of my system.”

  “Come on, Quinn, is that the best way to deal with a broken heart? Couldn’t you go to Jamaica or something? And then get back to work? If you can’t bear to work for Craig, then come back here. We’ll figure something out.”

  Quinn growled. “I don’t want to go to Jamaica. I won’t walk out on my job, at least not until Craig finds a replacement. But I can’t come back here. I want the homestead. More than anything. It’s the only place that was ever felt like my own home.”

  “Do you know how much work you’re looking at? That barn is probably useless. God knows what shape the house is in.”

  “I know what I’m facing. A whole lot of headaches. I’ll probably be in debt for the rest of my life, but I don’t care.”

  “So, where do I fit in this picture?”

  Now they were getting somewhere. Quinn released the tension from her muscles and studied Jacob’s face. The flicker of interest was evident. He liked a challenge just as much as she did. “I want to sell you my portion of the property, well, most of it. Three hundred acres. I’ll keep two hundred for myself. The rest to you.”

  Jacob raised his brows and let out a long whistle. “You think I have enough money to buy that much land? You overestimate my bank account.”

  “You’re family. I’ll give you a hell of a deal. All I want is enough to put a new barn up and whatever needs to be done on the house. That’s all I need.”

  “You’re crazy,” Jacob repeated then leaned back in his seat. “But if I’ve learned anything over the past twenty some odd years, it’s that when you get your teeth into something you’re not going to give it up ‘til the end.”

  “Nice visual. You make me feel like a Pit Bull.” Quinn grinned.

  “Well?” Jacob raised his dark brows. “I’m not buying your land, Quinn. That’s yours. To pass down to your kids someday.”

  “If I have kids. Jacob, I appreciate your sentiments, but I need enough money to get the homestead up. I don’t have enough in my bank account, and I don’t want to go to a bank and use that land as collateral. I’m not going to risk it going out of the family.