Surviving Faith (The JackholeS, #2)

by Joy Eileen

  “I missed you too,” I replied truthfully.

  “I think we should stay friends, Slick,” he burst out unexpectedly.

  It took a moment for my brain to register his meaning. When it did, I stumbled, catching myself before I went down. He stopped jogging, and we stood in the middle of the street looking at each other.

  “What?”

  “I think we should just be friends, Slick. I can’t do what we were doing before.”

  I shook my head at him. “I can’t,” I replied.

  His face paled, and he reached out to grab my shoulders, like he was afraid I might run away.

  “It hurt me to see you with all of those ska... girls. I know you weren't doing anything with them, but seeing them hang all over you was too much. I can’t be friends with you if that's the lifestyle you want to lead. I'm not telling you to change who you are, just that I can’t be around to watch it.”

  He closed his eyes, and his hand twitched on my arm-one of his tells-meaning he wanted to run his fingers through his hair, but he didn’t want to let me go.

  “The day of our fight, I went and talked to Catcher. I told him not to let me do anything stupid. To let me flirt, but not to take it any farther. I didn't want to go back to my old ways. You hurt me, and I wanted to get back at you, but I didn't want to ruin us. I never gave up on us. I was hoping you just needed a push to see what you were losing.” He finally let me go so he could run his fingers through his hair and rub the back of his neck. I stood there, waiting for him to continue as my heart leapt into my throat, restricting any words from passing.

  “You want to know the funny thing? He never had to stop me. At no point was I tempted.”

  I wanted to do a happy dance in the middle of the street. I should be upset that he’d tried to push me back to him in an underhanded way, but all I could think about was the fact he had never been tempted.

  “I just need you to understand I'm not playing games with you, but until you decide to be upfront about our relationship, I won’t be anything to you except a friend. I won't hide from everyone. You need to believe in us and tell anyone who says you’re making a mistake to fuck off. I won't be your dirty little secret.”

  My internal happy dance stopped. My heart dropped down to my feet, and since it was no longer blocking my throat, I could finally speak. “What do you want me to do?” I asked. My voice was low. I hated how weak I sounded, but there was nothing I could do about it.

  “I don’t know, Slick. Show me you can handle it," he said shaking his head.

  I nodded, my mind whirling a million miles a minute. I wondered if I should try and get him to let me into his heart and become something more, or if I should stay in the friend zone where it would be safer for my heart when he left.

  “All right, friend. Let’s get home before D has our heads.” My fake smile burned in its spot on my face.

  I turned to start toward the house, but Kill held me in place, looking into my face. I waited for him to say something, but he just stared at me with disappointment in his eyes. I opened mine wide, trying to shake him out of whatever trance he’d fallen into. It must have worked, because he gave me his famous half smile and smacked me on the ass before he took off running.

  When I climbed out of the shower and walked into my room, I found Jessie and Amy lounging on my bed.

  “What’s up?” I asked, letting my towel fall to the ground so I could get dressed as Amy and Jessie answered excitedly.

  “We wanted to know how your first day of school went,” Jessie said.

  Amy added, “We also wanted to see if you wanted to celebrate making it through your first day back?”

  I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and my favorite Halestorm tank.

  “I have to practice with the boys and make dinner, but I would love to go out and celebrate. What did you have in mind?” I asked taking the towel to dry my hair.

  Amy began to jump on my bed, and I reminded myself to check it for Skittles before climbing in later.

  “You don’t have to cook tonight. The boys are taking us out. Their friends’ band is playing, and they wanted to go check them out. Hurry up and get your ass downstairs to practice so we can get out of here,” Amy ordered, pointing toward the door with her half-empty bag of candy.

  “I'm doing your hair and makeup tonight. So, just brush it out and let it air-dry while you're downstairs,” Jessie said when Amy stopped to take a breath.

  I nodded as I went to grab my brush, but leaving both doors open so we could talk.

  “Where's the band playing?” I asked working on a particularly painful tangle.

  “La Torta. It’s a Mexican restaurant with an outdoor stage.” Jessie answered as she lounged across my bed.

  “I’ve heard good things about their chimichangas,” I responded back.

  “That’s what she said,” Jet responded, coming upstairs. “I was sent up here to check on your progress, Faith,” Jet said, walking into my bedroom and jumping on Amy, grabbing the rest of her candy.

  “Hey, that was the last of it,” she whined.

  “Sorry, Candy.” He leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

  Amy took advantage and pulled him down on top of her.

  “Hey, not on my bed,” I yelled, pulling Jet off a smiling Amy.

  “This bed needs some love, Faith. Later, Candy. Love you,” he said, winking at her as we left for practice.

  "Love you more," Amy screamed as he walked down the stairs.

  With the tension dissolved between Kill and I, we were able to focus on the songs and received D’s approval quickly, making practice less stressful. Once dismissed, I ran upstairs to give my body over to Jessie so she could work her magic.

  Jessie allowed me to stay in what I was wearing, since we weren’t going anywhere fancy. Amy told me I had the rocker-chic look down. When I’d been brushed and made-up to Jessie’s standards, we went downstairs where the boys were laughing at some TV show.

  Van whistled at us before he wrapped his arms around Jessie’s waist and kissed her soundly. “We can stay home if you want,” he growled into her ear, loud enough for all of us to hear.

  “Nope, she needs to see her handiwork in action tonight. I didn’t let her torture me with curling irons and lip gloss just so she could stay home and have fun. So, come on, Casanova.” I yanked Van away from Jessie.

  The boys laughed at Van’s expression as he pouted all the way to the Highlander. We had to push Jet and Amy out the door, while they assaulted each other with their tongues.

  The Houndmounds, the band we went to listen to, were pretty good. They weren’t up to the same caliber as the JackholeS, though. The front man, Dirk, entertained the crowd and was able to keep the energy up by running around the stage. Kill gave me some insight into the band while they sang a grungy cover of some 80's pop song. He explained the band met in high school and had been trying to break into the music business ever since.

  The portions at La Torta were huge, and I ended up giving half of my chimichanga to Kill, which he happily devoured. Poor Amy ordered queso, but the chef must have been on a jalapeno kick. It was so hot, none of us could tolerate a single bite. In the end, Amy just snatched one of Jessie's tacos off of her plate.

  When the band finished their set, they came over to our table to say hi to the boys. Kill introduced us to them. The drummer, Fang, took interest in me almost immediately. His dark eyes lit up when they landed on my cleavage. He was long and lanky, the direct opposite of Van. I wondered how his skinny arms were able to keep up with the beat.

  When they were offstage, Fang seemed to adopt his cousin, Dirk’s, charisma. Fang became boisterous while Dirk settled down and waved the waitress over to order a beer. I'd admit Fang wasn’t bad looking; he just wasn’t Kill. In fact, the rest of the band wasn’t bad looking, but Kill had ruined me for anyone else.

  I watched Kill’s jaw tick when Fang finagled his way next to me at the table. At one point, I worried his teeth would break wh
en Fang asked me what type of music I liked.

  "I like all music, but I love rock," I answered, removing my eyes from Kill as he destroyed his molars.

  "Wait; are you the chick who sings with them?" Fang asked.

  "She is," Amy answered for me, bouncing up and down.

  Fangs eyes grew wide as he conducted a slower perusal of my body.

  “Fang, get off her,” D said from the other side of the table.

  “Sorry D,” Fang said, sitting up but not moving completely away. “I didn’t realize she had a keeper.”

  Fang’s eyes traveled back to me, and then back to D, challenging him. From the corner of my eye, I could see the tick in Kill’s jaw flickering from the amount of strain it was under.

  D’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t back down. “I was just protecting her from your STD-infected ass; that’s all.”

  The whole table snickered—except for Kill.

  “I think you're worse than Kill when it comes to your conquests.” D smiled at Kill with a gleam in his eyes. When Kill had started his pretend manwhore routine, D was convinced he knew it was going to happen before it began. Besides me, Catcher, and Gemma, nobody knew the real truth about where Kill had spent his nights.

  “Why are you being such an asshole? Did she not give you the time of day?” Fang asked, putting his arm on the back of my chair like he was staking his claim.

  “She just got out of a bad relationship. I'm not the dick who hit her,” he said, putting emphasis on his last statement. “I think Kill was right, Faith. You do attract scum. You should stay single.”

  D's angry words settled low in my belly. I looked at him, dumbfounded that he had no problem sharing my drama with the rest of the world. I scooted back, knocking Fang’s arm off my shoulder.

  Jessie and Amy did the same. They glared at D, waiting for their lasers to warm up in their eyes so they could disintegrate him where he sat. Kill touched my hand, and I glanced down at him, wanting to get away before I said something hurtful to D.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I said, shaking off Kill’s hand and walking away. Jessie and Amy were right behind me.

  I heard Van tell D he was being an asshole, but I was too far away to hear what Jet and Kill were saying to him. I assumed it was something along the same lines.

  When I reached the bathroom, I walked into a stall, locking it behind, me not ready to face my friends. Great, now I was the girl who ran to the bathroom. Ugh.

  “He's just being an asshole, because he doesn’t know how to talk to you,” Jessie said from right outside the stall.

  “He's trying to protect you in some weird way. Men are stupid, Faith,” Amy said, making me laugh and roll my eyes.

  I unlocked the door, and they both peeked in to check my hysterics level.

  “It wasn’t even D. It was the reminder of Jason. I hate him always hanging over my head, making me feel pathetic.” I washed my hands, refusing to look at myself in the mirror.

  Jessie came up behind me, and spoke quietly into my ear. “You aren’t pathetic. You got away. I'm so proud to call you my friend. You did something my sister Toni couldn’t.”

  I leaned my back into her, and she wrapped her arms around me. Silently wishing that Toni would find a way out of the relationship she was trapped in. Jessie needed to know the bad guys could be vanquished.

  “I want a hug,” Amy said before putting her tiny arms around us.

  The three of us were laughing when two drunken women stumbled in. “Oops, didn’t know this was one of those types of restaurants.”

  They giggled, and Amy sauntered over to them. Jessie and I turned and waited for the show.

  “Yep, it is one of those kinds of restaurants. I ate her taco earlier, so which one of you is next?”

  The two girls’ eyes went wide, and I snorted at their reaction.

  "No takers? Darn, I guess I'll see you later ladies. I'll take my two sexy asses for tonight. Come on, bitches.”

  Jessie and I followed Amy out, both of us trying to suppress our laughter until we were far enough away.

  "Oh my god. We can't take you anywhere," Jessie said before we reached the table.

  "Please, those judgmental idiots deserved so much worse," Amy said, giggling.

  "Yeah, I guess you're right," Jessie told her, laughing.

  Unfortunately, the Houndmounds were still at the table when we returned. Most of them had girls sitting on their laps. Kill's lap, thankfully, was skank free. When D noticed us, he stood up and walked over to me with a horrified expression.

  “I’m sorry, Faith. I just want you to stay safe.”

  I put up my hand, cutting him off, not wanting to hear any apologies. “Don’t worry about it, D. Let’s just forget it,” I said with a big smile.

  He didn’t look convinced, so I leaned over and gave him a hug. My eyes went wide from the ferocity of his embrace. I patted his back, letting him know I was ready to be released, but he didn’t get the hint and kept clinging.

  “Alright D,” I wheezed, stepping away from him.

  His arms fell to his side, his eyes registering pain. I gave him an apologetic smile and reclaimed my seat next to Kill while D watched me walk away.

  “You ready to go?” Kill asked, bowing his head to whisper in my ear.

  I nodded. I had school the next day and was ready to end the night.

  “I need to get Slick home. She has school tomorrow, and she's had a long day,” Kill said, getting up and pulling my chair out for me.

  “Who's Slick?” Fang asked in confusion as a girl in a tiny white dress licked his neck.

  “Me,” I answered.

  “Wait, I thought D was trying to get in your pants?” Fang said.

  Kill froze next to me, and I put my hand on his arm, trying to calm him.

  “Nobody's trying to get in my pants,” I stated, attempting to defuse the situation.

  “I am,” Fang replied pissing the girl on his lap off. She started to get up, but he stopped her by sticking his tongue down her throat.

  “Yeah, we need to get going too,” Van said, helping Jessie out of her chair. Since everyone from our group came in the same car, we all said our goodnights and left the Houndmounds to enjoy their groupies.

  On the drive home, I fell asleep against Kill’s shoulder. I woke up to find him lifting me out of the Highlander.

  “I’m awake. I can walk,” I said, my voice gravelly from sleep.

  “I gotcha, Slick; just relax.”

  I didn’t argue, soaking in the comfort his embrace provided. He dropped me down on the bed and whispered he would come back soon.

  Later that night, he slipped into my bed and drew me close to him. “Hey, are you awake?”

  “Uh huh,” I answered, too tired to talk.

  He laughed at my response. After some work, I got my tongue to move. My voice sounded thick, but I needed to get the words out.

  “Thanks for not letting any skanks sit on you tonight.”

  He sucked in a large breath, and when he replied, his voice was serious. “No more women for me, Slick. There hasn't been anyone else since I first saw you. Also, I wouldn’t hate it if you stayed away from any males that become enamored with you.”

  I tried to breathe evenly when he admitted his jealousy quietly into my hair. My heart beat wildly while my brain screamed at me to stop getting drawn in any further. I wasn't sure if what my vagina was requesting was physically possible, so I just shushed her. I was in too deep already.

  “Alright, Killer.”

  “Thanks, Slick.”

  Chapter 10

  Trent was waiting for me by my car. "How was class?" he asked as we made our way toward the on campus coffee shop.

  "It was okay. I'm ready to start the classwork. I hate going over the syllabus."

  "I admire your ambition. My dad said my mom was the same way when they met here."

  Unease settled into my stomach, and I wondered what direction Trent was going to take the conversation, but h
e surprised me by changing the subject.

  "Any more notes?"

  "Nope," I told him feeling relieved that my car remained note free for the day.

  The days went by, and I wrapped the security of my newly-established routine tightly around me, desperately wanting it to last. Kill was back to joining me in bed every night, and we ran most days, altering the time to fit my classes.

  Trent met me at my car every day, and we talked about the almost-ever-present notes. They now showed up on my car at school, instead of at the house. Sometimes Trent would try and hide them from me to spare my feelings.

  He attempted to convince me I didn’t need to read them, but relented when I explained his meddling was making me rethink my newly granted forgiveness. Our friendship slowly solidified, mostly because he was the only one who knew about the notes.

  I kept my personal life and my relationship with Kill out of our conversation, changing the subject when he asked.

  When I talked to my dad, I avoided the subject of Jason entirely, making sure Kill was nowhere near me. The guilt that burned through my veins started to eat at me, and I was now going through Tums like it was the world’s most irresistible candy.

  The morning of my birthday, I woke up to a text message from my dad.

  I wanted to be

  the first person

  to wish you Happy

  Birthday. Love

  you. Call me later.

  I text him back before climbing out of bed.

  You were the first.

  Thank you. Love you

  too. Call you soon.

  My Birthday always haunted me. The anniversary of my mom's abandonment. This year, I promised myself I’d have a great birthday without letting negative thoughts surface.

  Kill, like always, was already out of bed. There was a brownie sitting on the night stand with a card propped next to it. I seized the card, a gigantic smile on my face. The card itself was silly and made me laugh, but my laughter died when I read what he’d written inside.

  Happy Birthday, Slick,

  I know you have memories attached to this day that aren’t happy. I want you to push those away and have a great day. You deserve it. I wish I could make every day happy for you, because since you have been in my life, my days have been brighter. I also wish you would recognize your potential. Everyone who meets you can see it simmering under the surface waiting for you to unleash it. I promise to be there when you do. Thank you for being the best friend I have ever had. Now get downstairs so we can start this day off right.