The Best of Everything

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  He’d called Shandra that very night, and they’d been talking on and off ever since. They talked, they laughed, and they enjoyed each other’s company, even if it wasn’t in person, and it was the reason he was dialing her number now.

  Phillip pressed on the brake, brought his vehicle to a complete stop, and waited for the light to change. Shandra’s phone had rung three times, but just as he prepared to hang up, she answered.

  “Hey, you.”

  “How’s it going?”

  “I’m good now that you’re calling. I hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days, and I was starting to think you no longer wanted to talk to me.”

  “No. Nothing like that. Just been a little occupied is all.”

  “You’re still trying to make things work with her, aren’t you?”

  “Well, yeah. I am. I’m doing what any man would do. That is, if he loves his wife.”

  “But you see, that’s what I don’t understand because, based on everything you’ve told me, it’s pretty clear that your wife couldn’t possibly love you back. If she did, she’d be doing everything she could to make you happy. She would treat you like the wonderful man you are, and she’d do whatever she had to in order to make things right with you.”

  Phillip didn’t say anything because he felt a little guilty about some of the things he’d confided to Shandra. He hadn’t told her every detail regarding his marital problems, but he had told her about the day his father had died and how Alicia hadn’t been there for him. He’d explained that instead of coming straight to the hospital, Alicia had gone shopping and he’d also told Shandra about Alicia’s outrageous spending habits.

  “If you were my husband, you wouldn’t have all these issues.”

  “But I’m not, Shandra. I’m Alicia’s husband.”

  “I realize that, but, Phillip, you deserve so much better than what she’s dishing out. You’re a truly good man, and you deserve having a real woman in your life.”

  “No marriage is perfect.”

  “Maybe not, but you shouldn’t be having these kinds of problems so soon. I mean, you’ve only been married eight months.”

  “Yes, and that’s why I don’t want to simply give up without doing everything I can to save our relationship.”

  “But is that what she wants? Because if that’s not what she wants, then you can try all you want and it won’t do a bit of good. You’ll have wasted a ton of precious time for nothing.”

  “That could be, but I have an obligation to Alicia, and I’m going to see it through.”

  “For how long?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, tell me this. What happened tonight? Because you only call me this late when things are really bad between the two of you.”

  “It’s not even worth going into.”

  “Well, whatever it is, it’s obviously got you pretty upset, so why don’t you drive over here?”

  “No. It’s bad enough that I’m having these phone conversations with you, so coming to your house is out of the question.”

  “You’re only an hour and a half away and with it being almost eleven on a Saturday night, you could probably get here a little sooner.”

  “Shandra, you know I’m married and that I can’t do that.”

  “Why? Because it’s not like we have to do anything except talk.”

  “We’re doing that now.”

  “I know, but it’s not the same as if we were doing it in person. It would be so much more personal, and I really think you’d enjoy being here with me. It would be like old times.”

  Phillip chuckled. “Yeah, and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Because you and I both know what old times used to be like for us.”

  “It was good. We were good together, Phillip. And I’ve never forgotten how good you always made me feel. We were so in love, and when our feelings for each other started to drift during college, it practically killed me. I was so hurt.”

  “So was I. But being three thousand miles away from each other took a serious toll on us. I was in Virginia and you were in California and we were young.”

  “I remember that whole first year away, all I thought about was giving up my volleyball scholarship so I could enroll at Virginia Tech.”

  “But now that you have that UCLA degree, aren’t you glad you didn’t?”

  “I guess. But I still hate that you and I aren’t together. I hate that you’re married to someone else. A woman who doesn’t treat you nearly as well as I would.”

  “Sometimes things don’t always turn out the way we want them to.”

  “That’s true, but just the fact that we’ve reconnected after all these years means we still have a chance at having what we wanted.”

  Phillip turned into Brad’s driveway and turned off his ignition. “Maybe if this were a different time, but not now. I took vows before God and it’s like I said to you earlier, I have an obligation to my wife.”

  “I understand that, but at the same time, I refuse to believe that God wants any of us to be miserable.”

  “He doesn’t want us going against His Word, either.”

  “All you’d have to do is file for a divorce and then we wouldn’t have to commit any sins at all. If you did that, then you and I could get married and move on with our lives. I mean, why keep being so unhappy when you don’t have to be?”

  “Shandra, I can’t do that.”

  “But I could make you so happy, Phillip. I could be the woman of your dreams and offer you every ounce of who I am as a person. I would love you with every inch of my soul and make you my top priority for the rest of my life. I would be everything you could ever possibly want in a woman.”

  Phillip leaned his head against the backrest and took a deep breath. Shandra was making things very difficult for him, and the more he listened to her, the harder it was becoming for him to deny her invitations. He didn’t want to start seeing another woman behind Alicia’s back, but as he sat there weighing all the arguments, animosity, and resentment that now fueled his and Alicia’s marriage against the peaceful and compassionate talks he shared with Shandra, well, his talks with Shandra won out every time. He was so much more content when he spoke with Shandra, and just hearing her voice tended to calm his nerves whenever Alicia had upset him.

  But he knew his thinking was wrong. Thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. He knew if he acted upon any of the three, he’d find himself in a lot of trouble and that God would be very disappointed in him.

  “Look, Shandra, I’m really sorry but I need to hang up now.”

  “Why? Where are you?”

  “I’m at Brad’s.”

  “Why so late?”

  “I just needed to get out of the house is all, so I called him before I left home and told him I was coming by.”

  “Are you delivering the message in the morning?”

  “Just at the early service only.”

  “Do you want me to drive over to hear you?”

  “No. And to be honest, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to visit Deliverance again.”

  “Why? Because you’re worried about what might happen between us? Are you worried that you might not be able to resist being with me?”

  Exactly, Phillip thought, but he would never admit that to her. “I just don’t think it’s right.”

  “Well, if I hadn’t taken it upon myself to visit a couple of months ago, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, and I never would have realized just how much I still cared for you and how much I wanted you back.”

  “And you think it was right, coming to visit a church when the only real reason you came was because you wanted to see me? All the while knowing I was a married man?”

  “I never said what I did was right. But when Donna told me that you were the assistant pastor, I couldn’t stop thinking about you or what we once had together. I thought about it for months, and then finally I made up my mind to drive over and come to church with her.”

  “You�
��re too much. But hey, I’m going to head inside Brad’s, okay?”

  “That’s fine, but, Phillip, I’m not giving up on you. And you should also know that I’m the kind of woman that tries very hard to get whatever it is she wants.”

  “Good-bye, Shandra.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  Phillip got out of his truck and looked around the neighborhood as he strolled toward the front door. He had always loved Brad’s subdivision. Each house was unique and sat on no less than a one-and-a-half-acre lot, and all the houses were less than three years old. The only thing, though, was that they were way too pricey for his and Alicia’s budget, so it would be a long time before they’d be able to afford something like this, if ever. Alicia, of course, hadn’t talked about much else the night she’d left Brad’s house for the first time and couldn’t understand why they couldn’t build a house in the same area. But what she didn’t seem to get was the fact that Brad earned well over two hundred thousand dollars annually from his law firm and because of this huge wrongful death case he’d been working on for months now, this year his income would be even higher.

  Brad opened the exquisitely designed oak wood door. “Hey, man. Come on in.”

  Phillip stepped inside and kicked off his shoes. “I hope I’m not keeping you up.”

  “No, not at all. You know I stay up late, anyway. But what’s up with you? You’re never out this time of night, so I was surprised to get your call.”

  “I’m not even sure where to begin.”

  Brad led the way down to the lower level and sat down on the navy blue leather sofa, which looked very similar to what Alicia had just purchased for their family room. “Have a seat. And can I get you anything?”

  “No, I’m good.”

  Phillip sat in the oversize chair.

  “So, man, what’s up? Is everything okay with your mom?”

  “She’s fine.”

  “And Alicia?”

  “She’s okay in general, but our marriage is falling completely apart.”

  “What? Since when?”

  “Since for a while now. We were even having problems when my dad died, but I just couldn’t tell you.”

  “Why not?”

  “I was too embarrassed, I guess.”

  “And we’ve been best friends for how long?”

  “I know, but man, I’m really ashamed.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t be. Marriages fail all the time.”

  “Still, I wasn’t counting on things being like this between Alicia and me.”

  “Is there something specific that happened?”

  “Yeah, but pretty much every incident has to do with all the money she spends. She shops like we’re millionaires, and no matter how I try to talk to her about it, she continues doing whatever she wants.”

  “Wow. Does she do it all the time?”

  “Every chance she gets. Man, I even found a sixteen-hundred-dollar suit in her closet.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding? You have to be.”

  “No, I kid you not. Sixteen hundred dollars.”

  “Well, it’s not like she has some high-paying job, so where is she getting all this money from?”

  “She had a quite a bit left over from the wedding budget that Curtis gave her, and she also uses credit cards. But by now, I know all that wedding money is gone, and it’s only a matter of time before she maxes out her cards.”

  “Maybe she needs counseling.”

  “She does, and this afternoon, we had at least agreed to see a marriage counselor, but now I’m not even sure that’s going to happen.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a long story, but for the most part, Alicia is basically acting as though she doesn’t want us to get help.”

  “Man, I’m really sorry to hear that.”

  “What I was thinking was if I could talk her into seeing a marriage counselor, then I could eventually get her to see someone about her shopping addiction.”

  “Maybe Melanie could talk to her. You know how close they are and now that I think about it, Melanie has mentioned some of Alicia’s shopping sprees to me in the past, but I really didn’t think much of it.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. But if you want to know the truth, I’m not even sure Alicia will listen to her, either.”

  “So, what are you planning to do?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  “You and Alicia seemed so perfect for each other. Right from the beginning. So, this is really flippin’ me out.”

  “You? I’m shocked every day by the way things have turned out. We argue and fuss about everything all the time, and it’s wearing me down.”

  “Well, as much as I hate to say it, that’s why I’m having second thoughts about asking Melanie to marry me. Because from what I can tell, marriage is a total crapshoot, and you never know if it’s going to end up good or bad until after you’ve signed on the dotted line. And by then, it’s too late to change your mind.”

  “True. But there is a such thing as a good marriage. There are a lot of bad marriages out there, but there are definitely good ones. There are some people who truly do love and honor each other, and they’re really happy together.”

  “Yeah, but how many people do you actually know who fall into that category?”

  “A few.”

  “Like who? Your mom and dad?”

  Phillip laughed. “You’re terrible.”

  “I’m serious, man, because most people are only together because of children or because they’ve gotten comfortable with the person they’re married to.”

  “But that’s only because most people aren’t willing to work on their marriages. They’re not willing to communicate with each other the way they should, make time for each other, or make their spouse their main priority. All of which are very necessary, if you want success in your relationship.”

  “Well, it’s like I said, I’m having second thoughts. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Melanie but I’m just not sure I can settle down with one woman. You know yourself, that this is the longest I’ve ever been with one woman at a time, anyway.”

  “Ain’t that the truth.”

  “It is, and sadly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.”

  “But, man, Melanie is a really good woman. She’s beautiful, sensible, hardworking, and responsible, and if Alicia had ten percent of those particular qualities, you wouldn’t hear me complaining about anything. Don’t get me wrong, Alicia is clearly beautiful, but she’s seriously lacking in the other three areas.”

  “You’re right. Melanie is a good woman. Actually, she’s a great woman and the kind of woman who is very hard to come by, but the idea of being tied to one person with no freedom for the rest of my life seems not only suffocating but downright terrifying.”

  Phillip laughed again and so did Brad.

  “It’s the truth, man. I’m scared to death of what that will feel like.”

  “I hear you, but you should definitely think long and hard before you do something you’ll end up regretting,” Phillip said and thought about his own situation with Shandra and how he needed to take the same advice.

  Brad’s phone rang and he looked over at the caller ID screen. “Well, what do you know. This is my girl calling now.”

  Phillip relaxed further into the chair and turned his attention toward the television. SportsCenter was on, but Phillip couldn’t concentrate on much of anything except Alicia and Shandra. He thought about Alicia and the same old thing—how no matter how bad things were between them, he still loved her. But he also thought about Shandra and how right she’d been about their teenage love affair because they really had loved each other so deeply. Then, he thought about everything she was promising him today, as a grown woman, and it was hard for him to simply ignore it. It was hard to resist the obvious temptation she was causing him and hard not to fantasize about being with her sexually. It was hard not thinking about how great it might be, lying in her arms and feeling
loved the way a man ought to feel loved. Thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. Thank God for Dr. Price’s sermon because if it wasn’t for those three words, Phillip would be in his car and on his way to Chicago. He’d drive as fast as he could to Shandra’s house, so he could experience the kind of satisfaction she was offering him.

  Brad told Melanie that he loved her and that he would see her tomorrow.

  “Sorry about that, man.”

  “Please. No problem at all.”

  “I talked to her earlier but she got called into work and just got off.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. You should feel proud to have a woman like her. A woman who wants to have something in life and one who also cares about her future. A woman who’s nothing like my wife.”

  Brad walked over to the glass and steel-framed bar. “Can I get you a drink, Rev?”

  “Yeah, right,” Phillip said and they both laughed.

  “But back to Melanie. I do hear you, and I know you’re on key. But I just want to be sure I can handle being married for life. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “That’s fair.”

  “So, does Alicia know where you are?”

  “No, and actually, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll just crash over here tonight.”

  “Of course, and you know you’re welcome anytime.”

  Phillip stood up. “I packed a garment bag, so I guess I should run out to the car to get it.”

  “I take it your girl wasn’t home when you did that?”

  “No, I put it in the truck before she came back, so all she saw me leave with were my keys.”

  Brad drank some of whatever he’d just mixed together. “Things’ll get better.”

  “I hope.”

  Phillip went outside, and for some reason, he thought about tomorrow morning when he’d be speaking at the early service. He was glad Curtis was doing the main service because this meant he wouldn’t have to put on a smiling face and pretend he was happy in front of two different groups of people. It would be difficult enough, doing it in front of one, and he also hoped Alicia wasn’t planning to be there. He was a lot calmer now than he had been a few hours ago, thanks to both Shandra and Brad, but if Alicia showed up at church, there was a chance that much of his pain and anger just might resurface, and he couldn’t guarantee what he might say in front of the congregation. He remembered what had happened the last time Alicia had upset him, the time his parents had been visiting, and he’d directed his entire pastoral observations toward her. But he didn’t want to do that again. So, yes, it was best if Alicia stayed home. Best for her, him, and the members of Deliverance Outreach.