Take My Breath Away

by Wendy L. Wilson

  “Is there a problem here?” Kyle’s voice booms, making me jump.

  His grip on my hand tightens and I look at Judd. His eyebrows lower and his expression takes on the look of an attack dog prepared to defend what is his. Judd opens his mouth to speak and I know it isn’t going to be anything good. He is pissed, for what I have no idea, but I can see the anger in his eyes.

  I have to get this under control . . . fast! I suck in a deep breath and pull Kyle back by the arm so that I am leaning against him.

  “It’s ok, he’s one of Bethany’s overnighters and I accidentally walked in on them. They were more than likely so busy last night that she failed to mention that she has a roommate,” I bite out, glaring at Judd.

  The snarl on his face gives way to shock and confusion at my words, but I don’t give him time to say anything.

  “Let’s go,” I say, pulling Kyle with me towards his truck.

  Swinging my eyes back one more time to make sure this isn’t a very exaggerated nightmare rather than my super sucky reality, I see the ‘guy around campus’ that Bethany had gone on and on about is standing motionless in front of my apartment, glaring at me and Kyle.

  “SO, WHO WAS THAT?” KYLE starts rifling out questions on the short ride to his fraternity house.

  “I told you. He stayed the night with Bethany,” I answer him, not at all lying, but still holding back who Judd is to me.

  “Yeah, you said that, but he sure looked at you like you meant something to him.” Kyle’s eye flick over to me before returning to the road. “He looked at you kind of like I look at you.”

  Staring over at him, I am a little startled by how on track he is. It’s no big deal if he knows Judd’s the guy I fell in love with, after all we were broken up. I also could care less if Kyle hates him for it, because right now I am pretty much to that point myself, but regardless, I still don’t want to discuss him with Kyle.

  “He woke up and there I was, in the bedroom at the foot of the bed. He was probably freaked out. I think waking up to someone standing over your bed must have shocked him a little.” I gulp down the nausea that floods my body with the memory.

  No, I definitely have no intention of discussing those two amazing weeks with anyone. Last thing I want is for someone to belittle what I thought we had and make me feel even more like a fool than I already do. I’ve beaten myself up enough for my lack of judgment.

  “Ok, if that’s all you say it was, then I’ll drop it,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders, “I’m just glad I came when I did.”

  Walking into the frat house, Kyle grabs us both a beer from the fridge while I slip into the bathroom to change my shirt. Once we step onto the deck in the back, I see girls all clustered around chit chatting and carrying on while the guys seem to be glued to a rather serious game of quarters. Two guys stand by the grill, flipping burgers and other couples are off in their own world, drinking and getting frisky already. Good grief, don’t they ever take a break from the partying?

  Standing idle beside Kyle, I watch as he flips a coin onto a card table they have set up. I haven’t touched my beer; I probably should just down it. I need one worse than I did last night. Right now, I need a whole arsenal of liquor to drown out the images that keep floating through my head. Is this roller coaster ride that I have been on, ever going to come to a stop, because it is turning out to be a ride from hell!

  Taking a deep breath, I stare into space and listen to the screaming voice in my head. My thoughts are so loud that they drown out all the laughing, hollers and fun that is happening around me.

  What did he mean I can dish it out but I can’t take it? What was that suppose to mean? What, because I was standing with Kyle? No, he said that before Kyle showed up. Maybe he saw him in the distance, before I did. Not to mention, what on earth was he doing there? Shouldn’t he be in California now? I run everything he shouted at me through my mind over and over.

  As the minutes pass by, Kyle must sense my apprehension to join in on the festivities.

  “Hey, come with me,” he says, grabbing my hand.

  Pulling me along behind him, we make our way across the deck, through the back door and up to his bedroom. This again! I’ve just about had enough of seeing the inside of anyone’s bedroom, even my own.

  His room is quite a hazard, much like Bethany’s. After wading through a mess of football gear and clothes that are strung across the floor, I pounce onto his disheveled bed as he shuts the door and locks it. I huff out a loud sigh and fear what he wants to talk about or whether he expects to talk at all. Luckily, Kyle doesn’t bring up the subject of the shirtless brute that was set on attack mode earlier.

  “Alyssa, I just wanted to say sorry for last night. I’m a guy and I’m clearly still attracted to you. It’s just hard to control myself around you some days. I’ll respect how you feel and keep it casual unless you tell me different,” he says with a warm, sincere smile.

  His confession surprises me and washes away all the concern I have over Kyle’s feelings for me. He’s never made it a secret that he wants me back, but sometimes it does get uncomfortable when he gets desperate.

  “By the way, how is your Dad? Have you heard anything more about his prognosis?” His question warms my heart and reminds me why I had been in love with him in the first place.

  “He’s getting weaker, but still being Dad. You know, nothing gets him down, really. We haven’t heard anything else. I just keep hoping it’s a horrible dream.”

  My hands lay slack in my lap, as I look intently at them, wishing with all my heart that I could change everything that has happened with a snap of my fingers. The bed springs creak beneath me as Kyle’s sits beside me and slides his hand over mine.

  “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” The tenderness in his tone causes me to look up and into his eyes.

  I smile, hoping to relay just a bit of appreciation for him thinking of my dad. “I will. Thanks, Kyle,” my voice shakes out at the thought of Dad’s situation.

  With a deep breath, I work on gathering my wits before this morning’s events and all other emotions I’ve so carefully hidden, come crashing down on me.

  “Do you mind if I hang out in here for a minute and maybe borrow your phone? I need to text Abby back. I’m not supposed to go home until tomorrow, but I think I may head that way here in a bit. Maybe they will have some good news.” Even saying those words out loud does nothing to shake loose the pit in my stomach.

  Honestly, I’m nervous about why my parents want me to come tonight instead of tomorrow, when I had planned. However, given the situation, I am relieved to have an excuse not to go back to my apartment for the night. I really do not want to be face to face with Bethany right now. Sure, she doesn’t know about any of this and technically she hasn’t done anything wrong, but I still don’t want to see her. Just the thought that he touched her and they . . . Oh God, I think I may puke!

  My phone vibrates in my back pocket and I remember that I put it there after I got dressed. Great!! Of all the things to remember! I failed to get my money, my purse or even my keys, but of course, I remembered the one thing that keeps me in direct contact with the people I don’t want to talk to right now.

  “Ummm . . . never mind.” I swear I am an absolute basket case lately. “I guess I have my phone after all.”

  Kyle nods with a smirk as I lean up and slide my phone out of my pocket to see it lit up with Bethany’s name. In an attempt to make her go away, I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on happy thoughts; anything, but none come to mind.

  Kyle laughs, causing me to open my eyes and look up at him. He’s staring down at my phone.

  “You don’t want to talk to her, huh?” He chuckles a little louder and then mumbles, “I don’t blame you.”

  Another vibration from my phone alerts me to the fact that she is not going to give up. Judd must have told her about us. Wonderful! Just wonderful!

  “Ah . . . Kyle, I need to take this.”

  He smile
s, kisses my forehead and then steps out of his room to give me some privacy.

  I gulp down the panic that is rising up in me and hit accept.

  “Hello,” my voice trembles, so I take a deep breath and wait for her to start yelling.

  “Girl, what was that all about this morning? I woke up to yelling and then saw that hot guy I brought home last night was chasing you out the door,” she laughs.

  Maybe she doesn’t know anything, so I decide to tell the truth; part of it, anyways, “Oh, well I needed a clean shirt and I accidently woke him. I was embarrassed and ran off to avoid any kind of confrontation. I think he was just confused about who I was or something. I don’t know for sure. Did he end up coming back inside?”

  I’m not sure why I ask, because I really don’t want to know.

  “Of course he did. I was waiting for him in bed. Can you blame him?” She giggles, sending a shiver down my spine.

  I would like nothing more than to reach through the phone and wring her neck. My hand grips the phone harder and I just know my finger prints will be embedded in the silicone case.

  “So did you stop running long enough to get a good look at him?” She laughs loudly. “Did I tell you he was hot or what!? I think I could dine on him for weeks. Last night he . . .”

  I start coughing loudly hoping I choke so I can be put out of my misery. I cannot take anymore!

  “Hey, I really have to go. Kyle is waiting for me downstairs and then I think I am going to go home when I leave here,” I say, trying to fight the urge to hang up and end the call right there.

  “Ok, no problem, I’m tired anyways. I think I was up all night. Can you believe that he . . .” I cut her off before she can say more than I care to hear.

  Good gracious, can she not take a hint?

  “Really, Bethany, I need to go,” I shout out a little louder and snappier than I should. “I’m tired too and I really want to get on the road soon.”

  “Sure. We’ll talk when you get here,” she joyfully announces.

  Her assumption that I will be coming home makes me want to laugh. Yeah right. No way am I going back to the apartment today.

  “Actually I was just planning on leaving from here and heading straight to Fairview.” I want to shout out, “HA . . . in your face,” but then I hear her giggle and I know I am missing something. Not to mention, I don’t think I’ve ever realized how much her laugh annoys me until now.

  “Well, have fun with that, girl, because news flash, your keys and purse are sitting here on the coffee table right in front of me.”

  Shoot! I forgot about that! My car is there too; so much for a quick getaway.

  “Oh yeah, well, I guess I’ll have to swing by there first. Are you going to be home all day?” Please say no, please say no.

  “Yeppers . . . all day. I might take a nap for a bit. I’ll see you later.”

  Cringing at the cheerfulness in her voice, I hit end. I need a truck load of strength right now, because I am bound to lose it.

  After shooting Abby a quick text that I am coming home a day earlier, I end up staying at Kyle’s for a half hour longer before he drives me the two blocks back to my apartment. I should have walked to prolong the wait, but I’m kind of hoping that Bethany has dozed off by now, hopefully in the bedroom. I’ll just slip in, grab my purse and keys, and rush back out undetected. Screw getting a clean pair of clothes; I’ve been rocking most of this outfit for two days straight, so what is one more day. Wearing clean clothes is overrated anyway!

  Dreading the thought that she may be in the living room, I drag myself to our door and step inside to of course, find Bethany comfortably lounging on the couch watching TV, wide awake. Her blonde hair is all tangled up and makeup is smeared under her eyes. I hope Judd saw her looking like hell this morning.

  Forcing up my most sincere smile, but knowing it is weak, I hesitantly walk into the apartment as if there is an explosive waiting to be disarmed. My eyes stay on my purse, sitting on the edge of our glass top coffee table, which is directly in front of her. Would it be weird if I dart in, grab it and take off? I could plead insanity. In fact, I should be insane by now so it will not be far from the truth.

  “Ok, girl, fess up,” Bethany’s words startle me as she lays her feet on the coffee table, folds her arms and gives me a sneaky grin.

  “Aaaaa . . .” I’m at a loss for words.

  My mouth hangs open and she bursts out laughing.

  “I know, right, he is so freaking hot. I knew you checked him out.” Her eyes twinkle like she just saw a dessert that she has been dreaming about for months; one which I would love nothing more than to snatch out of her hands and gobble down in front of her.

  “You can tell me. I don’t mind you giving him a look over, but hands off,” she laughs harder, pointing at me in a scolding manner.

  Her shrill laugh is like fingernails down a chalk board and I want so badly to say the same thing to her; keep your hands off.

  “I’m just joking. I know you wouldn’t go there. Ok, so really, what did you two talk about? He was in a ridiculously foul mood when he came back for his shirt.”

  After her assumption that I wouldn’t go there, which normally I wouldn’t, I completely try to zone her out, but the last thing she says peaks my interest.

  I decide to ignore her question and counter one back, “He came back for his shirt? He didn’t stay?”

  I’m sure my question sounds absurd considering, of course, he would come back for his shirt.

  Bethany smiles like an evil witch that just did away with her nemesis.

  Looking up at the ceiling, she playfully sings, “Well . . .” drawing out the word.

  I swear I am going to choke her.

  “Yes, he came back for his shirt and then we talked for a bit. I’m seeing him again this Wednesday,” she goes on, making my heart plummet.

  She is seeing him? He is dating her even though he knows she is my roommate? I want to cry; I want to puke. I just want this pain to go away, because I am barely holding my head above water.

  “Where is he taking you on Wednesday?” I say in a defeated tone.

  Bethany gets up, strides into the kitchen and dips her head into the fridge.

  “He’s not taking me anywhere, but I am taking him to your birthday party. You didn’t forget, did you?” She stands back up and snaps her head in my direction. “Oh my gosh, you did!”

  My mouth is agape and for the first time in years, I wish I was not turning a year older. Most eighteen year olds are thrilled to watch the hands of time turn and inch closer towards that magical age of twenty-one, but I would really rather just skip it this year. Besides, all I really would like for my birthday is to hear that Dad is healthy and healed; not a party.

  “I didn’t forget. I already told you a party is the last thing I feel like, plus why would he want to come to a party for someone he doesn’t know?” I lie. I’m really just fishing for details of whether he hinted around about knowing me.

  Instead of waiting for an answer, I stride into my bedroom, deliberately stomping like I am a two year old in the middle of a tantrum. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a bag and toss it onto my comforter so I can pack.

  “Well duh, he isn’t coming for you. He is coming so I can hang on him and hopefully bring him home again and . . .”

  Lalalalalalalala . . . I am not going to listen to her. I need to get out of here. Screw the clothes!

  “And since you are going to your parent’s house on your actual birthday, it’s the only day we could do it. Come on, Alyssa, I already have it planned,” she stands in the doorway of our bedroom, puckering her lips into a pout and begging me to agree.

  Technically the party isn’t for me; it’s just a simple excuse to have a party.

  “Fine . . . I’ll be there. I guess I have to be, since it is a party for me.” I roll my eyes and give her a strained smile.

  Not paying particular attention to what she’s saying anymore, I cram this and that into my ba
g and fling it over my shoulder, eager to leave. I’m out of here!

  The silence is deafening on the drive home and all I envision is him lying next to her. Blinking my eyes rapidly in an effort to chase away all thoughts of whether he touched her like he touched me, my hand flies up to switch on the radio. After flipping through station after station in hopes that the music will soothe my overactive imagination, I soon make the discovery that every song ever written seems to have something to do with love, breaking up, relationships or cheating. Just perfect! I punch the knob to turn it off and let out a blood curdling scream that I’m sure makes me look like a complete nut-job to the fellow drivers.

  My phone! I quickly grab my purse out of the passenger seat, drop it in my lap and swim my hand through a sea of useless possessions while keeping my eyes on the road. As soon as my hand makes contact with the smooth slick surface of it, I rip it out feeling extremely grateful that I have an entire playlist of happy songs. While sitting idle at a stop light, I plug my phone into the stereo adaptor and flip into my music file to find some upbeat tunes.

  Fast-paced music pours out and vibrates through the car immediately. I soak it up and let it fill my soul, praying it changes my mood. It doesn’t help much, but I get through it.

  Finally pulling into the driveway, my heart swells with gratefulness that I am home. This is where I belong; with my family, the ones that truly love me, the ones that hold me up when I am falling, the ones that help me out when I am barely afloat.

  MY FEET HIT THE HARDWOOD floor of the living room and I am immediately greeted with the aroma of bacon frying and fresh biscuits coming out of the oven. I love being home.

  Abby rushes down the stairs at the same time that Mom rounds the corner of the kitchen. I throw my arms around Mom’s neck and instantly feel comforted.

  Looking over her shoulder to the kitchen and then back behind me to the living room, I question, “Where’s Dad?”

  She smiles and tips her head over to the spare bedroom across from the dining room. I look at her quizzically as Abby throws her arms around my shoulder to crush me in a huge hug.