Take My Breath Away

by Wendy L. Wilson

  After plastering on more makeup than I would normally wear, I prance out into the living room for Bethany’s approval. Once I step out of the steam filled room, I am stunned into silence. Judd sits casually on the couch, typing on his phone.

  The thought crosses my mind for a second to flee, but he jumps to his feet before I can even take a step. His eyes slowly move from my feet to my face, taking in every inch of my body the same way he did Fourth of July night. I wrap my arms around my waist in an effort to contain my nervousness and to hide how naked his gaze makes me feel.

  “Wow,” he whispers in such a low tone that I can barely make out his words. “You look beautiful.”

  The look in his eyes is a replica of the expression he cast when he said that he was in love with me. My heart leaps into my throat. I want to question him and ask him why he led me on, but instead, my lips are cemented shut and all I can do is watch him.

  Staring directly into his eyes, he levels me with an equally intense stare as I remain completely motionless; silent and trembling from the familiarity. The drumming of my heart and the quiver of my breath is the only sound in the room until our spell is broken.

  “It’s all set,” Bethany says, rubbing her hands together as she enters the room. “Oooo . . . you look hot, girl,” she adds with a glimmer in her eyes.

  Judd clears his throat and walks past her to the door with a look of annoyance on his face. What did I do now?

  Bethany strides over to me, linking her arm with mine as if we are preparing to skip to the party together. As she pulls me past Judd, I force my eyes dead ahead. The click of the door closing and the subtle sounds of an extra pair of shoes hitting the floor, tells me that he is right behind us as we make our way out of the apartment complex.

  Remaining arm in arm with Bethany, we walk across the parking lot to the community center, my skin tingling from his watchful eyes the whole way.

  The building is jam packed with only a handful of people I know. Geez, did Bethany invite the entire campus? Only when my body gets swallowed up by the mass and I don’t see Judd anywhere around, am I grateful for the crowd.

  Abby and Piper find their way over to me, laughing and giggling with drinks already in hand. Abby hands me a shot and I gladly gulp it down, hoping the fiery liquid will erase all the thoughts swirling in my head.

  A couple hours later, all my worries are washed away, I’m floating on air and have a smile that could give a clown a run for his money. I have probably had one too many shots, but Abby, Piper and several other people are knee deep in a game of quarters and taking me along for the ride.

  While giggling and laughing from how bad I suck at this game, I tip another shot back and look past Abby, immediately finding Judd in the distance leaning against a wall, studying me. Well shit, that’s sobering!

  I look away quickly.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I mumble out with a hiccup.

  “Well, don’t be gone too long, because I have a surprise for you,” Bethany calls out, sounding pretty blitzed herself.

  I nod my head and stand up on jiggly legs that don’t seem like they are getting the correct orders from my brain to hold me up. Teetering back and forth, I grab for the table as Abby bursts out laughing beside me.

  “Oh, sis . . . you’re hammered.”

  I put my hand over my mouth to hold back a sudden case of giggles, but it’s too late. Bending at the waist and clutching my arms around my belly, I laugh so hard my body shakes and my abs are on fire. Although, my head is fuzzy and my vision is distorted, I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. Well, actually I can, but I choose to forget that for tonight.

  Through blurred vision, I stagger to the bathroom with my eyes focused on not falling, but still glancing around periodically to make sure Judd is nowhere near.

  I stumble into the restroom and make my way into the stall, losing my balance a couple times and nearly falling in. After flushing the toilet, I stammer to the sink and stare into the mirror. My face is plastered with makeup that I usually don’t wear, my hair sticks out in a frizzy mess and my dress clings to my curves. I laugh to myself at how silly I am being.

  “Good grief, Alyssa, move on. He has,” I mumble, looking at the reflection of my glassy, bloodshot eyes.

  Walking out, my feet continue to find speed bumps in the floor until I collide with the one person I am trying to avoid.

  “Whoa! You ok?” Judd’s fingertips slide around my waist, igniting a blast of goose bumps to blaze over my skin.

  I rock backwards as his hands hold tight, steadying me, and I can’t help but think of a time before; a time when he held me up.

  With my hands on his chest, I close my eyes and try to regain some sense of stability. My eyes sweep upward from his strong, solid chest that had been my pillow night after night, and land on his face only inches away from mine. Nervousness churns in my stomach as my attention is averted to his lips. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip, leaving a trail of glistening moisture and an ache in my heart.

  “I’m fine,” I whisper as I ball my hands into fists and push off from him.

  With this amount of alcohol in my system and the way his touch affects me, it’s probably best if I keep my distance. There for a minute, I was prepared to lunge at him and swallow his face whole.

  Clearly uncomfortable himself, Judd shoves his hands into his back pockets and looks at me as if I’ve wounded him.

  “Alyssa, can we go outside and talk?” he asks me in a steady tone, but the tremble in his voice tells me that his heart may be pounding just as loudly as mine.

  I start to give in and respond to the fluttering in my stomach when Bethany comes up behind us.

  “Just the two I was looking for,” she says in a sugary tone that is going to give me a toothache by the end of the night. Does she time her interruptions or does she just have a sick sense for when he and I are talking?

  She puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a we’re-drunk-and-besties kind of hug that I am not feeling at the moment.

  “Ok, so I keep catching you two talking like you’ve known each other forever. So, spill! What are ya’ll chatting about all the time?”

  Judd’s head cocks to one side and a small smile pulls at the corner of his lips. I know he is wondering if the alcohol will make me offer an explanation of our encounters, but I am sobering up as the minutes stretch by, especially with him so close. Why hasn’t he told her he knows me? I guess it may mess with his game; that’s probably what he wants to talk to me about.

  So I decide to go with something general, “We were just discussing school and fall season football. You know, since him and Kyle both play.”

  Bethany breaks out in a fit of laughter, spraying beer out of her mouth.

  “Wow! Why are you talking about school when you should be partying?” she cackles and then turns her sights on Judd. “You play football?”

  I’m not sure if Bethany notices or not, but I don’t miss the fact that Judd’s eyes don’t leave me.

  “No . . . I don’t play. I used to play.” His answer comes in a cool and collected tone.

  It’s such a simple answer, but it causes my head to swim with questions. Football meant so much to him. He had a full ride scholarship to UCLA. He talked about going pro someday; what had changed in such a short amount of time? I wish I had the nerve to ask him why he never went to California. Every time I see him, I am so overcome with emotion that I forget all the questions I should be asking.

  Judd keeps his expression serious and pinned on me, but the time to interrogate him disappears when the emcee announces that everyone needs to head to the parking lot.

  Bethany grabs my arm and tugs me out the door, squealing and giggling, “Wait until you see your surprise! You’re going to love it!”

  As soon as we are out in front of the building, Bethany motions to the sky. I look up into complete darkness, searching. The earth feels as though it is spinning beneath me, but I keep my eyes
glued to the black sky thinking maybe a comet or falling star may bleed into my vision soon.

  All at once, bursts of color start exploding in the sky, then another

  and another

  and another.

  My heart falls into my stomach and I am immediately sober. Everyone is cheering and whooping and hollering around me. Bethany is jumping up and down like she is cheering at a winning game. A hand slides around my forearm and gently tugs at me, but I can’t look away from the sky to respond.

  “Alyssa, are you ok?” My sister’s voice confirms who has a hold on me, more than likely offering me comfort over a thrilling event that is causing irrevocable damage to my heart.

  “Do you like? It was Judd’s suggestion. He had a whole bag of them left over from the fourth and since one of Kyle’s frat brothers has an uncle on the police force, we got permission for a grand finale for your birthday bash!” Bethany yells above the noise.

  My eyes widen when she says he suggested this.

  “Oh shit!” The concern in Abby’s voice tells me that I’m not the only one that understands the gravity of this situation.

  I look a couple bodies away and see Judd. He isn’t looking up to the sky like everyone else. His dark brown eyebrows knit together above his piercing eyes with a look I can barely describe. He doesn’t look mad. It doesn’t even look like he is on some mission to destroy my world. His face is etched in sadness and remorse, but underneath it all, I see what looks like a glimmer of hope.

  With my eyes still on him, I draw in a calming breath and hope above all to gain some understanding of what is going on. Neither of our gazes waiver as the sparkles blast above. We are transfixed on each other and for an instant it is just him and I standing there, face to face. We are alone in a cabin, his body above mine as he whispers “I’m in love with you,” but instead of saying those words, his lips part and he mouths “Happy birthday.”

  I want to say so much, but instead I offer a small smile and turn to excuse myself as the last of the fireworks light up the sky.

  THURSDAY MORNING COMES WAY TOO soon and I know my back to back afternoon classes following my morning shift at work will leave me drained and exhausted. I’m grateful for a busy day to keep my mind occupied, but what I am not happy about is yet another pounding headache from staying out too late and drinking way more than I should have.

  At this rate, I may become an alcoholic. I shouldn’t indulge like that at all. If something would happen to Dad and I was intoxicated, I would never forgive myself for not being lucid.

  My last class lets out at 4:15 and I am starving. Thursdays are jam packed for me so I hardly have time to eat. I usually shove a protein bar or something in my bag, but this morning my head was not screwed on straight so I left the apartment unprepared. Unfortunately, a stale donut from the break room at work was all that was left to tide me over for the day.

  Inside my apartment, I throw my keys on the counter and fling the fridge open. Peering inside, I realize how much I have slacked on the upkeep around here lately. A nearly empty box of pizza, a jug of milk that has barely a swig in it and a few condiments stare back at me as my stomach growls. Gritting my teeth, I slam the fridge door and pull open the cabinets above the stove, hoping for something edible.

  My phone rings from the counter, so I quickly abandon my search and drag myself across the room to see Bethany’s name on the screen. I might as well pick up. If I’m lucky, maybe she is going through a drive-thru on her way home. I’d kill for a burger right now.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey girl, you out of class?”

  She knows my schedule is hectic on Thursdays, which is why my party was thrown two days before my actual birthday. Usually, on Thursdays when my feet hit the door I am in my PJs and out for the night. Plus, given the fact that the community center is booked tonight and I will be at my parent’s house tomorrow night, Wednesday worked out much better.

  “Yeah, I just got home about ten minutes ago. Where are you?” Chattering and the clanking of cups and plates sound in the background, sending all my dreams of a cheeseburger, fries and shake landing in my lap, right out the window.

  “I’m at work tonight, remember? I traded shifts so I could get off last night for your party.”

  Bethany works as a server at a bar and grill downtown, about four blocks away. “I was in such a hurry, I forgot my purse. Can you bring it down real quick?”

  I sigh completely annoyed that I have to get back out.

  “Ok, but you owe me. I am tired, cranky and starving,” I snap out, pretending to be a little bit more irritated than I actually am by her request.

  “Well then you’re in luck, because I just so happen to know a place where you can score some good food. My treat when you get here?”

  Music to my ears! My stomach growls in approval. “Ok, see you in a bit.”

  I promptly grab my purse along with Bethany’s and head out the door. The parking lot of our complex is filling up quickly from whatever party is going on at the community center tonight. Bass booms even with the doors closed, so it must be well under way. If I leave, I bet I will have one hell of a time getting my spot back when I return, so I opt to walk.

  Ten minutes and a short walk later, I slide into a barstool, toss Bethany’s purse across the counter, and slam my hands to the hard surface of the bar, ready to eat. She nudges a plate of fries and a burger in front of me, sending my mouth into a salivating frenzy. I waste no time digging in.

  I’m a quarter of the way from finishing my food and about to bust out of my jeans when Bethany brings up the dreaded subject of Judd. Of course, I can’t get through a day without hearing about him. I stuff more food in my mouth so the sound of my chewing will drown her out, but then her words catch my attention.

  “ . . . so I am determined to get in that boys pants this weekend.”

  The last thing I want to hear about is her getting Judd in bed, but her words totally have me thinking that maybe she hasn’t yet.

  With that in mind, I decide to be bold, “So wait, do you mean you haven’t slept with him?”

  She raises her eyebrows and smiles like a school girl. Oh great! Maybe I don’t want to know the answer to this.

  “Oh well, yeah, we’ve slept . . . together.” My heart drops, but then she goes on, “he slept and I slept . . . in the same bed . . . but unfortunately, that’s it,” she laughs while looking down at the bar as she wipes it off.

  Relief washes over me as I run her words back through my mind just to make sure I heard her right. I’m not sure why this revelation makes me so happy; it doesn’t change anything between him and I, but just that tidbit of information has my insides swarming with giddiness and makes me want to break out in song and dance.

  “You never let me finish telling you about that night. He was so drunk. One of his friends was trying to hook us up, saying how he needed to get over his ex or something or other. Anyways, his friend helped him up to our apartment and then left. I managed to get most of his clothes off . . .”

  This is when I should tune her out, but I keep listening, hoping to hear better news.

  “I was so into him and ready for the night of my life and he yells that he is going to puke. So I spent most of the night fetching the trash can, glasses of water, aspirin and a washcloth from the bathroom. It would have made more sense for him to just sleep in the bathroom, but in the end he never did get sick.”

  And there is the good news I was hoping to hear. What would have made it better is if he would have actually vomited when she was pulling him out of his clothes.

  “So I guess this ex did a number on him or something, because he is completely and totally emotionally unavailable. I mean, usually that doesn’t bother me, but he says he would rather us just be friends. I don’t intend on giving up though,” Bethany says with a gleam in her eyes while she licks her lips.

  I shove another fry in my mouth to keep from snarling at her.

  “I think I am going to give him
a call tomorrow night and see if he will come over. Then, I can . . .”

  She goes on and on about her plans to break him down while I polish off the remainder of my plate and tune her out.

  What ex? Maybe he got back together with someone from his past and that is why he never called. No, that couldn’t be it. He said he focused too much on football and work to get involved with anyone in high school. Could it be possible that he didn’t play me at all, but rather met someone when he returned home?

  My mind is going a hundred miles an hour with scenarios and speculations. Any one of those would explain his lack of calling and the fact that he seems absolutely hell bent on getting my attention now. Maybe he feels bad for not contacting me and feels the need to explain himself. I push that out of my head for now and focus on heading back home.

  As soon as I drag myself into the apartment, I shed my clothes and fling them over my head one by one on my trail to the bathroom. I adjust the temp before turning on the shower, carefully sticking my fingers under the spray of water to test it against my skin. A quick chill runs through me so I turn the hot water nozzle to heat it up.

  Once my tired feet land on the wet shower floor, I let out a relaxing sigh and let the water soak over me, gently unraveling each knot in my body one by one.

  I’m washing the last of the conditioner out of my hair when the bathroom door clicks open and then shut. My eyes widen in fear as I scan my surroundings, moving from the soap to my razor in search for an available weapon. Bethany isn’t supposed to get off till 1:00 in the morning, so who the hell is that?

  “Hello,” my shaky, stuttering voice echoes in the small room as I grab a shampoo bottle and envision myself catapulting it at the intruder’s head. “Bethany, is that you?” My voice comes out in a screech.

  “No, it’s me,” Judd’s smooth voice calls out in the same room as me.

  What the hell! I rip the shower curtain to the side, careful to pull it against my body for cover.