Secret Love

by Barbara Cartland

  “Is it big or small?” she asked him innocently.

  “Actually it is very big, but I will tell you frankly I cannot afford to keep it up in the way it should be.”

  Josofine did not look surprised.

  “I thought because you had such a very small place in London you must be poor,” she said. “But you are lucky to have a home in the country.”

  “Very lucky indeed and I know you will admire my pictures. But they are all entailed, if you understand what that means, onto my son, who perhaps I will never be able to afford to have.”

  “I have heard of entailment,” replied Josofine, “and some families have it in France. But of course the French noblemen lost so many of their treasures in the Revolution that their châteaux are not as grand as they used to be.”

  “I am very anxious for you to see my house, but, as I have said, it is not as fine as it should be, although we are making every effort to make it comfortable for the party I am entertaining at the weekend.”

  Josofine was silent for a moment and then she said,

  “As you are having a party, would it perhaps be better if I stayed in London, hoping that when your guests have gone, you will return and look after me again.”

  “Is that what you want?” Robbie asked her.

  “No, of course not. I don’t want to lose you, but I would find it very exciting to see your home.”

  There was silence while Robbie thought it would be fantastic for him to take her there.

  He could imagine her looking exquisitively lovely against the pictures in the galleries.

  And he was quite certain she would look even more beautiful than the Madonnas and the Goddesses depicted by the great Masters.

  Because he was silent Josofine remarked quickly,

  “I will stay here if you want me to.”

  “I want you to see Creswell Court,” Robbie replied, “and you know that I have no wish to leave you alone in London. I would feel very worried if I did so.”

  “You were quite right in telling me that I should not have come to London alone, but I cannot presume on you for ever, Robbie.”

  He just gazed at her.

  He wondered how he could put into words how impossible it was for him to lose her.

  ‘I want her! I want her!’ every nerve in his body cried out.

  Yet commonsense told him that he could not afford a wife. What sort of life would she have with him unless he went on illegally taking down his pictures and sending them over to France.

  “I don’t know what you are thinking, but it’s really worrying you,” Josofine said unexpectedly.

  “I am worrying about you. It is something we will talk about when the weekend is over.”

  Josephine smiled at him.

  “You are quite certain you want me to come?”

  “Of course I want you,” he answered, “and if you don’t come with me I shall stay in London and my guests will have to look after themselves.”

  Josofine chuckled.

  “Now you are being ridiculous. Think how angry your guests would be if their host was not present to pay them compliments and to make quite certain they enjoyed themselves.

  “Very well, we will enjoy ourselves and only when the party has gone will we talk about your future.”

  He knew as he spoke it was an issue she wanted to avoid. She had still not confided in him who she was or who the man was she had run away from.

  She had however removed the wedding ring from her finger and Robbie was now aware that he would have to tell her to put it back.

  It was impossible for him to produce a young girl at His Royal Highness’s parties. It had always been married ladies who had been there in the past.

  The Prince was convinced that all young girls were dangerous in that they talked too much among themselves.

  At each secret house party he had enjoyed with His Royal Highness there had never been any question of the ladies not being married.

  “We must depart early for the country on Friday morning,” Robbie told Josefine. “There will be such a lot for me to see to before my guests arrive. So I would like to leave London soon after ten o’clock.”

  “I will be ready,” replied Josofine. “But if I am going to the country, I would like to go back to that nice shop we visited in Bond Street and buy myself one more dress to wear and perhaps another evening gown.”

  It was with difficulty that Robbie prevented himself from asking her how she could afford it.

  However he took her there before they started off again on another tour of London and he waited outside in the carriage he had hired for the day.

  While Josephine was in the shop, he found himself thinking again and again how much he was in love.

  How entrancing Josofine was.

  He had never before felt anything quite so thrilling or glorious and he knew that if he lost her he would never again feel the same as he did now.

  ‘I love her, I adore her,’ he whispered to himself.

  He found it almost impossible not to run into the shop just to see if she was still there.

  Because she was out shopping and women were the same all the world over, she took longer than he expected.

  At last she came out with two large dress-boxes which were put down on the floor of the carriage.

  “I thought you must be buying up the whole shop,” he commented ruefully.

  “I am sorry if I was a long time. I had to try them on and the first two were too big for me.”

  “I am absolutely convinced you would look lovely in anything you wore,” Robbie sighed. “Therefore it was sheer extravagance for you to buy a new dress.”

  “I really want to look pretty for your friends and of course you.”

  “It would be just impossible for you to be anything else, Josefine.”

  As the carriage was moving off he thought it was a mistake at this moment to go on talking about themselves.

  He still could not understand how she managed to buy goods from the shop which he knew was an extremely expensive one, and he found it hard to believe that when she was running away she had brought a large amount of money with her and yet she must have done so.

  He was only worried if it would last her very much longer.

  They spent the rest of the day visiting museums and looking at the outside of Buckingham Palace.

  They also drove to the docks because she had read about them and wanted to know if they were exactly as they were described.

  All Robbie wanted to do was to make her happy.

  So later in the evening he took her to Drury Lane and they watched the dancers who had entranced London and a great many gentlemen like himself.

  Afterwards they went to dine at another quiet but attractive restaurant where Robbie had often been before.

  They were shown into a comfortable alcove where those who occupied them could see rather than be seen and regardless of the expense Robbie ordered the best dishes and the best wines.

  He thought as he looked at Josofine that although he had often dined here with the most acclaimed beauties in London, she was lovelier in every way than they were.

  Yet what did seem extraordinary to him was that while they had talked on so many divergent subjects, he still knew no more about her.

  Each time he asked Josephine a leading question she somehow managed to avoid it.

  He told himself now that after the weekend she would have to be open and then she must tell him more about herself.

  He could not go on as they were at the moment and yet he knew that in some extraordinary way he was happier than he had ever been in his whole life.

  ‘I love you, I adore you,’ he wanted to tell Josofine, but he was still afraid of frightening her away.

  He not only wanted to protect her from everyone else but also from himself.

  ‘If I scare her,’ he thought, ‘she might disappear as quickly as she appeared. Then what would I do?’

  He could all too clearly imagine himsel
f searching France to find her – probably being unsuccessful, so that she would be lost to him for ever.

  “Why are you looking worried?” Josofine asked.

  “I did not know I was, but all the same I do worry about you and what will happen to you in the future.”

  “I am so content with the present that I only think of what we are doing at this particular moment not what will happen tomorrow.”

  “I wish I could feel like that too, but I cannot help wondering what we will do when the weekend ends. Will you want to come back to London or would you like to stay in the country?”

  He thought she would give him a straight answer, but she simply responded,

  “Why should we worry about tomorrow when we have still a little of today left, Robbie? It was so kind of you to take me to Drury Lane and I am enjoying being here in this charming restaurant with such delicious food.”

  “I have enjoyed it too and I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will show you my home. But I will have to think of where I can take you on Monday.”

  There was a little pause and then Josofine sighed,

  “Let’s wait until Monday comes.”

  She looked at Robbie imploringly and because he thought that every word she said was like music and every movement she made was elegance itself, he found himself saying weakly,

  “All right, let us enjoy today or rather tonight and forget all our difficulties until Monday.”

  “Of course it is the right answer to your question,” Josofine added approvingly. “And it will spoil tomorrow and the next two days if we keep thinking of what will happen in the future. I want to enjoy the moment when I see your home and all the lovely things you have told me you have in it.”

  It was so much easier, Robbie decided, to listen to her than to go on worrying.

  But he still wanted frantically and persistently to learn the truth about her.

  Then he could look ahead into the future and, if he was honest with himself, decide if he could ask Josofine to marry him.

  He had made up his mind a long time ago that it would be impossible for him to marry anyone unless by some miracle he found a way of making enough money to live at Creswell Court as his parents had done.

  He wanted to improve the estate until it brought in the income it had in the past and even to think of it made the problem seem daunting and hopelessly difficult.

  So he had put it on one side and enjoyed himself in exactly same way as the Prince of Wales had with every beautiful woman he was attracted to.

  Yet now he was in love as he had never been in love before.

  He wanted to be married.

  He wanted a family.

  To be truthful he wanted just an ordinary life with the woman he loved.

  It had never happened to him before and he had thought he would always be amused with the endless balls, the dinner parties, the weekends –

  Yet now it seemed absolutely incredible that one young woman, about whom he knew absolutely nothing, should change his whole life.

  She had appeared from across the English Channel, and everything he had thought of as desirable was now of no significance beside her.

  ‘I want to be with her. I want her love and I want her to be mine.’

  The words kept repeating themselves in his mind as he looked at Josofine across the table.

  He knew he was frightened, as he had never been frightened before, that he might lose her.

  Perhaps if he did not attract her enough, she might suddenly decide to go back to France.

  They sat talking until they were the last people in the restaurant and then they drove back in a hired hansom cab to Mount Street.

  Robbie did not attempt to touch her as they drove along Piccadilly and yet he was acutely aware of her beside him

  He could smell the sweet scent that came from her body every time she moved.

  They entered his lodgings, said goodnight to the porter at the door and climbed up the stairs.

  Josofine handed him the key of his flat door and he opened it.

  The curtains had not been drawn and the moonlight was coming in through the windows turning the carpet to silver.

  Through the open door Robbie could see the lamp which stood by his bed, and it must have been lit before Josofine went out and although it was turned low the room seemed warm and golden.

  Josofine moved to the window to look down at the moonlit street below.

  “It has been a lovely evening,” she sighed. “I do not think I have ever been so happy.”

  “Nor have I,” Robbie replied.

  “Is that true?” she quizzed.

  “Of course it is true. Surely you understand that when I am with you I am happier than I have ever been.”

  Josephine looked at him and he realised that her blue eyes were searching his face – she wanted to be quite sure that he was telling her the truth.

  Very slowly, as if he was afraid to do so, he put his arms round her.

  “I love you, Josofine,” he whispered. “I love you, my darling, with all my heart and soul. There is no one else in the whole world for me except you.”

  He felt the little quiver that went through her and then he drew her closer to him and his lips were on hers.

  It was a very gentle kiss.

  A kiss almost of reverence.

  As he felt the softness and innocence of her lips, he knew instinctively it was the first time she had ever been kissed.

  He drew her even closer to him.

  Never in his life had a kiss been so wonderful or aroused in him strange feelings he had never known.

  Then because he was still afraid of scaring her, he raised his head and almost instinctively she moved a little away from him.

  “I love you,” he repeated. “I love you, and there are no words to tell you how much you mean to me.”

  Then with a superhuman effort he walked towards the door.

  As he reached it he turned back and said in a voice that did not sound like his own,

  “Sleep peacefully, my darling, and remember I love you.”

  He closed the door and walked slowly down the passage to his friend’s flat.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  They started off at ten o’clock the next morning.

  Robbie felt that no one could look more attractive than Josofine.

  She was wearing what he reckoned she must have bought yesterday. It was a country dress, rather plain but which seemed to accentuate her beauty. To match it she sported a very pretty straw hat that allowed her dark hair to curl against her pink and white cheeks.

  As the sun was shining and the birds were singing it was the perfect day to be going to the country.

  Robbie had risen early and gone to see the manager of the stables where he hired a post-chaise.

  And he had agreed with the manager that he should drive two new horses that were fresh and young without having to take a groom with him.

  “I know I can trust you, my Lord,” he said, “to look after me horses properly.”

  “I promise you they will have the best food and the most comfortable accommodation,” replied Robbie stoutly.

  The manager laughed.

  “That’s more than a lot of us gets these days!”

  Robbie agreed with him and he was thinking of his small flat and the difficulty he had in paying the rent.

  He calculated that he and Josofine should arrive shortly after luncheon at Creswell Court.

  He was certain Wenda would be off her head seeing to everything in the house.

  He knew there was a good posting inn about five miles from his home and he had occasionally visited it over the years.

  They had not gone far before Josofine commented,

  “I can see you are a very good driver, Robbie.”

  He smiled at her.

  “I enjoy driving, but most of all riding.”

  It suddenly struck him that he had never asked her if she could ride and before he could do so, she admitted,
<
br />   “I enjoy riding too. I have two horses of my own in France and I love both of them.”

  “Has your father a large stable?” Robbie enquired.

  There was a pause before Josofine answered,

  “Do tell me about your horses. How old were you when you rode for the first time?”

  She was being evasive again, but Robbie sensed it would be foolish to spoil the day by pressing her to tell him what she did not want him to know.

  They did not talk much on the way as Robbie was concentrating on giving the horses their heads. They were certainly faster than any he had driven from that stable.

  They reached the posting inn just a little before one o’clock and as he turned into the yard, Robbie told her,

  “We are having luncheon here. They will be so busy at home preparing for this evening that I don’t want to bother them for an extra meal.”

  “That is kind and considerate of you,” Josofine said softly. “I have noticed since I first met you that unlike other men you are always thinking of other people.”

  “Perhaps you have met the wrong sort of men – ”

  He saw as he spoke that she gave a little shiver.

  She was obviously thinking again of the man she had run away from.

  Robbie was determined at luncheon to prevent her from thinking about anything that made her unhappy and so he told her stories of his childhood – of his first pony and his first ride out hunting and how much he would love to own a racing stable.

  She listened most attentively to everything he was saying, but told him nothing about her own childhood.

  When they set off again it was after two o’clock and Robbie wondered if Wenda had expected him earlier.

  Perhaps she had plenty of dire problems for him to solve at the last moment.

  He did not speak of his fears to Josofine and only as they drew nearer to The Court did he venture,

  “I think I must explain to you that although I own a very big house with magnificent pictures in it, I really have no money. Today you will see it as it was when my father and mother were alive and how I would always like it to be.”

  He realised that when Josofine was listening, her head turned towards him.

  “But I am being quite frank with you,” he went on, “when I say this is a special party and it is very different from the way I live ordinarily.”