Rain on Neptune

by Lisa Jade

  His face drops.

  “What…? How could they have found out?”

  “I don’t know,” I admit, “but if we report this, I’m willing to bet they’ll take us down with them. Something tells me I won’t get a fair trial under your Dad’s rule. And if you were scared of what he might do to you before, imagine what he’d do now. You’d be hospitalised.”

  The thought must unnerve him, because he physically flinches at my words. A quick glance at Luci tells me she feels the same; mortified at what he could do, given an excuse. Isaac heaves a sigh.

  “Okay, okay. So we can’t report it. That’s pretty clear. Maybe we should try to set a trap? Get the others. Finn, Sabina, Terri…”

  “No.”

  He pauses, eyeing me curiously.

  “Why not?”

  I gulp. I can’t exactly tell them to exclude Terri. I have no evidence that she told these people about me. The more I think about it, though, the more it makes sense for Terri to have outed me. Perhaps she saw through my lies back in the Oasis, and noticed the glimmer of recognition in my eyes when we found the first Crysalin blade. Not to mention, she did her medical training on Four; if she were as observant then as she is now, she may have heard about the wasted potential that is Quinn Hart. If she’s figured out that I’m from Four, then it’s clear I’m not supposed to be here.

  Even so, it seems unlike her. She’s always been mousy and mild, totally non-threatening. Always smiling and eager to help. I find it hard to imagine her as some rebel terrorist mastermind.

  “It’s dangerous,” I eventually say, “we shouldn’t get the others involved in this.”

  I chew on my lip for a moment before speaking.

  “In fact, I think I should go alone.”

  He gapes.

  “Wait, what? Why would you even suggest that?”

  “Hear me out,” I insist, “these people have total power over me right now. If I don’t at least show up to meet them, they’ll out me. But that’s no reason to put you two at risk.”

  “But if you’re alone, and they attack…”

  “Then I’m dead either way. Lose, lose.”

  His eyes narrow.

  “What are you planning to do, alone and outnumbered?”

  I release a long, rattling breath.

  “I plan to talk to them.”

  Isaac laughs and slams an open palm against his head, his mouth falling open in disbelief.

  “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. These people are murderers. Killers. And you want to… reason with them?”

  “I do. I think they can be reasoned with.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  He looks at Luci.

  “Are you hearing this? I suppose it’s good we’re not back on Pyre. Quinn, you’d be sectioned for this if I had any say.”

  “Well, you don’t,” I snap back, “I really think we can resolve this peacefully.”

  He groans.

  “Why do you think that?”

  “They didn’t tell me much, but they said enough. I don’t think that all the deaths have been intentional. I think… I think it’s getting out of their hands, too. They don’t know how to stop it.”

  “They said that?”

  “Not in so many words, no. Look, I’m not defending what they’ve done. Not at all. But I’m from Four, so I’m familiar with this. You’d be amazed how angry people are.”

  He rubs at his face, as though he’s trying to wake himself up.

  “Angry at us? Why? What did we do?”

  “Are you serious?” I gasp, “a few years back, we had an outbreak of disease on Four. Operators told us that the Council on One had declined our requests for treatment. They just… refused to help us. If people like Cherise hadn’t broken the law to steal the medicines we needed, hundreds would have died. And the people on One did nothing.”

  I stand up and start pacing. I’m getting irritated - I shouldn’t have thought about this.

  “You people… you get everything. We’re underfed, underfunded, underhoused. And because the Council is on One, we have no way of appeal. We can’t stop them neglecting us. We can’t change anything.”

  “I had no idea…”

  “You wouldn’t. I get it. Your life’s not all roses, either. But at least you’ve never had to scrape together leftovers to feed a family. You’ve never had Operators smash up your only source of income for a laugh. Damn it, you’ve never had your arm nearly burnt clean off…”

  I trail off, suddenly aware of my volume. I’m almost shouting. I smack my hands over my mouth in an effort to silence myself, but it’s too late. The words are already out there, hanging in the space between us.

  Guilt jabs at me.

  “I’m sorry. But people are angry, and they deserve to be angry. It doesn’t excuse what these people have done – but they’re not monsters for feeling the way they do. I’m not a monster for agreeing with their cause, either, even if I don’t agree with their method.”

  Isaac shakes his head.

  “What happened on Four… to you… I can only imagine how hard that was. But at least for me, this is the first I’ve heard of it. We don’t know about any of this. At least, those of us who aren’t on the Council don’t. But if we do know, then maybe we could change things.”

  “You think so?”

  “Leaders of tomorrow, right? Maybe we’ll be the generation who makes things better. We can break the rules laid out by our parents and make Pyre a better place.”

  He steps towards me, taking my hand in his and entwining our fingers together. For a moment my breath is light, and I meet his gaze uncertainly; but he doesn’t move any closer. He’s just watching me, his amber-brown eyes full of some strange, unfamiliar intensity.

  “We just have to survive this trip,” he breathes, “and then, we’ll fix it. We’ll make sure everyone has what they need, and nobody is ever again hurt like you were. I’ll personally build a fence around Four, if I have to. Hell, I’ll melt every Branding tool down to coins or something. But until then, you need to trust me.”

  I look at his kindly, if slightly naïve smile, and my heart aches.

  “I do trust you.”

  “Then let me come with you. We’re a team, right?”

  “Yes,” I mutter, “I suppose we are.”

  “Me, too.”

  Luci stands now too, her eyes burning with a strange ferocity.

  “A-are you sure?” Isaac asks, “you were pretty shaken up after the other day.”

  She scoffs.

  “Oh, please. Don’t try to keep me out of this. I’m part of the team, too.”

  Her lips curl upwards in a small smirk – a lingering remnant of the Luci from before.

  That night, I find myself sitting atop the Neptune. I probably shouldn’t have sneaked through the passageway Isaac showed me before, but I couldn’t help myself. Tomorrow we encounter whoever’s been hurting everyone; and when I think about it, the fear threatens to spill over. I need a little distraction.

  I sit with my ankles crossed, neck craned to see overhead. I don’t know where we are anymore. I don’t recognise a single thing from my books. I wonder how far we are from Earth? Isaac once said that the ship could do this journey in a month if they wanted it to. In the early hours, the ship does some kind of speed boost, jettisoning us forward without our knowledge. How fast have we travelled? What season is it back in Pyre? I can no longer remember.

  I fall back onto the metal and stare up at the nothingness overhead.

  Pyre. What’s happening there now? Do they know about the attacks? We’re within range of contact – but then, perhaps not. I wouldn’t put it past the Captain to hide it from them, in hopes of protecting his flawless track record.

  Four. What’s it like there? In the months that I’ve been gone, Dad must have calmed down. Maybe he’s redecorated my room and thrown out my things, convinced I won’t come home. Maybe Alice has moved out and gone back to her little apartment. Perhaps the whole world has
moved on without me, as if I were never there at all.

  I close my eyes, and memories of Four come rushing back. The gentle jolting underfoot during a light breeze. The constant scent of salt and fish and sweat. Laughter by firelight. Words of encouragement, whispered across the Drop-off by a supportive friend.

  Wait. The memories are changing.

  Constant mutters. Judgement thrown from all angles. Someone cowering on the ground amongst a heap of broken wood. A mortified scream as someone backs up towards the shaft.

  The stench of burning human flesh.

  I let out an anguished cry. What’s wrong with me?! I’ve grown close to these people. Luci and Isaac are my friends. So why do I feel rage licking through my body? Why am I so angry that I could lash out and strike something?

  Tears spring to my eyes. The attackers have done terrible, unforgiveable things. I could never support them. Then why – why do I feel like I understand them?

  Their methods are cruel, inexcusable; and yet, I agree with their goal. I want it, too. Freedom. Survival. A chance at happiness.

  Do I really have the strength to stand against them?

  “It’s damn cold out here.”

  Isaac’s voice comes before his footsteps. I turn to see him heaving the hatch shut behind him. He rubs his arms and looks around.

  “How did you get up here?” he asks. I shrug, hoping he didn’t hear my frustrated growls.

  “I crept past.”

  “Luckily for you, they’re all in a meeting right now. Scripting out Dad’s speech.”

  I sit up, ignoring the thump in my head from the sudden shift in gravity. He plops down next to me and smirks. He’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and his hair is tied loosely at the nape of his neck – like he couldn’t be bothered today.

  “So,” he says, “what’s new in the cosmos?”

  I shrug.

  “Nothing. Nothing interesting, at least.”

  “Hey, now. That doesn’t sound like you.”

  “I guess so. I’m just thinking.”

  “About tomorrow?”

  I nod.

  “Yeah. I don’t know what we’re walking into. It could be a trap.”

  “If it is, we’ll beat them at their own game. Don’t worry so much.”

  “I feel like I owe you an apology.”

  The thought is sudden, but once it comes to mind, I can’t shake it. I need to apologise to him. For pulling away. For being afraid. For letting him down when he opened up to me. He stares.

  “What for?”

  “The last time we were up here. I was awful. I never meant to be cold to you. It’s just, I was scared. I was frightened that if I grew to love you, and you got hurt because of me… I didn’t think I could stand it again. But it’s different now. You’re no safer than anyone else on board. I tried to protect you, I swear – but it hasn’t worked.”

  “Protect me?” he laughs, “you’ve got this mixed up. I’m supposed to be protecting you, remember?”

  “Ever since I stepped foot on this ship, I’ve been on borrowed time. Whether I got caught or not, whether I made it to Orithyia; it didn’t matter. If I’m going to die either way, I just wish I could have spent more time taking care of you and Luci.”

  He chuckles, jarring me from my misery.

  “Are you serious? How many times do I have to tell you, Quinn? I’m going to protect you. I won’t let them hurt you. I’ll fight anyone who lays a hand on you.”

  I smile softly in response, unable to bring myself to point out the fallacy in his words. There’s one person he won’t stand against. One person who could – and has – mowed us both aside as though we were nothing. He’d never stand against his father.

  I lean into Isaac and his arm finds my shoulder.

  “We’ll be okay,” he coos, “we’ve got this.”

  I made a small noise of assent and bury my face in his shoulder. I want to kiss him so badly right now. I want to entwine my fingers with his, to shift so close that I can feel the warmth of his chest against mine. I want the stirring in my chest to settle, like it did last time; the first time in my life that I haven’t felt afraid, I was in his arms.

  “What will you do?” I ask softly, “after it’s all over?”

  “When we get back to Pyre? We’ll make everything okay again, like I said…”

  “Not that. What will you do?”

  He hesitates for a moment, then shrugs.

  “I-I’m not sure. I guess I always figured I’d pursue whatever career my Dad chose for me. Anything to keep him off my back. But now, I’m not so sure. I might travel instead.”

  “Travel?”

  “Yeah,” he smiles, “you know the Stem? That’s the most fun I’ve ever had. How cool would it be to travel the world and feel other thrills? Skydiving. Mountain climbing. There are still areas of the world that can’t be inhabited, you know. Areas where nature is still in control. I bet that would be the most awesome adventure.”

  “Sounds fun.”

  “Yeah. What about you?”

  “I… never gave it any thought.”

  “None?”

  I shake my head.

  “Before the Neptune, I always figured I’d go to space. And I’d explore it. I’d visit every planet. I’d have a home on every world, and that would be it. Just seeing everything. But now… I don’t think I want that.”

  He cocks his head.

  “No?”

  “No. Nowadays, I’m thinking about… just getting on with life. Maybe settle down. Get married. Just enjoy being home for a while.”

  His expression suddenly changes and he pulls away, tugging his hair down over his face.

  “Married, huh?”

  “Yeah. There’s a whole matching service run back home to ensure the right genetic diversity. I could see who my best match is. It’d probably work out fine.”

  “O-oh. I thought you meant…”

  “What? Us?”

  I lean toward him.

  “You wouldn’t want to be with me forever, would you?”

  He flushes.

  “I wouldn’t want to… not be with you. Forever.”

  “Me, too.”

  A little closer. Warm breath forms clouds between us. I wrap one arm around him, then the other. He responds in kind, one hand wrapping itself in my hair. We shift forward until we’re just an inch or so apart, and I feel it. Just like before. The same rhythmic drumming in my chest. Butterflies in my stomach.

  He brushes a lock of hair from my eyes.

  “Whatever happens,” he breathes, “please don’t leave me.”

  I don’t respond; just sink into his embrace and press my lips to his. His arms tighten at my touch. There it is. That feeling. The butterflies have stopped again. My racing heart falls quiet, calmer than it’s been in weeks. Calmer than it’s ever felt before.

  I never much cared for love. It’s a necessary but obstructive thing, I feel; always associating love with being afraid for, worried about, or heartbroken over someone. But this – this is what love is supposed to be. Safe and warm, and utterly comfortable.

  We break apart and I press my head against his collarbone, inhaling the scent of someone entirely irreplaceable.

  I trust him. I’d trust him with anything.

  “Quinn...”

  I pull away, fixing him in a warm gaze.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He rubs at his head, as though he’s trying to shake his thoughts away.

  “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “I don’t. But I’ll think of something.”

  My hand finds the scar on my arm and tightens around it. If I absolutely have to, I’ll show them this. I’ll tell them what happened to me. If that doesn’t make them trust me, I don’t know what will. And once I have their trust…

  “You didn’t dance properly.”

  The words slip out before I can catch them. What am I thinking? Where did that come from? Isaac cocks his head at me.

 
; “Huh?”

  “B-back in the ballroom. Before the attack. We danced, but not really. Why is that?”

  “I guess I was nervous,” he confesses, “I thought you might still be mad.”

  “I was never mad.”

  Joy plays in his eyes and suddenly he’s standing, offering his arm out to me.

  “Come on, then. Let’s make up for lost time.”

  I ignore the blush creeping up my face and pull away.

  “Are you crazy? No!”

  “You don’t want to?”

  “We’re facing serious danger tomorrow, Isaac. This is hardly the time!”

  He lets out a small, barking laugh.

  “We might all die tomorrow.”

  His hand finds my wrist and he tugs me upright.

  “This is definitely the time.”

  Despite my protests, he begins to turn. One hand finds my waist, where it should have been all along, and we entwine our fingers together. He releases me for a moment, spinning me under one arm. As I turn, biting back on my laughter, I realise once again how tall he is. He towers over me easily. As he takes my hand again, I almost sink into his embrace.

  But suddenly we’re moving in some strange kind of rhythm, our feet somehow finding purchase on the polished metal. I glance up. Isaac’s face is softly illuminated by the light of the nearest star. It’s a dim, almost non-existent light that covers the flaws there. The bags under his eyes from the past few days, the furrow I’ve grown used to seeing in his brow. He doesn’t look stressed anymore. Just happy.

  There’s so much that’s wrong. Too much death, too much danger. I’ve never been so scared or so angry in my life. But now – as we break into a fit of giggles under the stars – I feel that maybe it’s been worth it, regardless.

  Twenty

  The three of us stand outside the door to the Bridge. I glance down; Luci insisted I wear a white dress that hits mid-thigh. She’d complained about my flat shoes and even pulled my hair from its tidy braid and left it loose around my shoulders. When I protested, she’d waved a finger in my face and shot me a motherly look.

  “Danger is no excuse to look sloppy,” she’d said.