Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  Which has me realizing that this situation is pretty much a lost cause. I can't even stiffen up enough to raise a white flag in surrender. And so I slowly let my hands fall away from Natalie's incredibly hot body. I'll be honest- I don't even know what to say in a situation like this because it's never happened to me before.

  Like ever.

  And I certainly wouldn't want something like this getting around school. I almost cringe just thinking about it because I'd never be able to live it down. I'd probably have to transfer schools... Maybe even out of state.

  "Parker?"

  I sigh before scrubbing one hand tiredly over my face because now that I know this isn't going to happen, I just want to bolt. "Yeah, look, Natalie- I'm sorry for wasting your time. I guess I'm just a little tired. It's been a long week."

  Jeez. Did that seriously just come out of my mouth? Man, that sounds like something lame my dad would say to my mom. Awww, that's so nasty. I think I just threw up in my mouth. I can't think about that anymore or I'll start spewing chunks everywhere.

  And I doubt that would go over well...

  "I don't understand," her soft full lips slant down at the corners and under normal circumstances (non-Jordan ones, that is), I’d have flipped her over and done my best to turn that frown upside down and trust me- and I would have achieved that goal with flying colors. But unfortunately, as kissable as that luscious mouth looks, it's nothing compared to a certain someone else who shall remain nameless but who we're all thinking about right now.

  Just wanting her off me at this point, I grab hold of her waist before gently setting her down beside me. Now I just need to figure out how to extricate myself from this rather sticky situation as carefully as possible. And FYI- it won't be the truth that sets me free, that's for damn certain. I don't always get how chicks think but somehow I know that the truth will only make matters worse.

  For me.

  "Look, Natalie-"

  "Is it me? Did I do something wrong?" Her bottom lip starts to quiver. "I thought you liked-"

  I cut her off quickly because the last thing I need is some bawling girl on my hands. I don't deal well with those.

  "I do. You know just how much I do." And in the past I have. Boy, have I...

  Plowing my hands through my hair, I force myself to continue. "I've just got a lot on my mind right now." And then I'm struck by inspiration. "Applying to college, getting all my stuff turned in- my parents are really riding me," okay, I'm going to add this and hope it sounds believable, "and, you know, my grades. I've tanked a few tests (this is actually a lie, I haven't tanked anything lately- thanks to Jordan)." I watch her cautiously out of the corner of my eye. "Guess I'm just a little preoccupied." And then I give her the- "Trust me, babe, it's not you, it's me," line.

  Unfortunately it really is me though. It's all because I'm infatuated with a certain blond haired pixie-like creature whose mission in life is to drive me bat shit crazy.

  But Natalie doesn't need to know that.

  She leans into me and since she's still not wearing a shirt, her barely covered breasts press up against my t-shirt covered chest before she trails one hand slowly through my hair. "Awww, poor Parker. I didn't realize you were so stressed out. You should have told me." She wiggles around so that her tits rub back and forth against me. Under normal circumstance, something like that would have my eyes crossing. Her lips hover inches above mine. Her warm, minty fresh breath feathers across my lips. "I could help you, if you want, relieve some of that stress." She lays her lips on mine as she continues to run her fingers through my hair.

  I probably haven't mentioned just how much I love when a girl does that, but I do. A lot. It always gets me going. Especially when the girl in question is scalding hot and practically naked all the while squirming around against me. In that moment, I decide to go for it. Yep, I'm going balls to the wall because I need this to work. This is my very own personal Hail Mary. A last ditch effort on my part to forget about Jordan.

  And Natalie Cosgrove certainly knows how to kiss. Well, she knows how to do lots of other things too but she's especially good at kissing. She nibbles at my lips, sucking gently on my tongue. And I want so very badly to forget.

  I just want to enjoy this moment.

  But I'm not.

  Even more surprising is that there's absolutely nothing stirring to life in my jeans. Not even a little twinge. I'm going to be honest here, I'm feeling totally betrayed by my own body. Natalie is rubbing her gorgeous tits across my chest, kissing me, not to mention stroking her fingers through my hair and there's absolutely nothing going on.

  Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch...

  I'd actually be worried that something was horribly wrong with my junk if the mere thought of Jordan didn't have me pitching a major tent. Which is exactly why I'm not going to think about her right now because the last thing Natalie needs is encouragement. And trust me- if my boner rears its massive head, that'll be all the encouragement Natalie needs.

  Doing the only thing I can, I break off the kiss before gently pushing her away. "Maybe some other night, okay?"

  She leans back and I subtly, or maybe not so subtly, help her into her shirt.

  That's just another little bit of irony. It's kind of been my mission in life to help girls out of their clothes, not assist them back into their clothing. I love naked girls. The naked-er, the better, I always say. And yet, I can't seem to get this one dressed fast enough.

  Do you see what I'm talking about?

  Do you see just how much Jordan has messed with my head?

  I think Max is right- maybe I have entered some bizarre parallel universe. Because this just isn't right. And it's certainly not normal.

  Once she has all her clothing neatly in place, I'm ready to get the hell out of here. And I can't do it fast enough. "Want to get something to drink?"

  Even though it's dark, I see her searching my eyes for answers that I'm not about to reveal. Apparently Natalie isn't buying my load-of-crap excuse any more than I thought she would.

  "Umm, sure."

  As we leave Will's bedroom in the basement and head out to the family room where there about a dozen people milling around, I hear Adam Birkmen shout from the bar in the corner, "What was that, Montgomery, about fifteen whole minutes? Dude, maybe you should have jacked off first. You probably could have lasted a little longer." Then he adds, "Or not."

  I grind my teeth together because I'm already aggravated with Birkmen from earlier. And this could totally send me over the edge. But before I can fire something back, Max hollers from the couch where he's in the middle of a rather intense game of GTA, "Not everyone likes stroking off as much as you do, Birkmen. You order that replacement blowup doll yet? Hope they reinforce her this time with that heavy grade stuff. I would seriously hate to see you lose another girlfriend through hard use."

  Shutting his pie hole, Birkmen gives Max the finger. You know, I may give Max a lot of crap, but he always has my back when I need him. Maybe I really should try cutting Emily some slack... you know, for Max's sake. I'll have to seriously think about that.

  Okay, thought about it. Can't do it. Crazy Pants will always be Crazy Pants to me. That's the beauty of our friendship.

  "I'm going to take off."

  Max doesn't look away from the game as he says, "Yeah, I figured you were pretty much blowing smoke up my ass before. You gonna go find her?"

  "Not sure if it'll do any good at this point. She's probably pissed."

  "Yeah, pissed chicks are usually my specialty. Not yours."

  I have to agree with this statement. Max does tend to rile up the females.

  Then he snorts. "I just wish I could be there when you do find her. I think I'd enjoy watching you grovel."

  Now it's my turn to snort. "Have you lost your mind?"

  "No, but apparently you have."

  Hmmm. I think he might be right. And if, by chance, groveling will help fix the fine mess I've made of things, then I might just have to do it.
>
  Chapter Thirteen

  Me- Need to talk. Meet me outside

  Her- Can't

  Me- Please?

  Her- No

  Me- OK... ringing doorbell now

  Her- Liar

  Me- Pressing bell as I txt

  Her- U R very irritating!

  Me- ;)

  Her- Meet in back

  Smiling, I read the last text before pocketing my phone. Not only am I irritating but I'm ridiculously persistent as well. And that just so happens to be one super lethal combination. Quietly I creep around the outside of her massive house until I'm idling in the backyard. I have to admit that I'm just the teeniest bit worried that I might accidently trip some kind of silent alarm. Yeah, I can totally envision lights snapping on and her parents rushing out, demanding to know what some random dude is doing in their yard. Hmm, I wonder if Jordan owns any dogs. Hopefully, if she does- they're small, yappy ones I can outrun.

  Otherwise I'm in for a potential ass chewing... and I'm not even talking about the dogs right now.

  Here's the question now racing through my head- is she pissed enough that she would actually set me up to get caught? Because if I know chicks, and let's face it- I do, then, yeah, it might have crossed her mind.

  And, well, I certainly can't exactly blame her for that because I acted like a total tool. Which, unfortunately, seems to be my M.O. with this girl. Seriously, I kind of wish I didn't like her as much as I do. Maybe I could stop making such a giant asshat out of myself. This whole experience has not exactly been good for my ego. Thank God it's so massive (like other parts of me) that it can stand to take a few hits.

  Hey- get your mind out of the gutter- I was talking about my feet.

  No, I really wasn't....

  A couple of tense minutes later, the French doors creek open and Jordan quietly sneaks out onto the darkened brick paver patio. She's wearing an oversized Boston Red Sox sweatshirt and a pair of tight black leggings that do incredibly amazing things to her legs. Her long blond hair is piled on top of her head in a messy knot and she doesn't appear to be wearing any make up.

  The difference between her and Natalie Cosgrove is almost mind boggling.

  Like seriously.

  That being said- it's almost unbelievable how much I want to yank this girl into my arms and crush my lips down on hers. Okay, okay, okay- we all know that I want to do a hell of a lot more than that. But I'd settle for a kiss since I've yet to even get that far with her. And at the rate I'm going- it's not going to be happening anytime soon either. You know, I can get pretty much any girl... except the one I want. Yep, just another freaking example of irony. Whoever said irony was a bitch was completely right.

  It totally is.

  Somehow, I think Ms. Fisk would rather enjoy the fact that I've finally discovered firsthand what irony is. She'd probably find it pretty ironic...

  And here's a bit of good news- something is definitely stirring to life in my jeans. It's almost as if my woody is waking from a deep hibernation. I'm considering doing a little happy dance because, not that I was seriously worried (okay- maybe a little), but come on, it was fairly concerning that my hard on wasn't springing to life when Natalie was, for all intents and purposes, giving me a lap dance. And I just want to reiterate one more time- that has absolutely never happened to me before.

  Like ever.

  Yep, I now understand why erectile dysfunction is so devastating for older type dudes. Because trust me, having a limp dick in your jeans is completely upsetting. Not to mention really, really embarrassing.

  But I refrain from any outward displays of jubilation because there's no way in hell I'm going to explain the whole Natalie predicament to her. I'm no rocket scientist, but even I know that would be bad for business. And clearly Jordan's already irritated with me- no need to exacerbate the situation with the truth. Because let's face it- chicks don't want to know that you were getting busy with another girl less than thirty minutes prior to being with them. Especially (and this is key) when you blew them off to do it. So, we're just going to keep that little bit of information on the down low.

  Placing her hands on her hips, she arches a brow in my direction.

  Man, I wish she wouldn't look at me like that because let me tell you- I'm about to become a man of steel over here. And that could be a little bit embarrassing. For her that is, because I'm just so damn happy that Parker Jr. (remember- no judging) is back and in full force.

  All systems are go, Houston. I repeat- all systems are go.

  "So," I begin, "you're probably wondering what I'm doing here." Then I add somewhat awkwardly, "You know, at this time of night." Yep, I am one smooth operator... not. I almost wince at my own ineptness.

  If it's possible, her brow arches even higher. I'm starting to wonder if she knows exactly what kind of effect she has on me because she certainly loves to push my buttons. Damn, but I wish she would push my button- of course, it's really more of a huge-

  "I don't have the slightest clue as to why you're here, Parker."

  Yep, totally frosty. But I was expecting that. I can combat frosty. Well, with most girls, I can.

  As I look into her guarded eyes, I don't know- there's something about her that makes me want to chip away at her iciness. And trust me- what I did tonight certainly won't be helping matters in that department.

  Nope, in fact it probably added a few more months onto the war effort.

  "I just wanted to apologize for ditching you." Even as the words are sliding off my tongue, I have no idea where I'm going with this apology. I shouldn't have baled on her. I mean, I know why I did it... but still, it was wrong. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. It was immature and childish.

  Whoa! Did I seriously just think that? Maybe I need to sit down, I think I'm starting to feel light headed.

  She shrugs her shoulders like it doesn't really matter. "You don't owe me any explanations. We weren't going to do anything other than hang out. It's no big deal."

  Then why does it feel like such a big deal?

  I stare into her eyes and even though she has a boyfriend and we're just friends- well, sort of, I guess, there's something between us. I can feel it and I'd bet my damn life she can feel it too.

  "Yeah, well, I feel bad about how I did it."

  I expect her to shrug it off again but she doesn't. Instead she sighs. "I guess you can't help being a jerk. It's just your nature."

  One small chuckle escapes from me as I watch her turn away. For just a moment my heart squeezes because I think she's going back into the house. And I'm not done doing whatever it is I came here to do. I need things to be okay between us. But she doesn't head back inside. Instead she walks towards the darkened backyard.

  When I don't move, she turns towards me. "You coming?"

  Oh, there are so many different ways I could respond to that question but I refrain. See? Not childish and immature. Well, not all the time. After all, I am still Parker Montgomery. I can't really be expected to grow up overnight. But this girl has somehow made me want to be more than what I've always been. Does that even make sense? I guess I want to be... better.

  You know, like- Parker Montgomery 2.0.

  Hmm, I kind of like the sound of that. It has a nice ring.

  So, like the infatuated puppy I am, I scramble to catch up with her. The yard, like her house, is huge. All rolling green lawn and trees. Near the back of the property line is a large wooden play structure. It must have been left behind by the previous family since Jordan doesn't have any younger siblings. Without a word spoken between us, she sits on the plastic seat and starts arcing very slowly back and forth. The tip of her shoes drag in the grass. I watch her for a moment before I move to the swing next to her.

  "Is this thing going to hold me?" Because seriously, I'm not so sure it will. And the last thing I need is to make an even bigger idiot of myself. Which, clearly, I have a knack for doing. Around her.

  One corner of her mouth tugs upwards. "Well, we're certain
ly going to find out, aren't we?"

  "That's not exactly reassuring."

  "It wasn't meant to be." She arcs a little more and her swing moves with more speed. "Anyway, you totally deserve to be dropped on your ass. I think it might do you some good. Knock some sense into your brain."

  Gingerly I lower myself down onto the yellow plastic seat before testing my full weight. I think I just heard something creak. Is that what groaning wood sounds like right before it snaps in half?

  "So, you are mad at me."

  "I'm not mad." She's quiet for a moment. "More like disappointed."

  Now why does that feel so much worse? If I had a tail, I'd definitely be tucking it between my legs right about now.

  Part of me just wants to explain why I ditched her but... I think I'd just come off sounding stupid. Half the time, I'm pretty sure that Jordan just barely tolerates me. She's a hard person to read. And even though I might like her, she has a boyfriend. She's certainly never hidden that fact from me. We're not in any way, shape, or form in a relationship. Of any kind. So, yeah, in the name of self-preservation, I'm keeping my little freak out to myself.

  "I'm sorry."

  Her swing slowly comes to a halt as I turn mine towards her. She does the same so that we're facing one another. Our knees brush and for a long moment we simply hold each other's eyes.

  Would you believe that I find this situation more of a turn on than what I was doing with Natalie about an hour ago? Yep, I'm totally into this girl and what I've come to realize tonight is that no one else is going to be able to make me forget about her. I'm going to have to ride this one out and see what happens.

  "It's fine."

  "How about we get together some other time?"

  My words seem to hang in the air as she stares off into the surrounding darkness before finally dragging her green, cat-like eyes back to mine. Something inexplicable arrows straight through me. I'd love to crack a good boner joke right about now but I can't. My mouth is too damn dry for me to do anything other than silently return her gaze.