Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  Not that I blame her but, after I blew her off last week in the hallway, she hasn't bothered trying to speak with me again. Hell, she won't even look at me. And yeah, I know that was the whole point of why I did it. But right now I'm kind of hoping she hasn't completely given up on me. Because I think I'd actually fall to my knees and beg forgiveness at this point. In front of everyone in this whole damn cafeteria.

  Maybe Max is right.

  Maybe I do have a problem.

  When I finally work up the courage to turn in my seat, my eyes collide with a curvy brown haired girl. The hope sparking to life within me suddenly nose dives before crashing to the ground and bursting into flames.

  Not Jordan.

  But there's something familiar about this girl. Oh, wait. I know this chick.

  Lindsey.

  Jordan's friend.

  My gaze slides back to Max. He's still staring at her with a goofy ass grin plastered across his face. Narrowing my eyes, I allow them to bounce slowly back and forth between the pair of them and yeah... she's smiling shyly right back at him. Since neither one of them seems to give a crap that I'm sitting right here in the middle of this little love fest, I roll my eyes.

  "Hey Linz," Max purrs.

  No, for real, he literally purrs the words at her. I'm actually feeling embarrassed for him.

  Linz?

  When did this happen?

  Exactly how long have I been out of it?

  Days?

  Weeks?

  Months?

  She blushes before squeezing her hands together in front of her. "I'm good. How about you?"

  His grin broadens... as if that's possible. "I'm excellent. You enjoy the game on Friday?"

  "I did, you were so great out there. Without you, they would have never won against Brighton. You were so amazing."

  Amazing?

  Max's chest puffs up at her compliment. This girl is gushing. She's seriously gushing.

  About Max.

  Yeah, I know... totally bizarre. I'm starting to wonder if I woke up in some parallel universe. Because, honestly, that would explain so much right now.

  Max leans forward as if he's trying to get even closer to her. I'm almost wondering if he's going to leap right over the table that separates them and tackle her to the ground.

  Max isn't used to girls being nice to him. Or giving him compliments. Or flirting with him. Nope, he's used to crazy ass chicks who stab him with sporks, lose their shit in front of huge crowds of people before chewing his ass out.

  Alright, I think I've had just about enough of this. So I clear my throat. More than once. Finally two pair of eyes swing towards me. And every drop of flirty happiness in Lindsey's facial expression melts away until she's pretty much glaring at me. And I'm not even going to comment on the frown.

  "Way to kill the mood, dude," Max mutters just loud enough for me to hear.

  "Lindsey, you might not recognize this guy because he's kind of incognito right now, but this is actually Parker," he pauses before adding, "Montgomery."

  Her narrowed eyes travel slowly over the length of me before one slim brow rises in response. My gaze is narrowed as well but my glare is aimed at Max. She makes a noncommittal noise deep in her throat. If I had to guess exactly what that sound meant, I'd have to say that she's seriously unimpressed by the sight before her. Which unfortunately just so happens to be me.

  And yeah, I know I'm not currently looking my best but, come on. I glance around at the rest of the student body, even looking like shit (as I apparently do as evidenced by the disgusted look Lindsey is sporting), I still look better than a good three fourths of these people. Half at the very least.

  "Hey," I nod my head in her direction.

  Again she makes that noise in her throat which kind of sounds like a displeased grunt. Her attitude is really starting to grate on my nerves.

  My gaze slides back to Max. I'm pretty sure the look in my eyes says WTF. He shrugs his shoulders before stating the obvious. "She's pissed at you."

  And just in case I didn't catch it the first two times, she makes that irritated noise again and that's when my narrowed gaze slides back to her. Seriously, what's this chick's problem? Doesn't she know that I'm the injured party here?

  Apparently she missed that memo.

  "If you have something to say, Lindsey, just spit it out."

  This unfortunately seems to piss her off even more. I know this because her hands go to her hips before she cocks one of them out like she's just about to rip into me.

  Great. Like I'm not having a crappy enough day already...

  "I just want you to know that you're a real asshole, Parker Montgomery."

  Someone needs to seriously back this truck up. "Excuse me? I'm an asshole?" Is this girl for real right now?

  "Yeah, you totally jerked Jordan around and then you dropped her when she needed you the most. That's actually the definition of an asshole."

  Talk about being bitch slapped into next week. Now I know how Max feels. On almost a daily basis. "You don't know what you're talking about." Then my eyes narrow. "Is that what she told you?" I can't believe Jordan would twist things around like that to make herself look good. That actually surprises me but what the hell do I know?

  Apparently the answer to that rhetorical question is shit. As in- I don't know shit. I think at this point, we can all safely agree on that.

  "No, Jordan won't talk about it. But here's what I know- you were all over her to go out and when she finally agreed, you start ignoring her and worse than that, it was right after the whole Chris thing went down." She shakes her curls as if she's just gearing up. "Do you have any clue how hard this past week has been on her?" She waves her hand towards the cafeteria in general. "Do you know how many of these jackass’s have taken Chris's side in all this? It's unbelievable! None of them even care that he practically tried to rape her! And what do you do? You drop her." Her eyes flash dangerously before she practically screeches, "You drop her!"

  Her words have me flinching. All I can do is shake my head. That's not what happened... because what she's saying sounds bad. Really bad. And to be completely honest, I had no idea that people were giving Jordan a hard time. No one's said a damn word about it to me.

  "So what... did you just get tired of her? Or did someone better come along? I mean, girl-wise, you have the attention span of a gnat."

  You know, the first time I met Lindsey (and I'm not talking about in kindergarten either) she seemed fairly shy and quiet. Kind of mousy. Well, she sure as hell doesn't seem mouse-like at the moment. I'm actually a little concerned that she's going to go totally ape-shit all over my ass.

  "That's not how it happened. You've been fed some bad info, Lindsey. If anyone jerked anyone around- it was Jordan doing the jerking."

  She rolls her eyes as if I'm a huge liar. Which really irritates me. "Sure she did. Because that's Jordan's MO. She's a real game player. And you're Mr. Innocent over here."

  Who the hell is this girl to tell me what did or didn't happen in a relationship I was in? She's seriously pissing me off right now. And here I thought Max was interested in a nice, quiet, non-psychotic girl. Guess not. This girl could give Crazy a run for her money.

  "So how long did you know about her moving or did she keep that from you too?"

  Lindsey stares at me like she has no idea why I would even bring that up. "I've known for about a month that her parents were moving back to Boston."

  I suddenly have the bad feeling that when Lindsey explains that statement, I'm going to look like a giant ass. Which is honestly something I should be getting used to at this point, but still...

  I can't help but clarify, "They're moving back to Boston... without her?"

  One brow slowly rises. "Duh."

  "How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

  Both Lindsey and Max look startled by my sudden outburst. But I chalk that up to me pretty much bellowing the words at them. I see a few people from surrounding tables turn to
wards us in curiosity.

  Slowly I scrub a hand down my face before muttering, "I spoke with Jordan's mom last week and she told me that they were all moving back to Boston." I'm wracking my brain at this point, desperately trying to remember what had been said. "She told me that Jordan was leaving at semester time." Yes. She said that. She definitely said that. I am not the one at fault here.

  I’m not.

  Although why does it feel like that's the direction this is suddenly headed in?

  Lindsey gives me a huge eye roll (like I need that crap) before saying, "The plan was for Jordan to stay here and live with her aunt so she could finish out her senior year and then move back to Boston for college."

  Closing my eyes, my forehead once again sinks to the table.

  "I thought she was screwing with me," I mutter softly to myself.

  "Have you gotten to know Jordan at all? Why would she do that?" Before I can say a word, she holds up her hand like I shouldn't even bother answering. "You know that you're a giant idiot, right?"

  "Yeah," I agree, "pretty much."

  "Her mom totally freaked out after Saturday night and has been trying to convince her that she should move back with them." Lindsey shakes her head and yeah, there's a look of pure disgust filling her eyes. "And with how everyone's been treating her, including you, she decided that it was probably for the best to leave. She doesn't want to stick around here and I can't blame her."

  Aw shit.

  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

  I'm just about to open my mouth, although I have no idea what’s going to come out when she steamrolls right over me.

  "You know, I think she could have gotten through this whole mess if you had just stuck by her side. But you blew her off instead. Typical Parker Montgomery behavior."

  God, Jordan must think I'm a complete douche bag right now. And you know what? She's not wrong. I am a douche bag.

  "She shouldn't have ever gotten involved with you in the first place. Everyone tried to warn her. But she wouldn't listen. For some reason, she thought you were different. Well you certainly proved her wrong, didn't you."

  The way she says the words doesn't exactly come out sounding like a question. And I really have no other choice but to agree with her. Damn it. I just wish someone would stab me with a plastic spork at this point and put me out of my misery. Where's Crazy Pants when you need her?

  Something painful squeezes my insides. How did I manage to mess up the best thing I had going in my life?

  Oh, that's right. It's because I'm a total dumbass.

  There is no way that I'm going to be able to come back from this.

  None.

  I'm not even sure if I should try at this point either. I've hurt Jordan enough. Maybe the best thing I can do for her is to just let her go.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  "Parker? Are you okay? You seem, um, a bit down lately."

  Dragging my eyes from the ceiling, I find my dad standing awkwardly at the door to my bedroom. He and I usually do our best to avoid one another so I'm a little surprised he's even noticed that my life is pretty much in the crapper let alone wants to talk about it.

  After a moment or two, he clears his throat. "Parker?"

  "Everything's fine, dad." My eyes find their way back to the ceiling as I wait for him to leave. My dad is the absolute last person I want to talk to about this whole Jordan mess.

  And make no mistake, it's a huge freaking mess. Because any doubts I might have had regarding my culpability in this particular situation was pretty much crushed by Lindsey. Apparently I really screwed the pooch this time.

  And just a little FYI- I've totally come to grips with the fact that I'm a major asshole (as Lindsey rather eloquently put it). She also had a few other choice names that I shan’t be mentioning. The point is, I'm not going to fight the labels. They're unfortunately true as proven by my latest bone headed debacle. I'm so lost in thought that it actually startles me when the bed suddenly dips downward. Turning, I find myself face to face with my dad.

  Who is now sitting on my bed...

  Right, um, beside me.

  I almost groan because this doesn't bode well for me.

  At all.

  "Parker, clearly something's wrong." He pauses before adding, "Your mother is worried about you."

  Seriously, like I didn't know that already?

  Jeez, she's been eyeing me with concern for days. Which is pretty much the reason I'm holed up in my room right now. I just can't stand it anymore. She keeps checking on me, patting my back, offering to make me my favorite foods. Alright, I'm not going to lie, that's been pretty awesome. Who can say no to homemade mac and cheese? Not this guy. Anyway, yesterday she actually wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. For like a full two minutes while she rubbed my back. I mean, come on, I'm not dying here... Even though it kind of feels like I am.

  "It's nothing."

  My dad raises a brow skeptically as if he doesn't quite believe me. I'm hoping that if I stonewall him long enough, he'll just get frustrated and go away. Because there is no way in hell I'm having a conversation with him about a chick that I have feelings for.

  That sounds like the makings of some cheesy after school special.

  And I don't do cheesy. I only do dumbass and stupid. There's a huge difference. Huge.

  "Is this about that girl?"

  That girl.

  I almost snort because Jordan has never been that girl. Nope, she's pretty much been the only girl. The only girl who has ever set me on my ass and confounded the hell out of me. You know, there was a time (and I'm seriously talking like two months ago) when I knew what I was doing with the opposite sex. All I had to do was smile, give a little wink and I had all the rated R action I wanted. It wasn't complicated. It was almost too damn easy. Now, it's anything but. And let me tell you, there hasn't been any rated R action in quite a while. You know what's more disturbing than that? I don't even give a shit. Okay, yeah, I give a shit... but what matters most is Jordan. Rated R action or not. Because she means so much more to me than that.

  Crap... this just keeps getting worse and worse.

  "Her name's Jordan, isn't it? She's the one who was tutoring you."

  The fact that he knows her name is a fairly shocking turn of events. I guess he's been paying more attention than I thought. Or my mom just filled him in. I'm going with door number two.

  "Yeah." Well, if he thinks I'm going to make this easy on him just because he guessed her name right, he's got another thing coming. We are still not having this conversation. Like ever.

  "Did you guys have a fight? Did you do something to make her mad?"

  I can't help it. My eyes narrow before settling on him once again. "Why are you assuming that this is my fault?" It's not like he could possibly know that this is totally my fault. But his assumption aggravates me. Like he thinks I'm just a total fuck up. Actually, that's probably exactly what he thinks.

  He blinks before saying, "Because we're guys. It's always our fault. Haven't you learned that by now?"

  Something finally loosens within me and I actually snort. And here's a real shocker- his lips pull slowly up into a facial expression that almost resembles a... a... smile. Whoa. I didn't even know my dad could do that. Especially when looking at me.

  "So just apologize for what you did. Give her some flowers and a card. Make it better."

  After a long moment I sigh, "It's not that easy, dad. I really fuc-" my eyes immediately widen before I back track, "Uh, messed up. I messed up big time. Trust me, flowers aren't going to cut it." Jordan's not just some girl who's going to be impressed with a vaseful of roses. I don't even want to think about where she'd more than likely shove those flowers.

  And yeah, that thought has my ass puckering.

  "Hmmm," this time he looks at the ceiling as if he's seriously contemplating my options, "What about writing her a song or some poetry. Girls like that kind of stuff. It's romantic. Shows a certain amount of effort on your part.
"

  "I don't know, she's pretty pissed off." And she has every right to be. I'm certainly not going to deny that. Nope, taking full responsibility for this one.

  Apparently Parker 2.0 still has a few bugs that need to be worked out.

  The gears are just beginning to turn in my head when he lays a heavy hand on my shoulder. Man, what's with everyone doing that lately? It's really starting to creep me out.

  His solemn eyes hold mine. I guess I kind of forgot that my dad and I have the same deep blue colored eyes. Sometimes it doesn't feel like we have anything in common at all. "Do you care about her? Really care about her?"

  Damn, how the hell did I get sucked into a conversation about my feelings with my dad of all people?

  As I hold his eyes, I see something within them that actually surprises me. And that would be a little something called- genuine interest. Even though I wouldn't have thought in a million years that I would be discussing Jordan with my dad, I decide that maybe I should go for it. You know, put it all out there. After all, what do I really have to lose at this point?

  Just my self-respect and dignity. Well, what's left of it anyway. Which seriously isn't much...

  "Yeah, I do. Probably more than I've ever cared about anyone else before."

  My dad looks a little surprised by my admission. "Then she's worth fighting for."

  And we're back to square one because I haven't a clue what I can do to win her over.

  Again.

  Because I pretty much had to win her over the first time around so that she'd even give me a chance to prove that I wasn't some egotistical douche bag player. Hmmm, guess that backfired in my face because apparently that's exactly what I ended up proving that I was.

  "I really hurt her. I don't think she's ever going to forgive me."

  "But don't you have to at least try?" He searches my eyes before adding, "You know, we Montgomery men can act like," he pauses, "tools every once and a while."

  I think my mouth just fell open. Did my dad seriously just call himself a tool? Remember that whole bizarre parallel universe thing? Yeah, definitely feeling it right now.

  Okay, I think I have to hear this again. "So, ah, you're saying that you can act like a tool sometimes?"