“And worried about Father?”
“Nothing to worry about,” she said brightly, but Louisa could hear the undertone of strain in her voice, like guitar strings stretched too taut. “His cardiologist was in yesterday and he’s still confident the heart pump will do its job and your father will be back on his feet in no time. We just have to be patient.”
A week ago Louisa probably would have believed her, despite all the evidence to the contrary. She would have believed it because it was what she wanted to hear. Now the blinders were off and she was ready to view the world from all sides.
“That’s a nice fantasy,” Louisa told her. “Now, why don’t you tell me what he really said.”
She gave her mother credit. She managed to hold it together for a good ten seconds, but then everything in her seemed to let go and she crumbled before Louisa’s eyes. In the past that might have scared Louisa to death, but now she just took her mother into her arms and held her while she sobbed her heart out. She stroked her hair and rubbed her back, the way her mother had for Louisa when she was little. When the downpour finally ceased, Louisa handed her a tissue, and as she dabbed her eyes, it seemed as though some of the stress she’d been carrying around had lifted.
“I’m sorry I fell apart like that,” she said. “I must look a fright.”
“We all need a good cry every now and then. And you look beautiful, as always.”
“It’s just been a long few weeks. A long few years, actually.”
“It’s not working, is it?” Louisa said. “The pump.”
Her mother shook her head. “There should have been a much more drastic improvement since the last time they checked. They could leave him on it, but the longer he stays on, the odds of infection increase. In his weakened state it could be fatal.”
“And without the pump?”
“He could live as long as a few years.”
But they both knew he probably wouldn’t. He didn’t have the strength left. Or the will.
“What are the chances he would have another heart attack?” Louisa asked.
“Very likely.”
“And the odds he would survive?”
“Slim to none. There’s just too much damage already.”
“How did he take the news?”
“You know, I think in a way he was…relieved. He’s fought so hard. Maybe he feels he finally has an excuse to surrender without letting us down.”
“He could never let me down,” Louisa told her. Maybe it was partially due to the seed that Anne had planted in her brain, but after seeing his condition and talking with him, she honestly believed that he was ready to let go. It was his time.
The pain she felt when she thought of losing him was indescribable. Like a thousand arrows straight through the heart, yet knowing that he had made peace with the idea of dying was a deep comfort.
She was surprisingly calm when she talked to Garrett that night and explained the situation. Not that she wasn’t sad or upset, but crying wouldn’t help anyone at this point.
“If you need me, I can be on the next flight to London,” Garrett told her more than once. “Just say the word and I’ll be there.”
It was so tempting to say yes, but she needed to do this alone. To know that she could. Because if she could handle this, she figured she could handle just about anything.
After they hung up, she booted up her laptop to research any information she could find about her father’s condition. What they could expect to happen near the end. Waiting for her in her mailbox was another message from her pal the Gingerbread Man. It read, Send the old man my regards.
Thirteen
A well of emotions crashed down on Louisa like a tidal wave and she was suddenly so filled with rage, her first instinct was to lob her computer out the window and watch it smash onto the London streets below. She couldn’t recall a time in her life when she had ever felt so angry at another human being.
So he knew where she was, big bloody deal. These childish little games he was playing were just plain ridiculous. He needed to grow a pair and confront her face-to-face.
Though they had been strictly forbidden from answering his e-mails for fear that it would provoke him, she’d had enough. Maybe they should provoke him, draw him out into the open where he could be identified and captured.
She wrote back, You’re a coward.
She clicked the send button and it felt good. It gave her a sense of power.
Barely a minute later another e-mail appeared from him. It said, Careful, Lulu. Or Daddy won’t be the only one to shuffle loose the mortal coil.
Seeing him use her nickname and what was a very direct threat gave her such a serious case of the creeps that she slammed the computer shut. Maybe replying to him hadn’t been such a good idea after all. What if he did lash out? What if someone was hurt? Then it would be completely her fault.
Damn! If only she would think before she acted. She had to stop being so selfish. So quick to fly off the handle.
At the risk of further restricting her already limited freedom, she opened her computer back up and forwarded the e-mail to the head of security at the palace, then she called Chris to give him a heads-up.
“He’s a persistent son of a bitch,” Chris noted. “How many e-mails is it now, Louisa? Four or five in the past two weeks?”
“But…how did you—”
“I had the feeling you might be less than honest, so I’ve been monitoring your e-mail.”
“My private e-mail?”
“Don’t worry, security is under strict orders to read only the messages that come from him.”
She wanted to scream at him, tell him that he had no right to violate her privacy, but how could she be angry when he was right? She had lied to him. And by doing so, she could have been putting everyone in danger. “I can’t seem to stop letting you down, can I?” she lamented.
“I noticed that, too.”
“I’ve been so selfish.”
“Yes, you have. Although it probably hasn’t helped that we’ve spent the last twenty-seven years sheltering and spoiling you.”
“I don’t want to be that person anymore, Chris. I’m tired of her. I want to grow up. I want to be responsible.”
“I think we would all appreciate that.”
She thought about what she had just done and frowned. “However…there is one last really stupid and irresponsible thing I have to confess to first.”
“Oh God, what did you do?”
She told him about the e-mail that she sent to the Gingerbread Man. “That was stupid. You know what they said about provoking him. What’s the point of keeping all of this security around if we don’t bother to listen?”
“Maybe this time they’re wrong. What if we should be antagonizing him? Maybe we should draw him out so they can catch him.”
“You know that’s too dangerous.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if it might be worth the risk. I mean, how much longer can we live like this, Chris? Constantly on high alert? Somebody has to do something.”
“We’re all frustrated, Louisa, but finding him isn’t worth risking anyone’s safety. You just have to be patient.”
But she was tired of being patient. Sweet, patient, obedient—for the most part anyway—Princess Louisa. She was sick to death of her.
All the time they wasted worrying about their stalker and what he might do was time they should spend living life to the fullest.
And from now on, living her life was exactly what she intended to do.
Garrett was bloody exhausted by the time he trudged up the steps and opened his front door Tuesday night. It had been another long, grueling day and all he wanted to do now was change out of his suit, collapse into bed and call Louisa. Hearing her voice had become the highlight of his day. But he looked forward to tomorrow evening, when she would finally return home. That phrase about absence making the heart grow fonder seemed to have some truth to it.
He let himself inside, dropped h
is briefcase at the foot of the stairs and headed to the kitchen for a drink. From the hallway he could see the light was on, and since the nurse had left more than an hour ago, that meant Ian was still up.
As odd as it was, Garrett had grown a bit fond of not coming home to an empty house. He didn’t resent Ian’s presence nearly as much as he thought he would. He no longer had the feeling that any second the other shoe was going to fall, or that he would arrive home from work and his house would be cleaned out. In fact, there were times when he actually enjoyed Ian’s company.
But tonight, as he stepped into the kitchen, Ian wasn’t alone.
“Louisa?”
Grinning brightly, she sat across from Ian at the kitchen table, a half-finished bottle of beer in front of her on the table. “Surprised to see me?”
Without even thinking about what he was doing, he rounded the table and scooped up Louisa from her chair. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, and the stress of the entire day seemed to evaporate into thin air. He set her down and breathed in the scent of her hair and her skin, relished the feel of her body pressed against him. If Ian hadn’t been sitting right there, he and Louisa would have been doing a lot more than just embracing.
Louisa on the other hand didn’t seem to care that his brother was in the room. She rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it wasn’t exactly chaste, either. He considered her more of a champagne and caviar kind of woman, but he had to admit that the flavor of the ale on her lips was a major turn-on.
“I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow,” he said.
She grinned up at him. “I missed you. And I thought it would be fun to surprise you. I even made my security detail hide so you wouldn’t see them.”
They were apparently good at it, because he hadn’t had a clue that they were there. “I’m definitely surprised. Have you been here long?”
“Only an hour or so.”
“If I had known I would have left work earlier.”
“That’s okay.” She looked over at Ian and smiled. “Your brother and I have been having a very nice chat.”
Garrett regarded him curiously. “Oh, have you?”
Ian grinned. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her anything too embarrassing.”
Or anything having to do with Garrett’s ulterior motives, he hoped. Of course, if he had, Garrett doubted Louisa would be so happy to see him.
Is this the way it would be from now on? Garrett always paranoid that something might slip and she would learn the truth? And how would she take it? he wondered. As far as he was concerned, the only thing that mattered was the way he felt about her right here. Right now.
“How long can you stay?”
“I told Chris that I wouldn’t be home tonight.” She gestured down the hall and said, “Can we talk upstairs?” Her expression gave him the feeling something might be wrong. Maybe Ian had said something.
“Of course.”
He shot Ian a questioning look. Ian shrugged, as if to say, Don’t ask me.
Louisa smiled at Ian. “It was really nice talking with you, Ian.”
“You, too,” Ian said.
“I know everything will work out.”
Ian smiled and nodded.
Garrett wondered what that was about, but he was more concerned with what was on Louisa’s mind. There was something about her tonight. Something… different.
Maybe it was her clothes. Clothes that for her, he suddenly noticed as she preceded him up the stairs, could almost be considered racy. She wore a sleeveless, fitted top made from a gauzy, pale pink fabric that was so sheer, he could see the faintest outline of her bra underneath. She also wore a fitted skirt in a deep fuchsia that ended at least six inches above her knee, and a pair of strappy white sandals with a modest heel.
What had happened in London?
“How is your father?” he asked when they reached the top of the stairs. “He’s very…peaceful.”
“That’s good, right?”
She nodded and followed him into his bedroom. He closed and locked the door, then turned to ask what she wanted to talk about, but before he could she was back in his arms, hugging herself close to him. Because she seemed to need it, he hugged her back.
“I missed you so much,” she said. She nuzzled her face against his shirt, her hair catching in the stubble on his chin.
“I missed you, too.”
“I did a lot of thinking while I was gone, about us and our future. I used to be so sure about everything, but now everything has changed. I’ve changed.”
“I felt it. The second I saw you I knew something was different.”
“I think I grew up.”
“When you say everything has changed, do you mean us?”
“I know I said I want to wait until I’m married to make love, but now I’m thinking, maybe I shouldn’t.”
Making love to Louisa was pretty much all he’d been able to think of lately, but pushing her into something she wasn’t ready for would be a mistake. “I thought waiting was important to you.”
“It was. It is. But what if I was waiting for the wrong thing? What if it’s not about the marriage vows?”
“What is it about?”
“The way I feel about you. Right now. I’m pretty sure I love you, Garrett. In fact, I know I do. And I want you to be the first.”
“I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret later.” Maybe, in a way, he didn’t feel worthy. He didn’t deserve something so special.
“Garrett, if we never made love, then something happened and things didn’t work out, I would regret it the rest of my life.”
“What makes you think it won’t work out?”
“The way things have been going in my life lately, I’d be wise not to take anything for granted.”
“I want to,” he said. “You have no idea how much I want to. But it feels like we’re just jumping into this.”
“On the contrary, it’s all I’ve been thinking about. This is not a hasty decision on my part.”
“Well, maybe I need more time.”
A quirky grin curled her lips.
“What?” he asked.
“It’s just funny. I’m the virgin, and you need time. Most men would jump at the chance to defile me.”
She was right. And a couple weeks ago, he might have been one of them. But he wasn’t that man anymore. And he had her to thank for that. Being with her had forced him to take a good hard look at his life.
He shrugged and remarked, “I guess I’m just not most men.”
“And that,” she said, reaching up to stroke his cheek, “is why I want to make love to you.”
“How about a compromise? Right now we don’t say yes or no. We just let things progress naturally, and if it happens, it happens.”
“I would be willing to compromise,” she said. “If it happens, it happens.”
Something in her expression, in the impish smile she was wearing, led him to believe it would be happening sooner rather than later.
“Until then there are other things we could do,” she continued as she shoved his suit jacket off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. “What things?”
“Kissing.” She tugged his tie loose and pulled it from around his neck. “And touching.”
She unfastened the buttons on his shirt and it hit the floor in seconds flat.
“Are you in some kind of hurry?” he asked.
“I’ve just been dying to get my hands on you,” she admitted. “And this time I want to touch everything.”
She wasn’t going to get an argument from him. He just hoped she understood that she would have to play fair. A tit for a tat—pardon the expression. Or more appropriately, you can touch mine if I can touch yours.
She jerked the hem of his undershirt from the waist of his slacks and he helped her pull it over his head. She looked at his bare chest as though she had been fasting and he was her first meal in months.
“I love your chest,” she said, laying her hands on him. “I love all of you, but I think this is my favorite.”
She leaned forward and kissed one nipple, then the other, then she licked him. It was hot as hell, but what really turned him on was the look of pure ecstasy on her face as she did it. She looked halfway there already and he hadn’t even touched her yet.
She slid her hands down his chest and across his stomach to the waist of his slacks. She undid the button, pulled the zipper down, then hooked her thumbs under the waistband and eased them down, leaving only his boxers resting low on his hips. He was so hard it seemed they barely contained him.
He waited for her to take those off, too, but instead she said, “Why don’t you lie down?”
He climbed into bed and reclined with his head against the pillows. He expected her to climb in with him, but instead she pulled her shirt over her head, then reached behind her and unhooked her bra. As soon as that hit the floor, she tugged the skirt, which must have been made of some sort of stretchy material, down her hips and let it drop to the floor. When the score was even, both of them in only their underwear, she climbed on the bed and knelt beside him.
Suddenly Louisa wasn’t admiring his chest anymore. Her eyes were glued to his crotch.
“It looks…big,” she said.
“Why don’t you touch me and find out for yourself?”
Looking excited and nervous all at once, she reached over and laid her hand on him. After a second or two she slid her hand back and forth, up and down the entire length of him. He couldn’t begin to count how many women had touched him like this, but he couldn’t recall it ever feeling this fantastic. He usually preferred a woman who knew her way around a man’s body. At least, he used to. But watching Louisa touch him, knowing she had never touched a man this way before, was one of the hottest things he had ever seen.
“Feels pretty big to me,” she confirmed, her eyes, and her hand, never straying from his hard-on. “But just to be sure that I’m making an accurate estimation, maybe I should take off your boxers.”
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