“I don’t see what you’re so worried about,” he grumbled. “Aren’t you the one who said you want sixteen kids?”
“I didn’t say sixteen, I said six. And yes, of course I want kids. But I also don’t want to get you stuck in a situation you don’t want to be in.”
“You won’t.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I know.”
“But how?”
Garrett pushed himself up on his elbows and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Okay, I was going to wait and do this right, with a nice candlelit dinner and maybe some soft music playing. But if it’ll ease your mind, and you don’t mind that I haven’t gotten the ring yet, or the fact that I’m too bloody tired to get on one knee, I could ask you to marry me right now.”
She bit her lip, to hold back the huge smile that was just dying to get out. He wanted to marry her.
“No, that’s okay,” she said. “I can wait.”
“Does that mean I can sleep now?”
“Of course.”
He collapsed back down and closed his eyes. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the least bit tired. She had just lost her virginity and Garrett had more or less proposed to her. How could she even think of sleeping? Not to mention that there was the slightest possibility that she could be pregnant! If she was, her baby would be close in age to the triplets. Who could be born very soon.
“Garrett?” she said softly.
He groaned.
“Sorry. I just wondered if you would mind me using your computer. I wanted to look online for some gifts for the babies, since getting out to shop these days is complicated, to say the least.”
He nodded and grumbled something incoherent.
“Thanks!” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and rolled out of bed. Since she didn’t feel like getting dressed, she found a robe hanging on the back of his closet door and slipped it on. She thought about going downstairs and making herself a cup of tea, but Ian was camped out on the family-room couch and she didn’t want to disturb him.
Garrett’s office was across the hall at the opposite end, and typically male. Lots of glass and steel and hundreds of books. She’d never realized what an avid reader he must be. But she had pulled a few strings and discovered that he had graduated at the top of his class at both primary school and university. She hoped their children would inherit his intelligence. Not that she was a dummy. Louisa had done all right in school. Her problem was that she just didn’t care.
Louisa doesn’t work to her potential became her slogan for the better part of her childhood.
She made herself comfortable in Garrett’s chair and when she touched the mouse, the computer screen flashed to life. His e-mail program was open and she was about to click it closed when she saw a list of e-mails with the subject: Princess Louisa. They had been sent back and forth between Garrett and someone named Weston. She noticed the oldest one dated back to the weekend of the charity ball. Had it really been less than three weeks ago? It felt as though she had known him forever.
Garrett probably wrote about meeting her, and how magical it had been. Not that he would have used the term magical, but something equivalent in guy speak.
Louisa knew firsthand what it was like to have someone shuffling through her personal messages, and realized how wrong it would be to invade his privacy, but she was dying to know what he’d said about her.
Maybe if she just took a quick peek. Just the first one, and that was it.
She clicked it open, and as she expected, it was about her. But the more she read, she realized it had nothing to do with meeting her at the ball, and the things he’d written were never meant for her eyes. And as she clicked open one message after the other, it only got worse. She felt sick to her stomach and sick in her heart, and she finally had to face the realization that her family had been right about her all along. It was as though destiny had painted a target on her back that announced: Use me! I’m dense and naive!
A lot of men had taken aim and missed, but Garrett, the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, had hit the target dead on. He had her totally duped. And if she’d only been paying attention, if she’d bothered to look hard enough, maybe she would have noticed the arrow planted in her back.
Fifteen
Garrett jerked out of a sound sleep and bolted up in bed. He reached over to feel for Louisa, but the sheets were cold.
He’d been dreaming about his computer, about Louisa asking to use it. Or had that really happened?
They had talked about birth control, then he’d started dozing….
Yes. She’d asked to use it to shop for baby things.
Then he realized why he’d been jolted awake. He had closed his e-mail program, hadn’t he?
He flung back the covers and groped around the floor for his slacks. If not, would she have noticed the e-mails with her name in the subject? And if she noticed them, would she have read them?
He yanked his pants on and was out the bedroom door before he even got them fastened. He half ran down the hall to his office and burst through the door, but he knew the second he saw her sitting there, her face ashen, that not only had she seen the e-mails, she’d read them, too.
Bloody goddamn hell.
Why hadn’t he just erased them? Why leave evidence? Unless he actually wanted to get caught. Was living with the guilt of the way he had planned to use her too much to bear? And it was all there, every gruesome detail.
For what felt like an eternity he just stood there, at a loss for what to say. At a time like this, I’m sorry didn’t even begin to cover it.
Finally she looked up at him and said in a very calm voice, “Everything my family has said, about me being too trusting and naive, I guess they were right.”
“Louisa—”
“You and this Weston fellow must have had a good laugh at my expense. I mean, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker, didn’t I? You had me totally duped.”
“If you would just let me explain—”
“Explain what?” She gestured to the screen. “It’s all right here. I’ve read each one at least a dozen times, so I’ll never forget how stupid I’ve been.”
The idea that she could believe he was that man, the one who had been so selfishly obsessed, made him sick. Why didn’t she scream at him and call him names? Instead she sounded so…disappointed.
Anger he could handle, but this? This was…awful. It was heart wrenching and painful. It wasn’t the first time he’d let someone down, but Louisa didn’t deserve this.
“That’s not me,” he said. “Not anymore. I don’t even recognize that man.”
“People don’t change, isn’t that what you told me? You can’t have it both ways.”
She was using his own words against him. And could he blame her? He’d painted himself into this corner.
“I was an ass, I admit it. I was greedy and selfish, and yes, I used you, and I will never be able to adequately express how sorry I am for that. But then everything… changed. The money and the power, none of that matters to me now. You are the only thing that matters.”
“I don’t believe you. This is all just a game to you. I think you’re just sorry that you lost, and you would do or say anything to get what you want.” She shrugged and said, “What the hell, I should be thanking you. You’ve given me a gift, Garrett. You’ve finally made me see things clearly. See people for who they are. My family spent all those years sheltering me, but you gave me what I really needed. You’ve taught me how not to trust.”
Her honesty, her ability to trust people enough to always say exactly what was on her mind, was what made her special and different from everyone else. And what she was telling him now was that he had killed that. He’d made her less than whole.
The idea that he had done that to her was almost too much to comprehend. No man should have that kind of power over another human being. Especially a man like him. And he would do anything, anything it took to turn the clock
back, but there was no way to fix this. No way to repair the damage he’d done.
“I should go now,” she said rising to her feet, wearing his robe. She walked past him to the door, but stopped halfway through and looked back. “Just so you know, I don’t regret that we made love. It doesn’t make sense, but despite everything, I’m still glad it was you.”
If she would hit him or cry or show some sort of emotion, he wouldn’t feel so rotten. He would at least know that she cared. And as long as she cared there was still a chance. But her eyes looked…dead. The spark was gone.
He stood there listening as she dressed and gathered her things from his room and walked down the stairs. He heard the front door open, and hushed conversation between Louisa and her bodyguards. Then, when he heard it close, he had to fight to keep from going after her.
He wanted to beg her to stay. He wanted to tell her that without her in it, his life meant nothing.
But maybe without him around to poison her soul she would recover. Maybe someday she would be herself again.
It was no longer about what he wanted or needed. This was about Louisa. And the kindest thing he could do for her now was let her go.
On autopilot, Garrett walked down to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea, then sat at the table, cupping the steaming mug in his hands, trying to chase away the chill that had settled in his bones.
He was still sitting there when Ian hobbled in, hours after the tea had gone cold.
Ian saw Garrett’s wrinkled pants and robe, and with one brow lifted said, “Must have been some night. You’re usually off to the gym by now.”
“What time is it?” Garrett asked, but his voice was so rusty he had to clear his throat.
“After eight. Louisa still sleeping?”
“She left last night.”
Ian limped to the stove and put the kettle on. “Sorry to hear that. She mentioned something about making crepes for breakfast. Maybe another time.”
“There won’t be another time.”
Ian turned to him, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“I messed up. I lost her.”
Ian turned the kettle off and crossed the kitchen, easing into the chair across from Garrett. “Give her a day or two to cool down. It’s probably not as bad as it seems.”
If only it were that simple. “No, it’s pretty bad.”
“Something to do with that plan your mate Wes mentioned?”
Since Garrett no longer had to worry about the truth getting out, he told Ian the entire grisly tale, right up to the confrontation in his office.
Ian winced. “Ah, you gotta hate it when they lay on the guilt. Women do love their drama.”
“Louisa doesn’t have a manipulative bone in her body.”
“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting she’s doing it on purpose. Women just open their mouths and out it comes. They don’t even realize it’s happening.”
“You didn’t see her face. Her eyes. I think she honestly has no feelings left for me whatsoever.”
“Take it from someone who’s been in his share of relationships—she does. Besides, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. That woman loves you.”
“Even if she does, I don’t think I deserve her. Even if I could get her back, which seems bloody unlikely at this point, I’d always worry that I might screw up and disappoint her again.”
“And you will. But so will she.”
Somehow he couldn’t imagine Louisa ever making a mistake. Other than trusting him.
“You love her, don’t you?” Ian asked, and Garrett nodded. “Did you tell her?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She would have thought I was saying it to try to win her back.”
Ian nodded grimly. “Good point. It’s confusing as hell, isn’t it? Being in love. It’s like you lose a part of yourself, but at the same time, you gain so much back.”
“You sound as though you’re speaking from experience.”
Ian rubbed his palms together, his brow wrinkled. “I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“Though I appreciate all you’ve done for me, I’m going to be leaving soon.”
“Where are you going?”
“Remember the girl I told you about? Maggie?”
“The farmer’s daughter?” Garrett asked, and Ian nodded.
“Well, her father has offered to make me a partner in his cattle business. I’ve just been waiting for my leg to stabilize enough to travel.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because I’m going to be the father of his grandchild.”
Garrett’s jaw fell. He tried to come up with an appropriate response, but he was too flabbergasted to speak.
“Hard to believe, I know. Me, someone’s papa.”
“How long have you known?”
“A while. We found out a few weeks before her father chased me off. Maggie and I have been communicating behind her father’s back ever since I left. We’ve been planning to run away together, but we needed money. That’s why I took your car. I was going to sell it. But as I was driving away, I felt so damned guilty. Which of course was an odd sensation for me, seeing as how I never feel guilty. I really was bringing it back. I was going to tell you the truth and ask for your help. I was going to beg you for a job and maybe a small parcel of land to get started. A loan I could pay back over time.”
“So why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“After the accident, I knew you would never believe me. I knew I would have to prove myself to you. As soon as I was able to work, I was going to get Maggie and bring her back here, but her parents found out she was pregnant and now they want me to come live with them instead.” He leaned forward. “I know changing won’t be easy, but I’m determined to try. I want to do right by my child. I won’t make the mistakes our father made.”
Garrett clasped his brother’s hand. “Then you’ll be a damned fine father. And a good man.”
Ian gave his hand a squeeze then quickly turned away, but not before Garrett saw what looked like a tear spill from his eye. Ian got up from his chair and hobbled over to the stove to put on the kettle. “Might as well get comfortable. We have work to do.”
“What kind of work?”
Ian turned to him and grinned. “We’re going to figure out a way to get your princess back.”
Louisa wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. She wanted to scream and throw things, but she couldn’t work up the will to feel angry. She wanted to hate Garrett for being so cold and calculating, for lying to her, but she couldn’t make herself hate him.
The only emotion she had been able to feel was disgust. Disgust in herself, for letting this happen. For being so unsuspecting and so blind.
She’d come home from Garrett’s in a daze and had gone straight to her room. She stood there for several minutes, looking around, really seeing it. The frilly pink curtains and canopy bed, the doll collection lining the wall. She was twenty-seven years old and she was living in a little girl’s room.
Disgusted with herself, she shoved it all into trash bags. First thing the next morning, she picked up the phone and called a decorator. She didn’t tell anyone or ask anyone’s permission. She just did it, and surprisingly, no one seemed to care.
“You can’t stay like this,” Anne told her a few days later. She was the only one Louisa had confided in. She just couldn’t bear facing the rest of them yet, knowing how disappointed they would be in her and how all this time they had been right.
“Stay like what?” she asked Anne.
“So unhappy. Without you to cheer me up and your glass-half-full mentality, I could very possibly sink into a bottomless pit of negativity.”
Louisa didn’t want the responsibility any longer. She was sick of trying to convince herself and everyone else that everything was roses and sunshine. She wanted to start liv
ing in the real world. She even wondered, since she had never actually experienced real, soul-deep grief before, if this funk she had slipped into, this abyss of nothingness, was just her peculiar way of coping. She’d even stopped caring about the Gingerbread Man, who it would seem had slipped under the radar.
Five days after she and Garrett had split up, Louisa was in a meeting with her decorator finalizing the plans for her new room when Chris popped his head in. He was usually at the hospital with Melissa, so it was a pleasant surprise to see him. “Is this a bad time?”
“Not at all—we’re just finishing up.”
“In that case, why don’t you come to the study? There’s someone I want you to meet.”
“Who?”
“A friend.”
Curious as to who this mystery friend could be, she said goodbye to the decorator and followed Chris down the hall to the study. She followed him in, and when she saw the man standing by the window, dressed in jeans, a polo shirt and Docksiders, she froze.
“Louisa, this is a good friend of mine, Garrett Sutherland, and Garrett, meet my sister Princess Louisa.”
Garrett walked slowly toward her, one hand tucked into his pants pockets, the other holding a thick legal-size manila envelope, and for the first time in days she finally felt something.
Confusion.
It must have shown on her face, because Garrett said, “I thought we should be reintroduced, since the man you met the first time, at the ball, wasn’t really me.”
Louisa looked at Chris, who didn’t seem to find it the least bit unusual that he was reintroducing her to the man who, as far as he knew, she was planning to marry.
“He knows everything,” Garrett explained. “I figured it would be best to come clean with everyone.”
“Well, I’ve done my part,” Chris told Garrett. “I’ll leave you to it.”
The idea of being alone with Garrett made Louisa’s heart jump into her throat. “Leave you to what?”
“Win you back,” Garrett declared, looking so confident it was unsettling. That night when he’d found her reading the e-mails, he had looked so beside himself, so at a loss for what to do or say, it had been empowering. It had given her the strength to do what she had to. She wasn’t feeling quite so confident now.
Virgin Princess, Tycoon's Temptation Page 14