LIKE RAIN

by Leen Elle

  Scarlet stood waiting for me in the same spot she was when I saw her through the window. I looked around the room and saw boxes everywhere, piles of stuff on the floor sorted into categories and waiting to be packed away. Scarlet was cleaning out the cupboards, taking out bowls, plates, glasses, and silverware.

  "Need some help?" I offered.

  "Yeah, that'd be great," she said. "Could you wash those dishes that are in the sink?"

  "Sure," I said. That was the thing about Scarlet; she always accepted my help whenever I offered it. I liked that. I liked being trusted with the responsibility. And I knew she could always use some help, so I always offered it. Her husband didn't help much around the house. He was the traditional type: I bring home the income so you take care of the housework. That was the one thing I hated about him, and it made me instantly sorry I hadn't come over earlier.

  "I'm sorry," I said.

  "For what honey?" Scarlet asked.

  "For not coming sooner. It's just hard…being in this house when Maddy's not."

  Scarlet put down the glass she was holding and looked at me. "It's okay Nevaeh, I understand. But I didn't ask you over to help me with dishes. I want you to look in Maddy's room and see if there's anything you want to take."

  "Oh no, that's okay. I couldn't-," I started to say.

  "Nevaeh," she stopped me. "I want you to take some things, something to remember her by. You can take whatever you want. Please, do it as a favor to me."

  "Okay," I said and started down the hallway to Maddy's room. When I entered her room I saw that nothing had been packed yet. It was still exactly the way Maddy had left it, and exactly the way I remembered it. But it felt different, like a shadow had been cast over it. There wasn't that mischievous air there was when we stayed up late talking about school and our latest crushes, or snuck in after curfew from some party we were at. It was just quiet and lonely, as if the room could sense that its inhabitant wasn't coming back.

  I looked around the room wondering what I should take. I stopped at the pictures that were stuck in the side of her mirror and overflowing her bulletin board. There were pictures of me and her, me and Cael, all three of us, and some of her various other girl and guy friends. I looked at all her dance trophies and medals that lined the edge of her dresser. I fingered the clothes that were hanging in her closet, many of which were mine, and a lot were clothes I had borrowed for numerous outings and events. It was like seeing her life just laid out in front of me and so easily thrown away.

  I could feel I was on the verge of tears, so I grabbed a framed picture of me and her that she had on her dresser, a half-empty bottle that contained the perfume she wore everyday, and her favorite charm bracelet that made loud, jingly noises that told you she was coming before she was even in site. I took one last look around the room. "Good bye Maddy," I whispered before stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me.

  "You sure that's all you want?" Scarlet asked me when she saw what I had in my hands.

  "I'm sure," I replied. She gave me a plastic bag to put everything in. "So when are you moving?"

  "Next week," she said, "and I'm going crazy trying to pack everything up in time."

  "Well if you ever need any help just let me know," I told her.

  "Oh thank you sweetheart, but I think I'll be able to manage it on my own."

  "But if you do need me-,"

  "I'll call," she said with a smile. She gave me a hug before I left. "I'm going to miss you Nev."

  "I'm going to miss you too." We exchanged one last smile before I turned and walked out the door, taking the 48 steps it took to get back to my front door.

  Chapter Five

  It was around midnight when I heard my father come in the door. He was laughing, and I knew that woman he went out with was with him. I crept out of my room and peeked over the stairwell. She was pretty; straight blonde hair that was piled on top of her head, a tall, slim figure, and a golden tan.

  My father looked up and saw me standing at the top of the stairs. "Nev! Come down here a second. I want you to meet someone," he said loudly with a smile across his face. I dragged my feet down the stairs. "Nev, this is Jasmine. Jasmine this is my daughter, Nevaeh."

  "Hi," I said, smiling weakly and avoiding her eyes.

  "Oh it's great to meet you! You have such a darling face, and your name is so pretty! Where'd you parents come up with such a wonderful, unique name?"

  "It's heaven spelled backwards," I said.

  "Oh, how clever!" she said with way too much enthusiasm. I didn't like her voice or her name, both of which made her seem like the rich, snotty, I'm-better-than-you type.

  "Jasmine works for Vogue," my dad said, thinking that would somehow impress me.

  "Oh it's really wonderful work," she said, "and so much fun. The pay is great and I love the publicity!"

  "There's publicity involved?" I asked.

  "Well, we try to keep ourselves and our work on the 'hush hush' but you know how it is. Everyone wants to know about the creators and the behind-the-scenes action of the ever popular Vogue magazine."

  Action? She made it sound like she was producing some exciting film with all kinds of difficult stunts. I already couldn't stand her, but when I looked over at my dad his toothy smile was still plastered on his face.

  "Well, I think I'm going to go to bed," I said.

  "Oh no, stay! I want to know everything about you!" she said with a kind of fake interest in her voice.

  "No, I really think I should be getting to bed," I said, desperately trying to get away.

  "Oh nonsense! It's summer vacation and it's still early. Come on, stay up a while. Let's get to know each other."

  "I'd really love to," I said with a fake smile on my face, "but I'm not feeling too well. I think I'll hit the sack early tonight."

  "Oh, well if you must. We'll just do it another time," she said. "Hope you feel better darling!" I flashed her one last artificial smile before turning back up the stairs.

  He must be drunk, I thought. What could he possibly see in her? I went to bed that night praying Jasmine wouldn't be around for much longer.

  * * *

  I woke up the next morning to a faint thumping sound. It took me a few moments to figure out it was someone knocking on the front door. I looked at the clock beside my bed and saw that it was after eleven. I dragged myself out of bed and down the stairs. I was shocked at who I saw when I opened the door.

  "Derek? What are you doing here?" I asked him.

  "I-I felt bad," he said looking down at his feet and twiddling his thumbs.

  "Felt bad about what?" I asked confused.

  "Maddy," he said, looking up at me.

  "That was over a month ago and your just starting to feel bad now?"

  "Well, no. I've felt bad since it happened. It just took me until now to get the courage to come see you."

  I stood there for a minute just looking at him. "You want to come in?" I asked him.

  "Sure," he said and followed me inside. I walked into the kitchen to get some drinks from the refrigerator. When I turned around Derek was standing in front of me. He put his arms out and pulled me into an awkward hug. I didn't react much, just stood there stiff. I didn't sink into his arms the way I did with Cael.

  He pulled away. "I missed you," he said.

  I had no idea what to say to this. "You did? I didn't think you even cared when I broke up with you."

  He shook his head. "No, I did. I just didn't want you to know that."

  "I'm sorry," I said.

  "It's okay. It's been a while, I've moved on. I did really like you though," he said shyly. I looked at his face, now brown from the sun. His eyes were a bright green, his hair short and brown. He stood just under 6 feet, his body thin but strong. He was cute, just not in the way Cael was, the way that caused heads to turn whenever he walked by.

  "So," he said, "how've you been?"

  "Okay I guess."

  "I'm really sorry about Maddy," he sa
id.

  "Me too."

  "And I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

  "Quit apologizing," I said, smiling weakly. "You didn't do anything."

  "I know, but I still feel bad."

  "Well don't. It won't bring her back."

  "Did you cry?" he asked. I looked up at him. "I know you don't cry a lot. I've never seen you cry before." He knew more about me than I thought.

  "Yeah, I cried." He took my hand in his and kissed my cheek. It surprised me.

  "Why are you being so nice? Why are you even here? We weren't even that close when we were going out. There was never any chemistry between us. This is actually the sweetest I've ever seen you be. Most of the time you didn't even say or do anything."

  He sighed and looked back down at his feet. "You were my first girlfriend Nev. I didn't, and still don't really know what I'm doing. I'm sorry I didn't treat you the way a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend. I'm still learning."

  "It doesn't matter. It's over now," I said.

  "But I don't want it to be."

  "What? I thought you said you've moved on."

  "Well I lied," he said.

  "Derek, we can't go back out. What makes you think it will be better this time? We weren't good together before, it's not going to be any different now. We're just not meant to be anything more than friends."

  He nodded. "You're probably right. Just thought I'd give it a shot," he said quietly. "Well, I'm going to go."

  With that he turned around and walked out the door. He didn't say anything more, and he didn't even give me a chance to speak. Him wanting to get back together was the last thing I expected. My life had changed so much in the past month. I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. I knew I needed something to fill the hole in my heart, but Derek wasn't it.

  Chapter Six

  "I hate her," I said to Cael as we sat on his patio eating ice cream.

  "She can't be that bad," he said.

  "Cael, you have no idea. She's so conceited. She cats like her shit don't stink." He smiled. "And she tries to act like she's so interested in me, but she doesn't give a crap. I can tell." I was telling him about my dad's new girlfriend.

  "Hey well, if she's that bad then she probably won't be around for a while," he said.

  "God I hope not." Just then Cael's ice cream slipped of its cone and hit the cemented patio. I burst out laughing.

  "Great," he said. "That's just great."

  "Nice one," I said, still laughing. He picked up the slightly melted ice cream and smeared it all over my face. I screamed and jumped up. "Hey!"

  He laughed. "That's what you get." I picked my own ice cream of its cone and threw it at him. It hit him square in the forehead.

  "And that's what you get," I said. A mischievous smile spread across his face. He stood up and ran towards me. I screamed as he picked me up, turned me upside down, and held me by my legs. "Put me down!"

  He started to laugh. "Uh-uh, I'm never putting you down."

  "Oh yes you are!" I said.

  "What are you gonna do to make me?" They say that if you actually stopped to think about what you were about to do you'd never have the courage to actually do it. I knew this was true, because at that moment I clutched both my hands around the legs of Cael's pants and tugged as hard as I could.

  He gasped as his pants fell to the ground around his feet. It would've been a very awkward moment if we hadn't both burst out laughing. He gently set me down on the ground and pulled his pants back up.

  "See, I can always find a way. Nice boxers," I said smiling.

  He grinned. "You like?"

  I laughed. "You bet."

  He sat down next to me. "I was afraid I'd never see you laugh again," he said.

  "What?" I asked, confused.

  "When I heard that Maddy died I immediately thought of you. I was afraid I'd never see your smile or hear your laugh again. You look so pretty when you smile."

  I looked up at him, not sure what to say. "It's easy to smile when I'm with you."

  "Hey well, what are best friends for?" he said. Best friends, I thought. Friends. Why didn't I ever go out with Cael? Why were we just friends? Weird, I had to remind myself. It would be weird.

  "I'm going out," my dad said. He'd been going out almost every night for a couple weeks.

  "With Jasmine?" I said rolling my eyes.

  "Yes, with Jasmine. I left some money on the counter. You can order yourself a pizza."

  "Dad, what do you see in her?" I asked.

  He almost laughed. "Oh Nevaeh, I know you're probably feeling a little weird about me getting so close to another woman, but don't worry, you'll get used to it."

  "Dad, it has nothing to do with that. I don't care if you date women, but-,"

  He cut me off. "Nev, I understand. You don't have to hide it for my sake. Now I have to go. I'm supposed to pick Jasmine up in five minutes. I'll see you later tonight."

  So now my dad wasn't always working, he was always with Jasmine. I began to understand that it wasn't that he had a busy work schedule, he just made himself busy with whatever was most convenient. Now that he had someone else to spend his time with he didn't have to pretend he was occupied with work. But I wasn't sure what it was about me that always kept him away.

  I went downstairs and found the money my dad had left me for pizza. I called the number and ordered a large pepperoni. I stared out the window at Maddy's house as I waited. Her parents had left the week before. I thought about what Cael had said about him being afraid I'd never smile or laugh again. I felt suddenly guilty, like I shouldn't be enjoying myself when I was supposed to be grieving over the loss of my friend. But I'd never been accustomed to grieving, or at least I didn't show it. But in my heart I really was. No matter how strong you try to make yourself or how hard you try not to cry, it's still hard losing someone you love.

  The doorbell rang and I tore myself away from my thoughts.

  "You order a large pepperoni?" the guy at the door asked.

  "Yeah," I said. The guy looked to be about 18 or 19. He had very dark brown hair, almost black and somewhat shaggy, a tall, lean figure, and startling blue eyes.

  "That'll be $18.50," he said as he handed me the pizza. I gave him the 23 dollars that my dad left for me.

  "Thanks," he said. I was just about to close the door when he spoke again. "Why the long face?" he asked me.

  "Oh," I said, somewhat surprised that he had noticed and cared to say anything. "No reason."

  "Well there has to be a reason," he said.

  I shook my head. "It's nothing. I was just thinking."

  "About what?" he asked as he leaned against the door frame.

  "About a friend of mine. She just died recently." I had no idea why I was telling a complete stranger about my personal life, but the words just seemed to be flowing out of my mouth, like they didn't want to be there anymore.

  "Aww that's tough," he said.

  "Yeah, she lived right there," I said pointing to her house across the street. I thought it was a dumb, totally irrelevant thing to tell him after I had said it.

  "You two must have been pretty close," he said.

  "Yeah, we were," I said.

  "I'm really sorry."

  "Me too." I forced a weak smile.

  "I'm Nathan," he said reaching his hand out to shake mine. "You can call me Nate."

  "I'm Nevaeh. You can call me Nev."

  He smiled. "Pretty name. Heaven spelled backwards, right?"

  "Yeah," I said. "How'd you know that?"

  "We were going to name my baby sister that."

  "Were?"

  "Yeah, my mom had a miscarriage."

  "Oh, I'm sorry."

  "Yeah, it's okay," he said. "It was a long time ago. Well I better get going. I've got more pizzas to deliver. Maybe I'll see you again sometime, next time you order a pizza." He smiled at me, winked, and turned around down the steps, back to his car.

  Chapter Seven

  I was awoken the next morni
ng by the sound of a huge truck across the street. I got up out of my bed and walked over to my window. A car had just pulled into Maddy's driveway, followed by a moving van. It hadn't even dawned on me that someone would obviously be moving into her house now that her parents had moved out.