The Winter We Met

by Samantha Tonge

  My chest twinged. He’d never told me anything about that. ‘Doing what?’

  ‘In the drinks industry,’ he said vaguely. His expression closed down once more.

  ‘So when’s your next date?’

  ‘Saturday, although we’re going to Skype before then.’

  We turned left again and I built up pace, keen to just go to bed and go to sleep. But Oliver held me back, as sleet started to fall again. We stood to the side for one moment as a man passed by with two energetic Alsatians, then started to walk.

  ‘Sorry. Really sorry, Jess,’ he blurted out. ‘About Nik and causing arguments between us. I should have trusted your opinion more. I was just… well, I know what it’s like when you’re bowled over by someone, it can make you blind. I’ll apologise to him next time we meet.’

  My brow softened. ‘You don’t need to. He doesn’t know what you suspected.’

  ‘But I judged him wrongly.’

  ‘If it makes you feel any better, I’ve got things wrong about him too.’ I took a deep breath. ‘He’s not interested in me. Nik just wants to be friends.’

  ‘Really?’ Oliver stopped dead for a moment. ‘But I really thought he was acting romantically with you, although…’

  ‘What?’ I asked, as he caught up.

  ‘When you think about it, he’s full on friendly and caring with pretty much everybody… Alice, Pan, Alf, Fred – they’re all taken with him, even Glenda is smitten, and unhappy Betty. Lynn as well. He’s got that knack of making everyone feel special. When we were drinking in Misty’s he took such an interest in my job, asking all sorts of questions – even with my suspicions I couldn’t help warming to him. All that charisma, I found him… mesmerising.’

  ‘You hid that well,’ I said and smiled. ‘I did notice but I suppose… I convinced myself what he and I had was different.’

  He turned to me, sleet landing on his nose, near his freckles.

  ‘Stinks, doesn’t it, having romantic hopes dashed?’ There was real soul in his voice. ‘If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.’

  We turned left once more, completing the square.

  ‘But you’re still friends, right?’

  ‘Yes. He was great about it and has even invited me to Australia. The funny thing is… I don’t know – now the shock’s wearing off a little, I’m not quite as upset as I thought I’d be. Guess I put him on a pedestal, Mr Sunny Australian, waltzing into my life and waving a sparkly wand over a couple of months that have been challenging.’

  ‘I’m always here to listen, Jess, and I’ll do whatever it takes to help Alice. Between us you and I can sort this out, even if we’re not living together – and the email…’

  ‘I just don’t know what to do about that,’ I mumbled.

  ‘Let’s go through it again,’ he said in a matter-of-fact way. ‘What will Alice gain if you tell her about it?’

  ‘Possibly the answers from Mum to questions she’s had for years and a chance at a new relationship with her.’

  ‘That counts for you too, right?’

  ‘I suppose. I don’t know. It’s easier to think of Gran’s needs.’

  ‘What if you don’t tell her?’

  ‘She won’t get hurt again if it all goes pear-shaped.’

  He opened his mouth and then closed it.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I can’t speak for you and Alice, I can only go by my own experience, but after all this time with my parents, there’s always a degree of hurt. It’s low key and under the surface but I don’t think speaking to them now could make things any worse. The damage has already been done. So if they got in touch I’d reply.’

  I hadn’t thought of it like that.

  ‘I never got to know either of my grandmothers, you know,’ he went on. ‘I met my grandpa, on Dad’s side, a few times when I was little. He’d wink and pass me a bag of chocolate coins, I’ve never forgotten that. I heard him arguing with Dad once and Dad saying he visited as often as he could and that he had no control over when any international diplomatic crisis might happen. I always swore to myself I’d visit Grandpa on my own when I was old enough to get public transport, but he died of a stroke when I was fourteen. I’ve got five cousins, you know. Sometimes I still wonder what they’re like. I really wanted to meet them, as an only child. Still do. But as time’s passed it’s never felt right.’

  ‘Perhaps your parents have reached out to family since retiring last year.’

  ‘I doubt it. They haven’t bothered reaching out to me. The last I heard from them was a postcard from the south of France on my birthday. They intend to live there for half of the year, I believe, near Cannes. It’s very cosmopolitan.’

  I nodded. ‘I’ve never even heard you on the phone to them.’

  ‘They probably assume I’m as busy as they used to be. When things… went wrong for me, just before I left Birmingham and moved south and in with you, I thought that might have brought us closer but they still didn’t have the time to chat. I felt like one big disappointment and that puts me off getting in touch.’

  We made our way towards the entrance to the apartment block. ‘It’s been good to chat,’ I said.

  ‘You’re a great listener, Jess.’

  ‘I don’t feel as if I am – I should have been more tolerant of your view of Nik. You were right – I hadn’t known him long. You may have been wrong but I should have trusted that you had the best intentions at heart.’

  ‘For what it’s worth I think he’s mad turning you down,’ he muttered.

  ‘Really? When I asked you if it was so difficult to believe that Nik might genuinely find me attractive – when you suspected his motives – you didn’t reply. And that’s fine but don’t say you can’t understand why he turned me down when you can.’

  ‘What?’ he said. The sleet fell more heavily as we escaped into the building. ‘It’s just us… we always made great flatmates, right? What if we’d dated and things didn’t work out? It could have been really awkward.’

  The truth was he just wasn’t attracted to me. Neither was Nik. But I didn’t need a man to validate my life. I manage very well, holding down my challenging job and paying my own bills, going out with friends, spending time with Gran and looking after the best ever dog. That was the difference between me and my mum. I worked hard to be responsible for my own happiness and not seek it from the opposite sex. I had a life – a bloody good one at that. So what if it was time for Oliver to move out? A fresh face moving in might be just what I needed.

  In that spirit it was time I got my big girl pants on.

  ‘I’m glad you like Krish,’ I said as we entered the flat. ‘She sounds like a good match and just let me know if you want to invite her here and I’ll make myself scarce. And if you need any help looking for a place to live don’t hesitate to ask. Right, and now I really must go to bed. I must be on form, tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh… okay.’ Oliver spoke haltingly. He must have been as tired as me. ‘Did you want me to come with you and Alice? My shift doesn’t start until two.’

  That could have worked. We wouldn’t be more than an hour at the care home. But I needed some space to digest that Nik and I would never be an item – and that Oliver was moving on with his life.

  ‘It’s okay, thanks. I think you’ve helped me make up my mind – I’m going to discuss Mum’s email with Gran.’ I wouldn’t until we were back at Willow Court but it was the best reason I could think of to reject Oliver’s offer.

  ‘Right. I’ll take Buddy out for a long walk instead, then. Perhaps I could head into Springhaye Forest and collect some stones for Nik’s painting project – do you think he’d like that?’

  ‘That’s a brilliant idea.’

  32

  I’d forgotten just how comfortable Up the Spout was. The little building was Tudor-style and inside there must have been a hundred different teapots lined up on rich mahogany beams. Colourful table clothes were decorated with printed images of suitably themed flowers s
uch as chamomile. There were twenty different types of tea on the menu that was in the shape of a teapot. At the counter was a wide selection of muffins including lemon drizzled ones, vegan ones and a savoury selection including olive and roasted tomato, along with a special turkey and stuffing limited edition, and other types of cakes. Catchy folk music played in the background, against the sound of a gurgling coffee machine and cheerful chatter.

  We were shown to a table on the ground floor. The sky was dark and grey outside. The tea room’s open fire was a welcome sight, along with its Christmas decorations. A ceramic snowman, with a pipe in its mouth, stood by the hearth.

  ‘How about afternoon tea for lunch? I asked. ‘What would you like?’ Gran had hardly said anything in the car.

  ‘You decide.’

  Normally she had very firm ideas of what afternoon tea should consist of, preferring old favourites. I smiled, remembering one I’d taken her for last year – it was an ultra-modern coffee shop and the afternoon tea platter included fancy canapés and churros with dipping sauces. The waitress came over and I ordered a pot of Earl Grey for Gran. I couldn’t resist a festive spiced cappuccino. I asked for ham and mustard sandwiches as well as cheese and pickle. I plumped for traditional scones with jam and clotted cream and two mini slices of Victoria sponge.

  ‘I feel as if we’ve earned this, walking around Darkthorn Court. It’s very spacious and the size of those windows – it’s not dark at all.’ In fact, the outside was nothing like its name but white and clinical looking, rather like a hospital.

  Gran pushed her leather gloves into her handbag. The waitress had hung our coats on a stand near the door.

  ‘So… what did you think?’ I said.

  She unzipped her fleece.

  ‘The manager was nice, wasn’t she, Gran?’

  ‘But no Lynn,’ she replied tersely.

  ‘It’s too early to say that.’

  ‘So now I can’t even say what I want? But then why should I be surprised? I’ve got no say over having to leave the home and friends that I love.’

  I smiled at the waitress as she delivered our drinks. I poured Gran’s cup. She added her own milk. She dropped in two cubes of sugar and stirred the spoon slowly. I gazed at her swollen knuckles.

  ‘The ensuite was nice, in the room they said could be yours.’

  ‘That sickly yellow colour leaves a lot to be desired.’

  ‘I thought it was cheerful. As for the view out of the window – how lovely to look onto a children’s play park. I bet those picnic tables get used a lot in the summer.’

  ‘Hardly the canal though, is it? Barges passing by all day made me feel as if I was still part of life, still moving.’

  The three-tiered afternoon tea stand arrived but I suddenly wished I hadn’t ordered so much. Half-heartedly, I took a sandwich and after hesitating, Gran did the same. My phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my back pocket. A text from Nik. He’d arrived in the centre of Paris a few hours ago and had just fulfilled a childhood dream of standing under the Eiffel Tower. He’d signed off by writing say hello to Alice for me. I showed the message to Gran. Her eyes brightened.

  ‘This sandwich is very good,’ she mumbled. ‘Just the right size. Not like the door stops you and me used to enjoy when we were both younger.’

  ‘Don’t eat them all,’ I retorted.

  Gran’s voice quivered. ‘Sorry if I’ve not seemed very enthusiastic. You’re the best granddaughter I could have and I appreciate you taking me this morning. I don’t feel as if I’m alone in all this.’ She reached for another sandwich. ‘To be honest, I’m feeling grumpy because I’m right disappointed.’

  I put down my cup. ‘You didn’t like it?’

  Gran wiped her mouth with a napkin and stared me straight in the face. Her eyes looked a little redder than usual. The lids more hooded.

  ‘I did. That’s the problem. I don’t want to. I don’t want to move from Willow Court. I don’t want somewhere else to be suitable. None of this is fair.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘I was expecting to hate the place. The opposite has happened and has made the move feel all the more real.’

  ‘I understand. Really I do. When I first moved in with you, I didn’t want to enjoy a single second – I wanted my mum. I was determined to hate every minute, even though you and I got on. And the more settled I felt, the more disloyal I felt to Mum and the life we’d had together, even though it wasn’t the best. Liking living with you… it made me realise I might never live with Mum again and it was hard. So I get how you’re feeling.’

  ‘Things turned out okay for you, didn’t they?’

  ‘And they will for you too. First off, did you see the exercise teacher, in the lounge?’

  Her frown disappeared for a second. ‘James Dean reincarnated.’

  ‘I was thinking more Robert Pattinson.’

  ’I’d forgotten your sixth form crush on a vampire.’

  ‘I do think it’ll be lovely looking out onto the play area when the weather improves. Apparently it’s a five-minute walk from a primary school and families head there at the end of each day.’

  ‘I liked the sound of some of the activities. I’ve always wanted to try acting. And I noticed, as we drove away, there’s a nice-looking pub and newsagent’s around the corner.’

  It was great to hear her sounding more positive.

  ‘That care worker we spoke to in the dining room seemed very friendly,’ I said.

  ‘Joanne? Yes, she asked me what my favourite pudding was. Apparently they make sure everyone gets theirs regularly and one of the cooks is a trained pastry chef. It’s just…’

  I pointed to the Victoria sponge. Gran shook her head.

  ‘I’m glad it’s dual-registered – who knows, in the future, I might need more nursing care and I wouldn’t want to move again. But I double-checked and there’s no dementia wing. That means that Pan wouldn’t be able to move there.’

  The look on her face broke my heart.

  ‘They said they had several rooms available. I’m sure some of your other friends might move in. And I can take you to visit Pan whenever you want. But it’s early days… we can keep looking.’

  Gran shook her head. ‘No. I’ve got to be sensible. This place is highly rated. It’s decent. And the not knowing, the living in limbo… that’s harder than anything.’ She sucked in her cheeks. ‘Sooner or later I’ve got to make a decision.’

  ‘How about we visit it again with Lynn? She offered to come with us if we liked the place, and she could ask any pertinent questions that we might have missed.’

  ‘She’s a diamond.’

  ‘It’s not too far for me and Oliver to drive to. Plus they allow well-behaved dogs into the lounge and what about—’

  ‘I know. That swung it for me.’ Gran took a slice of sponge and bit into it and for a second I saw a familiar twinkle in her eyes. ‘Although Silver is a terrible name for a goldfish.’

  ‘Its owner must have had a sense of humour so it suits you down to the ground.’

  The person who’d had Gran’s room had left behind a pet. The care home hadn’t liked to part with it. The manager had said they’d move it out unless Gran wanted it.

  ‘Of course, we’d have to get it a bigger tank,’ she said. ‘Maybe you could take me shopping for a new underwater ornament.’

  ‘I’ll always help you clean it and buy the fresh weed whenever needed.’ Maybe this was all going to turn out as best as we could hope for. The tea room emptied out as the lunch hour rush came to an end. I suggested we share one of the scones. Gran didn’t reply so I took that as a yes.

  ‘I… I just want it all over now,’ she said. ‘To move as quickly as possible. There’s no avoiding it. I mean, what’s the point in even having the party? Everyone should just accept the good times are over and cancel it.’

  ‘Gran! Your friends are so looking forward to it. It’s a final goodbye – a celebration of all the friendships and good times that you’ve all had.’

  ‘
More like a memorial,’ she muttered. ‘I won’t be going.’

  She didn’t mean that. She couldn’t.

  ‘Well, I left my clipboard on your bed, listing everyone who’s involved and the tasks we need to keep on top of… I… I thought you might like to look through it before Wednesday’s crafting session.’

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the world go by outside.

  ‘I could stay here all day,’ I said.

  ‘Stay as long as you like,’ said our waitress as she came over to clear the plates. ‘In fact, why don’t I refresh those drinks?’

  The rain-drenched street outside didn’t look inviting so I nodded and thanked the waitress.

  ‘I thought Oliver was coming today,’ said Gran. ‘Couldn’t he change his shift? Not that I expect him to… He’s a good sort to even consider coming.’

  ‘He’s very fond of you – you know that. No, he… he decided Buddy needed a long walk.’

  Gran leant forwards. ‘But it’s been raining all day.’

  ‘That’s never bothered either of them,’ I said brightly. Another teapot and cappuccino arrived.

  Gran dropped sugar cubes into her refilled cup and her eyes narrowed. ‘What’s going on? You and Oliver… things have seemed strained between you these last few weeks. I know it’s no business of an old biddy like me, but I worry about the both of you. I’d hate to see a friendship like yours break.’

  ‘We’re fine! I just thought we might want to chat privately. Two girls together and all that,’ I said, giving her the excuse I’d given Oliver and trying to sound jokey.

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  Gran raised an eyebrow. ‘Jessica?’

  ‘Okay, okay…’ I mumbled. ‘I’d rather have told you somewhere more private, but as a result of that photo of you in the Gazette on Friday… I’ve received a lot of emails. The community has really been so generous. One party organiser company from Amblemarsh has offered to turn up early and decorate the lounge with snowflake shaped helium balloons and foil icicle chains. But there was one message a bit different from the rest…’ I took another mouthful of tea but my mouth still felt dry when I put the cup down. There was no easy way to say it. ‘I’ve heard from Mum.’